Rejection Sucks

  • wareagle99

    Posts: 63

    May 11, 2015 5:14 PM GMT
    I have never really had a relationship/friendship with a guy that has been two sided. I mean I have met guys that I had mutual relationship with. Usually, just kind of distant friendship and irregularly meeting and never what I would consider dates.

    In February, I met a guy. He asked me to contact him again. I did. We have spent time every weekend and usually once during the week since then until a week and a half ago. I gave him plenty of warnings of conflicts I have all weekends in May and I had no commitments in the summer.

    He is almost 20 years younger than me. In my opinion he has absolute perfect body and very handsome. Lots of gym time. I am decent shape, but average. He is mexican and a carpenter and I am white and a professional business owner. He has been very affectionate towards me and beams when he see me. He asked me to just let him know if I ever wanted to see someone else. Oh, we live 1 1/2 from each other, and I usually travel to him. We have a great time together always laughing and have a good time. I have loved it, not only to have someone, but I have no desire to ever look around, get online - craigslist, etc.

    Also, I am his first guy to play with sexually. He says I am great at sex. He also told me that when he got a text from me, it made him feel great.

    Neither of us is in a position to move in together, really. Both of us are single parents. I have always figured it couldn't last and although we are compatable now, didn't want him to be stuck with me aging. lol.

    Anyway, the last time I saw him, he was helping me with something on my phone and he did something with his phone and I saw the grindr app on his phone. I didn't say anything. wasn't really worried.

    A few days later, I passed through his town and was trying to meet up with him. He wasn't very responsive (he has always been quick responder). I haven't used grindr in a couple of years, but I logged on and I saw his profile and that he was online. I couldn't waste a lot of time, so I kept travelling.

    Since then, he has not been very responsive to me. I tried to meet him a couple of days later and he said he hated for me to drive 1 1/2 hours. a couple of days later, I asked him if I could call him. (we usually text).
    I just told him I could tell things have changed, and he said "no, everything is cool". I told him I just wanted the best for him and valued our friendship. I said I wouldn't be texting him so much but he could contact me. He has contacted me a little since then.

    I see on grindr, he is on there all of the time . He has a great torso pic that I know he is certainly being propositioned on there. lol. He asked me early on to let me know if I was seeing someone, I don't think I asked him to do the same.

    We were great friends for those 2+ months and he shared a lot of things with me. I think now he is 1- preoccupied with other hot guys 2- feels guilty because he has moved on and can't share it with me 3- okay with moving on and dropping me.

    We have trip tenatively planned in June. I think he will probably go still and we will have a great time. Its just different since we have gone through our fun phase and exclusive phase. I should probably just drop him cold turkey and get over him. Thats probably what will happen if I don't drop him. It just sucks to be rejected. It hasn't happened to me in a long time and never in a relationship like this.

    Maybe if we talk face to face, I will address it. I don't think he has really done anything wrong. We never said we were going to be exclusive.

    Oh well, I am just venting.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 11, 2015 5:41 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you're scared you've lost him and almost more scared to see if that's true. So you may end it first to avoid the pain. But it also sounds like you're so unsure of why he's with you that you're trying to keep it low-pressure, casual. You're going to have to talk to him. If you're feeling like you want to take it to something more committed, you'll have to open up with him and risk being hurt. I don't buy the "both single parents" excuse as to why you can never live together. Maybe he wants something more solid for his future. And you're so afraid of what that might mean that you're not even confiding how you feel about him. You're not respecting him as a complete person with hopes and dreams AND the ability to think for himself and know what he wants and needs in a partner. Until you start giving him full status as an equal, you don't deserve him. Talk to him.
  • wareagle99

    Posts: 63

    May 11, 2015 6:16 PM GMT
    thanks for the response.

    the single parent is not why I said we couldn't live together. not what I meant.
    my kids are grown and his doesn't live with him.

    good advice. I hope to get to see him soon and talk to him. I offered to meet him tonight, but he hasn't responded. looks like he might be busy on grindr. lol.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    May 11, 2015 8:20 PM GMT
    This is a bit of an archetypical situation.

    You are the first guy he has ever played with, sexually. It seems that he has enjoyed the experience.

    Soon enough, the geography kicked in, and he must have realized that he is not living his life to the fullest. Your relationship depends on synching your possibly busy agendas. This is where the Grindr & Co. come in. Easy, fast, no synching needed. Add to the equation that he is a GL dude with a gym body, and you realize that he has found an easy way to satisfy his cravings.

    At this stage in his life, he may not be really interested in entering a monogamous LTR with anyone. You seem to have never raised the prospects thereof either.

    Sure, an honest talk is what is needed here. Do not raise your hopes too high, though. His apparent disinterest indicates that he is fine with the situation as it is, and he may be very well unwilling to change his present position.

    In my college days, I dated a guy who was two years my junior. We lasted for a while, though we never had anything like a monogamous relationship to start with. Again, there was an hour flight in-between the two of us.

    Over the time, this relationship developed into a convenient arrangement for both of us. Something between being FBs and FwBs. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that having a multitude of partners was his thing. There was something that he liked about each and every one of them.

    Whereas I was stopping short of demanding a classical, monogamous relationship, I needed a degree of commitment to justify my travel. He openly admitted that much as he enjoyed our times together (2 years), he was not going to make any commitment on his part whatsoever. Naturally, we drifted apart.

    SC

  • wareagle99

    Posts: 63

    May 11, 2015 9:29 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidThis is a bit of an archetypical situation.

    You are the first guy he has ever played with, sexually. It seems that he has enjoyed the experience.

    Soon enough, the geography kicked in, and he must have realized that he is not living his life to the fullest. Your relationship depends on synching your possibly busy agendas. This is where the Grindr & Co. come in. Easy, fast, no synching needed. Add to the equation that he is a GL dude with a gym body, and you realize that he has found an easy way to satisfy his cravings.

    At this stage in his life, he may not be really interested in entering a monogamous LTR with anyone. You seem to have never raised the prospects thereof either.

    Sure, an honest talk is what is needed here. Do not raise your hopes too high, though. His apparent disinterest indicates that he is fine with the situation as it is, and he may be very well unwilling to change his present position.

    In my college days, I dated a guy who was two years my junior. We lasted for a while, though we never had anything like a monogamous relationship to start with. Again, there was an hour flight in-between the two of us.

    Over the time, this relationship developed into a convenient arrangement for both of us. Something between being FBs and FwBs. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that having a multitude of partners was his thing. There was something that he liked about each and every one of them.

    Whereas I was stopping short of demanding a classical, monogamous relationship, I needed a degree of commitment to justify my travel. He openly admitted that much as he enjoyed our times together (2 years), he was not going to make any commitment on his part whatsoever. Naturally, we drifted apart.

    SC


    I think you are spot on.

    The thing is, he was the one demanding things at first and acting jealous.

    We had a really good time with no strings and now that things have changed, the fun might be missing. We'll see. I am headed his way tonight and I invited him to dinner.

    I think we will drift apart. Probably sooner than later. Even though I have been around a while, this is new territory for me because I have only had another relationship. And I was on the other side (not responding very much), but I was always up front with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2015 3:53 PM GMT
    Welcome to the gayborhood. I have gone through and lots of other people. It is good that you are aware of your feelings and that you weren't trying to go after something that will just never be. Too many people fall in that pit and no amount of advice or foresight will help them.

    Hugs to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2015 8:22 PM GMT
    What, he's 20 years younger and he's not looking for you to pay off his student loans?
    I'd ride this tasty wave all the way out.

    Sorry buddy, a lot of red flags...may want to ruin him before you have the "talk".