Trying to get a guy to workout?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 01, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    Okay.. I know this going to sound shallow but I'm just going to come out and say it.

    As someone who has the body of a twink (well, more "otter" since I'm not shaving myself smooth anymore, just trimming), of course I'm in the trap of being attracted to muscular guys. But of course, 95% of these guys prefer other guys like them and I'm not hating, just being honest.

    But I like being of smaller size and don't want to get bigger (140-150 being my target goal). As expected, I don't attract muscular guys but I seem to attract either "chubs", overweight, obese, and "Daddy" type men. I'm just not physically attracted to fat I've tried to look past it about 4 major times and it doesn't work for me.

    However, I came up with the idea of what if I tried to get said guy to workout? I already workout myself and I could be like a free trainer for him and maybe with time, I can gain physical attraction for him? I know that there is the possibility of said guy dumping me for someone else once they get in shape but I'd be willing to risk it. And I'm talking about the overweight guys who express interest in me because of my smaller build.

    I'm just not sure how I'd go about something like this. Have any of you guys ever tried something like this??

    It's just that, I can't help my attraction but I do acknowledge I may not ever get a guy that I actually am attracted to so maybe this would be a good alternative?

    And yes, I do know I'm coming off as shallow but don't we all have some sort of physical preference?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    Apr 01, 2015 12:29 PM GMT
    Motivating someone to get going and work out is a very good idea on whatever pretext. icon_lol.gif

    Now, you may want to think about the fact that by far, most guys are looking into the whole picture before them. Being of a small body frame is a point of great attraction for bigger guys who wish to dominate a smaller dude. You are scoring on this one.

    You have a bit of an alternative look about you. This works for the dudes who go for the alternative looks. Your typical gym rat is usually not that keen on the alternative. The birds of the feather...This is something that has been reducing your choices, IMHO, that is.

    You are who you are. And if you find that your present look is who you are, stick with it. If this look is something that you consider changing, a makeover may be a good idea?

    Just my 2c

    SC
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    Apr 01, 2015 3:49 PM GMT
    either way seems like the OP is setting himself up for a fail.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 01, 2015 5:45 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidMotivating someone to get going and work out is a very good idea on whatever pretext. icon_lol.gif

    Now, you may want to think about the fact that by far, most guys are looking into the whole picture before them. Being of a small body frame is a point of great attraction for bigger guys who wish to dominate a smaller dude. You are scoring on this one.

    You have a bit of an alternative look about you. This works for the dudes who go for the alternative looks. Your typical gym rat is usually not that keen on the alternative. The birds of the feather...This is something that has been reducing your choices, IMHO, that is.

    You are who you are. And if you find that your present look is who you are, stick with it. If this look is something that you consider changing, a makeover may be a good idea?

    Just my 2c

    SC


    -Yeah, I realize my alternative look is cause for some disappoint towards the guys I do like but I really like it. I tried to tone my look down a bit drastically once and I felt naked so I went back to my style with just a few tweaks. I was more "extremem" when I was a teenager (not THAT extreme but still lol) and I found some wiggle room.

    But yes, I know the "birds of a feather flock together" motto (which is a shame, I can get along with anyone). But yeah, I've noticed that the guys who seem to be really into me are of um... Bigger proportions and while I'm flattered, I can't help but get turned off, especially after keeping a workout routine of 2 years so far. So I was thinking maybe I could try to get the next guy who shows interest in me to get him to workout. To me, it isn't hard if you have a routine, do some research (for some better food options), and some determination. But that's just my outlook since that's what worked for me when I started.

    pellaz saideither way seems like the OP is setting himself up for a fail.


    -Yeah I know there's that 90% I'm going to fail but it's better to try right? One of my biggest fears is to get with a guy I have no physical interest in and make him feel bad i.e not getting turned on by him resulting in having few to no sex, looking at other guys who have the type of body I like (be it online or offline), & just living the live of unsatisfactory on both ends. I've seen stories of this and they didn't turn out good. So I don't want to get into a situation like that.

