Difficulty Forming Gay Friendships Online Without The 'Sex' Element

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 30, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    This isn't anything new and I'm sure it's been covered to death on this website but it's become more apparent to me since I left Higher Education that in terms of meeting new gay friends it seems increasingly difficult not to approach it with a sexual mindset at the forefront.

    This is a particular problem online because even with the best of intentions I immediately make a judgement about a person based solely on their profile pic without even having read their profile. That can only mean one thing - I'm judging them based on their attractiveness rather than on their genuine potential as a friend.

    I feel like the problem is exacerbated on sites like this (and I can see the hypocrisy of a guy with his ass a profile pic complaining about this but hey - I'm just conforming !) because the majority of profile pictures are quite sexualized anyway.

    It's like there is this huge roadblock in the way stopping me from meeting really interesting people and it's just frustrating.

    Sure I can search for a guy here based on their physique but not on their interests.

    Anyone else relate to the frustration ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 30, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    I don't see the problem. It's natural to be attracted to certain people, some more than others.

    The only way to stop doing that is to blindfold yourself at all times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 30, 2015 2:31 PM GMT
    That's why you try to meet people in real life. I understand your frustration, and I believe I am part of the problem too.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 30, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    What's wrong with caring about how a guy looks? We all have certain "looks" that we find attractive and others that don't appeal. If you met some guy at a cocktail party, the first thing you'd notice, obviously, is his looks. Or if you met him at the end of a 5k run. Same thing. I'd suggest instead of your butt pic being your introduction to someone online, which obviously screams "I'm a bottom and I'm looking for someone to fuck me," you put up a pic of yourself that will be attractive to guys you want to meet. Then look for profiles of guys that look interesting to you. Your profile is interesting, you're just screwing up with your first impression. Even if you're closeted and don't want your profile pic to be of your face, there are alternatives. Just look around here. Tons of examples. Then get to know them. Not all guys are just looking for a quicky. In fact, from what I read here, it sounds like most guys are looking for exactly what you want. But don't be afraid of the sexual part either. It's all part of a whole package.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 30, 2015 7:05 PM GMT
    It's hard to find profiles that 'look' interesting on here purely because a lot of the profile photos look the bloody same lol.

    My profile used to have pics of me on it but I changed them to private. I thought the butt pic was kinda funny ? (Incidentally I'm not really a bottom lol).

    I actually have some really great gay friends from university but my question was specific to online friendships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 30, 2015 7:12 PM GMT
    Profiles contain almost nothing. These days, not even many pictures. So really you haven't anything to go on to judge whether someone is worth knowing. Forum comments used to be the major way of learning what someone's personality was like, but hardly anyone posts anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2015 11:16 AM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidProfiles contain almost nothing. These days, not even many pictures. So really you haven't anything to go on to judge whether someone is worth knowing. Forum comments used to be the major way of learning what someone's personality was like, but hardly anyone posts anymore.


    True Sharky I miss how vibrant the forum here used to be at it's peak.

    They fucked up by changing the way forum posts are displayed on the front page.