Do you tell people you're dating other people

  • jackp0t

    Posts: 50

    Apr 21, 2015 3:44 AM GMT
    When dating.. especially in NYC, I am wondering if anyone actually does this. I am not sure if it is even any of their business, but after a certain point if may be... if you want to get serious. Otherwise, I don't really mention it at all since I feel it is kind of implied if you don't mention the BF talk
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:17 AM GMT
    "None of their business" is almost always an excuse for bad ethics

    If you can't be open about it, it's probably wrong.
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:17 AM GMT
    Especially when you're dating (or even just being flirty!) with more than one at a time! icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:21 AM GMT
    jackp0t saidWhen dating.. especially in NYC, I am wondering if anyone actually does this. I am not sure if it is even any of their business, but after a certain point if may be... if you want to get serious. Otherwise, I don't really mention it at all since I feel it is kind of implied if you don't mention the BF talk


    Unless you've talked about being monogamous, it's implied you're dating other people and to mention it can really fuck things up. Until you've agreed to be exclusive it's none of their business anyway.
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:24 AM GMT
    ^^Why would mentioning it fuck things up if it's already assumed?
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    Aqueerius said^^Why would mentioning it fuck things up if it's already assumed?


    Because it's not something anyone really wants to hear. Most people are okay with assuming it but when you say the words people can have all sorts of reactions. It can even prompt inappropriate jealousy and cause the "I don't want you to be with anyone else" talk to happen way too soon. If you don't believe me, just try it!
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Apr 21, 2015 6:50 PM GMT
    If I'm being reasonably steady with someone that I'm seeing, but we're not exclusive, I make sure to tell them that it's ok to go on dates and have sex with other people (very important to remind friends with benefits and fuckbuddies about this (monogamy is pervasive in infiltrating the mind)).

    Of course... I don't say this until after the 3rd time since you can't be "dating someone" you've only been with once or twice (unless you're living together, that's really complicated then).

    "you know... it's ok for you to see other people, we're not currently exclusive, however do understand that when I'm here with you, I consider this time to be a "just us" moment, for the whole duration"
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 21, 2015 7:57 PM GMT
    I'm pretty open about whatever I'm doing if it seems to make sense to say so, depending on the situation. I don't mind saying and in some cases, it might be wise to be clear.
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    Apr 21, 2015 8:29 PM GMT


    Back when I was single, YES.
    It was much much worse if they found out on their own. So I told.
  • Yiscard

    Posts: 30

    Apr 21, 2015 8:42 PM GMT
    [quote]Unless you've talked about being monogamous, it's implied you're dating other people and to mention it can really fuck things up. Until you've agreed to be exclusive it's none of their business anyway. [/quote]

    I agree. I live in NYC, and started dating someone a few months back. I never asked if he talked to anyone els, I knew he did, and so did I. When he actually told me he was dating other people, I lost interest. Not for the fact that he was, just because he felt the need to tell me meant that the other dates where serious enough.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Apr 22, 2015 6:39 AM GMT
    I would think that dating two or more people at the same time would be the most certain way to make sure none of them would want to be seriously involved with you.
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    Apr 22, 2015 11:44 PM GMT
    I consider it so rude when a guy you date starts talking about his other dates. So what, I'm in competition and I'm supposed to beat them?
    It's a deal breaker for me.

    Of course people date other people, it's not exclusive until you say so.
    But come on ... it's tacky to mention it.
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    Apr 23, 2015 3:23 AM GMT
    Define what dating means to you? For me its laying the foundation for a relationship. Getting to know someone while not knowing them well enough to say "hey lets be boyfriends". A guy who I'm dating has encapsulated my attention and I don't really feel the need to keep looking

    With that being said I can't sit there and tell a guy I'm at a point in my life where I am ready for a relationship and have a serious interest in getting to know them and then go out the next night and fuck someone else. I think that is disingenuous and wouldn't want that to be done to me, though it has.
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    Apr 23, 2015 8:39 AM GMT
    Usually no, if I just start seeing the guy. I usually date 1 person at the time. Not multiple people. I can't seem to break my 1 bad date rule lately lol. But yeah, you start to tell him if it feels right and both of you decide to take the next step.


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    Apr 25, 2015 3:55 PM GMT
    jackp0t saidWhen dating.. especially in NYC, I am wondering if anyone actually does this. I am not sure if it is even any of their business, but after a certain point if may be... if you want to get serious. Otherwise, I don't really mention it at all since I feel it is kind of implied if you don't mention the BF talk


    It has to be explicit. If you want to be a more serious, exclusive relationship you have to talk about it. Otherwise the assumption might be that you're getting to know each/fooling around. You couldn't really blame the guy if you were only silently hoping he felt the same as you.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Apr 30, 2015 6:46 PM GMT
    I am all for telling the truth.

    Now, you met this dude, and hooked up. You may see him again or not. This is not purely your game. It takes two to tango. I doubt that I would want to sit at home, and depend on his phone call, txt, meet up, whatever. So, I'd go out and meet someone else. Would I be telling this 'new' dude that I had met someone else, who may or may not be showing up anytime soon? Nope.

    The default is that a dude is a single, unless he says otherwise. What a single dude does is his business, and he owes it to no one to relate the stories of his latest conquests. Actually, doing so, would seem somewhat tasteless in my books.

    Once you start meeting up on a regular basis, and either guy feels that he is about to enter the serious dating stage, you want to talk the details. Not before not later.

    SC