    But if the guy is open to it, I bet we'd have a great time. Like I said, I workout already and can offer some advice and eating tips. Even workout with him. But still, I do understand what you mean.
  • BLSHJ

    Posts: 36

    Apr 01, 2015 8:45 PM GMT
    I can see that you are attempting to "engineer" out the guys you like out of the guys who likes you who isn't the guys you like.

    More power to you I guess ?

    But try to see this angle...if you like someone, you should like them as they are, not what they will be "after" your modification.

    Do you want someone to tell you "Hey I think I will like you after you XXXXXXXXX and XXXXX and XXXXX" ?

    I personally have zero fashion sense, nerdy as fuck and am comfortable with it to a reasonable extend, but every time I end up dating guys who said to me "You will look better if you just trim those eyebrows" or "if you change those pants" or WORST OF ALL "If you look less like a nerd/geek, I would love to go out with you again", I just spend the day with them knowing I will never see them again icon_smile.gif

    Some end up asking me perplexed as to why I have not contacted them again, hmmm, I wish they know, but they will never know ;p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2015 10:36 PM GMT
    If you don't want to put on mass that's fine, but if you want a muscular jacked guy and you want to keep a smaller frame, there's no reason why you can't be very toned and strong with your still small frame. It is unfair to want someone to put in time at the gym and be a certain build if you can't mirror that to a tangible degree in yourself physically.

    That being said, there are many guys that are muscular that like twinks so your point is a little off. Maybe you're eyeing guys in the major league while adamantly refusing to upgrade from your rep league. Or maybe you're looking in the wrong places.

    Personally i like guys who is more fit/muscular as well, so in return I constantly strive to put on mass.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Apr 01, 2015 10:48 PM GMT
    Getting someone to workout is a pain I've tried it.. took years
    and failed..I tried the workout out with me trick and trained
    them..but ended.. to many ..can't go ..I'm tired ...or busy ..or whatever,,,.they have to want to

  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Apr 01, 2015 11:07 PM GMT
    Basically you're asking to see if you can get a guy out of your league by transforming someone who is in your league. Gays are more self-aware of their market value than straights. Guess what happens when he becomes hot and out of your league... lol the heartbreak, compounded by having to put up with him during his ugly years icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2015 11:19 PM GMT
    The original poster fails to acknowledge the realities of life, and sexual attraction, and...attraction in general, and...sets himself up for ongoing failure.

    One has to be observant of the world around him.

    Trying to get someone else to workout for the sake of attraction is selfish, at best, and so self centered. Now, if someone is morbidly obese, or closeted, etc..., one should never act as the enabler, either. People are who they are and you can engage them, or not.

    The OP has deep dysfunctional issues. He refuses to accept the reality of the human condition that folks are attracted to like-minded, and, often, like-looking, to themselves. There are, of course, exception, but, in general. The OP is planning against success.

    OP doesn't realize that if you have purple hair (figuratively) then other folks might not want anything to do with you. It's a reality of The World.

    I'm all for NOH8. I'm all for tolerance. I'd never invite to OP to my place, though. Just to strange. That's how live is. If you're different, well...you're different...it doesn't mean you're bad ...just different...put a ring through your nose...and you don't get to be my receptionist. Just how it is.

    A while back, I had a guy insist that I join "The Bear Movement." No interest here. He never came back. That's his issue; not mine. It won't work for OP either.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Apr 02, 2015 12:03 AM GMT
    A good friend of mine was significantly overweight and had no interest in exercising. Probably that was the result of doing poorly in physical education when he was in high school. Physical education classes consisted mainly of playing games and really had little to do with fitness. People with no game skills tended to be very intimidated and hated the classes.


    Anyway, he turned around 180 degrees after experiencing concerning cardiac symptoms. He now works out regularly in a gym and takes long bicycle rides a couple times a week; he never previously even owned a bicycle. He now looks much better, feels much better, and likes the difference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2015 2:19 AM GMT
    If I understand what the OP is suggesting, he's wanting to meet a guy and then motivate said guy into becoming the guy the OP is attracted to. It won't work. The OP would be more successful buying apples and turning them into peaches. It won't work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2015 3:17 AM GMT
    It's very hard to do this and it doesn't work in the end.

