How can I lower my standards?

  • slowprogress

    Posts: 38

    May 18, 2015 7:01 AM GMT
    Everyone tells me I'm too picky, but I haven't been able to do much about it, nor do I really want to.

    I'm just a barely above-average looking guy, but can only get it up for guys who are model-quality hot. I've never been horny or drunk enough that a 7 or 8 out of 10 (already better looking than me) will do. With my experience thus far in the dating world, I've only managed to either attract hot guys without the right personality, or average looking guys who are compatible in every other way.

    I haven't even met anyone who has it all, whom I want to pursue for a long term relationship, even if they're not interested. The most I've been able to "lower" my standards was with a friend of 16 months whom I fooled around with a few times in the recent past, who's looks and personality just manages to push all the right buttons for me, whose many flaws I somehow can manage to forgive, but it won't work because we're both tops.

    It makes for very bleak times online or on apps. I only want to message that one 1 guy in 500 who actually turns me on, and feel obligated to message the other 10 or so who are closer to my league and don't turn me on, but have promising profiles. Part of me wishes I had lower standards, but the other part thinks I deserve better because every other aspect of myself other than looks is so way above-average lol. In any case it's kind of moot, because I wouldn't even know how I can physically lower my standards. Jerk off to porn featuring average-looking guys? lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 7:15 AM GMT
    You may find your answers in an old thread from a few years ago...

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1369322
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 10:53 AM GMT
    Stick to the same level as you are? If you don't belong to that tier, why are you making your way there?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2015 3:53 PM GMT
    do what you want, sounds like your no in a rush
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    May 18, 2015 3:57 PM GMT


    Changing standards is not the same as lowering them. If you feel you have to lower them, then they were the wrong standards to begin with. Change them instead.
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    May 18, 2015 5:34 PM GMT
    aloneintheworld saidEveryone tells me I'm too picky, but I haven't been able to do much about it, nor do I really want to.

    I'm just a barely above-average looking guy, but can only get it up for guys who are model-quality hot. I've never been horny or drunk enough that a 7 or 8 out of 10 (already better looking than me) will do. With my experience thus far in the dating world, I've only managed to either attract hot guys without the right personality, or average looking guys who are compatible in every other way.

    I haven't even met anyone who has it all, whom I want to pursue for a long term relationship, even if they're not interested. The most I've been able to "lower" my standards was with a friend of 16 months whom I fooled around with a few times in the recent past, who's looks and personality just manages to push all the right buttons for me, whose many flaws I somehow can manage to forgive, but it won't work because we're both tops.

    It makes for very bleak times online or on apps. I only want to message that one 1 guy in 500 who actually turns me on, and feel obligated to message the other 10 or so who are closer to my league and don't turn me on, but have promising profiles. Part of me wishes I had lower standards, but the other part thinks I deserve better because every other aspect of myself other than looks is so way above-average lol. In any case it's kind of moot, because I wouldn't even know how I can physically lower my standards. Jerk off to porn featuring average-looking guys? lol


    Destinharbor gave you a good answer to an earlier question of yours:
    You are a snob. You basically called all your friends low rent and worthless. Usually a snob has reason to feel superior but in your case you whore just like you accuse them of doing (evidence your quickie dates when your weekend plans fell apart). Listen, Cornell, (which really isn't a true Ivy but a State school), start living an authentic life and stop being a sex club regular and try to judge people by their merits with understanding that their backgrounds may have given them fewer advantages, advantages that you should be grateful for, not judgmental of others. If you can't figure out how to find quality people you like, it is most likely because those people don't want to know you. Grow up.

    If you can't find guys that meet your standards, stick with porn for now. Or rent escorts who do meet your standards. Or go to dimly lit bathhouses, where guys that don't meet your standards may appear to be that hot. Helps to take drugs - they can make high standards evaporate. When you say that getting drunk has not helped you find guys attractive enough, maybe you have not been drunk enough.

    Hang on until you're in your mid-30s and have more mellowed out and absorbed more world experience before dating with a relationship goal in mind. It does not appear that you are a relationship oriented guy yet at this time.

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    May 18, 2015 6:29 PM GMT
    Even a 3 year old knows that the gift is inside the package not the wrapping around it.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 18, 2015 9:44 PM GMT
    I'll bite because I have had similar thoughts about going after guys you aren't attracted to.

