How often do gay or bi men go for feminine males?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2015 12:07 PM GMT
    It seems like so many talk about how they are really into 'straight acting' men, which I suppose makes sense since being into men generally mean liking masculinity. But in my case, I've always looked and sounded kind of androgynous. When I say feminine, I don't mean in a camp way like some, but I feel like it's less popular.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 22, 2015 4:23 PM GMT
    Certainly. I've always been pretty androgynous myself, even when I shaved my head people thought I was a butch lesbian.

    But my theory is always that I would rather be alone and naturally myself than change to attract men and be unhappy. For a long time, that meant dressing in oversized genderless sweaters and having purple hair. But recently I got really into lifting, liked more masculine clothes and prefer everything sleeveless. All the guys that used to find me attractive are turned off, but the masc-seeking guys aren't quite feeling me yet. I'll let you know how it goes! icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 22, 2015 9:48 PM GMT
    well our society reveres masculinity and feeds power into, though the standard for masculinity in our time is borderline impossible to achieve. It all depends IMO how much you are spiritually deprived of a kind of energy, and that dictates your need and desire for it in adulthood. Personally I didn't have as many male energies in my life growing up who focused on, or affirmed me, so I look for guys that represent what I lacked in the past. Everyone's different though.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14354

    Apr 23, 2015 12:14 PM GMT
    I am not attracted to men who act like women, no thank you.
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    Apr 23, 2015 1:00 PM GMT
    I feel that being feminine isn't as popular as being a masculine gay. I've dated a few guys who have often gave the expresson "I'm so glad a purse did not fall out your mouth." when you hear stuff like that it's like thanks and also WTF.

    I believe that lack of attraction to feminine men may also come from internalized fear/hate. Some gay men may have grown up in environments where gays were viewed as the cartoonish stereotype viewed on television and they have no desire to be like that. With that being said, there are also men who crave nothing but these kind of men. So while you may feel unpopular now, it's only temporary.
  • NursePractiti...

    Posts: 232

    Apr 23, 2015 1:36 PM GMT
    I've dated both feminine and masculine men and in between. As long as the guy and I get along, I don't care about the other stuff.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 23, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    It's not really about how often guys go for a certain type. It's about finding someone who loves to see you being yourself.

  • Apr 23, 2015 9:39 PM GMT
    Honestly, I think it's less feminine males and more full on transgender.

    The guys I'm attracted to are the hyper masculine stereotype...and they come in two varieties: those attracted to mirror images; and those attracted to CD/TS types. It's highly polarized and likely more common than you think.

    That being said, an effeminate male would lie often too inward from that latter pole and kind of be wobbling near the interim.
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    Apr 24, 2015 5:04 AM GMT
    This is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 24, 2015 5:06 AM GMT
    OP, I can relate to how you feel because let's face it, it is pretty true that for the most part, gay/bi masculine men only prefer other "straight acting" guys like themselves. In my observations, the only market for feminine guys are older men in their 50s and above. And while it's something, it's probably not ideal for a younger guy who wants to date someone around his age.

    I can also relate on being feminine but not in a camp way. I'm the same way only my taste in clothes is more androgynous lol. But you just gotta be yourself. I mean, you can try to change your personality but you have to REALLY want to. If you only go 50%, you'll lose yourself. But yeah, I'd personally just be the way you naturally are (whether masculine, feminine, or in between).

    But Riko_Tal brought up the key point. I'm pretty sure half of the reason why some guys don't like feminine guys is from the cartoonish stereotype. I recently watched an old Ricki Lake episode titled "You Give Gays a bad name" and the host were gay men who were complaining about their flamboyantly gay friends. I'm pretty sure if was the early or mid 90s when it was shot but well... The way some of the more campy fem guys acted on that was definitely a little irksome. I'll link it below.

    But after watching that, it does paint a picture of why a lot of guys detest effeminate fem men even though we don't all act in the manner these guys did. But on a lighter note, don't give up. While the odds are against guys like us, there is one guy out there who will love and accept us out there somewhere. All it takes is one as they say. So keep your head up okay? icon_smile.gif

  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Apr 24, 2015 8:26 AM GMT
    It doesnt matter weather u a feminine gay man or masc...we all attracted to different tastes out there....not everyone likes the same type of guy....
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Apr 25, 2015 5:46 AM GMT
    Very few go for feminine guys, don't be fooled by people saying as long as someone likes you, sexual attraction is not like that unless you don't mind to be cheated on.Even the feminine guys themselves don't want fem guys,they dream of catching a masculine dude while busy hanging out with girls.
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    Apr 25, 2015 7:00 AM GMT
    Does it really even matter? The only healthy option is to be yourself and hope that people who like your mannerisms will be attracted to you. That's all any of us can hope for.
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    Apr 25, 2015 8:05 AM GMT
    Radd saidDoes it really even matter? The only healthy option is to be yourself and hope that people who like your mannerisms will be attracted to you. That's all any of us can hope for.


