HELP!

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    Jan 26, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    Here is the deal. 2 weeks ago I moved to Lexington, KY to go to college here. I live in the dorms and so I have gotten to know a lot of people. I hang out with them in our floors lobby all the time and we have lots of chats and whatnot. Well, in the last 15 days, 4 girls have come onto me (not to sound cocky...im not, lol im freakin out). One of these girls is smokin hot so we exchanged numbers and we been textin and who knows what wil happen. But the other 3 I have no interest in at all. Now, typically I would have no problem bein like, sorry honey, i play for the other team, but here is the predicament. My brother and all his friends are always around, and I am not out to my brother for various reasons. And I dont plan on being out to him when we are together all the time. I couldnt handle him being upset with me. So, WTF do I tell these girls? I cant keep making up excuses. Like right now this girl is textin me like "you were so cute last night when we were watchin family guy in the lobby". So I said "haha nah ur jus makin that up". Cuz i dont wanan be like "oohhh ur cute too". That would be leading her on. I consider myself gay, and I have never in my life seen so many hot guys. They are ALL OVER this campus. Seriously. But when I saw Ashley (the one thats smokin hot), it struck up that "bi" side of me. To sum it up, I'd rather be with a guy, but I cant tell Im gay because A my brother is here and B waht if me and Ashley hit it off? And at the same time how do I let these other girls down easily? I'm at a loss, and usually I can figure these things out.

    HELP!icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    step 1 -- come out to your brother
    step 2 -- come out to the young lady
    step 3 -- come out to all the "hot guys"

    good luck!icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 26, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Just tell each one that she is really pretty, but you are interested in someone else right now. And say you dont wanna say who cuz you dont want it to get around yet.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    Caslon8000 saidJust tell each one that she is really pretty, but you are interested in someone else right now. And say you dont wanna say who cuz you dont want it to get around yet.
    winner winner chicken dinner
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    Come out to your brother.

    Are you going to kill your social life because you want to stay in the closet? Is there a good reason for not coming out to your brother? Fear that he might be upset is not, by the way, a good reason at all.

    But, if you must bury yourself like Christmas presents in the closet, stop flirting back with these women. Stop texting them. You are just stringing them along knowing full well it isn't going to work out because you are gay. That is not fair to them and it isn't fair to you. In fact, you might as well stop flirting with anyone. You are only going to hurt someone like Ashley and if you get with a guy, word is going to get around. And really, who do you want to tell your brother that you are gay: you or some random dude?
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    Jan 26, 2009 9:23 PM GMT

    Paging Fable*!!!

    *who I don't really like right now, but my love for Trocks797 prevails
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    Jan 27, 2009 1:38 AM GMT
    Thanks for the support guys. I dont know what to do. I am just going to tell everyone I cant right now due to school being so important. I NEED straight As this semester or I am gonna be thrown into a world that I dont want to be.


    At some point, I would like to come out to my bro tho. He is the only one who hasnt ever asked....maybe he already knows....who knows?icon_evil.gif
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    Jan 27, 2009 1:41 AM GMT
    evilgemini saidstep 1 -- come out to your brother
    step 2 -- come out to the young lady
    step 3 -- come out to all the "hot guys"

    good luck!icon_cool.gif


    icon_lol.gif That's priceless advice!
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    Jan 27, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    The point at which I started coming out was when it got to be too difficult and obviously awkward to keep being evasive. And it sounds like you're at that point now. Tell your brother already and be done with the nonsense.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:16 AM GMT
    TRocks797 saidThanks for the support guys. I dont know what to do. I am just going to tell everyone I cant right now due to school being so important. I NEED straight As this semester or I am gonna be thrown into a world that I dont want to be.

    At some point, I would like to come out to my bro tho. He is the only one who hasnt ever asked....maybe he already knows....who knows?icon_evil.gif

    What's the hurry? With the young everything is urgent; with the old everything is postponable.

    At some point you WILL come out to your brother. And to others. I agree, your brother likely already knows, or suspects. This prolly won't be a shocking revelation.

    What are your most important priorities? Will coming out interfere with them, at this moment and place in your life? Will your college plans be disrupted? Isn't college what you must accomplish first, before other things in your life can happen?

    If girls are hitting on you (and congrats for being so attractive), then say you're focused on your studies right now, and can't be distracted. Say you're broke, say you're too exhausted, say ANYTHING to explain your disinterest in them.

    Your being gay or bi is your business. Conceal or reveal it as it best suits your long-term goals. Don't let yourself be stampeded into a decision. Choose the moment that works to your best advantage, rather than being caught up in a wave of emotion. You are gay now and forever; delaying the announcement won't change that, but acting too soon may make it a liability. Take your time, choose your moment carefully.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:18 AM GMT
    I think the obvious way out would be to tell her you're not interested and leave it at that.
  • dionysus

    Posts: 420

    Jan 27, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    TRocks797 saidThanks for the support guys. I dont know what to do. I am just going to tell everyone I cant right now due to school being so important. I NEED straight As this semester or I am gonna be thrown into a world that I dont want to be.


