Needy people.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2015 3:30 PM GMT
    Have you noticed a strong intolerance for 'needy people'? It's often used to describe people in a way that expresses severe dislike, or even as an insult. I've noticed it more and more. Needy can mean different things, poor people are considered needy, or people with bad health. And then there's emotional/mental neediness. I can understand not liking it from a relationship stance, that you find it unattractive for someone to be too clingy and needy in that way, but regardless of what sort of neediness it is, the point is that if someone is needy, it means there's something wrong in one way or another, and they likely need help, physically, emotionally or both. So why is the word 'needy' often met with disdain and dislike? It seems kind of mean spirited.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 05, 2015 4:20 PM GMT
    It is mean spirited. We all have weaknesses and are needy in some way or other. One of the tricks to finding a partner is to find a guy who doesn't mind your weaknesses and you don't mind his-- in fact you kind of enjoy being the guy who fills that need. A guy who berates someone for his neediness is just a bully. A Republican. Usually it comes from a sense of self-doubt and fear. A strong man will help those in need.
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    May 05, 2015 5:07 PM GMT
    lets all treat other men like ass holes. make them beg on their knees
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    May 05, 2015 5:07 PM GMT
    Where i live it's the word 'scroungers' that is used in a derogatory fashion.

    People who are genuinely in need of work and are struggling to get a job or to support a family or to find a better house do feel a lot of hatred and frustration towards people who are lazy and don't get a job and just scrounge off the state and get things handed to them like a nice house and big fancy TV and manage to go out and get pissed at weekends without earning a single penny of it. People living like that are not as 'needy' as they claim to be.

    Then there are people advertising for charities. Not that charity is a bad thing at all (I support and volunteer for charities myself) but when you have a random stranger knocking on your door or approaching you in the street and asking you to sign up for something, it becomes intrusive. You're going about your own life minding your own business and worrying about paying your own bills, then to have someone come up to you and say "these poor victims need your help" - it's depressing and frustrating to have these things thrust upon you. So the hatred is not necessarily aimed at the people who are in need, but at the guys who are invading your privacy with worldly problems that you can't really do much about.
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    May 05, 2015 5:23 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidIt is mean spirited. We all have weaknesses and are needy in some way or other. One of the tricks to finding a partner is to find a guy who doesn't mind your weaknesses and you don't mind his-- in fact you kind of enjoy being the guy who fills that need. A guy who berates someone for his neediness is just a bully. A Republican. Usually it comes from a sense of self-doubt and fear. A strong man will help those in need.


    +1
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    May 05, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    "Needy" has been overused to the point of irrelevance. It means different things to practically everyone.

    I agree that we all ARE needy. Most of our actions take place because we all are needy. We need to pay our bills, receive recognition, promote our self-interest, help those whom we care about, meet our basic urges, etc. The list rolls on and on.

    The relevant question here is how are you personally coping with your needs. Are you working in order to put the food on the kitchen table or are you expecting that someone else does it for you, because while you can work, you feel that there are other, better things for you to do (or not do at all).

    The real test of anyone being described as "needy" in negative sense is to learn what is it that they are doing themselves to satisfy their needs besides asking the others for help.

    The world is full of people who are talking to other people about what they need. As long as you see that they are doing their part in seeking the solution for their problem, you may have legitimate reasons to help.

    Last but not least, it makes sense to recognize that we are all on the same, erm, needy boat. Before you come to someone and start addressing your pertinent needs, make sure that he understands how is he going to satisfy some of his needs by helping you out. One way street strategy usually does not work here.

    SC

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    May 05, 2015 6:01 PM GMT
    I think that most people who don't work have a reason. Even if it's not a physical health problem, it can be something like anxiety, being extremely anti social and not wanting to do anything or feeling motivated. That's not just being lazy, they have issues. I think the people who avoid work just through laziness are ultimately in the minority. I think most people overall like having structure to their lives.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    May 05, 2015 6:10 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidIt is mean spirited. We all have weaknesses and are needy in some way or other. One of the tricks to finding a partner is to find a guy who doesn't mind your weaknesses and you don't mind his-- in fact you kind of enjoy being the guy who fills that need. A guy who berates someone for his neediness is just a bully. A Republican. Usually it comes from a sense of self-doubt and fear. A strong man will help those in need.


    ^^^^
    Bullshit.
    Once again, you are pulling crap out of your butt on this one.
    Right here in RJ you can look at the members as your own lab rats. The only ones who are persistently "needy" are liberals.

    And to address the subject here...

    The OP's own words show he's painting a definition of needy with a yard wide brush to encompass everything from needy for employment to relationships to clingy to physical, mental or emotional causes. Then he simplistically attaches the worn out subjective label of "mean spirited" to people who fail to meet his criterion for helping everyone who fits into his sweeping generalization of "needy." Amongst the truly needy are some but not all of the poor, homeless, mentally ill, elderly, infirm, handicapped and young.

    When most adults to refer to some individual as being "needy" they are not referring to the people above. They are referring to people who demand attention by perpetually laying out the dreary drama of their lives as if seeking aid and advice which they never take. I often end conversations with people like this by saying, "obviously talking about your problems is more important to you than doing anything about them." Some people define their lives by the positive parts of it; others define their lives by the negative. It is a waste of time to spend it making more efforts to solve someone's problems than they themselves are willing to invest in it.