    See the thing is, what you said would be great if people could just respectfully leave it at that.
    The reality is there are so many gay men who actually HATE effeminate mannerisms and effeminate men and verbally bash them for being different.

    I really hate it when gay men say spiteful things about other gay men because they're a different type of gay, not realising that there are people in the world saying the same vitriol about them simply because they are gay, regardless of how masculine they are.

    Countless stories about the U.S. having anti-gay proposals in the government arise so often now and what gay men have to understand is that there isn't going to be an exemption for those who are straight acting.
    They don't give a shit, they just hate you because you're gay.

    You could be the most masculine man ever on the planet and the fact that you are gay would still in their minds mean that you don't deserve rights to service or equality.

    GAY men need to get over the fact that there are other kinds of gay men out there, effeminate, masculine, transgender or whatever.
    Too often people yell and scream demanding respect; the same respect that they often lack in giving others.

    Sorry this wasn't aimed at you personally, I was just saying this in general.
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    Apr 25, 2015 10:43 AM GMT
    DryMoan said
    Radd saidDoes it really even matter? The only healthy option is to be yourself and hope that people who like your mannerisms will be attracted to you. That's all any of us can hope for.


    See the thing is, what you said would be great if people could just respectfully leave it at that.
    The reality is there are so many gay men who actually HATE effeminate mannerisms and effeminate men and verbally bash them for being different.

    I really hate it when gay men say spiteful things about other gay men because they're a different type of gay, not realising that there are people in the world saying the same vitriol about them simply because they are gay, regardless of how masculine they are.

    Countless stories about the U.S. having anti-gay proposals in the government arise so often now and what gay men have to understand is that there isn't going to be an exemption for those who are straight acting.
    They don't give a shit, they just hate you because you're gay.

    You could be the most masculine man ever on the planet and the fact that you are gay would still in their minds mean that you don't deserve rights to service or equality.

    GAY men need to get over the fact that there are other kinds of gay men out there, effeminate, masculine, transgender or whatever.
    Too often people yell and scream demanding respect; the same respect that they often lack in giving others.

    Sorry this wasn't aimed at you personally, I was just saying this in general.


    THIS!!

    I've been preaching this same speech for over and over and over. It's true, Society judges you on the fact that you like to either fuck men up in the ass, or like to get fucked in the ass. They don't care about men passing to look straight.

    Considering the whole ' Do men like FEM guys ' It really depends on the person. I myself am out of the closet since I can ever remember. My parents and family were basically waiting for me to come out. I have never had problems expressing myself, or hide the fact that I am gay, (and yes, the area you grow up does help).

    I've had so many 'images' From flaming fem fashion diva, to a person who is FAR more masculine and grounded than I used to be.
    Being fem was a phase when I was younger. The guys I used to date were mostly Bi or into that TS scene. But nowadays I date a totally different type of man. If you're really desperate to find a man, I'd suggest searching in the field of men who are into that
    "Is it a boygirl? Androgynous TS, third gender scene"
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    Apr 25, 2015 11:22 AM GMT
    DryMoan said
    Radd saidDoes it really even matter? The only healthy option is to be yourself and hope that people who like your mannerisms will be attracted to you. That's all any of us can hope for.


    See the thing is, what you said would be great if people could just respectfully leave it at that.
    The reality is there are so many gay men who actually HATE effeminate mannerisms and effeminate men and verbally bash them for being different.

    I really hate it when gay men say spiteful things about other gay men because they're a different type of gay, not realising that there are people in the world saying the same vitriol about them simply because they are gay, regardless of how masculine they are.

    Countless stories about the U.S. having anti-gay proposals in the government arise so often now and what gay men have to understand is that there isn't going to be an exemption for those who are straight acting.
    They don't give a shit, they just hate you because you're gay.

    You could be the most masculine man ever on the planet and the fact that you are gay would still in their minds mean that you don't deserve rights to service or equality.

    GAY men need to get over the fact that there are other kinds of gay men out there, effeminate, masculine, transgender or whatever.
    Too often people yell and scream demanding respect; the same respect that they often lack in giving others.

    Sorry this wasn't aimed at you personally, I was just saying this in general.

    Yeah, if only every other "straight acting" gay men would realize this fact and stop bashing everything which he find unattractive. They think they are somehow better because they suck cock and take it up their ass like a straight acting guy.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 25, 2015 6:32 PM GMT
    JudasOfCrossfit said
    DryMoan said
    Radd saidDoes it really even matter? The only healthy option is to be yourself and hope that people who like your mannerisms will be attracted to you. That's all any of us can hope for.


