Do you feel more jaded and cynical as you get older ??

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    Apr 08, 2015 8:57 AM GMT
    This is in term of dating, I met up with a friend last weekend in LA and we hung out. We went bar hopping a bit and talked about guys. Topics range from Leather, twinks, daddies, golden showers, flakiness in the gay community, dating/friend/fuck buddies. Lol, a long list. But Basically, he was complaining a bit about how guys are so jaded, mean and judgmental and cynical in dating and toward him....etc. I can relate to this a little bit and have seen guys treat each other so Mean at clubs and real life too. I wonder this too. So do you think this is true?? I think it maybe true for a guy who gets shut down or rejected constantly. (which I think my friend had this problem). God, just give me 4 more years and if I'm still single and don't have my man yet, i'll turn very mean/jaded. LOL icon_twisted.gif

    Thoughts?? icon_redface.gif

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    Apr 08, 2015 12:15 PM GMT
    Yes, for all the reasons the OP states.
    But you get over it.
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    Apr 08, 2015 1:34 PM GMT
    gay men had a lot of peter pan in them (refuse to grow up). Hold onto this as long as possible but in the end replace it with kindness for the human condition.

    the youngest gay men just coming out, hope fully the product of a more accepting environment may be different better.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Apr 08, 2015 9:07 PM GMT
    I think my heart is pretty wide open. I don't feel like I'm jaded, I feel that with age I'm becoming more of myself, which feels great.
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    Apr 08, 2015 10:08 PM GMT
    pellaz saidgay men had a lot of peter pan in them (refuse to grow up). Hold onto this as long as possible but in the end replace it with kindness for the human condition.

    the youngest gay men just coming out, hope fully the product of a more accepting environment may be different better.


    **I just want to sleep with cute young twinks condition??? icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 09, 2015 1:57 AM GMT
    Toward gay men and the "community," yes. I no longer consider dating (or the like) to be a good use of time or likely to lead to anything of lasting value. I had a completely different mindset 10 years ago.

    But toward life in general I feel less jaded. One of the blessings of becoming more "mature" is that you know what does and doesn't matter in the long run and it's much easier to relax and just let things go. Also because my time on Earth is shorter than it used to be I tend to dwell less on things I can't control and put my energies into what is most important to me.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Apr 09, 2015 2:49 AM GMT
    I will be 52 twenty days from today, and I never felt more romantic, hopeful, and happier about being in love with myself, the world, and the prospects of finding someone to share it all with, then I've ever felt before! sure there is a lot not to feel happy or hopeful about in today's world! but there is also plenty of reasons to feel happy and hopeful, too!

    How do I manage to be so optimistic and positive? everyday reminding myself that I am the master of my own happiness and moods!

    How do I deal with so much negativity around me!? again everyday reminding myself, that compassion is the key to making sense of the ills of the world, and anyone else I come in contact with on a daily basis. That is not to say I am immuned to feeling sad, disappointed, upset, or rarely even mad! but for me all these emotions are short lived; as I tend to rebound fairly quickly.

    One thing I have noticed as I get older, nothing absolutely nothing bothers me anymore, in a good way! I somehow manage to wake up every morning a new person!!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 09, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    No, not quite there yet lol. I do have my days were I feel anxious of what my future will hold but for the most part, I'm not bitter/jaded fully and I pray I don't end up in that way as well. If I really don't have a significant other by 40, I'll just devote my love and care for a dog, I've always wanted a husky or Black Labrador. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 10, 2015 1:23 AM GMT
    I think it's normal, for anyone, to get more jaded as you get older, especially if you've had your heart broken a few times. You just learn to be more careful.

    Being jaded isn't an attractive trait, but it's a coping mechanism. I wish I could say that I am as free and open as I was in my 20's, but that's just not true. I'm careful, tired, and cautiously optimistic.
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    Apr 10, 2015 11:30 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidBeing jaded isn't an attractive trait, but it's a coping mechanism.


    Don't apologize for it, own it.
    Don't say you're jaded, say you've grown simply jagged with sophistication.
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    Apr 10, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidI think it's normal, for anyone, to get more jaded as you get older, especially if you've had your heart broken a few times. You just learn to be more careful.

    Being jaded isn't an attractive trait, but it's a coping mechanism. I wish I could say that I am as free and open as I was in my 20's, but that's just not true. I'm careful, tired, and cautiously optimistic.


    Ha, well said, i agreed somewhat. I have a theory, I think that most guys who are super mean or bitchy or jaded, they're like that because most guys just shut them down a lot and thus they have very low self esteem. It's a defense mechanism. My friend is a little bit bitchy, only I can understand and appreciate his sarcasm. icon_smile.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 10, 2015 9:07 PM GMT
    I don't think people change all that much. Guys who are negative in attitude when young just get less careful about hiding it when older. The percentage of negative young guys here probably exceeds the percentage of negative older guys. Blaming a negative attitude on others (or experience--same thing) is just a cop out. An extension of who he is. So often you get what you give.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 10, 2015 9:46 PM GMT
    It's called wisdom, motherfucker!icon_mad.gif
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    Apr 12, 2015 4:18 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI don't think people change all that much. Guys who are negative in attitude when young just get less careful about hiding it when older. The percentage of negative young guys here probably exceeds the percentage of negative older guys. Blaming a negative attitude on others (or experience--same thing) is just a cop out. An extension of who he is. So often you get what you give.


