Ever got to a point where you said, "I'm sick of creating relationships and making friends"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2015 5:22 AM GMT
    I'm starting to wonder if the guys who don't date have found some sort of emotional freedom by not doing so.

    i was seeing a guy from LA for the past month. Long distance, met him while visiting. Everything was fine. Actually, it was great. He seemed mature, had his shit seemingly together, and we got along great. But then, I plan a weekend for us both to travel and meet in Palm Springs, and he has to leave the 2nd night. In the middle of the night. Baby mama drama. Probably a lie. Gay man who used to be straight, but has an obligation to a child, yet playing this bullshit game like he's single. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy about it. Especially since he was so adamant about me hurrying into town...for something I planned that really didn't involve him, but I INCLUDED him. Plus,, I let him check into the hotel that I paid for, BEFORE I even arrived!

    This duck had the nerve to come at me calling me a narcissist, selfish, don't give a fuck about anybody kind of person. Just because I wasn't all up his ass the entire measly 24 hours we were together. Just because I wanted to spend 15 minutes washing bugs off my car the next day. But he knew that this wasn't a honeymoon, it was an annual forum meet (similar to real jock/meetup.com). And then he got mad that I wasn't buying his bullshit family emergency story. He ran off to Germany and Italy for 2 weeks, ALONE, without his son and baby mom, but couldn't just wait till the next morning for a 2 hour drive. Wanted me to leave my once a year get together for his petty bullcrap.

    So last night, when I logged onto Facebook and seen him posting photos of us with ME AND MY friends from the party, I found that to be really foul. Especially since he just called me all sorts of names earlier that day. Long story, I made it CLEAR on his Facebook page (because you're not going to shine with me while simultaneously cursing me) that all the selfies he takes of himself every single morning is very narcissistic, that his insecurities and punishing me for his past relationships has nothing to do with me, and that he needs to find confidence in himself, instead of trying to destroy it in others. I did it all subtly with cute pictures memes. I wasn't mean-spirited about it. . Being that his body is flabby, from being overweight, even though he's fit....he has negative body image. He constantly put down the people at the meetup, put me down, or anyone else who showed more confidence than him.

    I looked on his page today, and he deleted his Facebook. Gone. Because he was so embarrassed that someone finally shut him the fuck up and called him out on the very things he accuses people of being.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2015 5:32 AM GMT
    Point I'm making is, this seems all too common with guys nowadays. Maybe it's age. This guy was a bit older than me. But, all the emotional baggage, insecurities, blame, etc...I don't want to deal with all that. And every time stuff like this comes up, it distracts me from my work, gym routine, money, school, and bettering myself. Thats why I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like I need to keep people at a distance, just very temporarily, and when the time is up, say farewell on a good note. Don't remain friends or try to be anything with them..because sooner or later, the breakdown happens. So on that note, I say:


    964167.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2015 9:51 AM GMT
    Honestly for me, I've just gotten to a point where I don't really like people.
    I tolerate them, and I'm respectful and polite but I just don't really care about people that much any more.

    Funnily enough, once I actually stopped caring about people (and I know this is going to sound so bad) I actually felt a lot more freedom.
    It feels great giving absolutely no fuck what another person thinks or feels in real life.

    Like I can say that I really just don't care and because of that people often think I'm really free flowing, chill and easy going when really it's just because I don't actually care about them.

    There are obvious cons to this of course.
    Ever since I've developed this "ability" it's been super easy for me to cut people off and out of my life instantaneously.
    I had two close friends that I've been friends with for a good number of years. Life was super busy, got a new job, close family became really ill and so I wasn't around that much.

    All of a sudden out of the blue with me not even being in the picture at all, one friend became sensitive because he thought I was specifically ignoring him.
    I literally said to him that I wasn't, I've just literally not been around because of everything that's happening.
    Even after that conversation my other friend (who was his girlfriend at the time) kept calling me and coming over because she wanted me to do something so he wouldn't feel "ignored" by me because he kept jumping to conclusions that I hated him, or that I suspected he was jealous because me and her were closer than he was with her.

    After that conversation I spoke to him and said that there isn't anything wrong and not to feel intimidated because I had been friends with his girlfriend since we were young teenagers and at this point they'd only been seeing each other for like 6 months or so.
    I mean yes I had a lot of inside jokes with her and she laughed a lot more with me than with him, so out of respect I stopped saying inside jokes when I was around them because I knew he was a jealous type of guy, even though he constantly said he wasn't.

