How do individuals with children do it..I mean really?

  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 19, 2015 7:22 PM GMT
    I'm taking courses towards my Masters degree in Counseling. I hit the gym or run, at least 4 times a week. I work 40 plus hours plus coaching on the side...Retaining my home...etc.. I asked myself this morning...How would I do this, and take care of children and their schedules. Anybody else dwell on this? I'd like to hear your insight? I love children, but could I parent effectively?
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    Apr 19, 2015 7:35 PM GMT
    No experience, but I assume you'd tweak your priorities and then just do it.
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    Apr 19, 2015 8:29 PM GMT
    Mothers used to be able to afford to stay home or work part time, and be a homemaker. At least they have fast food options and technology to keep their kids full and busy. #Sarcasm
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 19, 2015 9:13 PM GMT
    I've had kids. Grown now. And there were extended periods when I was on my own raising them. The amount of time they consume is huge. Unimaginable, really. But the thing is, you really like being with them, doing things with them, doing things for them, being there for them. So you just figure it out as you go. For example, you don't let work eat up more than 40-50 hours/week. You don't have time for personal exercise so you volunteer to coach and work out with them. You stay home more and if you're lucky, you make friends with the parents of their friends so you can trade some time off without the kids minding (or even noticing). But the bottom line is you just simply enjoy them so you don't feel like you're giving up anything. And you're not, really. They take off after 18 years and all that other stuff is still there.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 20, 2015 1:40 AM GMT
    They have baby sitters, nannys and relatives who help ... it takes a village icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 20, 2015 2:20 AM GMT
    mybud saidI'm taking courses towards my Masters degree in Counseling. I hit the gym or run, at least 4 times a week. I work 40 plus hours plus coaching on the side...Retaining my home...etc.. I asked myself this morning...How would I do this, and take care of children and their schedules. Anybody else dwell on this? I'd like to hear your insight? I love children, but could I parent effectively?

    It helps to have a partner. I have two kids, but there were always two of us during the time-consuming years. It can be all too easy to let those years slip away in a blur. So don't---make sure that the time you spend with them is paramount. Because one day they'll be off on their own and it's just you (and perhaps a husband) alone again.

    They are, by the way, totally worth it.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 20, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    I was a dad when I was 20, and a single father with custody at 21. Even at that age, in college having a young son to raise was not something I perceived of as a problem or a hassle.

    Like Destin said as unbelievable as it sounds, "But the thing is, you really like being with them, doing things with them, doing things for them, being there for them. So you just figure it out as you go."

    That is really very true. Back when he was small I used to rush to pick my son up from day care just because I missed him. We had fun together. In fact everything he and I did was fun for us both.

    I was fortunate to meet a single gay man with a son the same age as mine. I say fortunate because he and I ended up being as good a match as our two boys were. Now the boys are both 45 going on 46, both married with three children each. my stepson will become a grandfather in July. My son's oldest daughter and her husband plan to start making a family soon.

    Chlidren really change the focus of everything about life and not in a bad way. There are no regrets about about raising children. It's wonderful.
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    Apr 20, 2015 3:18 AM GMT
    bobbobbob said

    Chlidren really change the focus of everything about life and not in a bad way. There are no regrets about about raising children. It's wonderful.

    I'm happy for you Bob. Sounds wonderful. I have days off sometimes that I wished was spent with my own offspring.
    Alas, never had kids of my own.
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    Apr 20, 2015 4:18 AM GMT
    Parenting is about adapting, so if you chose parenthood, you'd have to adapt quite a bit.
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    Apr 20, 2015 4:24 AM GMT
    I realize that my father was my best friend.
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:49 PM GMT
    Doing it is easy. Doing it correctly is the hard part.
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    Apr 22, 2015 3:07 AM GMT
    For about 15 years your life is focused on them and not much else. I needed to marry and move to the suburbs to plug into a child rearing support group/community as well.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Apr 22, 2015 3:58 AM GMT
    I have 3 chldren in three different schools and a whole raft of activities. My boyfriend and my family are also important. This means that it might take my two seasons to paint my house instead of two weekends and my gardening which i love will be taken back up in about 8 more years.

    This year my oldest will start driving and that will help. It isn't so much sacrifices a parent makes as choices to spend time with kids instead of on self. We don't have a lot of friends other than family as one consequence.

    I also had a community of gay fathers that I share my joys and concerns with via a private facebook page.
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    Apr 22, 2015 4:09 AM GMT
    They do change you… but in the best way. You learn to make due to provide for them. Sometimes you trade a gym membership for being the soccer coach, or you volunteer to 'drive' for a school function. My ex and I had opposing days off years in order to accommodate the needs of our son. You just make it work.. besides children find the simple things in life to be the best… particularly when you participate.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 22, 2015 4:13 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    bobbobbob said

    Chlidren really change the focus of everything about life and not in a bad way. There are no regrets about about raising children. It's wonderful.