    Knowing many from not just grade school but from the playground, fifty plus years later, my friends still comment how we are all pretty much just who we were growing up. Very fun to observe and engage.

    To the OP's point, I've always been much more so a skeptic, much less so a cynic, though I certainly see some benefit to appropriately applied cynicism and some hindrance to being overly skeptical such as analysis paralysis which I have to guard against.

    I've never known jadedness and I find it sad to see others missing the joy. Those are they who get bored. I'm pretty much thoroughly entertained by my own thoughts, so wonder if the jaded and bored are simply those who don't connect to themselves, expressing that as being disconnect to the world, thereby becoming bored, jaded, etc. And I think Destin's right that a lot of the kids who say now that they are bored are they who will be jaded.

    What they are missing is curiosity, the expectation or allowance that even repetition might be at any moment interrupted with something new or something unseen before.

    This came in very handy for me especially when going through my mom's Alzheimer's when she'd often repeat herself, sometimes immediately after the other. So I turned it into an exploratory game. Each time I'd approach the same thing from a different angle. I'd ask different questions. And sure as shit, that opened up new paths and more understanding.

    A jaded person would have been bored to shit at best or frustrated into anger. I found it fascinating. In that, I knew love.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 12, 2015 6:00 PM GMT
    Ages ago when I was in my 30s a wise old gay guy gave me some advice and called me out on becoming jaded and cynical. That was during the first tsunami of the AIDS deaths across the US when my lover and I were losing on average one "friend" a month and sometimes attending 2 or 3 funerals a month.

    He said the way he cured himself of being jaded and cynical was to step outside his own sphere of friends and make new ones, stop doing the same things with the same people, meet new people and do new things with them.

    It honestly works. The broader the spectrum of people with whom you associate the more immune you are to becoming jaded and cynical. Get involved in groups, organizations and clubs that have nothing to do with "gay." Do volunteer work for causes other than gay ones.

    At the same time you can be acting as a sort of ambassador into the world of non-gays for gay issues like equality just by being involved outside the gay sphere.

    And as you get older make sure to keep as many younger and older friends as you can. There's nothing that will make you jaded and cynical faster than to associate only with people as old as yourself.
  • Svnw688

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    Apr 12, 2015 7:09 PM GMT
    Nope.
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    Apr 18, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    Yes and no. Yes because sometimes life teaches us lessons about other people. No because there's a lot of good people and good things about this world. After my very first breakup with my ex who I loved but didn't love me back I became super jaded and downright bitter. Lead to depression and that taught me the lesson that letting yourself get that jaded is toxic. It's almost like drinking poison and expecting the person that hurt you to pass away when in fact you're only doing damage to yourself.

    Now I'm growing cautiously optimistic.


    That and I see how holding on to bitterness, jaded hurt changes people for the worst as they get older. My neighbor was very jaded about people in general and was a recursive cat lady, she was only around 55 years old but she acted like a cantankerous 90 year old and no one wanted to be around her since she complained about everything and was excessively negative. Not even many of her family members wanted to be around her.
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    Apr 18, 2015 9:50 PM GMT
    Erobert saidYes and no. Yes because sometimes life teaches us lessons about other people. No because there's a lot of good people and good things about this world. After my very first breakup with my ex who I loved but didn't love me back I became super jaded and downright bitter. Lead to depression and that taught me the lesson that letting yourself get that jaded is toxic. It's almost like drinking poison and expecting the person that hurt you to pass away when in fact you're only doing damage to yourself.

    Now I'm growing cautiously optimistic.


    That and I see how holding on to bitterness, jaded hurt changes people for the worst as they get older. My neighbor was very jaded about people in general and was recursive cat lady, she was only around 55 but she acted like a cantankerous 90 year old and no one wanted to be around her. Not even many of her family.


    Agreed with you, I think it's normal for guys, after a huge break up, to questions themselves or become a little bit bitter/jaded. You started asking questions of *Why, why didn't it work out?? Is it me? My dating life is over! I went through a phase of dealing with this too and I lived with my ex for a while after the break up! ##Awkward but yeah eventually you become yourself again. I'd say that each life experience teach us about something we don't know about ourselves whether to become more optimistic or keep shutting down. I've seen and observed people, even in my own family, became more and more bitter over time. But I think my core value is still positive and optimistic, lol, I'm feeling that my friend is having a negative effect on me, maybe I should hang out with him less since he loves to trash-talk gay guys. I'd say I'm more of a cautious optimist when it comes to love too. I'm not that naive innocent 21 yo when i first came out, I matured in dating a lot. icon_smile.gif