    Honestly, how high are your standards? Do they have to have model-looking faces? I remember when I was younger, I was very attracted to the model looking face but as I got older, my tastes changes. Like for example, I used to not like bushy eyebrows or a big nose but over time, I began to find those things attractive on a guy.

    Then again, I realized that these days, I'm not much of a face guy. As long as the guy grooms himself, it's all good and he doesn't need to have a model looking face for me to find him attractive. Honestly, I'm way more into the body. So if a guy had an "average" face but an appealing body, he's got me hooked.

    But ahem, back to your situation. My personal advice would be to either stick with porn, look at amateur porn where the guys aren't so model perfect, hire a rent boy, or change your standards just a bit and give some wiggle room. No one is perfect and if you keep vying for a conventionally perfect guy, you may be waiting an eternity so it's better to make some compromises in some form.
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    May 18, 2015 9:51 PM GMT
    If your post hadn't read like that of a total douchebag, I would have advised - Wait till you fall in love with someone. If you are in love, your standards, whatever they are, won't matter at all, and you won't realize they are not being met.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3516

    May 19, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    the first step would be to actually come out publicly so you dont have to hide behind
    "no photos" like a wuss. you are already below MY standards for not being actually gay, just a closet case, which is intolerable.
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    May 19, 2015 6:15 AM GMT
    aloneintheworld saidEveryone tells me I'm too picky, but I haven't been able to do much about it, nor do I really want to.

    I'm just a barely above-average looking guy, but can only get it up for guys who are model-quality hot. I've never been horny or drunk enough that a 7 or 8 out of 10 (already better looking than me) will do. With my experience thus far in the dating world, I've only managed to either attract hot guys without the right personality, or average looking guys who are compatible in every other way.

    I haven't even met anyone who has it all, whom I want to pursue for a long term relationship, even if they're not interested. The most I've been able to "lower" my standards was with a friend of 16 months whom I fooled around with a few times in the recent past, who's looks and personality just manages to push all the right buttons for me, whose many flaws I somehow can manage to forgive, but it won't work because we're both tops.

    It makes for very bleak times online or on apps. I only want to message that one 1 guy in 500 who actually turns me on, and feel obligated to message the other 10 or so who are closer to my league and don't turn me on, but have promising profiles. Part of me wishes I had lower standards, but the other part thinks I deserve better because every other aspect of myself other than looks is so way above-average lol. In any case it's kind of moot, because I wouldn't even know how I can physically lower my standards. Jerk off to porn featuring average-looking guys? lol

    #ForeverAlone
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    May 19, 2015 7:45 AM GMT
    Gay porn models are just part of the fantasy. I think this is one of the reason why so many men are still single. What's the expression?? ** You're a 5 and want to sleep/date with a 10??** Lol, my suggestion is that watch less porn, read less porn and just go out and mingle with real guys. Lol I had my fascination with *pretty boys type for a while but after a while, they're just like **Blah, bland. And you should socialize more and keep in mind that no one is perfect, be flexible and not judgmental. (If you just keep up this *uncompromising attitude, then just go the bars and make it rain on cute male gogo guys who look like Channing Tatum, they may take your money but will not go home and **** you!) unless you pay them. icon_redface.gif

    (God this thread is so appropriate after I just saw Magic Mike, La Bare and went to Pump/Abbey last weekend. Lol, no I did not make it rain on those pretty boys Abbey type, somehow I like short Muscled Latin guys lately?? Lol )) icon_razz.gificon_redface.gif
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    May 21, 2015 4:36 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidDestinharbor gave you a good answer to an earlier question of yours:
    You are a snob. You basically called all your friends low rent and worthless. Usually a snob has reason to feel superior but in your case you whore just like you accuse them of doing (evidence your quickie dates when your weekend plans fell apart). Listen, Cornell, (which really isn't a true Ivy but a State school), start living an authentic life and stop being a sex club regular and try to judge people by their merits with understanding that their backgrounds may have given them fewer advantages, advantages that you should be grateful for, not judgmental of others. If you can't figure out how to find quality people you like, it is most likely because those people don't want to know you. Grow up.


    lol the irony of an old white guy lecturing an Asian about his privilege. Where did he misjudge the less fortunate, anyway?