When should I tell my friend?

  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    May 11, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    ...that the guy he just started seeing has started chatting to me via Jack'd the day after hanging out with our group of friends. He wasn't flirting, and I tried to make my disinterest clear, with short replies referencing the elephant in the room "hope things are good with you and [my frd]!" Cheating probably isn't the issue since they just started a couple weeks ago and both seem kinda casual about it, even though the guy came off as a totally in love with my friend (which in hindsight was an act).

    Even though the chatting is totally platonic for now, I got over a dozen messages in the last 3 days, and I much rather my friend find out from me before hearing it from the guy.

    However, that friend has a lot of insecurity issues, and seems to think that he and I are in competition (because I had judged his tastes in men lol). I don't want to come off as trying to rain on his conquests.

    What should I do?
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    May 11, 2015 4:49 PM GMT
    This is a bit of a complex situation here.

    They have started sort-of-seeing each other/dating? For many guys, casual seeing each other/dating does not imply any commitment in terms of monogamy.

    You seem to be genuinely disinterested in this guy who came over to you as someone prone to be a bit on a deceiving side.

    The easiest thing would be to end this here and now. Tell him that you are not interested in any further communication, and stick with your guns.

    Stop there, and let your friend and his new mate run their course. There is nothing for you to gain here, and a possibly a lot to lose.

    SC




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2015 1:27 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidThis is a bit of a complex situation here.

    They have started sort-of-seeing each other/dating? For many guys, casual seeing each other/dating does not imply any commitment in terms of monogamy.

    You seem to be genuinely disinterested in this guy who came over to you as someone prone to be a bit on a deceiving side.

    The easiest thing would be to end this here and now. Tell him that you are not interested in any further communication, and stick with your guns.

    Stop there, and let your friend and his new mate run their course. There is nothing for you to gain here, and a possibly a lot to lose.

    SC



    I agree. Make it clear, in a reply to him, that you do not wish to message with him; your disinterest seems clear, so you probably don't even need to invoke loyalty to your friend to make this statement.

    This is probably what I would do... this way, what can really happen? The guy could tell your friend about messaging you, but then you'd have the easy proof that it was him messaging you, and that you asked him to stop.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2015 11:30 PM GMT
    Give your friend the heads up. The longer you wait the more it could escalate even if you're not interested.

    You also said that he has insecurity issues, and that's the dangerous parT. because most likely your friend will have this "my friend is hotter than I am" thing going on in his head when you come clean, and it is inevitable. But the sooner you clear the air the better


  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    May 13, 2015 2:17 PM GMT
    I'm thinking that I'll just tell him offhand the next chance I see him, so that it doesn't seem like such a big deal "ur buddy found me on jackd hahaha" I just hope he doesn't find out first lol