What a good relationship looks like

  • Aidenz

    Posts: 46

    Mar 27, 2015 2:24 PM GMT
    What does a normal healthy romantic relationship look like. There are a variety of ways that a relationship can play out. The traditional way is that two people get together, agree not to have sexual relationships with each other, get to know each other and their families and if they're in love they get married. I feel like it doesn't always work out like that. There have been times where I'm just trying to sleep with a lot of guys. Times where I'm not attached to any one person but I have friends with benefits. More recently I'm with an older guy who's comfortable with me sleeping with other guys as long as I'm safe and honest about it. I met one guy my age that I really like, but he sometimes makes money by giving massages and sexual favors to clients. I was understanding of him and willing to stick by him at first. I can understand and respect the hustle. He's foreign and needs to make money quickly to help pay for a lawyer to help him become naturalized. The other day though, he told me he doesn't want anything serious until he doesn't have to do that anymore and he can be honest and monogamous with his boyfriend. I'd love to pay to help him, but I just don't have the money. More than that I still have my fwbs on the side and don't feel like I'd be honest. I'm willing to give them up but I don't know when he'll be able to stop too. I thought loyalty and understanding would be enough, but I feel like he's trying to live out an ideal. Moreover I'm unsure if the love's there at least on his end or what he thinks about me. What good is monogamy when there's an understanding and honesty even if you see other people from time to time. Can romantic and dedicated love only really exist between people in a monogamous relationship or is that only an ideal. Moreover if people are looking for an ideal and don't care who they share it with, is it really love?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 27, 2015 3:10 PM GMT
    Boy, you've really got yourself tied up in mental pretzels. How about forgetting what all those fairy tales for women taught you as a child and just go with this: Find a guy you just really like and care for, then understand his needs and aspirations, then love him, then worry about all that other stuff later.
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    Mar 27, 2015 3:14 PM GMT
    Dude, you're 20.
    As in, 20.
    Have your fun. You are in no way mature enough for a relationship of any seriousness now. And so what? There's lots of time.
    Stop obsessing.
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    Mar 27, 2015 3:17 PM GMT
    Aidenz said...Can romantic and dedicated love only really exist between people in a monogamous relationship ... if people are looking for an ideal and don't care who they share it with, is it really love?


    dedicated love really exist:
    most peeps love the vagina they came out of?


    looking for an ideal:
    -are you ideal; than toss the first stone.
    -look for someone that completes you.

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    Mar 27, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidDude, you're 20.
    As in, 20.
    Have your fun. You are in no way mature enough for a relationship of any seriousness now. And so what? There's lots of time.
    Stop obsessing.


    Please
    Can I be 20 again?
    just a month?
    a week?
    Wait
    Fuck
    that was the height of AIDS and I was so closeted...

    30 again???

  • Mar 27, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidBoy, you've really got yourself tied up in mental pretzels. How about forgetting what all those fairy tales for women taught you as a child and just go with this: Find a guy you just really like and care for, then understand his needs and aspirations, then love him, then worry about all that other stuff later.


    “Cinderella fucked us up”

    The whole of a poem a girl in class had when I was this kid’s age

    To which I replied

    “boys too”

    Which is still the case

    And boy is this advice of yours both easy and I wish so many would hear and listen

    People make life far more complicated than it ever needs to be

    YOLO
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    Mar 28, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
    A good relationship looks like one that works for all parties involved - plain pure and simple. There is no one size fits all.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Mar 28, 2015 3:28 AM GMT
    You are only 20. just go with how you feel. It is normal you don't know who is the right guy for you. I made a wrong choice all the time. But I did like those guys I used to date with. Every single break-ups is a lesson to learn how to love and get along with someone.
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    Mar 28, 2015 11:19 AM GMT
    a good relationship has forgiveness. Something seems so horrible but given an amount time you to will commit the bad.
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    Mar 28, 2015 3:15 PM GMT

    "What a good relationship looks like"

    Open, closed, whatever it is, it works when you put each other first, and here's the catch; you both have to do it. No ifs ands or buts. BOTH of you.

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    Mar 28, 2015 3:17 PM GMT
    Aidenz saidWhat does a normal healthy romantic relationship look like. There are a variety of ways that a relationship can play out. The traditional way is that two people get together, agree not to have sexual relationships with each other, get to know each other and their families and if they're in love they get married. I feel like it doesn't always work out like that. There have been times where I'm just trying to sleep with a lot of guys. Times where I'm not attached to any one person but I have friends with benefits. More recently I'm with an older guy who's comfortable with me sleeping with other guys as long as I'm safe and honest about it. I met one guy my age that I really like, but he sometimes makes money by giving massages and sexual favors to clients. I was understanding of him and willing to stick by him at first. I can understand and respect the hustle. He's foreign and needs to make money quickly to help pay for a lawyer to help him become naturalized. The other day though, he told me he doesn't want anything serious until he doesn't have to do that anymore and he can be honest and monogamous with his boyfriend. I'd love to pay to help him, but I just don't have the money. More than that I still have my fwbs on the side and don't feel like I'd be honest. I'm willing to give them up but I don't know when he'll be able to stop too. I thought loyalty and understanding would be enough, but I feel like he's trying to live out an ideal. Moreover I'm unsure if the love's there at least on his end or what he thinks about me. What good is monogamy when there's an understanding and honesty even if you see other people from time to time. Can romantic and dedicated love only really exist between people in a monogamous relationship or is that only an ideal. Moreover if people are looking for an ideal and don't care who they share it with, is it really love?


