• giodude

    Posts: 271

    Apr 16, 2015 5:28 PM GMT
    So as you may have guessed by the title this is about cliques.

    Have any of you experienced cliquishness among gays?Because I have
    I come from a small town where your social standing is determined by who you associate with. Coming to Cape Town I was pleasantly surprised that no one here cares about who you are or what your business is. Except however, gays. Now me being totally being naive of everything gay, I simply expected the gay community to be quite accepting of everything for reasons I don't think I need to explain. However there is a definite hierarchy here, and I just feel excluded a lot because I really don't like subscribing to that train of thought. I've seen how much damage it can do to people, and I refuse to take part in that life any longer.

    So is this just a local thing or have any of you guy experienced cliquishness in the gay communities? Or not been accepted anywhere because you don't fit into a category? Or is it just me?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4347

    Apr 16, 2015 8:10 PM GMT
    I find there are small pockets of both gay and straight people who have some silly arbitrary reason to limit others' access to their group. Usually I don't care because I'm not interested in their group. Simple. You wouldn't enjoy being in their midst anyway so why worry about it?

    I think most groups aren't really all that closed. The people in them just know each other and are comfortable with things as they are. If it's a group with a cause, like organizing something for charity or a dog park or whatever, you have to be willing to jump in and do some work. They aren't there to be a social committee. So being shy won't get you in. Just be yourself (or a polished up better version of yourself) and you'll find similar guys to meet and know. Don't get paranoid of others. They're mostly just like you.
  • metta

    Posts: 38626

    Apr 16, 2015 8:28 PM GMT
    I don't know. Everyone is in a different place in their is up to them to determine what works for them. I spend my spare time with friends or on my own. I have more straight friends than gay friends. I tend not to let other people in very often because...well...there are too many crazy people out there and I don't get very much time to spend with the friends that I already have.

    Other than being guys being attracted to is difficult to put the community into we are into cliques of only gay people. It just does not normally work when people do that.
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    Apr 16, 2015 9:10 PM GMT
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    Apr 16, 2015 9:19 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidAs mentioned in the OP, depending on the region and where you live cliques can be more prominent is some areas versus others. I have lived in quite a few areas throughout the US. I find that the east coast is pretty cliquish. The Midwest is as well (I'm from Chicago). I find that the west coast seems less cliquish which works better for me.

    I don't buy into it any of it. I find it to be depthless and affected.

    Can I be in your clique? Huh? Please?
  • metta

    Posts: 38626

    Apr 16, 2015 9:57 PM GMT