    Have you thought about how long it takes to go from overweight to muscular? That even depends on what you call muscular...

    That said, I pretty much forced my boyfriend to go to the gym. I'm not proud of it, but I was honest with him and told him that I'm attracted to muscular guys, and that its such an important part of my life that I can't see myself not sharing it with someone.

    He ended up liking it, but I don't push him beyond going. I give him positive motivation to lift (and do cardio) but I don't go crazy when he doesn't keep a strict regime.

    A year later, he's added some muscle, but he's not an athlete. Like many guys just starting, he's not exactly doing the best thing and ended up gaining more fat than he should have.

    The thing I (we) have to realize is that this is a problem with US, not with our partners. It's something we want for ourselves, and project it onto other people. I haven't really found a way to get over it, but I am trying to accept him for who he is because I know that is the right thing to do.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2015 4:38 AM GMT
    No sweetie no. Do you really expect to find some fat chubster and then give him some kind of miracle makeover in hopes that you eventually fall in love with him? Do you realize how pathetic you sound right now????icon_neutral.gif

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2015 6:03 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidSnip


    Ah yes, I had a feeling you may answer and I do appreciate your 2 cents. For starters, I'm not that blissfully unaware of the world around me. I do realize certain patterns. I just wanted to ask this question. "Curiosity killed the cat" as they say but this cat was curious and I will accept every opinion, even if I disagree.

    I realize that "like attracts like" usually, but I was trying to hone in on that 10-15% (random guess) because I've seen pairings that looked nothing alike, including a muscular guy with a smaller or on two occasions, overweight man.

    I'm pretty sure the latter half of your response is a jab at my personal appearance. I know that if you're different (or look different), you'll get ostracized/ignored. Come on, I've experienced this in high school and I experience it now. I'm not blind. You wouldn't want to invite me or be seen with me? Fair enough, we all have our preferences on who we choose to hang out with. I respect your honesty.

    Anyway, thanks for your answer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2015 6:22 AM GMT
    I hope this doesn't deter you from dating or seeking out someone who is bigger. I just think this idea is very fat fetched and unlikely to work. There's someone for everyone out there. Just hang on. You should't be in a rush to date. There is no time table for you to get married and settle down.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2015 8:56 AM GMT
    BLSHJ saidsnip


    Well, as far as personal style goes, I'm not that picky in that regard (bushy eyebrows, not fashionable, big nose, etc.). That stuff doesn't bother me at all. But I understand where you're coming from. It's just hard to look past the weight... I've tried to but it's so hard and I wish I could find some way to look past it. I got to know this rather cool guy back in 2013 but deep down, I wasn't attracted to him physically even though he claimed he was attracted to mine. So it just made things complicated.

    TO22 saidSnip


    Well, that's what I'm working on right now. Currently in the last 4 years, I went from 114 to 127-128 (fluctuate) along with my exercise routine. I know it's not a lot but I'm trying.

    I know that there are muscular guys who are into twinks but from what I've observed, they are mostly into white, Latino, or Asian twinks (not hating, just being honest). While not common, I have seen the muscular/twink pairing but it was usually white/white or White/Latino, White/Asian (most common), and one Black/White. Not much for black twinks so I know that plays even more in the ball game of things.

    I just like being of smaller size, but am working on toning and I'm just hoping that maybe one day, I can find a big guy who wants a smaller guy is all. Of course I get a little envious when I see the muscular/twink coupling and wonder "How did they meet?" icon_smile.gif

    christastic saidSnip


    Well I suppose on the plus side, at least maybe he found out that he was capable of becoming that way, even if he does dump me after? lol Like I said, I acknowledge the striking likeliness that I'd lose him after the transformation.

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2015 9:08 AM GMT
    FRE0 saidSnip


    Hm, I suppose you have a point. In Physical Education, I wasn't the most gifted kid and wasn't very good at every sport save for track as I liked to run.