    I'm happy for you Bob. Sounds wonderful. I have days off sometimes that I wished was spent with my own offspring.
    Alas, never had kids of my own.


    I had a second thought about regrets. There's one. They grow up way too fast and become teenagers. I really believe the teen years when kids make the transition into adulthood are intentionally so insane in order to help parents get over the hurdle of raising kids to being ready to rejoice when they start their own lives.

    From age one to about twelve children are something I can't explain to someone without them. Then with another parent it's something that doesn't need explaining.

    Yeah, there are expenses and all sorts daily ordeals but all it takes is one or two special almost magic moments a day and all the hell a parent goes through just doesn't matter.

    Like any father or grandfather, I can talk for hours about them. I've learned to keep it short most the time except with other parents.



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    Apr 22, 2015 4:21 AM GMT
    Oh, lets get real Bob… there are lots of regrets… LOL.. but we choose to pick the best parts about them. My son made me a maniacal lunatic on several occasions.. icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Apr 22, 2015 4:22 AM GMT
    bobbobbob said
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    bobbobbob said

    Chlidren really change the focus of everything about life and not in a bad way. There are no regrets about about raising children. It's wonderful.

    I'm happy for you Bob. Sounds wonderful. I have days off sometimes that I wished was spent with my own offspring.
    Alas, never had kids of my own.


    I had a second thought about regrets. There's one. They grow up way too fast and become teenagers. I really believe the teen years when kids make the transition into adulthood are intentionally so insane in order to help parents get over the hurdle of raising kids to being ready to rejoice when they start their own lives.

    From age one to about twelve children are something I can't explain to someone without them. Then with another parent it's something that doesn't need explaining.

    Yeah, there are expenses and all sorts daily ordeals but all it takes is one or two special almost magic moments a day and all the hell a parent goes through just doesn't matter.

    Like any father or grandfather, I can talk for hours about them. I've learned to keep it short most the time except with other parents.





    We're to believe you're a father....which is why you call people "sissy fat ass liars" and "skinny ballerina boys".

    Fucking please. You're a pathological liar or the worst father in the world. I'd have killed myself if my father had the mindset--let alone the flippancy--to say the things you regularly bark at fellow gay men on this site.

    For the record, I'm apparently 15 years younger than your two kids, so you should theoretically, IF YOU ACTUALLY WERE A FATHER, be treating me by a different standard.

    The only reason I'm not completely laying into you is because I had (he died in 2008 ) a father (on earth) and I respect--to a certain extent--all men your and his age.

    You're vile.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 22, 2015 5:16 AM GMT
    hairyandym saidOh, lets get real Bob… there are lots of regrets… LOL.. but we choose to pick the best parts about them. My son made me a maniacal lunatic on several occasions.. icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif


    I understand that and you have my compassion while I laugh with you about it. That's what teens are supposed to do to parents. Like I said, the teen years were designed to make us happy as hell to see them leave. I could have never turned loose of 2 perfect 12 year olds... but when they hauled their butts off to college my lover and I made it point to go visit them at school rather than have them come home. LOL. Two boys from ages 13 to 18 was a continuous game of whack a mole for everything from sneaking out at 2am and taking a car at 13 to the beach to them getting into fights (real fights!) over girls, braces, wardrobe drama, wrecks, and all the things that give parents nightmares.

    ..But it was worth it considering how they turned out. It's funny for me to see them going through the same crap with their kids. I sit back with a zipped lips smile and savor the karma.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Apr 22, 2015 5:22 AM GMT
    @Bob3

    And.....so....your "fathering" is why you come off as such a pleasant, kind, understanding person on RJ?

    You're a sociopath and I don't believe your crock of shit for a second. You call grown men "nasty fat ass[es]" and fellow gay men--15 years younger than your ostensible sons--"skinny sissy ballerinas."

    You're so full of it. Vile. I know fathers. My father would never think like you, let alone voice the things you voice. Nor would any other fathers I can think of. You're a tragic, shell of a man who is spinning story after story. I particularly enjoy how both of your sons are the SAME age (45) and have the same (not all that common) number of kids (3) so that it keeps the lie easier to remember.

    I can't with this.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 22, 2015 2:36 PM GMT
    ^^^^ and let me add at this point ............

    Since I've joined RJ I've had to develop a degree compassion for those parents who resorted to killing their own unruly, irrational and disrespectful brats.

    If anyone chooses to quote that remark they should do so in the context in which it was used.
  • kingcaleb80

    Posts: 5

    Apr 23, 2015 1:40 AM GMT
    My daughter is still pretty young and I'm with her everyday after work. You really don't have much of a life. But its worth it.