    See the thing is, what you said would be great if people could just respectfully leave it at that.
    The reality is there are so many gay men who actually HATE effeminate mannerisms and effeminate men and verbally bash them for being different.

    I really hate it when gay men say spiteful things about other gay men because they're a different type of gay, not realising that there are people in the world saying the same vitriol about them simply because they are gay, regardless of how masculine they are.

    Countless stories about the U.S. having anti-gay proposals in the government arise so often now and what gay men have to understand is that there isn't going to be an exemption for those who are straight acting.
    They don't give a shit, they just hate you because you're gay.

    You could be the most masculine man ever on the planet and the fact that you are gay would still in their minds mean that you don't deserve rights to service or equality.

    GAY men need to get over the fact that there are other kinds of gay men out there, effeminate, masculine, transgender or whatever.
    Too often people yell and scream demanding respect; the same respect that they often lack in giving others.

    Sorry this wasn't aimed at you personally, I was just saying this in general.


    THIS!!

    I've been preaching this same speech for over and over and over. It's true, Society judges you on the fact that you like to either fuck men up in the ass, or like to get fucked in the ass. They don't care about men passing to look straight.

    Considering the whole ' Do men like FEM guys ' It really depends on the person. I myself am out of the closet since I can ever remember. My parents and family were basically waiting for me to come out. I have never had problems expressing myself, or hide the fact that I am gay, (and yes, the area you grow up does help).

    I've had so many 'images' From flaming fem fashion diva, to a person who is FAR more masculine and grounded than I used to be.
    Being fem was a phase when I was younger. The guys I used to date were mostly Bi or into that TS scene. But nowadays I date a totally different type of man. If you're really desperate to find a man, I'd suggest searching in the field of men who are into that
    "Is it a boygirl? Androgynous TS, third gender scene"


    You speak the truth but there is another side I've seen of this. From what I've read from some "straight-acting" men, they say that their straight peers (mostly straight men) say things like "It's cool that you're a normal guy" or "I'm so glad you are not a faggot" and other stuff of that nature. I feel this is what fuels the whole "Us vs Them" mentality a lot of masculine gay men have towards effeminate gay men. Because they probably got the reinforcement from their straight friends or family.

    But you're last comment is kind of true. Often times, men who are interested in TS/Androgyny would be open to being with a feminine man so that's a possible outlet feminine men can try. But I have to say this. Often times, these men aren't looking for an authentic relationship. From my experience, they only want to have sex with you behind closed doors and they don't want to be seen with you during the day unless you're a full-on, transwoman who can pass as a female. Another glaring issue is that a lot and I mean, A LOT of these men are married or have girlfriends. If you're okay with being the dirty secret, I guess there's no real issue but yeah...
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    Apr 25, 2015 8:59 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    JudasOfCrossfit said
    DryMoan said
    Radd said

    You speak the truth but there is another side I've seen of this. From what I've read from some "straight-acting" men, they say that their straight peers (mostly straight men) say things like "It's cool that you're a normal guy" or "I'm so glad you are not a faggot" and other stuff of that nature. I feel this is what fuels the whole "Us vs Them" mentality a lot of masculine gay men have towards effeminate gay men. Because they probably got the reinforcement from their straight friends or family.

    But you're last comment is kind of true. Often times, men who are interested in TS/Androgyny would be open to being with a feminine man so that's a possible outlet feminine men can try. But I have to say this. Often times, these men aren't looking for an authentic relationship. From my experience, they only want to have sex with you behind closed doors and they don't want to be seen with you during the day unless you're a full-on, transwoman who can pass as a female. Another glaring issue is that a lot and I mean, A LOT of these men are married or have girlfriends. If you're okay with being the dirty secret, I guess there's no real issue but yeah...


    The so called Straight acting men, should receive an Academy award for their performance. I've seen it all the time, acting all straight in public, but once they're in the club. They're getting down like a bitch. 'scuse my french.

    But you're right about the US vs. Them mentality. It's sadning, because society doesn't divide us, we are dividing ourselves. Because one group gets by unnoticed. This goes beyond it's not my type, or not my cup of coffee. It plain disrespectful. But at the same time, the same straight actors complain about gayrights too. Where are drawing the line? If you don't see your fellow gay man as an equal. Why would the Majority see you like one?

    hqdefault.jpg
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    Apr 25, 2015 9:46 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).


    It seems like you're contradicting yourself. It's strange that if a guy states in his profile he's masculine, he immediately gets ridiculed that he's not masculine enough for that title. However if a guy claims he's fem, he is never judged on the degree of his femininity.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 26, 2015 10:12 AM GMT
    Radd said
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).


    It seems like you're contradicting yourself. It's strange that if a guy states in his profile he's masculine, he immediately gets ridiculed that he's not masculine enough for that title. However if a guy claims he's fem, he is never judged on the degree of his femininity.


