What if he already has a boyfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    Okay, if you were dating a guy and it was going GREAT but he revealed shortly after that he had an "off and on" controlling boyfriend for over 2 years that he wasn't happy with, what would you do?

    Continue to pursue him to "take" him from the other guy since he is already unhappy and obviously liking you or just move on and keep searching...?

    It's weird that if I changed the question to make it about a str8 man dating a woman in a bad controlling relationship, most people would say that she should dump the BF and get with the "Good Guy"

    A lot of chick flicks have that exact storyline...LOL
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    Jan 25, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    Well, I have to say it depends on what I feel for the guy. If I really want him, then MAYBE I will try to make a move and "steal" him, but it's not very likely.

    I think the best thing you can do is let HIM decide if he wants you or the other boy.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 25, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    There is a reason it's been on and off, reasons that would make me think he's not the right guy for me.
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    Jan 25, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
    Don't get involved. He sounds like a dickhead.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    Run, don't walk! It's only going to lead to heartache.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    Too much baggage. Move on.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    Run, don't walk away. Sounds like heartache or a train wreck for you. OOPS... sorry DC, after I posted, I read your post. Oh, well, great minds think alikeicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Run! If he leaves his current BF for you, he'll leave you for the next sucker down the road.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:16 PM GMT


    Yep, we're with the walk away gang, and there's this too - do it with class and kindness. Why? Because so often we underestimate ourselves and our own lovability. By doing this you could be the catalyst that finally gives him the strength to walk away from his ex....but bear in mind his walking away from his ex does not necessarily entail him walking from that situation straight to you, which might not be a good thing, but then, might very well be a very good thing....

    Remain flexible ( that's what all those stretching exercises are for right? Both inside and out!)

    -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    As this is a fitness site, allow me to do the unthinkable and use a sports metaphor.

    If you were recruiting players for your team would you want someone who has been quitting and rejoining another team for two years? You want a teammate who is dedicated that you can rely on. Someone who may or may not be at the game because he is flighty with his membership is someone you do not want on your team.

    Two years is a lot of time to dick around with a failed romantic relationship. This guy needs to get over him and I wouldn't want to be the person to make that happen as headaches are no fun. Seek teammate elsewhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    The writing is on the wall man. You can either choose to act like you dont see it and pursue the relationship or go with your gut and end it before you start falling for him and he hurts you in the end.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    Do you really want to be with a guy who has a boyfriend out there looking for another. Chances are when he gets bored with you he will do the same to you. Or worse go back to the old boyfriends. Be polite, remain friends and let him get his life straightened out first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    steal him from the guy then dump him and teach him a valuable lesson.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 5:55 PM GMT
    how would you feel if you were his boyfriend, and someone else was considering "taking" him from you? if this guy really wants to be in another relationship, he would have ended it with mr controlling... move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    The guy that you are dating sounds more like the controlling one. Look at what he's done tell you about his lover/boyfriend now!

    That's lunatic. Why wopuld you want to be with someone who would cheat on his boy friend with you?

    Where's the trust? You are unhappy in your relationship you either try to fix it our you move on.

    You don't go looking for the" NEXT BEST THING FOR THE MOMENT".

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    Jan 25, 2009 7:24 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidTwo years is a lot of time to dick around with a failed romantic relationship. This guy needs to get over him and I wouldn't want to be the person to make that happen as headaches are no fun. Seek teammate elsewhere.

    Well said. It's either over or it's not. If it's not, don't be the man in the middle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    UH-OH...perhaps, as many of our fellow RJ members have curtly stated in the past, you should follow this course of action:

    DUMP HIM.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 7:36 PM GMT
    It's weird that if I changed the question to make it about a str8 man dating a woman in a bad controlling relationship, most people would say that she should dump the BF and get with the "Good Guy"

    A lot of chick flicks have that exact storyline...LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 7:46 PM GMT
    Indy404 saidIt's weird that if I changed the question to make it about a str8 man dating a woman in a bad controlling relationship, most people would say that she should dump the BF and get with the "Good Guy"

    A lot of chick flicks have that exact storyline...LOL

    Yes, that's what she (or he in your case) SHOULD do. But will he? And how far can you influence him to do just that, and totally break from his semi-ex?

    But we're talking about what YOU should do, without postulating about what the guy you're dating MIGHT actually do. Most of us seem to think your guy isn't ready for you or anyone else yet, trapped in a relationship he can't terminate cleanly.

    There's a lot of fish in the sea, and yours seems to still be hooked by someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 7:46 PM GMT
    Too much drama will only make you age faster, lover.
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    Jan 25, 2009 8:43 PM GMT
    If it's the girl that has two boy freinds then she should be dumped as well.
    The rules do not change because of the gender. If your current reply means that she the one with two boyfriends.

    GOOD LORD.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 25, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    Just move on let it go!
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    Jan 25, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    Honestly, I would probably move on because I'm not a homewrecker. The fact that he's still with his BF while trying to talk to me raises a red flag of the brightest color possible.

    The whole gender thing has no value here. It's a question of ethics and morals, not sex. Do the right thing according to you and how you live your life. The answer should be move on but things aren't always that simple when matter of the heart are in question.

    You'make the right choice I hope and if not I hope you'll at least be able to live with your decision and learn from it. Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    My current was with another when I swooped in. It's been nine years, and I think we're perfect together.

    It's your call.
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    Jan 25, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidIf it's the girl that has two boy friends then she should be dumped as well.
    The rules do not change because of the gender. If your current reply means that she the one with two boyfriends.

    GOOD LORD.



    LOL...no just thinking about the plots of a lot of romantic comedies and/or any Tyler Perry movie...There is always that Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson/Adam Sandler guy really into an unavailable woman in a dysfunctional relationship and he steps in to win her over...LOL