Is any one really looking for someone to love them

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2015 2:15 AM GMT
    Is everyone just playing a game..are we that cruel
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    May 13, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    Yes;

    & I'd like to find 2 partners to Love!
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    May 13, 2015 6:24 PM GMT
    Yes.

    From my personal experience, I'd wager to bet that roughly 66%, or a clear majority, of my STRAIGHT friends are coupled (monogamously dating, coupled, married, etc.). Only about 33% are "single."

    Only about 33% of my GAY friends are coupled. A majority are "single," so the stats are literally flipped vis-a-vis straights and gays.

    I can only add this. I think that, for better or worse, straight people are geared/programmed, in a normative way, to couple and this societal programming (some might argue 'brainwashing') has a real effect you can see in the numbers above. Gays are part of this same society, but because there are fewer examples of gay couples, in a very real way, that precedent is not set for gays and we wind up, for better or worse, with lower rates of coupling.

    Men and woman like sex equally, but it's true, most men want to experience multiple partners and variety, while on average, women prefer to copulate with one, safe, secure mate. Why? Biology. We're programmed that way from hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. That primal urge is strong. So men's biology lends itself less to coupling than does female biology. Factor out the female dynamic in gay dating and you inherently have a system where "everyone just wants to fuck and leave." Seriously though.

    Another remark. Despite the stats above, it seems that people do not churn or move from group to group. Those straights or gays who are single, are always the ones who are single. "Unluck at love" perpetually. The straights and gays that are taken, seem to even after a breakup, find another relationship in a matter of weeks or months. You can argue they're "settling" but I don't think so. It's not like they're getting with ugly or low quality partners. To this dynamic, I think some people are better (I don't know if it's nature or nurture, innate or learned) at relationships and dating and others are awkward and just downright bad at dating. Some of the traits I see in perpetually single people are (1) narcissism, (2) lack of self-confidence, (3) faux overconfidence to compensate for a lack of self-confidence, (4) borderline alcoholism/drug use, (5) an inability to see reality for what it is, (6) emotional neediness, (7) long term depression, (icon_cool.gifa near maniacal obsession with attracting a mate which serves as a huge turn off since the person seems desperate, (9) (for women) talking about babies and baby names before the second date.

    It's like dancing. I've always been good at dancing, from ballet to ballroom, to bumping and grinding on the dance floor to rap music, so I don't understand when people say they're bad dancers. It's just moving to the rhythm.

    Same with dating. I've always been good at dating and attracting attractive, quality and fun mates. I literally don't understand when people say they're single but can't find somebody and they live in a city large enough to have bars and clubs. You could pluck me down in Omaha, Nebraska and if they have at least 1 gay bar I could find a quality mate in a month or two.

    The best I can say is, be balanced, have fun, smile, see your target, and go after him. If you're rebuffed, so be it. But if you aren't, then you win the dating lottery and likely have a mate (assuming you're somewhat decent and not too needy when dating....this is especially true in NYC which has a very flighty dating scene).

    Just go after your prey. Think of it like hunting. It's a sport. And you don't always win, but keep at it and you will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2015 7:39 PM GMT
    I guess I am the odd wierd one out, because I am yearning for a guy to love me, and I love him. seriously, I dont know how that feels like, where both guys love each other, not jst like say from one side, I thinl thats cruel.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2015 8:38 PM GMT
    I'm always looking for a third submissive hairless bottom who probably does not speak english, cooks like a well trained chef and does not have a safe word.
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    May 14, 2015 1:45 AM GMT
    People are better off studying Chinese Astrology and Western Astrology when looking for love and more.

    In Chinese Astrology, we learn the pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow could be a Peach Blossom Year of the Cat/Rabbit person who is not part of the Dog-Horse-Tiger Trine.

    One's trine partners (in the Dog-Horse-Tiger Trine) can be more long-term than an affair with a Peach Blossom Cat for whom neither of the Dog-Horse-Tiger Trine members is that Cat's Peach Blossom.

    I was just thinking today about Western Astrology. Who is oriented for above-average relationship attempts? The answer is someone who has Sun or Mars in House 7, house of partnerships. Jupiter in House 7 could be good, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2015 2:32 AM GMT
    I think we ought to be looking for opportunities to love others and stop obsessing about who loves us. That obsession stems from feeling worthless inside due to social stigma over the course of our lives and we need to heal through self-love. I highly recommend the book, "The Velvet Rage." No one else can heal our pain, only we have the power to do that. LGBTI are sensitive and scarred and require more gentleness and patience, which means healing from social rejection and discounting is crucial.

    This next paragraph is based on a generalization, so it is only true for a majority and to a greater and lesser degree, depending on the individual, but...men are geared to appease their cocks and women are geared to appease their hearts. Straight relationships work better, because of the yin/yang dynamic and quid pro quo, with women withholding sex until they find a worthy mate and men withholding love until they find the right one. Gay men are more balanced yin/yang, but still tend towards promiscuity. You have two people leaning towards obeying their genitals. A little withholding until emotional connection is established might work better, although, I've dated someone for weeks only to discover the sex sucked and that killed the relationship on the spot. It's dating, there is little science to it, only playing the odds.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2015 2:48 AM GMT
    Quit looking for love or you'll play hell finding it.
    Sit back, open yourself up and let it find you.
    It usually comes to you when you give up the search.
    Just know it when you see it, then never let it go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2015 2:56 AM GMT
    If you ever find yourself feeling unloved in life, try giving love to someone else. It kickstarts the cycle in motion almost immediately. People who focus on giving never think about receiving love because it's always there.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 14, 2015 3:23 AM GMT
    Looking for love just seems like such an act of desperation. You can't really 'look' for love. All you can do is live your life from day to day. If you meet someone that interests you then you can only open the door to friendship, what ever happens after that is a matter of time. So don't bother even thinking about it, it doesn't really happen that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2015 7:30 AM GMT
    The other mistake is looking for someone just like themself. Not only is the weird and narsasistic..but impossible to find and a little boring
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2015 2:13 PM GMT
    I am, but my problem is I'm so picky that I can't even find someone to go on a first date with, let alone fall in love with. I need to lower my standards hahaha. All the guys I'm interested in seem to be straight and/or taken.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2015 1:14 AM GMT
    How many people really do find love anyway?
    Let's stop kidding ourselves. And work out some more icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2015 3:18 AM GMT
    Try hanging out with someone you would never date..pick someone funny, or really smart or older and see if something develops
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2015 6:00 AM GMT
    Poegie saidI guess I am the odd wierd one out, because I am yearning for a guy to love me, and I love him. seriously, I dont know how that feels like, where both guys love each other, not jst like say from one side, I thinl thats cruel.....

    You are 26 - Your time will come - if you are patient.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jun 02, 2015 6:50 AM GMT
    Somehow it's always attractive and well connected people who love finds. People who love has found find it very easy to tel you to sit back and wait, while in the meantime having to listen to your friends regale you with their whirlwind romances and passionate hookups while you have fuck all to say. It's not pleasant.