Signs that he's a Player?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 6:07 AM GMT
    What are the top signs you can think of that raises RED FLAGS on if a guy you are dating is a "Player" or not?
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    Jan 24, 2009 6:56 AM GMT
    This is based on my experience.

    1. Trust your instincts! If you suspect someone is a player or manipulating you, that's nature telling you to get out of a potentially harmful situation.

    2. Players are often very good at being too nice, lots of empty compliments, they get too affectionate too quickly because they feed off people they perceive as being weak and who are willing to sop their cheese up like a sponge.

    3. They accentuate their strengths on the outside, you really don't get to know the person they are because the truth is who they are is a species from the dark side.

    4. They're overconfident, and you can just tell they're used to getting what they want when they want it.

    5. They're pushy and somewhat condescending in a way. If someone calls me "baby" on the first date that's our last one.
  • Kiryu

    Posts: 16

    Jan 24, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    If he tell you that he's sick or busy at work and he's on the net late at night to hookup
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    Jan 24, 2009 3:21 PM GMT
    The "please take a number for faster service" slip dispenser on his nightstand, and the "now serving #" electronic sign over his bedroom door.
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    Jan 24, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    Simple. Just ask around the bar you picked him up at. LOL.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 24, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    Getting a text message from him that says "Thanks for last night..that was HOT!" when you didn't see him last night is never a good sign icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 24, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    Runninchlt saidThis is based on my experience.

    1. Trust your instincts! If you suspect someone is a player or manipulating you, that's nature telling you to get out of a potentially harmful situation.

    2. Players are often very good at being too nice, lots of empty compliments, they get too affectionate too quickly because they feed off people they perceive as being weak and who are willing to sop their cheese up like a sponge.

    3. They accentuate their strengths on the outside, you really don't get to know the person they are because the truth is who they are is a species from the dark side.

    4. They're overconfident, and you can just tell they're used to getting what they want when they want it.

    5. They're pushy and somewhat condescending in a way. If someone calls me "baby" on the first date that's our last one.

    Not bad! My ex-BF dumped me for a player and got entangled real good, and the guy hits every one of your indicators. BTW, my ex finally broke free of him, despite clear evidence of his unscrupulous behavior, and now agrees the guy was definitely a player. But then my ex is unable to resist flattery, no matter how empty (Your item 2).
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 24, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    When during sex he moans, "Oh Joe- I mean Adam, I am sorry, Greg. Wait, what is your name again?"
  • qalbi30

    Posts: 116

    Jan 24, 2009 4:20 PM GMT
    Runningchit's observations are 100% correct,especially his comment that they are from the "dark side".

    When you meet somebody who does not make eye contact when you first meet and then proceeds to tell you his life story,how hard life has treated him and all he wants is friendship and love,run as fast as you can for he is a player and a user,and no good will come from any dealings with him.

    First contacts are about getting to know one and other,and if a conversation turns in to a monologue its time to politely leave.

    Often they are physically attractive but one must not judge a book by its cover.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 5:20 PM GMT
    I try not to judge, but from my experience, many players tend to be club-loving show-offs. They rarely miss a Friday or Saturday-night appearance at a club and hope to bare as much as is legal in the club. I avoid guys who live for clubbing while scantily-clad on the weekends, as a result of my experiences in the past.

    Other good signs are pretty much those that go along with most narcissists. Runninchlt's reply details many of those characteristics to watch out for. Narcissists crave attention but are almost incapable of love. If they get bored with a given person, they will move on to others who provide them with what they crave, and they rarely have any remorse over hurting another's feelings along the way.

    Narcissists are very clever by nature, though, so some of us are doomed to fall into their "traps" and get hurt. They are so crafty that we even help them rise to be high-ranking politicians and CEO's. If he's acting like a classic politician (telling you exactly what you want to hear, preying on your insecurities, being a bit shady when it comes to talking about him and his past, etc.), beware.

    If you've ever been hurt by a player/narcissist, you can take some comfort in knowing that such people rarely have a successful, loving relationship with another human being and will, sadly, grow old having only their material accomplishments to cherish.

    I know I may sound cynical and/or bitter, but I'm not. Just adding my two-cents. I'm really a rather happy guy. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    I think I got played by a "player" some time ago icon_lol.gif I'm still not sure though...
    What I've learned from experience is that players are used to being liked and being attractive to other guys. The best weapon against players is to reject them before things get any serious - that would hurt them the most icon_twisted.gif

    A piece of advice from me - never fall in love with a player. It's painful... icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 24, 2009 6:27 PM GMT
    Well first off I would definitely not ask around the bar. Bar's are nasty places where rumors are often spread about good people. Often times when a good looking guy turns someone down, they can become the target of some pretty vicious and untrue rumors. Asking all over gaydom about the person is the first way to create a mess with a potential new mate.

    You have to follow your instincts, but be sure your instincts are reading the situation clearly. A lot of times guys that are hurt by one attractive player hold on to that shit, and never let it go, then every attractive guy they run into becomes tarnished goods.

