Have you experienced or witnessed much nastiness among gay or trans people?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2015 5:48 PM GMT
    Even though I registered on this site, growing up, and even now, I always was confused about my gender. Not even confused, but actually really certain I wanted to be a girl.Even after growing up, there were times some people have had to ask me if I was a girl when I had long hair and was clean shaven, plus I have an androgynous voice. But I never liked the idea of actually going through with it in terms of getting surgery or hormone treatment, that's just too much for me. I don't like the idea of being born male, but 'turning' female later. My family already know about this and I feel okay with just keeping things as they are, although it's gotten in the way of things like dating. I'm actually still a virgin, but not through any ideas of staying 'pure' or waiting for someone 'special' or whatever. The only reason why I avoided dating anyone is because I just felt like I couldn't under my circumstances, even though I want to. I just never felt comfortable being intimate with someone while being male.

    But more to the point, do you see much bullying among lgbt people? It's just that I remember when I spoke with some trans people online, as well as a a few I met in real life, many of them seemed really nice and understanding to me, obviously because they knew how I felt. But I then noticed over time, that some of them could actually be really cold about other things. One in particular told me how much she hated 'retards' and said they should be aborted, or euthanized if they were already born. When I told her that I had a disabled brother, she didn't even care, and differentiated that she wasn't talking about physically disabled people, just mentally retarded ones. Circumstantially, I've heard from quite a few more trans and gay people with that kind of view, among other things that can be really mean spirited. Even things like say, gay men looking down on trans people, or gays and lesbians being insulting about bisexuality. It just seems like a contradiction to be part of one minority or another, which can be stigmatized and know what it's like, to then blatantly be malicious to another group they themselves dislike or feel uncomfortable around. Since having those conversations with certain trans and gay people and seeing more of the same attitudes, I feel really discouraged. I know for a fact that they are not all like that obviously, but it just makes less sense to me that if you know what it's like to feel like an outcast, you would subject other people to that feeling.

    A couple of years ago, with the combination of my situation along with being worried about my brother, I actually became suicidal. But I couldn't leave my family because I knew my mum put in a lot of effort to look after my brother and the idea of them having to deal with my death in addition to everything else would have been awful. So I actually intended on committing a murder suicide, in a way that wouldn't cause any pain or trauma. At night I left the gas on in the kitchen to let it fill up the house. But, not long after, my mum woke up and turned it off. But luckily she was understanding about it. I know this sounds like a really crazy thing to do, but it made sense at the time, and it's made me understand why some parents kill their children before killing themselves. I have an uncle who was beaten up as a teenager and was left brain damaged and put in a mental institution. The way he lives is not a life you would want for someone you care about. And knowing that people can get neglected or even abused in these types of places, I just became paranoid that this would happen to my brother one day when our parents aren't around to look after him. Even though I'm not in as bad a way as I was then, I still kind of feel this way. I still don't know what to do about about the gender thing or how I feel about it, and there's still the possibility that my brother could end up without family if anything were to happen to us. It's easy to get paranoid, which I try to control, but I can never fully shake the worry because they're still a reality. And I wish that people who preach about acceptance would feel that way about everybody.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2015 11:48 PM GMT
    Welcome to RJ. If you are interested in whether glbt folks bully each other feel free to read through many of the threads from the past 2 years or so. Unfortunately the answer will be YES.

    You seem to have accepted yourself for what you are and there is no need for you to define yourself with any of the labels from the glbt-alphabet soup. However, you need to find out/know what you want from another person to form a loving and hopefully lasting relationship with. The nice thing about being somewhere on the queer spectrum is that you can form any relationship you want with other likeminded people. Unfortunately dating isn't easy and while straight people and increasingly also gay guys start doing it as teens so that they are somewhat wise to what they want and need once they are grown up, you haven't started yet. It's not to early to begin.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2015 12:48 AM GMT
    I think some of the trans people I spoke to supported things like eugenics, so maybe they were the more extreme type. I just think it's surprising when anyone who knows the feeling of being an outcast or abnormal don't mind treating others that way.