Getting called a "faggot" for the first time in many years

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    Apr 21, 2015 4:53 AM GMT
    I was walking my dog tonight and she wanted to go a different way (which Westies are known to do). Out of nowhere, some guy came up and started yanking really hard on her leash and saying he grew up with two Westies and that I didn't know how to handle her. By this point, she was really scared and I told him to take his hands off of her leash but he didn't listen, so I had to yell really loudly, "Get your f***ing hands off of my dog!" Then he starts calling me a f***ing faggot and said he's going to beat me up and that I don't know who I'm messing with. He started saying all of this stuff about me being gay and I was pretty shocked, especially since I'm in New York. I haven't been called a faggot to my face since high school or college (which used to happen on a daily basis).

    I was so mad I was shaking and then I saw him go into a take-out restaurant. I walked past and was going to keep going and then I stupidly went back and confronted him. He then tried to say that I called him a faggot. Luckily a friend of mine just happened to be there and he got between us and then the manager threw him out of the place. As he was leaving, I told him, "You don't grab someone's dog and you don't call him a f***ing faggot." My friend gave me a big hug and walked me home. It just really shook me up. For a minute I was scared when he got in my face on the street and then something else took over and I thought to myself, "Hell no I'm not going to take this from him." I put up with people calling me a faggot all through school and never fought back or said anything back then. I knew my partner would be upset with me and he always tells me to keep my cool but I just couldn't take it tonight.

    I was going to post in on Facebook, but I knew my family would be very upset and worried, so I didn't. I just wanted to vent about it. Thanks for reading.
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:58 AM GMT
    Am glad you are safe.
  • Zigs_01

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    Apr 21, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    Your story is hard to follow. Please re-write.
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    Apr 21, 2015 5:33 AM GMT
    Zigs_01 saidYour story is hard to follow. Please re-write.


    Thanks for the support. icon_rolleyes.gif I was still very pissed when I wrote it. Next time I'll make sure to send it to you for a proper critique before posting.

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    Apr 21, 2015 5:37 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidAm glad you are safe.


    Thanks, Woodsmen.
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    Apr 21, 2015 5:44 AM GMT
    Im sorry that had to happen. Seems there are some complete bigoted assholes still out there. icon_mad.gif
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Apr 21, 2015 10:17 AM GMT
    Wow too bad you didn't have a stun gun
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    Apr 21, 2015 10:54 AM GMT
    the guy was probably on drugs. if i was in that situation, I'd be more concerned for my dog's safety than what the asshole was saying about my sexuality.

    The last time a stranger called me a faggot was when I was out walking my dog a few years back, it was kids hiding behind a wall calling me faggot and insulting my dog.
    I did report it to the adults in charge of them, I didn't confront the kids myself because I'd be wasting my time and getting myself frustrated further for trying to deal with some brats who don't know better. Plus it happened close to where I was living at the time so I didn't want to risk provoking any further hostility. Even if they were kids, I didn't want to underestimate what shit they were capable of - what if they did retaliate by attacking my home while I wasn't around?

    There are laws in place for our protection, so sometimes it's best to just keep our cool and not get ourselves into further trouble because of some assholes ignorance.
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    Apr 21, 2015 11:29 AM GMT
    ....call me names...will make me mad and likely elicit swearing and yelling, touch my dog and get abusive of my animals.....I get violently angry...icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 21, 2015 12:06 PM GMT
    It could only have been drugs or mental illness.

    Westies are so adorable, to any normal person they induce warm fuzzy "may I pet you" feelings.

    -- Westie owner.
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    Apr 21, 2015 12:51 PM GMT
    Sporty_G said....call me names...will make me mad and likely elicit swearing and yelling, touch my dog and get abusive of my animals.....I get violently angry...icon_evil.gif


    Exactly. No one touches my dog. I think I would have been able to ignore him and let it all go, but I snapped when he wouldn't let go of her and she was really scared...trying to run away from him and he kept trying to get closer to her.
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    Apr 21, 2015 12:55 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidIt could only have been drugs or mental illness.

    Westies are so adorable, to any normal person they induce warm fuzzy "may I pet you" feelings.

    -- Westie owner.


    Your Westies are adorable.

    I've met my share of great people because of mine, but I've also met a few crazies, and this guy was the worst.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Apr 21, 2015 2:51 PM GMT
    That guy was either drunk or high or on some type of drug.

    Don't sweat it.
    If I were you though, I wouldn't have gone back to confront the person again in a restaurant. I feel like that's just asking for trouble, especially from a nut-case like that guy. I would have kept on walking... Confronting him was only going to escalate the situation and honestly, u dont know if he had a knife on him...or even a gun...not worth it to me.