    But it's cool he turned his life around away from the cardiac problems. Hopefully he has a nice, fulfilled life ahead.

    jimib saidSnip


    No, you're right. That's what I was asking. And I wasn't really talking about "meeting" the guy. These guys already come for me. They'd always say they want a "small", "slim", "thin" type of guy but like I said, the problem is that I have no physical attraction back. And apples into peaches huh? It would take some sort of wizard for that lol.

    Adam228 saidSnip



    Please don't get me wrong. I know it takes quite awhile to change your weight. You can't go from overweight to muscular or fit over a day or a month or 4 months (well unless you're on steroids or something but that's a different subject). And to answer your question on "my" version of muscular. I'm much more into the "beef" look like this.

    tumblr_mh9lfwS5cy1r3bph4o1_250.jpg
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0K9iEbbfHgsyTtmCGsGB

    Over this.
    15012940821_e6c8c4b691_m.jpg928050_727506127306021_1622348409_a.jpg


    jmusmc85 saidSnip


    No no, I understand what you meant (sorry, I didn't reply sooner to your previous comment). I realize that it sounded very far fetched but I was just curious and decided to ask. And yeah, I guess you're right, no time to rush things heh.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 02, 2015 4:07 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidThe original poster fails to acknowledge the realities of life, and sexual attraction, and...attraction in general, and...sets himself up for ongoing failure.

    One has to be observant of the world around him.

    Trying to get someone else to workout for the sake of attraction is selfish, at best, and so self centered. Now, if someone is morbidly obese, or closeted, etc..., one should never act as the enabler, either. People are who they are and you can engage them, or not.

    The OP has deep dysfunctional issues. He refuses to accept the reality of the human condition that folks are attracted to like-minded, and, often, like-looking, to themselves. There are, of course, exception, but, in general. The OP is planning against success.

    OP doesn't realize that if you have purple hair (figuratively) then other folks might not want anything to do with you. It's a reality of The World.

    I'm all for NOH8. I'm all for tolerance. I'd never invite to OP to my place, though. Just to strange. That's how live is. If you're different, well...you're different...it doesn't mean you're bad ...just different...put a ring through your nose...and you don't get to be my receptionist. Just how it is.

    A while back, I had a guy insist that I join "The Bear Movement." No interest here. He never came back. That's his issue; not mine. It won't work for OP either.


    Chuck you're forgetting he said he's into muscular guys not old fat roid gut ones. Doubt he'd ever go to your house. icon_lol.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 02, 2015 4:25 PM GMT
    So the plan is to get some poor slob to think you actually want to be with him, couple up for a few years during which time you will subversively try to turn him into someone you're attracted to, and then see if you do like him? Of course he may have suspicions that it isn't a loving match if you don't fake sexual attraction at least a couple of times/week so for the plan to work, you'll have to pretend to be enthusiastic. But I guess you aren't planning on keeping him from finding someone who does love him for too very long, say a year or two? You should be able to see if the plan is working in that amount of time. And the chances of him finding a guy who loves him in that length of time is unlikely anyway so you haven't really wasted a significant part of his life. Cause he is fat and all. Ya, that plan sounds solid.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2015 5:46 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSo the plan is to get some poor slob to think you actually want to be with him, couple up for a few years during which time you will subversively try to turn him into someone you're attracted to, and then see if you do like him? Of course he may have suspicions that it isn't a loving match if you don't fake sexual attraction at least a couple of times/week so for the plan to work, you'll have to pretend to be enthusiastic. But I guess you aren't planning on keeping him from finding someone who does love him for too very long, say a year or two? You should be able to see if the plan is working in that amount of time. And the chances of him finding a guy who loves him in that length of time is unlikely anyway so you haven't really wasted a significant part of his life. Cause he is fat and all. Ya, that plan sounds solid.


