How do you not upset a guy that wants anal sex when you don't?

  • infinitefrien...

    Posts: 376

    Apr 04, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    Guys that I get always want to screw me from behind even when I am not so sure. I like playing with cocks, kissing and sometimes sucking but that's it. I don't know what to do when I feel so pressured... I don't want anal sex but I still want a relationship with a guy...

    Any advice?

    icon_sad.gif
  • Paperless_Pen

    Posts: 573

    Apr 04, 2015 7:26 PM GMT
    Give in to anal? But explain your reluctance to have anal. What's wrong with it?
  • FuerteC

    Posts: 588

    Apr 04, 2015 7:30 PM GMT
    You could be the top instead
  • infinitefrien...

    Posts: 376

    Apr 05, 2015 3:18 PM GMT
    Paperless_Pen saidGive in to anal? But explain your reluctance to have anal. What's wrong with it?


    It hurts and I don't like having it in case any 'embarrassing accidents' happen or unpleasant smells are there.
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    Apr 05, 2015 3:22 PM GMT
    I am not into anal at all , i am just upfront about it and they are grown ups and can make the choice to stay or live ..icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 05, 2015 3:33 PM GMT
    I've got a theory about anal sex, which is not nearly as many guys are into it as purported, and many of those who say they are only are because they think its one of the requirements to be gay. Thoughts? (No "feelings," please.)
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    Apr 05, 2015 5:01 PM GMT
    MGINSD saidI've got a theory about anal sex, which is not nearly as many guys are into it as purported, and many of those who say they are only are because they think its one of the requirements to be gay. Thoughts? (No "feelings," please.)


    I think that terms like "gay", "straight", "bi", etc. are simple, broad categorizations of a very complicated and highly individualized, fusion of mental, physical, emotional, cultural, spiritual or other components, to make up "sexuality"...and sexuality is a lot more than "part A goes into part B"....
    RESPECT...plays into the makeup and type of sex. If there is no respect for the "boundaries" of the partners, it leads to either no sex or a rape situation, because it was not consensual.
    The expectation of certain sexual positions doesn't define your orientation.....are "straight guys" that like to be pegged by their girlfriends, wives or swapped partners "gay"?....there isn't another guy with them, but they are being penetrated... it is simply a physical stimulus of the prostate along with the thoughts of their woman.....they have no intention or interest in another guy, but it just feels GREAT and she is directing the ride for BOTH of them at the same time.....Is he "gay"? Open-minded YES!.....gay?..not really. So, as always, the devil is in the details....sexuality is not B&W, nor is it even a simple single axis shaded scale like Kinsey suggested....but MULTIPLE axis, with "fuzzy" boundaries.
    Why do you think there are so many more "terms" for descriptors of sexuality?...ever hear of Asexual, Multi-sexual, queer, transsexual....and others....because these terms start to account for the additional components in a persons sexuality.
    Anal sex isn't a requirement for being gay, any more than eating rice at every meal defines you as Asian, for example.

    TO the OP.....if you don't want or like anal sex....that is up to you. If the other guy insists on anal sex after you have said NO......there is no respect of your boundaries and I would not feel bad about breaking it off right there and then.....If you don't respect and honor yourself, why would anyone else give you more than you want for yourself?
  • monstapex

    Posts: 478

    Apr 05, 2015 5:09 PM GMT
    Just say:
    tumblr_m1t0p5WdIC1r4ghkoo1_500.gif
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    Apr 05, 2015 5:59 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif The best way to avoid upsetting him is to douche and pre-lube yourself before you go out to meet him.
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    Apr 05, 2015 6:03 PM GMT
    Sporty_G said
    MGINSD saidI've got a theory about anal sex, which is not nearly as many guys are into it as purported, and many of those who say they are only are because they think its one of the requirements to be gay. Thoughts? (No "feelings," please.)

    I think that terms like "gay", "straight", "bi", etc. are simple, broad categorizations of a very complicated and highly individualized, fusion of mental, physical, emotional, cultural, spiritual or other components, to make up "sexuality"...and sexuality is a lot more than "part A goes into part B"....
    RESPECT...plays into the makeup and type of sex. If there is no respect for the "boundaries" of the partners, it leads to either no sex or a rape situation, because it was not consensual.
    The expectation of certain sexual positions doesn't define your orientation.....are "straight guys" that like to be pegged by their girlfriends, wives or swapped partners "gay"?....there isn't another guy with them, but they are being penetrated... it is simply a physical stimulus of the prostate along with the thoughts of their woman.....they have no intention or interest in another guy, but it just feels GREAT and she is directing the ride for BOTH of them at the same time.....Is he "gay"? Open-minded YES!.....gay?..not really. So, as always, the devil is in the details....sexuality is not B&W, nor is it even a simple single axis shaded scale like Kinsey suggested....but MULTIPLE axis, with "fuzzy" boundaries.
    Why do you think there are so many more "terms" for descriptors of sexuality?...ever hear of Asexual, Multi-sexual, queer, transsexual....and others....because these terms start to account for the additional components in a persons sexuality.
    Anal sex isn't a requirement for being gay, any more than eating rice at every meal defines you as Asian, for example.

