Are My Manners Outdated? Do Manners Even Matter Anymore? I'm Confused & Conflicted

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    Mar 29, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    From my age you already know I'm old school. And so I hold the door open for a woman, I stand when one enters the room, let her exit the elevator (lift) before me. I do shake her hand if she lets me, but far more gently than I would a man, and sometimes with 2 hands as a kind of protective gesture.

    That's paternalistic, isn't it, expressing male superiority? Yet I'm just as old-fashioned with other men. I'll also stand up if a guy comes to my dinner table, I always say "Sir" or use his professional title freely unless we become close friends, that we can use first names.

    As a boy I used to be complimented on my impeccable manners in public, though my mother would complain I was the very devil at home. Just the way in which I was raised.

    But that was 60 years ago, and I now I feel cast adrift. In a world I don't understand, as it doesn't understand me, full of behaviors neither of us recognizes.

    Do any of you older guys run into this? If so, do you try to adapt? Or just go on as you always have, baffling those around you?

    My comfort zone is the old way. But I know it's antiquated, even laughable. But anything else would be just acting. So I dunno... icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidFrom my age you already know I'm old school. And so I hold the door open for a woman, I stand when one enters the room, let her exit the elevator (lift) before me. I do shake her hand if she lets me, but far more gently than I would a man, and sometimes with 2 hands as a kind of protective gesture.
    icon_confused.gif


    These days if you hold a door open for a woman, or for that matter, vacate your seat for her on the bus, mainline, or subway train, she may take such gestures as sexist, a display of male superiority.

    Many would feel that in this day of gender equality, this sort of thing is just not on.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Mar 29, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    No offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    It is not outdated. Here is a twist. My partner is not religious at all. He in fact is an atheist. One day as he approached a door with his hands full, a handsome young man, lanky, with long surfing long blonde hair opened the door for him. He thanks him. The young man said "this is what Jesus would have done." My partner felt the emotion of awe for the first time in a very long time.
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:37 PM GMT
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:41 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidIt is not outdated. Here is a twist. My partner is not religious at all. He in fact is an atheist. One day as he approached a door with his hands full, a handsome young man, lanky, with long surfing long blonde hair opened the door for him. He thanks him. The young man said "this is what Jesus would have done." My partner felt the emotion of awe for the first time in a very long time.

    I think his exact words were "Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the Good Lord split ya." He did not hold the door.
    jesus_temple.jpg
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:42 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?

    Oh, good lord, you're both 66. Simma' down now... Simma' down!
    As for the guy above me.. he's 6'6"
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:44 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?

    Oh, good lord, you're both 66. Simma' down now... Simma' down!
    As for the guy above me.. he's 6'6"

    We just need a Satanist. 666
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:46 PM GMT
    I think Defensive is longer than 6'6". You just want to boast!
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:47 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidIt is not outdated. Here is a twist. My partner is not religious at all. He in fact is an atheist. One day as he approached a door with his hands full, a handsome young man, lanky, with long surfing long blonde hair opened the door for him. He thanks him. The young man said "this is what Jesus would have done." My partner felt the emotion of awe for the first time in a very long time.

    Another anecdote. I was in NYC a few years ago, and rode both the bus from LaGuardia Airport, and on the subway around Manhattan (gawd, how that has improved since I used it decades ago!).

    And because I have a cane, and walk with a bad limp at times, people were always offering me their seats, on the crowded bus & subway. Even women! In NYC! Which of course horrified me, and I naturally never would accept any seat.

    I'd smile in gratitude, thank them and assure them I was quite OK. And be having the time of my life being a "straphanger" again. Or a polegrabber. icon_biggrin.gif
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Mar 29, 2015 10:50 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?

    Oh, good lord, you're both 66. Simma' down now... Simma' down!
    As for the guy above me.. he's 6'6"


    THIS!
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:50 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?

    Oh, good lord, you're both 66. Simma' down now... Simma' down!
    As for the guy above me.. he's 6'6"

    LOL! OK, as a guy I respect here, I'll simmer down. But you should know I have a hair-trigger to this kind of crap online.
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:56 PM GMT
    I know you have your hot buttons. So do I.. but on RJ, I find silence speaks volumes.
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    Mar 29, 2015 10:57 PM GMT
    tazzari said
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?

    Oh, good lord, you're both 66. Simma' down now... Simma' down!
    As for the guy above me.. he's 6'6"


    THIS!

    Oh, WOW! A third member that's 66... what's the chances?
    icon_wink.gif
    Awesome cabin, btw!
  • bobbobbob

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    Mar 30, 2015 1:46 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    bobbobbob saidNo offense but the manners you imagine yourself having are a direct contradiction to the manners I have seen you exhibit to me and to others.

    That's because you're a jerk-off & fool, and merit no better. Questions?


    Nah... you were that way before I ever came along and and you know it. There's plenty of documentation of your nasty queenie ass attitude, bigoted lies and faggoty delusions of grandeur.

    In fact it's a joke that you'd even have the nerve to act like you know anything about civility, decorum and "manners."
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    Mar 30, 2015 1:50 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI know you have your hot buttons. So do I.. but on RJ, I find silence speaks volumes.

    You are of course correct. You always are. It's just difficult when you get attacked here, to say nothing. I wish I had your strength, and wisdom. icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 30, 2015 1:57 AM GMT
    Manners and chivalry are two completely different things.

    Chivalry was built on the premise than men are superior to women, and that men should display a higher form of politeness to women than to other men because women are delicate, dainty, and less capable.

