Do I have internalized homophobia?

  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Apr 17, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    I was on a date with a guy a few days ago and he wasn't really physically my type. But because I hadn't had sex in a while I decided to get physical anyway and try to make out with him. He was very much into PDA and I didn't wanna be anywhere people could see us. I don't know why but I feel this mix of embarrassment and shame and fear.

    Does anyone else go through this?
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Apr 18, 2015 6:16 AM GMT
    Not necessarily, whether you like PDA or not is pretty personal, even for straight people. But of course, internalized homophobia could also be a part of it.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Apr 19, 2015 3:25 AM GMT
    RoRich said
    Buddha saidNot necessarily, whether you like PDA or not is pretty personal, even for straight people. But of course, internalized homophobia could also be a part of it.


    I agree with his first statement, I'm not someone who likes PDA in general-not even in front of my friends and family, I'm more of a private person.

    Another reason for me is I come from a conservative town in Texas and know that it isn't the most expectable societal thing for people of the same sex and I don't want to feel I need to be looking over my shoulder and watching my back. I had a guy kiss me in public in front of a huge group of guys and even though they didn't seem to mind or care. I felt very unsafe for some reason. (May seem stupid and weird I know, but it's me.)


    I felt the same way! I kept making sure no one was looking. I just felt uncomfortable
  • collegedude12

    Posts: 75

    Apr 20, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    Funny I posted a thread with the exact same title few weeks ago lol. I got some good advice from people if you wanna check it out

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026834/

    You also said he wasn't your body type meaning he was sorta overweight? Or maybe you were just embarrassed that you subconsciously thought you were out of his league? I dunno. I'm the same way with PDA though. I don't want anyone to see us doing anything even if I'm just out with friends who all know we're together. For me i think it might be more internalized homophobia then me just being a private guy though so..icon_neutral.gif
  • blueandgold

    Posts: 396

    Apr 20, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    Inque saidI was on a date with a guy a few days ago and he wasn't really physically my type. But because I hadn't had sex in a while I decided to get physical anyway and try to make out with him. He was very much into PDA and I didn't wanna be anywhere people could see us. I don't know why but I feel this mix of embarrassment and shame and fear.

    Does anyone else i go through this?


    When you're using words like "shame" and "fear" it's probably more than just a PDA aversion. You're ashamed of being gay... or at least, of other people knowing it.

    Which is how a lot of people feel. I'd advise you to try to work through it though man. You have the potential to lose out on a lot of good partners because of this. I've been through enough, fought enough battles to express myself, for instance, that I'd have a hard time dating someone ashamed of our relationship.

    Straight up man: shame ain't sexy. The person you're with (and you!) deserve better. You can get over this.

    Good luck man!


  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Apr 20, 2015 9:34 PM GMT
    collegedude12 saidFunny I posted a thread with the exact same title few weeks ago lol. I got some good advice from people if you wanna check it out

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4026834/

    You also said he wasn't your body type meaning he was sorta overweight? Or maybe you were just embarrassed that you subconsciously thought you were out of his league? I dunno. I'm the same way with PDA though. I don't want anyone to see us doing anything even if I'm just out with friends who all know we're together. For me i think it might be more internalized homophobia then me just being a private guy though so..icon_neutral.gif


    He was bigger and his personality really wasn't my taste. He was one of those gay men who was insecure and so he hid behind an exterior of bitchiness. He was only 19 and just graduated high school last year so there was a level of maturity that was missing.