Regret after hookup with average-looking guy

  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Apr 13, 2015 5:35 AM GMT
    I'm not one to let "the heat of the moment" spur me onto a one night stand; usually I can tell 5 minutes into a date whether to never talk to the guy again, be actual friends, cuddle later, or have sex. For the latter I've given myself a rule to only put out for super hot guys, so in practice it almost never happens.

    Today after a typical date with a guy, I somehow let him charm my dick into his hole, despite him being a lot more average-looking than the 3-4 hookups I've ever had. It might be that he's such a nice guy, plus the novelty factor for being Arab (my first), I don't know, but afterwards I was filled with regret, something I've never felt after sex. I was so distraught and lost in thought walking him back to the skytrain station that he thought I was turned off, and was surprised I replied his follow-up text.

    Perhaps a blow to the ego for having lowered my standards, or something more sinister? Maybe I felt that I ruined my squeaky clean reputation or blew my chances at being friends with an otherwise cool guy?

    Sorry for the incoherent rambling, just putting it out there now... might clarify thoughts later.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 13, 2015 5:50 AM GMT
    so it was a sympathy fuck? icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 13, 2015 6:52 AM GMT
    You mentioned a squeaky clean reputation. And what would that be? That your last 3 hookups were hot guys and the last guy ruined it?

    Also, I find it interesting you mentioned your last hookup was Arab and you think he was a novelty. I don't understand why you even mentioned it because his ethnicity doesn't factor into your situation.
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    Apr 13, 2015 7:11 AM GMT
    LMAO Lol haha, pity fuck, so you're saying because this guy is Arab and he's average looking, not hot enough for you ?? Lol, well he's obviously hot enough to make you hard and ram him LOL!! Oh don't even try to deny you didn't enjoy that. Ok I'm teasing !! Oh well, live and learn !! icon_twisted.gif
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 13, 2015 8:02 AM GMT
    bobbobbob saidYou're young.
    The fact that you perceive your sex life as an all important factor in regards to your reputation is a symptom of youth.

    No problem with it. You'll more than likely outgrow it. Men who don't generally become pretentious judgmental bitches with a predeliction for judging others on their sex lives over more important traits of a person's character. They're easy to spot in bars because the congregate mostly with their own kind where they engage in the sport of gossip about the sex lives of others while making sure to keep their own lurid encounters from being know by the others.

    Honesty, Dependability, Empathy, Compassion, Discretion are a few qualities that really mean more than who or how many sex partners a man has.
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    Apr 13, 2015 1:04 PM GMT
    You know your life is boring when your biggest concern is how hot your latest fuck was.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2015 1:28 PM GMT
    Average-looking is contagious. I see you're already symptomatic.
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    Apr 13, 2015 1:32 PM GMT
    I was going to criticize the OP, but since some people have already done that.

    I think you said it best he seemed like a genuinely NICE guy, and you were obviously horny. It's not like you bent over for him lol.

    For what it's worth I thought what you said on your profile was cute:

    "I like clean wholesome guys, hopefully with as little experience as I do... awkward sex is hot!"

    Maybe you should get to know guys better, before hooking up. Also the fact that you can judge someone right away isn't a great trait. Sometimes a guy seems really awesome and then you find out he's batsh!t crazy -- not in the cute Susan Mayer on Desperate Housewives kind of way...

    You also sound like you enjoy having control over your life, and there's nothing wrong with that. It was sweet that you walked him back to the air station, you probably made his day/night well prior to him realizing you were turned off.

    Well you can check Arab off the list... I actually let this semi-cute guy blow me
    (he cried and I felt bad for him) and after we were done he basically said I can check Asian off the list icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 13, 2015 2:24 PM GMT
    you sound super vain.
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    Apr 13, 2015 3:07 PM GMT

    Christastic, I knew loads of men like you back in the 70s. It took me a rather long and arduous time to learn how to spot and avoid them, as I was and am pretty average looking. I didn't need the head or heartache.

    Should your arab man show up here and start a topic asking why and what happened, I'll advise him he dodged a bullet.

  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Apr 13, 2015 3:24 PM GMT
    It was just a hookup. When you get to the point where you have no idea how many guys you've been with except broad estimates, you'll find it's not that big a deal. It's like having a meal that doesn't live up to your expectations. Not ideal, but unremarkable the next day.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Apr 13, 2015 9:35 PM GMT
    Oh... It is not that bad. I am in love with the straight guy I hooked for few weeks.
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    Apr 13, 2015 10:59 PM GMT
    Perhaps you should filter your thoughts before putting them out there. Your post suggests immaturity and narcissism. Neither of which are traits you want to own.
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    Apr 14, 2015 1:18 AM GMT
    I'm not usually this blunt but since you're being straight forward in your post I'm sure you will appreciate my honestly. Have you ever evaluated your own mediocre appearance? This is a serious question. Maybe your hook up feels just as disappointed as you do. Maybe the only reason you feel like you feel from grace was because you secretly knew the other 3-4 hot guys you hooked up with were slumming it when they hooked up with you....but telling yourself they wanted you makes you feel hotter. I'm sure a lot of the average guys you think you turned down decided they didn't want to hook up with you prior to you making your decision. Beauty can be cruel. One person can build your confidence by telling you that you possess it, while 20 others pitty you for not being anywhere close to their number.
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    Apr 14, 2015 1:20 AM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidAverage-looking is contagious. I see you're already symptomatic.


