For Those RJ Members That Have Ethnic/Cultural Preferences for Sexual Partners: I Want to Read About Your Experiences

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 4:21 PM GMT
    Hello there!

    Recently I joined the forum titled "Now It's Time To Start Talking About Racism in the LGBT Community" posted by another RJ member. I was struck by the strong feelings some RJ members shared about feeling singled out and/or rejected by actual or potential sexual partners because of their ethnicity/cultural background. I have also sensed similar strong views, both supportive and critical, for RJ members that have expressed preferences for a particular ethnic/culture when it comes to actual or potential sexual partners. I have noticed these viewpoints both in some RJ forums and some individual RJ profiles.

    For some time I have been interested in digging into this subject further and that is why I created this thread. This thread is intended for RJ members who have ethnic/cultural preferences for sexual partners and are willing to talk about it. Some questions that I have are the following (please note that questions # 3 and #5 have two options):

    1) When did you first start to notice that you were drawn to individuals of a certain ethnicity/culture?

    2) What did you find attractive about members of this ethnicity/culture?

    3-A) What do you find desirable in members of this ethnicity/culture that you feel is lacking or missing from members of your ethnicity/culture?

    OR

    3-B)What do you find desirable in members of your ethnicity/culture that you feel is lacking or missing from members of another ethnicity/culture?

    4) How have members of your own ethnicity/culture have responded to your preferences?

    5-A) How have members of the ethnicity/culture you are drawn to have responded to your preferences?

    OR

    5-B) How have members of another ethnicity/culture have responded to your preference for your ethnicity/culture?

    I look forward to read your responses! I will ask that you be as honest as possible and PLEASE let's be respectful of other people's perspectives. I realize that this topic can be a sensitive one however I will ask participants to please practice active listening before they respond to other participants' answers.

    Yes, I have my own views on this subject and my own preferences for sexual partners. However I will refrain from sharing my perspective until I first read responses from other members. I do not want to influence or sway the conversation too early in this process. I do plan to share some of my viewpoints later on this thread.

    My apologies for the length of this introduction! Now please being sharing...icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 17, 2015 4:35 PM GMT
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    May 17, 2015 4:49 PM GMT
    rubrod64 said


    I will ask that you be as honest as possible and PLEASE let's be respectful of other people's perspectives. I realize that this topic can be a sensitive one however I will ask participants to please practice active listening before they respond to other participants' answers.


    You need to go to every thread and post that. There are too many people here who can't discuss, debate or disagree without resorting to name calling and personal insults. I think there are a lot more people who would participate, especially in the political forums, if they could express an opinion and not be swooped down on by one of the stooges.
    As far as the topic at hand, I don't have anything to add. As long as you're human, I'm good. (No offense to the couple of cats and the Martian here).
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    May 17, 2015 8:17 PM GMT
    rubrod64 saidHello there!

    Recently I joined the forum titled "Now It's Time To Start Talking About Racism in the LGBT Community" posted by another RJ member. I was struck by the strong feelings some RJ members shared about feeling singled out and/or rejected by actual or potential sexual partners because of their ethnicity/cultural background. I have also sensed similar strong views, both supportive and critical, for RJ members that have expressed preferences for a particular ethnic/culture when it comes to actual or potential sexual partners. I have noticed these viewpoints both in some RJ forums and some individual RJ profiles.

    For some time I have been interested in digging into this subject further and that is why I created this thread. This thread is intended for RJ members who have ethnic/cultural preferences for sexual partners and are willing to talk about it. Some questions that I have are the following (please note that questions # 3 and #5 have two options):

    1) When did you first start to notice that you were drawn to individuals of a certain ethnicity/culture?

    2) What did you find attractive about members of this ethnicity/culture?

    3-A) What do you find desirable in members of this ethnicity/culture that you feel is lacking or missing from members of your ethnicity/culture?

    OR

    3-B)What do you find desirable in members of your ethnicity/culture that you feel is lacking or missing from members of another ethnicity/culture?

    4) How have members of your own ethnicity/culture have responded to your preferences?

    5-A) How have members of the ethnicity/culture you are drawn to have responded to your preferences?

    OR

    5-B) How have members of another ethnicity/culture have responded to your preference for your ethnicity/culture?

    I look forward to read your responses! I will ask that you be as honest as possible and PLEASE let's be respectful of other people's perspectives. I realize that this topic can be a sensitive one however I will ask participants to please practice active listening before they respond to other participants' answers.

    Yes, I have my own views on this subject and my own preferences for sexual partners. However I will refrain from sharing my perspective until I first read responses from other members. I do not want to influence or sway the conversation too early in this process. I do plan to share some of my viewpoints later on this thread.