    You really have to say that? How many times have you heard about masculine gay men who say they meet a masculine gay man and find out he's not as masculine as the person made them believe? I think this is why what you said happens. And feminine guys get it too. We are often thought of as catty, bitchy queens.
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    Apr 26, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    BloodFlame said
    Radd said
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).


    It seems like you're contradicting yourself. It's strange that if a guy states in his profile he's masculine, he immediately gets ridiculed that he's not masculine enough for that title. However if a guy claims he's fem, he is never judged on the degree of his femininity.


    You really have to say that? How many times have you heard about masculine gay men who say they meet a masculine gay man and find out he's not as masculine as the person made them believe? I think this is why what you said happens. And feminine guys get it too. We are often thought of as catty, bitchy queens.


    Yeah but that's not the same thing....at all. You know yourself that many fem guys really are bitchy, just like there are plenty of "masc" guys who are not masculine at all. But what I was saying is you don't see fem guys being told they aren't fem enough for the title of "fem." That's all I was saying.
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    Apr 26, 2015 3:01 PM GMT
    Radd said
    BloodFlame said
    Radd said
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).


    It seems like you're contradicting yourself. It's strange that if a guy states in his profile he's masculine, he immediately gets ridiculed that he's not masculine enough for that title. However if a guy claims he's fem, he is never judged on the degree of his femininity.


    You really have to say that? How many times have you heard about masculine gay men who say they meet a masculine gay man and find out he's not as masculine as the person made them believe? I think this is why what you said happens. And feminine guys get it too. We are often thought of as catty, bitchy queens.


    Yeah but that's not the same thing....at all. You know yourself that many fem guys really are bitchy, just like there are plenty of "masc" guys who are not masculine at all. But what I was saying is you don't see fem guys being told they aren't fem enough for the title of "fem." That's all I was saying.


    Sounds to me like you're looking for a double standard that does not exist. Being 'Fem' is automatically seen as something negative by default and you know that.

    When is the last time, or better said the first time you heard a guy telling another guy he's not feminine enough?

    Sorry your argument is invalid.
  • BloodFlame

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    Apr 26, 2015 7:37 PM GMT
    Radd said
    BloodFlame said
    Radd said
    mickeytopogigio saidThis is hard to develop a statistic for, since both pursuer and pursuee are expected to self-identify their respective qualities.

    So many men who claim to be straight acting are anything but (as I would define them). If you out-and-out label yourself as effeminate, you're probably more likely to find the man of your dreams. That man will know exactly who he's getting with no bullshit (or delusion).


    It seems like you're contradicting yourself. It's strange that if a guy states in his profile he's masculine, he immediately gets ridiculed that he's not masculine enough for that title. However if a guy claims he's fem, he is never judged on the degree of his femininity.


    You really have to say that? How many times have you heard about masculine gay men who say they meet a masculine gay man and find out he's not as masculine as the person made them believe? I think this is why what you said happens. And feminine guys get it too. We are often thought of as catty, bitchy queens.


    Yeah but that's not the same thing....at all. You know yourself that many fem guys really are bitchy, just like there are plenty of "masc" guys who are not masculine at all. But what I was saying is you don't see fem guys being told they aren't fem enough for the title of "fem." That's all I was saying.


    Actually, in my experience so far, I've only met 2 feminine guys who acted callous and bitchy. The other 3 I met were down to Earth and nice.

    And I agree with JusdasofCrossfit, when it comes to gay men, being feminine is regarded as negative. The only time you'd hear about a feminine guy not being "fem enough" is from those closeted men who want to hook up with VERY effeminate guys or cross dressers which is a very small majority.

    In the gay world, feminine is looked down upon which is why you never hear "you're not fem enough". Because there is no audience for fem gay men so there's no need for such a quote.

    I will say this though, I think some masculine men who look for other masculine men are a little too harsh on their candidates when they say "not masculine enough for me." Which okay, is their prerogative but I hope they aren't trying to go after a masculine ideal they saw in some action movie or something because that's very rare to find.
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    Apr 26, 2015 8:00 PM GMT
    Sometimes I wish people would be as Liberal as I am.


    Yes I said that icon_razz.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Apr 26, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    Self identified "bi/straight" guys LOVE fem guys.

    Gay guys don't, generally, prefer fem guys but that says nothing as to how many dates you can get. For example, while being 'fem' might, in the aggregate, hurt your chances at landing a guy (hookup, date, LTR), it's one factor of many.

    For example, if you're hot and fem, you'll always have a guy, just maybe you're choosing from 4 instead of 6. If you're ugly and masc, you'll still be selecting from a pool or 1 or 2 guys. It's what's called a 'soft factor' in business, your hard factors are still your location (proximity) and looks. Period, full stop.