    Manners imply that you don't burp or fart at the dinner table, and that you always have a linen on your lap during dinner...which means I have no manners, cause I fart, burp, and don't use napkins during dinner. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:16 AM GMT
    I still open doors for women or anyone that happens to be coming to the door while I am entering. That's called common courtesy. I call men Sir and Women Mam and smile and try to be friendly with everyone. What pisses me off is when I do extend these courtesies I am rewarded with total disrespect. I feel like saying, fuck you to those assholes that can't say thank you. That's why I refuse to be nice while driving. I used to stop and allow people to enter the road but when they don't have the good manners to even wave a token of thanks, FUCK EM!!!
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:18 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidManners and chivalry are two completely different things.

    Chivalry was built on the premise than men are superior to women, and that men should display a higher form of politeness to women than to other men because women are delicate, dainty, and less capable.

    Manners imply that you don't burp or fart at the dinner table, and that you always have a linen on your lap during dinner...which means I have no manners, cause I fart, burp, and don't use napkins during dinner. icon_lol.gif

    A good distinction, Paul. I tend to combine modern manners with chivalry.

    I've had dinner and brunch with you a number of times. And I didn't find your manners terribly barbaric. Versus my own husband, whom I sometimes wanna drop a blanket over at the table. There's no accounting for an Italian from the 1930s born in Boston. I've had to learn new things.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 30, 2015 2:19 AM GMT
    Art, south Florida is not exactly a bastion of good manners and chivalry. People here are trashy, they're crass, they're aggressive, they're rude, they're ignorant.

    Yes a little bit of it is probably you're of a different generation, you're older, but a lot of it is people here in south FL are just plain gross and have zero class and decorum about them. So dont beat urself up about it.
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:22 AM GMT
    Import saidArt, south Florida is not exactly a bastion of good manners and chivalry. People here are trashy, they're crass, they're aggressive, they're rude, they're ignorant.
    Are you sure you're not describing the more populated areas of California? Cause what I've encountered in Cali so far is nothing more than SoFla with hills and larger waves.
  • Import

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    Mar 30, 2015 2:33 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Import saidArt, south Florida is not exactly a bastion of good manners and chivalry. People here are trashy, they're crass, they're aggressive, they're rude, they're ignorant.
    Are you sure you're not describing the more populated areas of California? Cause what I've encountered in Cali so far is nothing more than SoFla with hills and larger waves.


    oh ok. Great. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:33 AM GMT
    flguy57 saidI still open doors for women or anyone that happens to be coming to the door while I am entering. That's called common courtesy. I call men Sir and Women Mam and smile and try to be friendly with everyone. What pisses me off is when I do extend these courtesies I am rewarded with total disrespect. I feel like saying, fuck you to those assholes that can't say thank you. That's why I refuse to be nice while driving. I used to stop and allow people to enter the road but when they don't have the good manners to even wave a token of thanks, FUCK EM!!!

    I feel like you when that happens to me.

    At the same time, I've gotta tell yah that a lot of times I'm shown great deference, which embarrasses me. It happens because I have a cane, and I may walk with a noticeable limp.

    Now I can still do a lot of things, like belong to a gym, ride a bicycle (which is easier than walking), stay active in our community, or do an AIDS walk.

    If anyone opens a door for me, or extends some other courtesy, I very vocally thank them. It's the manners I mentioned. I hope they're not totally outdated.
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:39 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    flguy57 saidI still open doors for women or anyone that happens to be coming to the door while I am entering. That's called common courtesy. I call men Sir and Women Mam and smile and try to be friendly with everyone. What pisses me off is when I do extend these courtesies I am rewarded with total disrespect. I feel like saying, fuck you to those assholes that can't say thank you. That's why I refuse to be nice while driving. I used to stop and allow people to enter the road but when they don't have the good manners to even wave a token of thanks, FUCK EM!!!

    I feel like you when that happens to me.

    At the same time, I've gotta tell yah that a lot of times I'm shown great deference, which embarrasses me. It happens because I have a cane, and I may walk with a noticeable limp.

    Now I can still do a lot of things, like belong to a gym, ride a bicycle (which is easier than walking), stay active in our community, or do an AIDS walk.

    If anyone opens a door for me, or extends some other courtesy, I very vocally thank them. It's the manners I mentioned. I hope they're not totally outdated.
    I still hold doors open for people; and if they don't extend a "thank you" I just write it off as a good deed that went unnoticed.

    When driving, though, I can be a bit rude. I like to get from point A to point B. Letting people in front of me is something I seldom do, because most people accelerate very slowly, and continue to drive slow, usually causing me (and everyone behind me) to hit the next red light...when just a tiny bit of acceleration woulda got us through it while it was still green. That's my biggest pet peeve of driving...getting behind slo-pokes.
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    Mar 30, 2015 2:51 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    When driving, though, I can be a bit rude. I like to get from point A to point B. Letting people in front of me is something I seldom do, because most people accelerate very slowly, and continue to drive slow, usually causing me (and everyone behind me) to hit the next red light...when just a tiny bit of acceleration woulda got us through it while it was still green. That's my biggest pet peeve of driving...getting behind slo-pokes.

    My pet peeve is someone who races from behind me to cut me off, and when we hit a traffic light, I'm the last person who gets stopped at the red.

    If that last guy who abruptly cuts in front of me, and who made the light, wasn't there, I would have made the light myself. So I sit there, idling and wasting gas & time, when I should have cleared the light.

    On the freeways I really don't care, you can cut in front of me all you like. But on surface roads with traffic lights, that's kinda like cutting in front of me when I'm waiting on line at the bank, or some other place.