How to keep a friendship online?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2015 2:20 PM GMT
    I have recently met a few guys here on RJ and on apps like Whisper and Grindr. They all seem like really nice, kind and are attractive. I have been talking to them for the past couple of days to get to know them. I want to be friends and keep contact with these guys.

    I would have to keep talking to them online because they all live in different states far from me. So I can't really meet up with any of them.

    Have you guys ever tried to preserved an online friendships before? And how much do you talk to one another (weekly, once a month, or once in a while)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2015 6:31 PM GMT
    I lost count of how many "online" friendships I've kept. Most of them I eventually met in person, and continue to stay in contact occasionally to this day (just texted a few this morning and last night).

    Basically just treat them like you'd treat any other friend you've known in person. It's really simple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2015 6:31 PM GMT
    Oh and make phone contact to talk in person.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    May 13, 2015 6:51 PM GMT
    I've been friends online with a guy in England for 15 years. Sometimes we exchange Christmas cards. We've only talked on the phone once and I've never looked him up when in London. Sometimes we exchange messages often, sometimes we go most of a year without. But we consider each other a friend.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    May 14, 2015 2:25 PM GMT
    I have a couple of guys I have never met that I met online - the old gay.com and here - but that is it a very few. We email once a week or about that - 1 I talk with on the phone maybe twice a year. It is a different kind of friendship interaction but it is just as close too sometimes - and that is the problem - it goes from close to not close and back when it is someone you don't know and see in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2015 3:38 PM GMT
    My longest turned into a 10-year relationship. We'd likely never have run into each other without the internet as we lived 3000 miles away, both very involved in our individual lives at the time. But we talked so much on phone and with visits aside from all the online forums, email and im's that even when we weren't with each other physically we spent more time with each other than with anyone else in our lives.

    There was no real technique to it. Certainly nothing either of us did consciously. You either connect with a person or not. You can't force a relationship, you shouln't manipulate yourself into one. That's just creepy. Be yourself and see what happens. With my last guy, we just got each other, very naturally. Extremely intimate. Unafraid of exploring/exposing ourselves with/to each other. He was a beautiful man.

    I had a number of others that lasted five to 10 years but eventually faded. And this guy, of course, died. What strikes me interesting is how his death hurts nearly as much as my other 10-year guy who was with me mostly physically unlike the last relationship which was mostly long-distance. I will never forget that call from his mom. I cried in bed for days nonstop. His death killed me.

    He joked once that if he died first he'd haunt me. I'm still awaiting that email.
  • PE_Mike

    Posts: 75

    May 14, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    aw man, that's so sad - I hope you found new joy in the waggle of a puppy tail and new friends, sometimes it takes years to feel whole again - whether we call them friends, lovers or siblings. Thanks for the honesty
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    May 14, 2015 8:06 PM GMT
    [quote]I had a number of others that lasted five to 10 years but eventually faded. And this guy, of course, died. What strikes me interesting is how his death hurts nearly as much as my other 10-year guy who was with me mostly physically unlike the last relationship which was mostly long-distance. I will never forget that call from his mom. I cried in bed for days nonstop. His death killed me.[/quote]

    Wow 10 years that is extremely long. I am so sorry for your loss. icon_cry.gif
    I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone as close as him to talk to. You can PM me here if you need someone to talk to.

    There is a guy I'm talking to currently and we've been talking for almost 5 months almost daily. We are now best friends because we both enjoy each others company daily. I would date him but distance is the main issue. I wish my friendship with my friend will last as long as yours. And my other friends I've met online. icon_smile.gif
  • jeep334

    Posts: 412

    May 15, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidOh and make phone contact to talk in person.


    What Paul suggests (phone contact) is a good idea. Another on line friend of mine suggested a second email address would be a helpful thing. I have had at least 4 very good on line relationships. The first and best was a learning experience for both of us. We wrote at least every day and sometimes two or three times a day. We shared everything about ourselves. We taught each other new things and held the relationship close to our hearts. It was like having a secret pal. We exchanged pictures (he also sent me a video of him pleasuring himself) but we never spoke and we never really knew where each other lived. The first time I had been out of town for over a week and with no internet access, I was really anxious to see if he had written to me when I got home. The first thing I did was check my email and there was a letter from my buddy. It was our practice to write a story including excellent pictures, send it to the other and let him add to the story and send it back. We would continue this practice for at least a week, writing every day. Kind of creative and fun. The story he greeted me when I got home from being away was tremendous. Not only was it a great story but it confirmed that he cared about our relationship. That's a milestone of sorts. To tell someone they like you sincerely is a gift in itself. After about 3 years, the relationship faded and we ended up not writing for several months. All of a sudden one morning I woke up and there was a letter from him. It was about an experience he had just had and wanted to share it with me. It was uncharacteristic in the number of typos and any lack of proof reading becuase he was 100% with that sort of thing. He and his family were on vacation at the time so I suspected he simply needed to get it done and sign off. When I wrote back, I got the response that the address I was sending it to did not exist. I was crushed. How could he leave a second time? I haven't heard from him since and it's been several years now although there is always a glimmer of hope that he might magically write once again.