    My apologies for the length of this introduction! Now please being sharing...icon_biggrin.gif

    Nope. When you create a thread asking for personal anecdotes, it's forum courtesy to go first.

    Do you think it's fair for everyone to reply first, and then you back out because you're no longer interested in the topic? icon_wink.gif

    Also, as someone mentioned above, there have been numerous threads on this in the past. People are less likely to reply because they're tired of it. Just search the old threads.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=race
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=interracial
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=black
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=white
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=asian
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums?searchtext=latino
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 9:53 PM GMT

    Quote: xrichx said:

    "Nope. When you create a thread asking for personal anecdotes, it's forum courtesy to go first.

    Do you think it's fair for everyone to reply first, and then you back out because you're no longer interested in the topic? icon_wink.gif

    Also, as someone mentioned above, there have been numerous threads on this in the past. People are less likely to reply because they're tired of it. Just search the old threads."

    Rubrod64 response:

    I was unaware that there is a forum etiquette as far as who goes first. Who came up with that? LOL This may be a good example of cultural differences. Where I come from, it is common courtesy to allow others to speak first. I have limited experience posting forums, so I am sorry if the way I proceeded came off across the wrong way to you.

    Would you be willing to answer my questions and participate if I answer first, or you felt the need to stress that this is an over-done topic and you will not participate no matter who goes first?

    I will wait for more responses and if others agree with you, then I may consider your suggestion or perhaps delete this post. Thank you for sending me the other forum links. I have read some of them but they do not necessarily answer all my questions and that is why I posted them. I only wish to get answers from individuals who are still interested in discussing this topic.

    Thank you for your honest response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2015 10:56 PM GMT

    Wow, Lt Bear 13, that was VERY interesting! Thanks for responding to this post. Like you, I look forward to learn from other RJ members as well, so let's stay put!icon_biggrin.gif Let's see if we find common themes from other respondents...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    Sexually speaking, either romantically or just fwb/hook ups, there is a little bit of an actual hierarchy.
    This hierarchy is often either overly advertised to the point of insensitivity on people's profiles, or the preference is sort of ambiguated by "hot is hot" so as to try make a race preference less obvious.

    Let's be clear that in most media, the depiction of gay men (in television shows or gay porn) is predominantly based on Caucasian men with the token ethnic person here and there as long as:

    a) they don't look that ethnic or are exceptionally attractive looking within their ethnic features (a.k.a hot is hot)

    or

    b) (this is mostly for porn and size queens) they have a big dick

    Let's just not refuse to accept that in the world of gay men, white men are normally the top prize, at least the gay world in the general western societies.
    I'd say that white men generally prefer white men (which fair enough for some guys who live in an area that is basically all white).

    When it comes to minorities, the combo is usually either minorities of the same race pair together or a minority and a Caucasian.
    It is probably the most rare to see two different minorities together in a relationship, although I did see a thread not too long ago about Black men into Asians or something so maybe it might become just a little less uncommon in the future.

    Right now though I'd say speaking purely from a sexual perspective, white guys are usually the most sought after sexual partner.

    Please note I'm not branding anyone or any particular group as racist, I'm just trying to state this in a 'matter-of-factly; kind of way.

    Anyway the unspoken (or sometimes overly outspoken on some profiles) hierarchy that I've noticed is as follows:

    1) Caucasian
    2) Latin and Hispanic
    3) Black and Pacific Islander Polynesian descent
    4) Asians
    *I find that Middle Eastern men float between 2 and 3, often interchanging so I wasn't sure where to place them.

    Again I reiterate, I am not trying to say this is fact, just trying to deliver this without showing particular favour or emotion on what is something I've noticed at least in the gay world where I live.

    Commonly, the more predominant a particular ethnic feature is, the less they are seen as attractive in gay men.
    Those who do find particular ethnic features attractive commonly have those interests labelled a "fetish" (for the most part accepted, but still not considered completely all that "normal").

    Now here is my actual 2 cents worth of feelings on the subject.
    Overall I'd say that you don't have to think I'm attractive or fuckable to respect me as a person.
    There are people in the world everyday that we encounter that we don't necessarily find attractive or want to hook up with that still warrant our general respect and common decency.

    I respect people and treat them well when I interact with them regardless of if I think they are attractive or not simply because I think that's the right thing to do and because I'd hope for the same.
    Just because someone doesn't find you sexually attractive doesn't mean (at least I hope it doesn't) they therefore think you are less deserving of kindness and respect.

    You don't have to find someone hot to offer them simple human decency, and in the same token just because someone doesn't want to fuck you doesn't necessarily mean he hates your race.
    Of course there are some people out there who proudly contradict what I just said.

    I guess all I can do is be a nice person and just hope that it returns back to me.