Not sure if this guy is bi-polar or? Please help


  • Apr 27, 2015 8:31 AM GMT
    I'll keep the story short.

    A cute guy messaged me on Grindr. After a few exchanges, I asked him out for coffee, for which he told me that he just recently got out of a 2 year relationship and is very "messed up". Not wanting to get involved, I told him to come back to me when he is ready. He replied an hour later, telling me that we should do the coffee date (which i thought was weird how he was ready in such short time)

    The date went extremely well. He mentioned his ex only once, and told me that he is ready to move on because they broke up a couple of times and every time they got back together the same issues are still there. I told him to take it a day at a time, and we finished the date with a short make-out sesh.

    Over the next few days, he was very excited and very chatty, to the point where he would call me every day and told me "not to hang up", despite talking on the phone for more than an hour.... I took it as a sign that he's a tad insecure, but keen nonetheless.

    Met up the second time, he brought me a candle he bought from a coffee shop he liked. I really appreciated the gesture, and suggested that he should come to my Uni Ball with me. He said yes.

    Over the next few days, sometimes his messages are short, other times it will be back to his normal chatty self, so I didn't really care too much. Until one day, during my prac, he texted me that he felt shit and I called him and he started crying out of nowhere. He told me he felt lonely (he had a terrible childhood and grew up very indecently), and he wasn't sure if breaking up with his ex was a good idea. I didn't know what to do, and wanted to call it off, because it was just too much baggage for me to handle. We agreed to meet, and he became completely fine again, and told me that he just needed to vent. So i agreed to continue to "date" him.

    Fast forward, during the ball, he got along with all my friends. Had a good time. But he was quite aware of PDA (like holding hands) when we walked on the streets because he was "scared that he will bump into his ex".

    He stayed over at mine that night, and I told him i didn't want to have sex so early. After a make-out sesh, though, he became very turned on and told me he needed a "release" or he cannot go to sleep. I said no, i didn't want to have sex. He then said he would need to "jack off" (WTF?). I just thought he was really horny, so i gave him oral in the end. This is where it gets weird. He is usually a very timid, nice, guy who does IT. Quite geeky. However, in bed, his attitude completely changed. He was very into dirty talking, and said things like "you are a naughty boy, you want to take it up your ass and stretch that tiny hole, don't you". I was very uncomfortable, but chose to ignore it.

    The weirdest thing was, he told me he had a confession, that he was a bottom. Which confused me even more, because the dirty talking + his actions made me think he was a top. He was disappointed that I prefer bottoming too...

    After he came, he became 100% back to normal. He apologised about his actions, and the next morning he started crying, telling me that he feels like such a dick head (???). He then proceeded to tell me that we're moving too fast (what the actual fuck, i wanted to go slow!), and now he's not sure if he likes me or not. His ex messaged him again and he is broken into pieces again.

    I sent him a message a day later telling him i can't do this anymore, because he is too unstable.

    My question is, is this normal? for guys to act completely differently in bed? Is he just messed up from his ex or has his past completely scarred him?

    he was such a nice guy, it hurts me a little to see him acting like this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2015 3:07 PM GMT
    It sounds just like teenage girl behavior which is pretty normal for a young gay bottom. Why do you think they came up with the words Drama Queen, Flaky and Kinky. It's also why many masculine guys described themselves as "Normal".
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Apr 28, 2015 6:27 PM GMT
    I guess, you know the answer to your own question.

    Move on.

    Sure, he is a nice dude. But his baggage is enormous.He may need time and energy to sort himself out. You have got one life to live. Wish him good luck, and move on.

    Dating is actually an attempt to reach a degree of stability. This guy is obviously not a dating material.

    Now, add to this equation that both of you prefer to bottom, and you have got the full picture before you.

    SC
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Apr 29, 2015 6:56 AM GMT
    it sounds like he is unstable as you stated, but I would not call this bipolar, I'd call him a product of his environment.

    If you feel comfortable with him as a friend, then be his friend. If not, well, that's your choice. the next time someone says they need to "release" before bed, point them to the washroom. it's not as romantic/hot, but it keeps things tidier (for your emotions, and keeping things "slow").
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Apr 29, 2015 4:11 PM GMT
    He is not a weirdo. He is a psycho. He needs therapist . He had all dirty talks for himself. He was thinking you said it to him. God bless. I had a co worker had the same situation. She made up stories between three different lovers at the same time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2015 4:24 PM GMT
    A fast bipolar cycle takes weeks to months to switch from one to the other.
    This kid is it bipolar be is just nuts. I suggest walking away. He is not your responsibility. Which sounds cruel, in your shoes I have a hard time walking away from someone who is hurting too. But there is virtually no way to build a stable relationship with him.
    And yes it is normal to act different in bed, try on different personas etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2015 11:55 PM GMT
    Why did you blow him? It sounds like you were a temporary rebound for him to get some action.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2015 12:57 AM GMT
    He would be too weird for me to relate to. Find someone else. At 21, you have at least 9 years before gay death.

  • May 01, 2015 6:09 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for all ya replies. Really appreciate them.

    Update to the story - I didn't talk for him for over a week to let him cool down. However, he seems very down (through the inactivity on Facebook), so i sent him a text asking if he was doing o-k with everything. I didn't get a reply.

    I went to the gym 2 days later and I bumped into him. He seemed very shocked but he was with his PT at the time so we didn't talk. When i was done I left the gym but saw him outside a cafe thats just outside the gym. I decided to go and say hello.

    He was very surprised that I came over, and became rather nervous, but back to his "normal" self. He told me he should have replied to my text, but have been "busy" - (yeah right.) I told him that he doesn't need to be awkward to see me- we should be mature about it. He told me he needs to be "single" for a while in order to re-claim himself. I told him that's a good choice to make.

    He seemed to be back on track, which is good.

    TBH i think he is quite selfish, but meh, I'll find someone else icon_smile.gif

    Thanks guys!


  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    May 02, 2015 8:45 AM GMT
    Lovehidemelody saidThanks guys for all ya replies. Really appreciate them.

    Update to the story - I didn't talk for him for over a week to let him cool down. However, he seems very down (through the inactivity on Facebook), so i sent him a text asking if he was doing o-k with everything. I didn't get a reply.

    I went to the gym 2 days later and I bumped into him. He seemed very shocked but he was with his PT at the time so we didn't talk. When i was done I left the gym but saw him outside a cafe thats just outside the gym. I decided to go and say hello.

    He was very surprised that I came over, and became rather nervous, but back to his "normal" self. He told me he should have replied to my text, but have been "busy" - (yeah right.) I told him that he doesn't need to be awkward to see me- we should be mature about it. He told me he needs to be "single" for a while in order to re-claim himself. I told him that's a good choice to make.

    He seemed to be back on track, which is good.

    TBH i think he is quite selfish, but meh, I'll find someone else icon_smile.gif

    Thanks guys!




    He deserves to be single and not to mess up other peoples lifes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2015 9:08 AM GMT
    Lovehidemelody saidI'll keep the story short.

    A cute guy messaged me on Grindr.
    ...
    The end