    OUCH! icon_surprised.gif
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    Apr 14, 2015 1:27 AM GMT
    christastic saidI'm not one to let "the heat of the moment" spur me onto a one night stand; usually I can tell 5 minutes into a date whether to never talk to the guy again, be actual friends, cuddle later, or have sex. For the latter I've given myself a rule to only put out for super hot guys, so in practice it almost never happens.

    Today after a typical date with a guy, I somehow let him charm my dick into his hole, despite him being a lot more average-looking than the 3-4 hookups I've ever had. It might be that he's such a nice guy, plus the novelty factor for being Arab (my first), I don't know, but afterwards I was filled with regret, something I've never felt after sex. I was so distraught and lost in thought walking him back to the skytrain station that he thought I was turned off, and was surprised I replied his follow-up text.

    Perhaps a blow to the ego for having lowered my standards, or something more sinister? Maybe I felt that I ruined my squeaky clean reputation or blew my chances at being friends with an otherwise cool guy?

    Sorry for the incoherent rambling, just putting it out there now... might clarify thoughts later.


    with all due respect...arent you just avg? Maybe in the small town you might be the best looking, but in any true city you would be at most just avg at that.

    Maybe you should work more on your personality since the looks really aren't going to get you much.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3385

    Apr 14, 2015 2:55 AM GMT
    Perhaps harsh, but I like the way you think.

    You also look hot. I can say that because I know it won't get to your head because there are 20 other people, somewhere, negating that. Which just goes to show that fools there are many. icon_smile.gif

    HolyHex001 saidI'm not usually this blunt but since you're being straight forward in your post I'm sure you will appreciate my honestly. Have you ever evaluated your own mediocre appearance? This is a serious question. Maybe your hook up feels just as disappointed as you do. Maybe the only reason you feel like you feel from grace was because you secretly knew the other 3-4 hot guys you hooked up with were slumming it when they hooked up with you....but telling yourself they wanted you makes you feel hotter. I'm sure a lot of the average guys you think you turned down decided they didn't want to hook up with you prior to you making your decision. Beauty can be cruel. One person can build your confidence by telling you that you possess it, while 20 others pitty you for not being anywhere close to their number.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Apr 14, 2015 3:05 AM GMT
    We need more posters like OP who tell it like it is without filters and at their own expense icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 14, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    Reading the comments towards the OP like:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8kYNZZsERk
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 14, 2015 3:20 AM GMT
    If your passing out pity fucks ... I'd like one icon_biggrin.gif
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3385

    Apr 14, 2015 3:58 AM GMT
    For a broader answer, though, there's no accounting for taste.
    Or lack thereof.

    Everyone has their own concepts, including their misperceptions (delusions) of themselves. We stand in front of a mirror and try to make ourselves look like we want to appear, and other people don't always see what we see in the mirror - which in some cases (for the less vane) is good! icon_smile.gif

    We also establish our standards. Sounds like the OP isn't into hookups. That's his prerogative and shared by others including me.
    But his remorse stems from his perception that he deviated from his standards, his path.

    The criticism toward him here stems from two failures on his part:

    1. The attempt to attribute his fall on the basis of his Arab date being a "novelty".

    I can see how some would be put off by this, may even view it as racist, but it's obviously a (poor) attempt at rationalization (and if he were truly racist, he'd refuse to date/sleep with the other).

    If I were to say that I once hooked up with an Olympic ice skater because that was a "novelty", no one would object (that he was super hot didn't hurt, either).

    2. The condescending nature of saying that he only hooks-up (the few times he has) with "super hot guys".

    That may be another rationalization. If one doesn't hook-up, why a waiver based on looks? Lack of self-control? Can't let that get away? Maybe they're too stupid to date and this is all they're good for?

    The objection by others here seems to be based on "lookism" and the subjective nature of "super hot" (and of reciprocation). Without getting into an old debate about the former, isn't it true that one sleeps with people he finds attractive - and everyone gets to define that? Isn't reciprocation always a necessary ingredient (otherwise it's rape to some degree or another).

    My advise to christastic: it may be time to re-evaluate your standards. What are you seeking? How do you get from here to there? What standards do you want to maintain and why?
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    Apr 14, 2015 4:44 PM GMT
    Somehow, I thought of this thread, this morning, when I read this nooz story:
    http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2015/04/oregon_woman_hits_man_on_head.html#incart_m-rpt-1

    1) Couple dates on-line for two years
    2) Man agrees to move across the country to be with her
    3) When he arrives, she asks him to close his eyes and beans him with a baseball bat

    The direct approach to buyer's remorse...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 14, 2015 4:52 PM GMT
    And you were looking for examples??? Let's just call this thread exhibit-A.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2015 6:02 PM GMT
    Maybe the regret has more to do with the thought that you will have trouble rejecting him now that you have given him false signals.
  • builtofbrick

    Posts: 54

    Apr 14, 2015 9:33 PM GMT
    get over yourself