    At some point, I would like to come out to my bro tho. He is the only one who hasnt ever asked....maybe he already knows....who knows?icon_evil.gif



    id say come out to her, and have her play along in front of your brother as your "girlfriend" if you cross that barrier with her, you can have a lot of fun people watching with her, while still having the front to your brother. kinda best of both worlds?
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    Eeek! It's hard to keep living a lie, eh?

    1. Nobody gives a shit.
    2. Come out to your brother, friends, and whoever, but, don't let it rule your life, it's just dick for crying out loud.

    You'll find yourself with virtue, integrity, and a bunch happier.

    Here's a bonus, too: Some of those "straight" guys ARE NOT. They just don't know you're just like them. Once they know, you could be in for some FUN!

    Chill, Dude. It'll be fine.

    The sooner you start getting honest, the better off you'll be.

    Deceit very rarely brings good.

    Here's a litmus test for you. Would you like to be deceived by your brother? How about your girlfriend? How about your business partner? How do you feel when someone lies to you? Now, ask yourself the value of being selfish, dishonest, and non-forthright. Do you like being made to feel the patsy? Does it add value to your life? I think that will answer your question about the kind of person you are inside (take,take,take,me,me,me, or true, honest, a giver, and concerned about others). It should be an easy decision once you begin to think of others, yourself, the big picture and the fact that it's a small thing like sexuality.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidEeek! It's hard to keep living a lie, eh?

    1. Nobody gives a shit.
    2. Come out to your brother, friends, and whoever, but, don't let it rule your life, it's just dick for crying out loud.

    You'll find yourself with virtue, integrity, and a bunch happier.

    Here's a bonus, too: Some of those "straight" guys ARE NOT. They just don't know you're just like them. Once they know, you could be in for some FUN!

    Chill, Dude. It'll be fine.

    The sooner you start getting honest, the better off you'll be.

    Deceit very rarely brings good.


    Great advice chuck!! It seems though alot of guys and girls are saying they are bi now, I am speaking of college age. You do a search on myspace for bi guys and you will be shocked at the gorgeous young guys that are admitting now that they are bi, which I find shocking...just a clue as to our society changing and what it is accepting with the younger generation.

    Could you be bi? If your are not, and it doesn't sound like you are you need to atleast tell this girl you can only be friends or something, if you dont wanna come out to anyone.

    But the ultimate goal would be to follow chuckys advice and alot of the others...as soon as you come out you will feel so much better and your life will be all the better...you'll know who your real friends are and who loves you for you....anyone that doesnt fuck em its their loss.

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    Jan 27, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    Bi is the best of both worlds.

    I can show a girl a great time, but, I like my muscle guys best. Oh, yes. It' SO DARN HOT.

    I'm always honest with any women I date. Point blank, up front. My one friend, who is a swinger, with his wife, said to me, "Chuck, it's o.k. if you're a power bottom" and we all giggled. Guys like putting things into their behinds. Even straight ones. (Reminds me of that Brut bottle. No, I'm not a power bottom, nor a power top.)

    If someone is in your shit over what you do in your bedroom, get rid of them.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    Chucky gives great advice here.

    Reading your responses though I would suggest going to a councilor. You are having social problems with your brother and women. You already are in academic trouble (I am guessing from the "I need straight As" line). Your school most likely provides them They are completely confidential and they can help you sort out all this stuff so that you can better succeed in school.

    Best of luck.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    To use an over-used saying, the biggest fear is fear itself, and the fear within. Look it in the eye, and walk into, through, and beyond it, to a higher place.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    nobodyKnows.jpg

    Yeah, right. :-)
  • Timbales

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    Jan 27, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    Are you afraid if you come out your family will pull the plug on your college tuition? If so, be smart and keep your mouth shut. Get your degree and get stable before doing anything. A few years of keeping it in your pants isn't going to kill you.
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    Jan 27, 2009 2:53 AM GMT
    I have good parents. I know they support me nearly unconditionally. As I said, the biggest fear is fear itself.

    Unless your family is messed up by false belief systems, or is into hate culture, it's very unlikely that they'll be spiteful and hateful to you. In fact, just the opposite is most likely. Almost certainly, they'll praise your integrity and be very supportive. Don't conjure up excuses to keep being dishonest and living a lie.
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    Jan 27, 2009 5:54 AM GMT



    Tell all the girls you'll flirt with them as much as they like, anytime, but that they should get boyfriends because you don't want to date anyone. School n stuff.
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    Jan 27, 2009 6:28 AM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidThe point at which I started coming out was when it got to be too difficult and obviously awkward to keep being evasive. And it sounds like you're at that point now. Tell your brother already and be done with the nonsense.


    This reminds me of Anaïs Nin. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

    Whatever you decide, its okay to give yourself the space and time you need to make the decision.
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    Jan 27, 2009 6:41 AM GMT
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    Jan 27, 2009 11:35 AM GMT
    Dude, there's no time like the present. Having recently come out - to a bad reaction by my close family (but a great one by all my close friends.) - I realised that it was just foolish being in the closet. Basically I was holding my life back from progressing.
    Also, whatever your brother's reaction is gonna be, it won't change with time. So basically: DO IT!