    Damn, you're immature even for a 20 year old. icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 28, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidBoy, you've really got yourself tied up in mental pretzels. How about forgetting what all those fairy tales for women taught you as a child and just go with this: Find a guy you just really like and care for, then understand his needs and aspirations, then love him, then worry about all that other stuff later.


    Man Destinharbor you hit the nail on the head. Fairy tales.... find a mate and live happily ever after. Fairy tales are for dreamers in most cases.

    If you find a mate you really like, take care of them, fill their needs don't control them or bitch at them, love them. Work with them, play with them and feed off each other. I know people change every so many years and even with this effort it may not work out. When it doesn't people cheat, which may be fine, or they may find someone else and start a new life. You only live once make the best of it. Geeez I wish I was 20 again with all these problems. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 28, 2015 5:39 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidBoy, you've really got yourself tied up in mental pretzels. How about forgetting what all those fairy tales for women taught you as a child and just go with this: Find a guy you just really like and care for, then understand his needs and aspirations, then love him, then worry about all that other stuff later.


    This all the way. End of thread.
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    Mar 28, 2015 6:52 PM GMT
    even though there are fights, tears, moments of love and all sort of spice in a relationship, it is what looks like when the loved ones looks in the eye of each other and find the love they've asked for their entire life!!
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Mar 28, 2015 7:08 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidDude, you're 20.
    As in, 20.
    Have your fun. You are in no way mature enough for a relationship of any seriousness now. And so what? There's lots of time.
    Stop obsessing.


    So true.

    At your age you should be looking to date a bunch of people and have a good time.

    Later on when you know what you want from a relationship AND what you can bring to a relationship can you start looking for Mister Right. At 20 you just need to be looking for Mister Right Now.
  • atlscruff

    Posts: 9

    Mar 28, 2015 9:04 PM GMT
    Wow so many interesting comments LOL. Well personally, I finally dated someone last summer for 5 weeks. I've been out for 21 years but I soon gave up after I came out in 1994 and did not date, hookup or socialize. I know that being gay is so visual that I assumed that I would not be able to find anyone who would be mutually interested. I would be attracted to so many people I saw out but unless they showed interest by talking to me I assumed that there wouldn't be mutual interest. I put on 200 lbs which would validate why no one was interested in me since gay men are so drawn by body image. It wasn't til 2011 that I decided I deserved better. I hired a trainer and now about 240 lbs gone later I feel like I'm just coming out again. I'm inexperienced with dating much less sexually. I don't think anyone should define who or what is right for anyone else because we all come from different experiences, traits and personalities. I'm forging new ground to try to get dates and as of yet I've only tried to use apps. (Bars just historically haven't worked for me. Rarely are any conversations had with anyone in one where there is any mutual interest.) You're 20. You'll figure it out. I'm still learning.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2015 1:01 AM GMT
    To me it sees like young (gay) men are not mature enough for a relationship and just want to have fun and lots of sexy which is fine. The older ones seem so burned by other gay men and set in their ways they do not seem to want a realtionship. So I ask...where is the fine line or at what stage or age are gay men cable of emotionally comitting to another man?
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    Mar 29, 2015 1:12 AM GMT
    "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." ~ Princess Bride.
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    Mar 29, 2015 1:47 AM GMT
    TotalTopJock saidTo me it sees like young (gay) men are not mature enough for a relationship and just want to have fun and lots of sexy which is fine. The older ones seem so burned by other gay men and set in their ways they do not seem to want a realtionship. So I ask...where is the fine line or at what stage or age are gay men cable of emotionally comitting to another man?


    ............32..................
  • BLSHJ

    Posts: 36

    Mar 29, 2015 11:45 AM GMT
    I am starting to believe there is no such thing as a "normal" gay relationship.

    Initially I was thinking if both guys are really HOT then they would be contented and then...I realize I was wrong.

    I am sure somewhere out there is a monogamous gay relationship.

    I hope for that too, but as it is with my limited life experience, I am not holding a bucket of rainbows.
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    Mar 29, 2015 3:52 PM GMT
    BLSHJ saidI am starting to believe there is no such thing as a "normal" gay relationship.

    Initially I was thinking if both guys are really HOT then they would be contented and then...I realize I was wrong.

    I am sure somewhere out there is a monogamous gay relationship.

    I hope for that too, but as it is with my limited life experience, I am not holding a bucket of rainbows.


    I really think that in both straight and gay relationships (and any other kind of orientation) the only normal is the setting on a dryer.

    As for monogamous couples, there are plenty, but we don't walk around wearing signs, other than a ring with some of us. We display our relationship on RJ for people like you, so you know. *warm wink*


  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Mar 30, 2015 3:45 AM GMT
    What a depressing cavalcade of comments.