ugly

  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Apr 17, 2015 1:57 PM GMT
    I don't quite know how to being this subject. So let me just speak my mind.

    I've never had a boyfriend. I come froma small town where any sort of difference was frowned upon, so that part is understandable. However now that I'm in cape town, gay people still seem to dislike me. Just gay people though. I have multitudes of friends, mostly girls but a good deal of straight guys as well. Despite classes being pretty big my classmates seem to gravitate towards me, and I ever spend a day in the weekend alone.

    Every single gay person I have met has absolutely despised me. They ignore me, distantiate themselves from me and generally don't do anything with me unless it's unavoidable. I don't know what the issue is. If I was a terrible person or in someway unappealing everyone would dislike me, but on the contrary almost everyone I meet wants to become friends with me. Despite having such a large base of support, I still sit in my room sometimes going about my business when a wave of depression hits me and I really and truly start to question my self-worth. Not a single person has ever shown an interest in me. Not one. And it makes me feel despondent and well. . . ugly. Really really really ugly. This isn't a ploy to get complements from people, but when these moods hit I start to critique everything about my appearance harshly and negatively. I really don't know what's wrong with me though. I don't expect hordes of hotties to line up for me but thinking that I would happen upon a single solitary individual who can hold a decent conversation and who likes me back isn't too high an expectation to hold, is it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 2:17 PM GMT
    I hope you find someone that deserves you soon. Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 5:09 PM GMT
    You're definitely not ugly. I saw an ugly guy just yesterday and there's no mistaking that.

    Besides that even 10s don't always see themselves as they are, that often they seem unapproachable to many which actually makes them easy targets haha, but even a 10 might see themselves as ugly, as having something about them always being wrong. Someone might have an otherwise beautiful face but be unable to not focus on a crooked portion of their nose, a slightly offset eye, whatever.

    Alternatively, how often have we seen people make more of themselves than they really are, whether in looks or skills or even in their ability to string together a thought. Just look at some of these morons always liberal bashing when the bashers couldn't think themselves out of a fucking paper bag. It'd be entertaining if not pathetic.

    Especially with regard to looks but really in many aspects of life, it's interesting how something that might mean nothing to one person can mean the world to someone else. How perception derives from various vantage points. Sometimes, to see things as they are, we must figure out how to rise above a certain line of view, how to project our vantage point to another space on or within another area of our plane of existence. To even reach outside if you can. Because otherwise you only see one aspect of a thing, including of yourself.

    That's limiting enough. But now looking at yourself through someone else's limiting point of view? Yikes fucking yikes. Get over that!

    If I look at you face to face, I might not see the bald spot on top your head. But if I climb up on a ladder from right where I stand, I'm gonna see it. Now will I still see you the same as I did from that lower plane. Have you somehow magically changed? So now there are those issues of how we incorporate all that new information of what we thought we knew as we do with ourselves, as we open our eyes to us.

    So no matter whether you are ugly or beautiful, part of growing up and becoming a real person is learning to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own place, regardless of race or proportions or contours or conditions. These bodies are vehicles of perception, nothing more. Even the most beautiful will wither from life of questions, whither to death be certain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 5:31 PM GMT
    just fyi:
    the OP says he is only 18years old
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 6:38 PM GMT
    If you don't know you're beautiful, you're beautiful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 7:30 PM GMT
    Ethnically ambiguous is the new beautiful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2015 9:43 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 18, 2015 3:50 AM GMT
    pellaz saidjust fyi:
    the OP says he is only 18years old


    omg, he's just a baby. To the OP, you're just breaking into the real world, and you will have plenty to grow and develop traits that will attract the guys you are looking for.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Apr 19, 2015 2:20 PM GMT
    thanks guys. I really appreciate the support.

    It's just dfficult sometimes hearing about the love lives of ALL of my friends and I'm just here eating my food or something. I suppose I should just be patient.

    To the first asker, yeah I was bullied a lot at school. The only openly gay male (lots of lesbians. go figure) in the town. ALl the schools in town were in a single street and I was the 'gay kid'. Got confronted often so I developed a defensive and abbrasive personality. Not the type of thing that draws people in though. It's just somthing I'll have to work on while I'm here I guess
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 19, 2015 7:15 PM GMT
    Yeah OP, I can understand how you feel since I've never had an honest relationship ever and I'm 23 but don't worry about it too much. I'm sure you'll meet someone, just try not to become jaded otherwise you may scare off potential guy(s). Just relax, have fun, focus on studies (if you're going to school), and spend time with friends. Eventually, you will meet someone so be prepared. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 19, 2015 8:37 PM GMT
    You're far from ugly, buddy. You know, just keep your attention tunneled and your intentions to grow into the best person that you are able to be. Anyone, not interested in a person who is coming authentically as who they are, and becoming the best they can "authentically be" is most certainly not the person for you. People, specifically gay men for this subject, have the potential to be cruel and it is often misdirected, due to a number of reasons. You're still growing into yourself and it never stops. So don't get too hung up on right now. Just be the happiest you can and you will begin to attract to the energy that you give off. Ugly is such an ugly word and I really wouldn't want you to feel this way. But you're not alone in this, for sure. Stay encouraged, Sweetheart and just focus on knowing that the best relationships start after we have a solid relationship with who we are. When you love who you are, you'll emit said love.