I need Gay friends & mentors ASAP! :-)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 1:02 AM GMT
    Hey guys,
    so I am slowly coming out of the bi closet. I am 25 now, and it is finally happening!
    Unfortunately, I have absolutely no Gay or Bi friends. I have so many questions about my feelings, my sexual desires, etc! I need gay friends, and I figured why not ask you guys on here! I guess I need mentors! lol
    I swear I do not mean to offend anyone with this post, I'm just super new to all of this, and I don't want to do anything stupid, lol. If any of you live in Toronto and want to grab coffee, that would be even more awesome! If not, no matter where you live, you guys can be my mentors!
    What says you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 1:05 AM GMT
    A mentor? This is no Hogwarts lol. Dude you're 25, go explore and be glad you're not a late bloomericon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 1:08 AM GMT
    @Matoi
    lol, I figured I could start here!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    I'd make a terrible mentor, unless you want a mentor who oohs and aahs over every hot guy he sees like women at a baby shower. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    @ paulflexes
    Hahah! See, you are already awesome! I do this now, I wanted to know if it was ok! You just helped me out, I felt really bad that I check guys out alot.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    May 08, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    The best advice is to jump in and learn to swim.

    You're still of that age where you're going to be impulsive and there's nothing wrong with that. ENJOY IT and live it to the fullest. Some things done on impulse turn out great. Others don't. That's how you learn not to make the same mistakes twice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 2:22 AM GMT
    Nomad said@ paulflexes
    Hahah! See, you are already awesome! I do this now, I wanted to know if it was ok! You just helped me out, I felt really bad that I check guys out alot.
    I feel good about it. It lets me know my penis still works at this incredibly old age. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 2:54 AM GMT
    Nomad said
    What says you?

    I think it's a good plan in theory. I used this approach myself when I came out late, having absolutely no idea about gay culture. I had neither the patience nor the interest in taking a "trial and error" method.

    But finding a guy who's willing to be your mentor, and actually has the qualifications, is more the problem. I got lucky. I found someone who was an editor of the Seattle Gay News (SGN). And his speciality was reporting on HIV/AIDS news and issues.

    He pounded the concept of "safe sex" into my head. And explained to me what following it meant. He also told me about predatory gays I would likely meet, and did. Thanks to him I wasn't exploited during my most vulnerable period, nor did I ever contract a single STD, despite becoming rather active sexually. He also introduced me to the gay club scene, becoming my "wing man", but that's not an essential if clubbing doesn't interest you.

    Therefore I think having a gay mentor is a great idea, if you can find a suitable candidate. But the alternate "sink or swim" approach can be harmful. And if you make a mistake regarding HIV, you won't get a second chance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 7:14 PM GMT
    First of all, pick you mentor wisely!

    Have several mentors, preferably ones who have an expertise in each area you find necessary.
    Take Art Deco for example, he's quite good regarding relationship advice. Not so good at other things. When he says his mentor "pounded the concept of "safe sex" into my head. And explained to me what following it meant." Know that his "science" is older than dirt.

    Old results bring old problems.

    Being 25 and a "new gay" you have a particular set of problems with HIV. In the USA the 13-24 age group is at the most risk. They are the least tested, the least likely to be on PrEP, the least likely to be on ART (if positive) and the most likely to be unknown positive. With an increase of 132% of new HIV infections.

    Scary? It should be. Too many of our youth don't take it seriously anymore. Being Canadian you have the world's best virologist in BC's Dr. Julio Montaner. He has heavily influenced Australia's ACON (and most of the world for that matter). But being informed diminishes the paranoia.

    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe(r) sex’, provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/sites/default/files/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2015 7:44 PM GMT
    If you want friends on here, don't post as a "hidden' Member. Post a pic and fill out a profile.

    If you want gay friends in real life - go out and meet some. At 25, you can still meet guys in gay bars - or go to gay events/clubs of any type. Get laid.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2015 12:13 AM GMT
    Please, no need to be rude with him. For whatever reason he is still not 100% comfortable with his sexuality. At least he is trying to get more and more at ease with himself. (But, truthfully, you should not use hidden identity for a post as simple as this...)

    At first, when we come out we feel like the whole world will notice us. I felt uncomfortable even being in a gay bar at first... Now I am out for everyone that is close to me in my life and do not hamper myself from doing anything because of what others might think. I am privileged to be in a city where it is easy to do so, but as time passes you become more and more confident about it. You know what? I find it quite manly to just be comfortable with who you are. Count on me should you need anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2015 1:23 AM GMT


    Well, so far the advice is to not be a hidden profile. I agree with this, because no one can send you a message when you're hidden.

    Try posting in topics and making friends with guys on here who live in TO. Then get to know them better and then meet up.

    Cheers!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2015 1:24 AM GMT


    PS occasionally, someone will start a topic about an RJ meetup in TO. Perfect opportunity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 13, 2015 12:32 PM GMT
    Matoi saidA mentor? This is no Hogwarts lol. Dude you're 25, go explore and be glad you're not a late bloomericon_smile.gif


    25 isn't a late bloomer? icon_eek.gif I'm going on 22 and have been called a late bloomer. To the OP, what exactly do you desire to learn?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 13, 2015 12:48 PM GMT
    Matoi saidA mentor? This is no Hogwarts lol.


    Or is it? Dumbledore fucking loved it, lbr

    gret84.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 13, 2015 2:04 PM GMT
    Feel free to hit me whenever you want to chat.