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I am a bottom. My current boyfriend is a little over 7 inches long and moderately thick. He is the largest man I have ever been with, since my past sexual partners have been around 5 inches and not very thick. I have enjoyed sex with the partners of my past, but having sex with a man who was much larger was a completely different experience.
He was able to go deeper inside me than anyone before, which shocked me. During sex I feel him hit/rub/touch parts of my walls that no one else has before. Sometimes this is really great, but the majority of the time, it's discomforting. I have to sort of mentally "get myself there," tell myself, "You're getting fucked, you love this man, make it the best."
Before my boyfriend, I enjoyed a rough romp, but now, his bigger penis leaves me with more damage and more soreness. I have to work harder to relax for him too. I enjoy how he stretches me because I've maintained my tightness (call it youth, but I say I'm just uptight and always stressed) so I know he enjoys it.
I really love him. We've been together for over for a year and I love that he wants me as often as he does, but his penis really does hurt me a lot more than I tell him. I'm not shitting blood in any alarming sense, but every so often there is blood is my stool--something I'm honest about, which he takes as a sort of "accomplishment," as if to say, "Yeah...I did that." He backs off for a while, giving me time to heal.
I'm not so worried about asking him to change our sex life as I am about wearing down the quality of my anus or doing permanent damage to my sphincter.
1) Is it normal to bleed sometimes after anal sex? Should I be worried even if it's only a little?
2) Can I be damaged by having my prostate roughly pressed? I will admit, I push him to "enjoy" me the way I know he likes it because I find it sexy--and I also hope that we'll accomplish those instances where he can make me orgasm simply by being inside me.
3) Is there a good way to talk to my boyfriend about his penis without making him feel bad? I feel responsible for allowing him to receive the same message that I enjoy our sex the way we have it.
We have a method of starting and like to try new positions. I prefer being on top of him because I like the control and I can usually get off better; but he likes taking control by having me on my knees or on my back where he can control his thrusts and how deep it goes. I guess what I really wish it that we could have slower sex, since it's less painful.
Plus, even though he won't let me top him, I feel like I'm in a sense "fucking him" by controlling how much of me he gets when I'm riding him. I'm not dissatisfied, just worried for my body. If I have nothing to worry about and I'm still being fulfilled sexually, then I guess I shouldn't complain. I just wish he was smaller and I can't think of a positive way to communicate that to him. In the past. I appreciate the new experiences that having sex with a man with a large penis has provided me, but I really miss the safety of a smaller cock. There really isn't a difference in pleasure for me--there's just a higher rate of being hurt...and I guess I'm a little louder as a result.
ALSO: I'm a lot smaller than he is. I'd say pushing 5 inches but not quite. He has bottomed in the past but will not let me top him. Do you think that it's a matter of me not being big enough? I know he misses it and it makes me feel insecure that we can't be versatile for one another. Should I feel insufficient? Should I worry that he might seek someone else? Or do you think that he's satisfied with our sex and our roles as is and I should not worry as much? I just don't want our "sex life" to be something complicated; I want it to be fun--and something only we get to do with one another, since I am not the sharing type.
Any advice? Sorry for writing a novel!