    Like I said, since I usually am attracting these men anyway, I was just curious to see if something would be possible even if he did end up leaving me. And where did I say that no other person would be uninterested in him because he's fat? I've met people who don't mind that and heck, even love it (more power to them).
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 02, 2015 8:45 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    Destinharbor saidSo the plan is to get some poor slob to think you actually want to be with him, couple up for a few years during which time you will subversively try to turn him into someone you're attracted to, and then see if you do like him? Of course he may have suspicions that it isn't a loving match if you don't fake sexual attraction at least a couple of times/week so for the plan to work, you'll have to pretend to be enthusiastic. But I guess you aren't planning on keeping him from finding someone who does love him for too very long, say a year or two? You should be able to see if the plan is working in that amount of time. And the chances of him finding a guy who loves him in that length of time is unlikely anyway so you haven't really wasted a significant part of his life. Cause he is fat and all. Ya, that plan sounds solid.


    Like I said, since I usually am attracting these men anyway, I was just curious to see if something would be possible even if he did end up leaving me. And where did I say that no other person would be uninterested in him because he's fat? I've met people who don't mind that and heck, even love it (more power to them).

    Just be honest with the guy from the beginning. If he is OK with your not being into him physically, and wanting to change him, then you two have a deal. Sounds awful to me. But then to each his own.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 03, 2015 2:32 AM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    BloodFlame said
    Destinharbor saidSo the plan is to get some poor slob to think you actually want to be with him, couple up for a few years during which time you will subversively try to turn him into someone you're attracted to, and then see if you do like him? Of course he may have suspicions that it isn't a loving match if you don't fake sexual attraction at least a couple of times/week so for the plan to work, you'll have to pretend to be enthusiastic. But I guess you aren't planning on keeping him from finding someone who does love him for too very long, say a year or two? You should be able to see if the plan is working in that amount of time. And the chances of him finding a guy who loves him in that length of time is unlikely anyway so you haven't really wasted a significant part of his life. Cause he is fat and all. Ya, that plan sounds solid.


    Like I said, since I usually am attracting these men anyway, I was just curious to see if something would be possible even if he did end up leaving me. And where did I say that no other person would be uninterested in him because he's fat? I've met people who don't mind that and heck, even love it (more power to them).

    Just be honest with the guy from the beginning. If he is OK with your not being into him physically, and wanting to change him, then you two have a deal. Sounds awful to me. But then to each his own.


    Very well, I suppose I'll bring it up and see what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2015 2:44 AM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    Destinharbor saidSo the plan is to get some poor slob to think you actually want to be with him, couple up for a few years during which time you will subversively try to turn him into someone you're attracted to, and then see if you do like him? Of course he may have suspicions that it isn't a loving match if you don't fake sexual attraction at least a couple of times/week so for the plan to work, you'll have to pretend to be enthusiastic. But I guess you aren't planning on keeping him from finding someone who does love him for too very long, say a year or two? You should be able to see if the plan is working in that amount of time. And the chances of him finding a guy who loves him in that length of time is unlikely anyway so you haven't really wasted a significant part of his life. Cause he is fat and all. Ya, that plan sounds solid.


    Like I said, since I usually am attracting these men anyway, I was just curious to see if something would be possible even if he did end up leaving me. And where did I say that no other person would be uninterested in him because he's fat? I've met people who don't mind that and heck, even love it (more power to them).


    Nowhere.

    Destinharbor is commenting on the aspect of your plan where you lead on a guy for selfish reasons, during which time this poor sucker is making himself “worthy” of you, you take away his opportunities for meaningful relationships.

    This makes you a dickhead.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 05, 2015 4:37 AM GMT
    Your idea is doomed..The guy has to have the inner desire to be in shape. No amount of encouragement, crying, or begging will help in achieving this goal.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 06, 2015 6:01 AM GMT
    mybud saidYour idea is doomed..The guy has to have the inner desire to be in shape. No amount of encouragement, crying, or begging will help in achieving this goal.


    Hm, I see. Well, I guess after all this feedback and some thought, I won't bother with it. It does make me curious though. I seem to attract these kinds of guys but I wonder if they are only interested because they too, can't get the kinds of guys they like.