A Cancer Survivor Designs the Cards She Wishes She’d Received From Friends and Family

  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    May 06, 2015 8:56 PM GMT
    A Cancer Survivor Designs the Cards She Wishes She’d Received From Friends and Family


    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_eye/2015/05/06/empathy_cards_by_emily_mcdowell_are_greeting_cards_designed_for_cancer_patients.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2015 9:46 PM GMT
    Here here. After an initial rush of "sympathy," crickets.

    I guess saying nothing and keeping your distance is better than feeling uncomfortable.

    Not that I'd made anyone uncomfortable Facebooking during my chemo infusions. (Not that everyone was on social media then.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 07, 2015 12:24 AM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    Here here. After an initial rush of "sympathy," crickets.

    I guess saying nothing and keeping your distance is better than feeling uncomfortable.

    Not that I'd made anyone uncomfortable Facebooking during my chemo infusions. (Not that everyone was on social media then.)

    Among our local friends, and his family, support for both of us during some difficult medical times was total and unremitting. And also from a lot of RJ members, with a few predicable exceptions, who were actually hostile & insulting.

    And not only were our friends sympathetic, they were helpful. When I was with my husband at the hospital 12 hours a day they brought me food dishes at home late at night. So many in fact I couldn't eat them all. And they'd drive me back & forth to the hospital at times, because they knew I was becoming exhausted, and I really hate to drive at night.

    When I was having my own cancer treatment for 6 weeks daily, having to leave the house every morning at 6:15 AM, sometimes they'd volunteer to drive me. Because I wasn't driving myself, and it was a strain on my husband. Who himself had to be at his HIV/AIDS job around 8, which he could barely make when he had to wait for me to complete my treatment, and then drive me home through morning traffic, before heading out for his office.

    Now I never got get-well cards, I spent little time in the hospital and was already home before we'd told anyone. My husband's longer stays got him lots of cards, and visits, and flowers and fruit baskets, balloons, you name it. And visits to see him back home, too.

    No, none of our friends ran away from us. Nor did we when they've had some problems of their own. We've both had cancer, and nobody treated us like outcasts, no "crickets". And I didn't miss the cards, because I'm not a "card person" - instead I valued more the genuine help I got that was "above and beyond the call of duty". icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2015 2:42 AM GMT
    I was actually pretty self-sufficient. I didn't ask for help or talk about it and even now don't "post updates" so presumably people assumed I didn't need them and that it wasn't as serious as it was. Still, it would've been nice, if nothing else, to get a phone call every few months to check in to see if I was still alive. I think that's what the lady who designed the cards, who appears to have a low tolerance for platitudes, had in mind.