    My advise is to enjoy the moment and time together. If it lasts forever, all the better. After a fashion of time, if there is a serious connection, get a second way of communicating. I have learned well though that life goes on even after the people we cherish disappear. It's a fantasy world of sorts which brings peace in a lot of ways. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2015 3:34 PM GMT
    ktor said

    Wow 10 years that is extremely long. I am so sorry for your loss. icon_cry.gif
    I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone as close as him to talk to. You can PM me here if you need someone to talk to.

    There is a guy I'm talking to currently and we've been talking for almost 5 months almost daily. We are now best friends because we both enjoy each others company daily. I would date him but distance is the main issue. I wish my friendship with my friend will last as long as yours. And my other friends I've met online. icon_smile.gif


    Thank you and to PEMike if that was directed towards me, though I wasn't playing a sympathy card, simply describing an experience in relating just how far an online relationship can go. That experience just happened to be what I went through, the important part being that we got that far from just an early AOL chat room. Life eventually cheated us, such that I lost him just as we were were making plans to locate together. On a boat; while I was shopping that. You never know what tomorrow will bring or take away.

    Nor where life will lead you. You make decisions either all on your own or by what's left you by circumstance, then ride it out and see where you wind up. But I think online is not only perfectly valid but opens new opportunities for people to get to know each other. It's fraught with some dangers: lack of learning and practicing social skills, pathological liars fooling people, etc., so you have to watch both yourself and watch out for them. But even offline are similar issues.

    I wouldn't let distance be an issue because personal distances are so much wider than geographies. I suspect, given some of the fucked up different attitudes I've noticed online these days that some kids would have issues with being in an open, long distance, long term relationship. To my mind that's the only way to play one. Monogamy if you're into that can work at close range. But I'd tend to not put that constraint on a long distance relationship. The hallmark of such a relationship is trust and loyalty, not jealousy.
  • YTC1989

    Posts: 39

    May 15, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    This is crazy... why waste even a second on virtual friends when there are more local real-life people than you can possibly befriend in a lifetime? And lol why does it matter if they're attractive?
  • doraemonlei

    Posts: 14

    May 16, 2015 5:48 AM GMT
    it is not to work for everyone but me and my best mate just text each other at some point every day.lol tho he is about 8000 thousand miles away from me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 1:54 AM GMT
    No different than Facebook.

    If they wanna stay friends then they'll put in the same amount of effort as you. That simple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 4:00 PM GMT
    YTC1989 saidThis is crazy... why waste even a second on virtual friends when there are more local real-life people than you can possibly befriend in a lifetime? And lol why does it matter if they're attractive?
    I understand your point, but don't forget the fact that there are shy people too! XD They need to make friends, and of course there are other reasons. 8-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 10:12 PM GMT
    YTC1989 saidThis is crazy... why waste even a second on virtual friends when there are more local real-life people than you can possibly befriend in a lifetime?
    Because sometimes people eventually travel to the location of the virtual/online friend and meet them in real life. That happens to me a few times every year.

    YTC1989 saidAnd lol why does it matter if they're attractive?
    Because ugly people are like mopeds...everybody wants to ride one, but nobody wants their friends to see them doing it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 4:01 AM GMT
    When my fiance and I moved to the Bay Area in 2012 we were on a quest to find many friends. We tried all of the apps and despite what many may say, you can meet friends on there. We have met and stayed in contact with a few people not all 20 or so that we have met, but we exchanged numbers and we talk and text about once or twice a month with those few. The key to online friendships to succeed is either do a face to face meet or at least have a phone conversation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 5:19 AM GMT
    For conserve a good online friendship or relationship, I think that first you have to be honest, and be yourself, second do you have to be educated, and last, keep every some new to say and do online. icon_wink.gif
  • Fireworkz

    Posts: 606

    Jan 19, 2016 10:50 AM GMT
    All my online friendships are people I've met in person first who happen to live abroad. I think they are mostly straight that I've connected with.

    I did meet a guy once in Amsterdam and went to visit him after 3 months of chatting. We are still friends.

    I'm not generally looking to make online friends, as I'm much better in person and in conversation, but if I came across someone amazing I would keep in contact. I usually have the intention to meet online friends in person at some point in the future.

    I use whatsapp and skype as they feel more interactive and conversational. Email is too long winded and I don't like writing intimate stuff about me I prefer to speak them.