    The OP also seems to presume that everyone who's needy will respond positively to well meant aid and reasoned advice which simply is not the case. Realistically most people do not act on solid advice that would help them with their problems.

    Also there are vast number of people who fit into his jejune attempt to consolidate all neediness under one ill defined nebulous generalization who act out being needy and aren't at all interested in help or advice but only in making themselves the center of attention. They discuss the same problem over and over and ignore all advice and show no interest in any aid offered. Others will discuss one of their "needs" and abruptly switch to others simply to remain in the spotlight.

    Clumping the truly needy in with the people who are most often referred to as "needy" by their behaviour to gain attention is doing an injustice to the first group and giving a bogus validation to the second.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 05, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    I think some people misplace neediness as far as relationships go. I don't think neediness in a relationship is bad per say but the person has to be able to keep it in check. Like for example, the needy guy should find something to do while letting his boyfriend indulge in what interests him or his alone time. If you act as though your boyfriend is your oxygen and you'll die without seeing him 24/7, then I can how that is problematic.

    But personally, I think it would be kinda nice having a guy who likes to be with you and is capable of missing you when you're divided for some periods of time. I mean, if you don't want that kind of guy, you could go with the opposite as I'm sure that guy could give you more warranted space.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    May 05, 2015 6:22 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidIt is mean spirited. We all have weaknesses and are needy in some way or other. One of the tricks to finding a partner is to find a guy who doesn't mind your weaknesses and you don't mind his-- in fact you kind of enjoy being the guy who fills that need. A guy who berates someone for his neediness is just a bully. A Republican. Usually it comes from a sense of self-doubt and fear. A strong man will help those in need.


    Yupicon_cool.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    May 05, 2015 6:25 PM GMT
    Marmoy saidI think that most people who don't work have a reason. Even if it's not a physical health problem, it can be something like anxiety, being extremely anti social and not wanting to do anything or feeling motivated. That's not just being lazy, they have issues. I think the people who avoid work just through laziness are ultimately in the minority. I think most people overall like having structure to their lives.


    I have been working since the age of 17. I have met many, many co-workers, suppliers, contractors, managers, a few COOs, and a healthy sprinkling of CEOs, founders, owners, etc.. So far, each and every one of them has had several issues. I have yet to meet a human who does not.

    So, what do you do about it? You either force yourself to get up, and go to work or you go and get medical help. One way or the other, you take action to overcome.

    It is both a very popular and dangerous fallacy to believe that you have to "love" your job, your company, your co-workers or even the idea of having to do anything in order to make the dough needed in order to have a reasonably comfortable life. The truth is that very, very few people out there enjoy what they are doing. They are doing it for the benefits associated with their work.

    Wanna translate this into the m2m sexlingo? Hardly any dude out there enjoys shopping for lube, and paying for it, too. Not having it, however is a bad, bad option.

    SC
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    May 05, 2015 6:28 PM GMT
    Then there are the insecure people whose neediness can be overwhelming and smothering in friendships and romance.

    If the OP thinks it's mean spirited not to acquiesce to the demands of attention made by insecure people then he certainly has much growing up to do.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 05, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    See what I mean^^^^. Mean spirited.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    May 05, 2015 10:52 PM GMT
    bobbobbob said
    Destinharbor saidIt is mean spirited. We all have weaknesses and are needy in some way or other. One of the tricks to finding a partner is to find a guy who doesn't mind your weaknesses and you don't mind his-- in fact you kind of enjoy being the guy who fills that need. A guy who berates someone for his neediness is just a bully. A Republican. Usually it comes from a sense of self-doubt and fear. A strong man will help those in need.


    ^^^^
    Bullshit.
    Once again, you are pulling crap out of your butt on this one.
    Right here in RJ you can look at the members as your own lab rats. The only ones who are persistently "needy" are liberals.

    And to address the subject here...

    The OP's own words show he's painting a definition of needy with a yard wide brush to encompass everything from needy for employment to relationships to clingy to physical, mental or emotional causes. Then he simplistically attaches the worn out subjective label of "mean spirited" to people who fail to meet his criterion for helping everyone who fits into his sweeping generalization of "needy." Amongst the truly needy are some but not all of the poor, homeless, mentally ill, elderly, infirm, handicapped and young.

    When most adults to refer to some individual as being "needy" they are not referring to the people above. They are referring to people who demand attention by perpetually laying out the dreary drama of their lives as if seeking aid and advice which they never take. I often end conversations with people like this by saying, "obviously talking about your problems is more important to you than doing anything about them." Some people define their lives by the positive parts of it; others define their lives by the negative. It is a waste of time to spend it making more efforts to solve someone's problems than they themselves are willing to invest in it.

    The OP also seems to presume that everyone who's needy will respond positively to well meant aid and reasoned advice which simply is not the case. Realistically most people do not act on solid advice that would help them with their problems.

    Also there are vast number of people who fit into his jejune attempt to consolidate all neediness under one ill defined nebulous generalization who act out being needy and aren't at all interested in help or advice but only in making themselves the center of attention. They discuss the same problem over and over and ignore all advice and show no interest in any aid offered. Others will discuss one of their "needs" and abruptly switch to others simply to remain in the spotlight.

    Clumping the truly needy in with the people who are most often referred to as "needy" by their behaviour to gain attention is doing an injustice to the first group and giving a bogus validation to the second.

    Bobby doll..for someone who isn't a republican(your words)
    You sure stick your neck out for them quite often...