    But a what a bizarre experience, man, sorry to hear that. Glad you're ok though.
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    Apr 21, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    The guy was obviously unbalanced. You should have kept walking and not engage him at all. I live in the inner city and see crazy people all the time. I don't make eye contact and I don't speak to them no matter how much they try to engage me with cajoling or insults. Once you got your dog free from the idiot you should have kept walking. Being called a faggot by someone I couldn't give two shits about doesn't bother me in the least.
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    Apr 21, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    Wolfpuppy used to stop in his tracks towards the end of our walks when he figured out I was headed back home but he still wanted to sniff the neighborhood. He would not budge in the direction towards the house until he decided he was done with his walk. Usually a couple of extra blocks or an extra half hour did the trick. So at least he'd compromise a bit. It was very funny when not annoying. Most often he got his way, right when we'd get to a certain radius of home. He knew all my triggers, including which expressions of his would manipulate me in his favor. Sometimes I got my way but he usually won that because it was just so damned cute.

    I had another dog growing up, a Weimar, who'd run out to mom's convertible and would hop into the back seat if a door was open, refusing to leave the car until she got a ride around the block. She'd just sit there, all proper, okay, I'm ready for my car ride now. Dogs are so funny.

    Wolfpuppy hated car rides. He liked his feet on solid ground.

    My brother's eldest has psych issues and when the kid--now in his 20s and still at home--gets bad it's really bad. He says the most horrible things to his parents. But when he's not being fucked up, he can be the sweetest guy, apologetic for his words and actions. A real tough situation. Most people likely would have thrown the kid away and that's what professionals pretty much instructed. I give my brother and sister in law huge credit for what they endure, for how much they put into this kid, trying to give him every opportunity to get his shit together as best he might be able.

    A lot of life is not so much what happens to us but what we do with what happens to us. Sometimes the dog wins. But even then, sometimes we can find something cute about that.
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    Apr 21, 2015 3:48 PM GMT
    Ditto the remarks above. This guy was probably mentally unstable, for any number of reasons - drugs, alcohol, psychosis, who can guess. Confrontations with aggressive strangers are scary, because you don't know where they will go, how violent they may become. You were fortunate to have a friend at the right time & place.

    Your first concern for your dog is commendable. And BTW, this further validates my contention that gay men are very strong & tough, despite the sissy "faggot" image.

    I was in the US Army for 25 years, and some of the bravest, toughest, most fearless guys I ever met have been civilian gays, who never wore a military uniform a day in their lives. Never buy into the gay stereotypes - I've found most of them to be wrong.

    Nevertheless, don't take unnecessary chances, and watch after yourself, and your dog. We can get ourselves into no-win situations from which no amount of bravery will help us. At times it's better to follow the line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "Run away! Run away!" icon_biggrin.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 21, 2015 3:53 PM GMT
    It sounds like the guy who assaulted you was mentally disturbed. The fact that he accused you of calling him a faggot makes me think he was using it as a generic insult. He might have called you faggot even if you were straight. Still, it's very upsetting and I'm sure I would've been distraught if it happened to me...icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    I don't want to generalise , but most of the homophobic i have met in my life , have been gays in the closet !!
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    Apr 21, 2015 4:43 PM GMT
    Another case of drunken, mean angry New Yorker! Lol, glad you are fine. If it ends up in a beatdown, could you take him? icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 21, 2015 5:00 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidAnother case of drunken, mean angry New Yorker! Lol, glad you are fine. If it ends up in a beatdown, could you take him? icon_redface.gif


    Definitely...but I wouldn't want my dog to see that.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Apr 21, 2015 6:09 PM GMT
    wow that is terrible....I agree with other posters ...generally I am fairly meek ...but touch my dog ( Hungarian Viszla ) and I will pull out a crazy that will make your nightmares seem like a happy place ..it has happened
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 21, 2015 6:43 PM GMT
    Pretty horrible, sorry you had such a terrible experience.
    The guy clearly has problems, nice that you stood up for yourself, but someone as unstable as him could have pulled out a gun or stabbed you with a knife. Very tough situation, one I hope you never (ever) have to go through again. I think many of us would have been very upset. You handled it as well as possible!
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    Apr 21, 2015 7:23 PM GMT
    You shouldn't have confronted him again. It was extremely dangerous.

    As a bartender, I never understand why, after I've broken up an altercation, and told them to be as far apart as possible.....they HAVE to re confront each other! Then I 86 them both.

    If it's physical, then one or both are GONE. But sometimes it's petty shit, that I haven't even seen.

    I understand "fight or flight", it is an internal mechanism. "Letting go" is part of the flight.

  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Apr 21, 2015 9:04 PM GMT
    I did not have to read all of your post to say I hope you stomped his ass.
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    Apr 21, 2015 9:08 PM GMT
    conservativejock saidI did not have to read all of your post to say I hope you stomped his ass.



    I assume that means you would have been willing to cover court costs and bail? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif