I have lost a great man, and I feel like it was mostly my fault.

  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Mar 30, 2015 7:10 AM GMT
    It is hard to explain which is the feeling that I am having right now.

    I am guy who moves to another country since 6 years ago, and in those couple of years I have been already living in 3 different cities. The last 2 years I was feeling kind of alone, since I didn't have too much friends in the city where I am living right now. Then I met this guy, at the beginning everything was pretty much like another friendship, but things started getting better. Being alone in a city, and then suddenly find a person who likes many things that you like too. Every time I wanted more and more of his time, and attention, and for him was too much. We tried several times to save what we had it, but it did not work.

    Just after we broke up, I realize that I need to work some things, I started going to the psychologist, since I was not happy with the things I have done.

    It has been already 6 months after all this process, I know I have lost all the opportunities with him, I have learn many things about myself, and I have realized that even that we had many problems, I still miss him so much.

    I know it is time to move on, and I have started to do it, but I still have that feeling, that I could have done better.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2015 3:17 PM GMT
    Big hugs Bubs
    welcome to the club
    sucks that we have to learn the hard way on how to appreciate.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 30, 2015 3:57 PM GMT
    We all make mistakes in relationships. There are no roadmaps to follow and each one is different and requires different responses to different situations. All anyone can do is learn and try their best in the next one. We do get better at it if, like you, we honestly try to understand what went wrong. But remember, the other guy is facing the same thing. He will make mistakes, too. Just as you now regret some of your mistakes, be open and understanding if you're on the receiving end of a mis-step. Try to always give the benefit of goodwill to your partner and hope he will do the same for you.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Mar 30, 2015 5:24 PM GMT
    The best one is yet to come.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 30, 2015 7:02 PM GMT
    Being too needy would scare anyone away. Learn to love yourself. A relationship is icing on the cake of life. You are the cake. Life is what you make it, sounds like you were making the relationship your life. Too much to ask of someone that early on. Red flagicon_idea.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Mar 30, 2015 9:42 PM GMT
    Consider learning to forgive yourself. This takes time, effort, discipline and energy but is well worth doing.

    Adopt the idea that you are always handling to the best of your knowledge and ability at any given time. No one can really know everything, and no one can read the minds of the others as if they are an open book.

    At the time when your friendship started, you acted honestly and truthfully, showing that you were in need of support and friendship. Most likely, your friend perceived it as being 'clingy and needy', and as pointed by the previous posters, and ran for the hills.

    Lesson learnt. For most people out there, life is not a walk through the rose garden. People are continuously coping with many issues of their daily living, and are likely to perceive a needy and clingy behaviour as just another issue that they will have to cope with.

    Develop your sense of emotional intelligence. Try to think about it how your behavior and actions may be perceived by the others, and how these may affect their lives.

    I cannot think of anyone who is seeking friendship, relationship, even a FwB or a simple FB because he does NOT need anyone or anything in his life. By definition, any attempt to establish a functioning relationship runs a risk of being perceived as being "needy".

    This is where you want to add your content into the story. If it is so, that you are perceived to be the sole benefactor of any human relationship, it won't last too long. As soon as you can amply demonstrate that you are bringing a valuable content into the life of this other guy, things look very differently.

    Work on strengths, and aspire to inspire people. Whenever I asked the guys I am friends with why is that they think someone is a great and desirable guy, their answers centered on the fact that the desirable people have the ability to open new horizons, show new things, and inspire people to try to be better than they actually are.

    SC
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Mar 31, 2015 12:57 PM GMT
    Thank you guys for the replies. And all of them are a motivation to keep moving ahead and give my best in the future.