    I have a good friend who was so badly hurt by an attractive guy that he purposely dates unattractive men because he knows they won't cheat on him. Then he bitches that he feels like a trophy boyfriend. He's setting up his life and relationships to failure. Don't fall into this trap.

    To me I can spot the player a mile away because I've known a couple. They are like slick used car salesmen. They always know exactly the right thing to say at the right time. They come off as exceptionally polished. They may come across as arrogant or slightly cocky. ( A little cockiness can be a good thing as long as not used car salesmen cocky.) They will often flaunt money and possessions in order to gain favor with their target. They may buy every round and will probably even offer to buy your friends a drink. They will ask a lot of questions about you making it seem like they are very interested in you, when in fact they are just sizing you up in order to take advantage or your unique triggers. Etc. If it seems like you're dealing with a professional, you probably are dealing with a player.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 6:46 PM GMT
    THIS is what I call a "gay player." After all, this is RJ.

    *Ben Cohen*

    rugbyreadyforgay1.jpg

    1456979047a651d66eb1al9.jpg

    Ben-Cohen.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    this is a pattern i've picked up on with players:

    they are generally very, very attractive to a broad segment of the people who see them. as such they are not likely to put much effort into anything. players are generally lazy in relationships, with an important exception:

    if a dazzling man is at your beckoning call, and is also very receptive and responsive, declaring his genuine interest in you, take note of how long this lasts: if this dedication to you lasts 1-3 days, you are dealing with a player.

    their strategy is to spend a little time and effort on you, in order to make you feel you are truly important, then they back away, leaving you to chase after them until yu finally give up, heartbroken. they hook you, then reel you in, then leave you on deck to suffocate in the open air with all the other fish.
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    Jan 24, 2009 7:00 PM GMT
    justinono saidTHIS is what I call a "gay player." After all, this is RJ.

    *Ben Cohen*

    rugbyreadyforgay1.jpg

    1456979047a651d66eb1al9.jpg

    Ben-Cohen.jpg




    and he's jewish... where the heck do i find this beefy nugget?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    He's MINE icon_twisted.gif

    Back off or I'll sic lolcatz on you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 24, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    One from a brief bf of mine:

    I had become acquaintances with some of his close friends before we got serious...and then he asks me not to tell them we were together when things got serious.
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    Jan 24, 2009 8:32 PM GMT
    justinono saidTHIS is what I call a "gay player." After all, this is RJ.

    *Ben Cohen*



    I would let him eat crackers in my bed.
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    Jan 24, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    COJock1974 said
    justinono saidTHIS is what I call a "gay player." After all, this is RJ.

    *Ben Cohen*



    I would let him eat crackers in my bed.


    Um, at MINIMUM crackers!!!!




    Can I just say, GOD DAMN!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 8:57 PM GMT
    god, i've been on the recieving end of these qualities so many times already lol. like every guy i've dated has fit the bill of 'player'- especially the coming on strong at first then backing off and making one chase unto heartbreak. but yeah, all the attributes have been there. well at least i know im not the only victim of these guys. u think it'd be easy to spot a player, but they get away with it so well because they can seem so honestly and genuinely convincing of their kindness and interest.

    my best advice: if it seems too good to be true, it always is. no exceptions. just wait a week or two and you'll see. three weeks tops. or save yourself the trouble of disappointment and run for the hills as soon as you realize you can't find a flaw (they'll never let you see any- or even the ones they do present are calculated to make them more endearing).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 9:22 PM GMT
    Some signs he is a "Player":

    1. Only available to you on his terms, rarely on yours. Often disappears, then re-surfaces.

    2. Inability to answer direct questions legitimately. Often changes the subject or ignores the question. He is the type you can't get a straight answer out of -- ever.

    3. Usually astonishingly good looking, charming and charismatic.

    4. He can't make plans beyond the moment (because he is too busy juggling his schedule for what might be the next big thing). Often cancels or reschedules at the last minute, but lets you down easy.

    5. Has few really good/close friends that are beyond just "going out drinking buddies". Players tend to be lone wolfs.

    6. Will lob you a few random text messages here and there to keep you "warm" and rope you in -- should he suddenly be bored or need a back up plan. Is often texting when you aren't looking.

    That said, the beauty of "The Player" is that he has the ability to create magic and excitement, and make you feel incredibly desirable and special if for only a fleeting moment in time. Players are shrewd and calculating...they enjoy the thrill of the hunt. As long as you know what you are getting into, enjoy the ride for what it is...everyone should date a Player at least once. Its a good life experience and lesson. icon_smile.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 24, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
    Does his bed look like this? icon_confused.gif

    burg%20velvet%20round.jpg

    Seriously ... when a guy tells you everything you wanna hear
    and when there's no back up?

    ................ He be a Playa
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 10:04 PM GMT
    As a player, I'm deeply offended by these accusations.

    /sarcasm

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 10:20 PM GMT
    *makes circles in the sand with his toe while looking away coyly* heh... umm... heh... *runs away*
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    Jan 24, 2009 10:34 PM GMT
    *mouth hanging open*

    *collects himself and talks into wrist*

    "they know too much. they must be disbanded."

    "yassir. operation temptation is underway. send in the go go boys."