    TO the OP.....if you don't want or like anal sex....that is up to you. If the other guy insists on anal sex after you have said NO......there is no respect of your boundaries and I would not feel bad about breaking it off right there and then.....If you don't respect and honor yourself, why would anyone else give you more than you want for yourself?

    I understand and agree 100% w/ you re: respect. However, I've found that many guys don't know the meaning of the word and either don't understand, or actually resent it when you show them what I consider respect and restraint by not screwing them silly upon first meeting them. For those few whom I've gotten to know better, they eventually reveal even less understanding of respect, for both others and themselves. One, an otherwise attractive, HS hoops star, turned out to be suicidal, both before and after I knew him. That's the ultimate form of disrespect for one's self, and he showed it towards many others, too.

    Lesson learned: the degree of respect a man shows for both himself and others is a pretty good indicator of how worthwhile a potential partner will be. Of course, that assumes that partnership is the ultimate goal, which it has been and will continue to be for me. But is it what's currently called "judgmental" to consider that guys who are just into serial screwing have a lesser amount of this dual respect than others who are partnership inclined?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Apr 05, 2015 6:15 PM GMT
    Many guys out there are NOT into anal. Though not much talked about a subject, this is simply a matter of factual truth for those who have been around the block for more than couple of times.

    There is no reason to make an issue out of this. If anal sex is not your thing, put your best foot forward, and offer something else instead. Very few guys out there will turn down a good BJicon_lol.gif

    There is absolutely no reason for anyone to get upset over the fact that you do not wish to engage in anal sex. Be open and truthful, and connect with the guys who are mature enough to understand this simple fact of life. If they want anal sex, they can get it with someone else. Remember, it is a free world, and you are not holding them hostage.

    SC
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3386

    Apr 05, 2015 6:36 PM GMT
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_sex#Prevalence_2

    Magnus Hirschfeld, in his 1914 work, The Homosexuality of Men and Women, reported the rate of anal sex among gay men surveyed to be 8%, the least favored of all the practices documented.[79] By the 1950s in the United Kingdom, it was thought that about 15% of gay males had anal sex.[80]

    Similar to the Hirschfeld study, scholars state that oral sex and mutual masturbation are more common than anal stimulation among gay men in long-term relationships.[8][68] They say that anal intercourse is generally more popular among gay male couples than among heterosexual couples, but that "it ranks behind oral sex and mutual masturbation" among both sexual orientations in prevalence.[22] Wellings et al. reported that "[t]he equation of 'homosexual' with 'anal' sex among men is common among lay and health professionals alike" and that "[y]et an Internet survey of 18,000 MSM across Europe (EMIS, 2011) showed that oral sex was most commonly practised, followed by mutual masturbation, with anal intercourse in third place".[10] A 2011 survey by The Journal of Sexual Medicine found similar results for U.S. gay and bisexual men.[81]

    Various older studies on male-to-male anal sex differ significantly. The 1994 Laumann study suggests that 80% of gay men practice anal sex and 20% never engage in it at all.[82] A survey in The Advocate in 1994 indicated that 46% of gay men preferred to penetrate their partners, while 43% preferred to be the receptive partner.[70] A survey conducted from 1994 to 1997 in San Francisco by the Stop AIDS Project indicated that over the course of the study, among men who have sex with men instead of solely gay men, the proportion engaging in anal sex increased from 57.6% to 61.2%.[83] The National Institutes of Health (NIH), with their report published in the BMJ in 1999, stated that two thirds of gay men have anal sex.[9] Other sources suggest that roughly three-fourths of gay men have had anal sex at one time or another in their lives, with an equal percentage participating as tops and bottoms.[70] WebMD reports that "[a]n estimated 90% of men who have sex with men" practice receptive anal intercourse.[1]

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    Above was posted by theantijock here:

    Does the problem lie with me or...
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3474098
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3386

    Apr 05, 2015 6:41 PM GMT
    Found this site:
    http://www.emis-project.eu/final-report

    The report is 200 pages so I haven't had the time to read it, but skimming through it I found this:

    4rc2ud.jpg


    Above reposted from this thread:

    What are the ratio's between tops, bottoms and vers?
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3994289/?forumpage=2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    mwolverine saidFound this site:
    http://www.emis-project.eu/final-report

    The report is 200 pages so I haven't had the time to read it, but skimming through it I found this:

    4rc2ud.jpg


    Above reposted from this thread:

    What are the ratio's between tops, bottoms and vers?
    [urlhttp://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3994289/?forumpage=2[/url]


    Simply amazing that not less than 2/3 of gay men surveyed continue to engage in these risky, unprotected behaviors with "non-steady partners" - read "hook ups," the current euphemism for "strangers" - when so much is known about STDs and the simple ways to prevent them! Get it together, guys! icon_mad.gif