loyalty VS a lie : what to do if your close friend tells lies


  • May 11, 2015 10:13 AM GMT
    hey guys so i have this close gay friend who just fabricates and tell tales .over the past 2 weeks all the lies began to surface , where several parties got annoyed and did a confrontation , i sat there and let my friend's lie get exposed . i felt at the time i will defend you if you keep your shit 100s , but il not lie for you.
    that said there are tensions left between us , should i have stood up for him, cause now when i think of him i feel sad . cause there has to be a reason why hi fabricates and lies so much ! ?was i not being a good enough friend ?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 11, 2015 3:28 PM GMT
    What lies was he telling?
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    May 12, 2015 11:46 AM GMT
    It depends what was the lie about and why did he lie.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    May 12, 2015 12:04 PM GMT
    The type of lie he told is irrelevant as to whether you should have defended him or not. Defending him for lying would have put your credibility on the line with the others for something you didn't do and don't want to be responsible for.

    As for likely reasons he lied, there aren't but a few possible reasons anyone lies but that's a subject for another time.
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    May 12, 2015 1:23 PM GMT
    bobbobbob saidThe type of lie he told is irrelevant as to whether you should have defended him or not. Defending him for lying would have put your credibility on the line with the others for something you didn't do and don't want to be responsible for.

    As for likely reasons he lied, there aren't but a few possible reasons anyone lies but that's a subject for another time.


    I don't know about that... defending him wouldn't necessarily mean having to try to affirm his lies, but possibly defending the reasons underlying telling the lies.

    That being said, as previous posters stated, it's hard to know for sure without knowing what he was lying about and why. Though I will say I don't think he's justified in being angry at you... I would generally not Iexpect a friend to immediately defend my lie.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 265

    May 13, 2015 12:29 AM GMT
    Yeah, need more specifics.
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    May 13, 2015 12:49 AM GMT
    It is difficult to advise what you should do without more specifics. I would say that if this was a good friend, you should stay out of group confrontations and make a point of having a one on one with him. Let him know that it made you feel bad to see him put on the defense like that, but also that you are having some doubts about his honesty and would like to give him the chance to explain. People lie for a lot of reasons and there could be more to the story than you know. Give him the chance to explain and if he gets defensive or his response does not seem genuine, then trust your gut.
  • otterlover92

    Posts: 16

    May 14, 2015 10:57 AM GMT
    I wouldn't defend lying unless it was to protect someone. If the lies were made to inflate his ego without involving anyone else, then I might play pretend. If the lies were made to intentionally hurt someone, then there is no way I would defend that. I would never want anyone to perpetuate malicious lies about myself, so it would be hypocritical to do just that.
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    May 16, 2015 7:28 AM GMT
    Hell yeah...you should have held your friend's shit. My bestie calls me all the time, after the fact, to tell me the lie she told. Typically, I was with her doing something for someone and then she'll throw in a "make sure all your FB statuses correlate." (And I'm like WTF...okay, whatevs).

    That's what best friends do. They keep your lie air tight, they back you up and support you even when you're wrong, and they are the one person who, when a regular friends says "don't repeat this but...", it's understood don't repeat it to anyone other than your bestie, because I know you're going to tell them anyway. Lastly they call you out on your bishazzness, but never in front of an audience.

    With that being said, use your discretion and know where to draw the line.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    May 24, 2015 6:11 AM GMT
    Try not to lie, what is the point? Bad karma. If you cant tell the truth in a way that puts a good spin on something, say nothing.