    This carried on for a few months and I literally got to the point where I just completely cut them both out of my life, out of the blue, no warning, I just did it.
    It felt sooooo great!
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    May 06, 2015 9:58 AM GMT
    I dont know, it sounds like you were not seeing the signs from the beginning. You say it looked like he had all his shit together before the Palm Springs blowout but then you point out a whole bunch of red flags that you new about before that.

    He dose not sound like a catch that went bad, he sounds like he was never a catch and you went for it anyway hoping it would be different.

    Maybe before you decide someone has their shit together, you actually wait and see if they really have their shit together. This guy did not sound like that from what you described.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 873

    May 07, 2015 6:16 AM GMT
    It is one thing to have friends, partners, buddies, etc., and quite another thing to be an emotional hostage to them and to the friendship/relationship you may be having with them.

    We all make friends for a reason. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Yet, we also must have the maturity to understand that a few guys do not react too well to our reasons/plans, and run for the hills. This is where you shrug with your shoulders, and quickly move on.

    I used to have a very busy schedule in my college days with two majors, and two jobs on the side. It all worked pretty well, though. I ran on a super tight schedule, never missed a beat, and depended on my discipline to pull this trick out. I never made any secret out of this, and all of my friends and buddies knew... One of them once told me that he was not going to stay in touch with me, anymore. Sure, we had a pretty good thing goingicon_smile.gif. But he found that he did not wish to inconvenience himself by planning ahead for more than just a couple of hours?

    "Look, I do not want to promise that I'll see you tomorrow at 2pm. I do not know how will I feel tomorrow? I am a spontaneous guy, and I want to do things when I want to do them..."

    I realized that this dude was both right and wrong at the same time. Sure, he was a spontaneous guy. And he wanted the rest of the world to be there for him when and if he wanted it. I was unable to indulge in such a luxury, and I moved on.

    It turned out that he really never managed much in his life. He may be enjoying it for all I care, but hardly anyone agreed to be a mere instrumental in fulfilling his wishes and whims on his terms, despite the fact that he was a class A stud, smart, handsome, etc.

    Not every dude out there is a friendship material.

    SC



  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    May 07, 2015 11:19 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidIt is one thing to have friends, partners, buddies, etc., and quite another thing to be an emotional hostage to them and to the friendship/relationship you may be having with them.

    We all make friends for a reason. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Yet, we also must have the maturity to understand that a few guys do not react too well to our reasons/plans, and run for the hills. This is where you shrug with your shoulders, and quickly move on.

    I used to have a very busy schedule in my college days with two majors, and two jobs on the side. It all worked pretty well, though. I ran on a super tight schedule, never missed a beat, and depended on my discipline to pull this trick out. I never made any secret out of this, and all of my friends and buddies knew... One of them once told me that he was not going to stay in touch with me, anymore. Sure, we had a pretty good thing goingicon_smile.gif. But he found that he did not wish to inconvenience himself by planning ahead for more than just a couple of hours?

    "Look, I do not want to promise that I'll see you tomorrow at 2pm. I do not know how will I feel tomorrow? I am a spontaneous guy, and I want to do things when I want to do them..."

    I realized that this dude was both right and wrong at the same time. Sure, he was a spontaneous guy. And he wanted the rest of the world to be there for him when and if he wanted it. I was unable to indulge in such a luxury, and I moved on.

    It turned out that he really never managed much in his life. He may be enjoying it for all I care, but hardly anyone agreed to be a mere instrumental in fulfilling his wishes and whims on his terms, despite the fact that he was a class A stud, smart, handsome, etc.

    Not every dude out there is a friendship material.

    SC





    Hoorah for another heartfelt diatribe RE gay rudeness.

    I definitely appreciate these thoughts. I say overcome scarcity by talking to more potential "activity partners"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2015 11:29 PM GMT
    I won't waste my breath giving you advice. Just review all the other threads you've created about relationship problems and take some of the advice there before starting another one. If you're still working as a prostitute you might as well forget about relationships. Period.
  • monstapex

    Posts: 478

    May 08, 2015 11:05 PM GMT
    Geeze ! How many guys have you written about here..I think the problem is youicon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2015 5:27 AM GMT
    monstapex saidGeeze ! How many guys have you written about here..I think the problem is youicon_evil.gif

    I agree. With the laundry list OP has, and given his past, I think OP should take a step back and introspect before blaming everyone else for his failed attempt to have a relationship.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    May 24, 2015 6:30 AM GMT
    Dont date str8 people, simple rule.
  • Prototypex

    Posts: 35

    Jun 03, 2015 6:04 AM GMT
    Always get to know the guy before you meet.
    Always get to know the guy even more before you F**k.
    It takes a lot to find a match, otherwise, there won't be any single guy in the world icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2015 6:41 AM GMT
    I'm pretty sure he blocked you.