"MARRIED LIFE" = BORING. HELP!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 7:30 PM GMT
    Yo, how goes it?

    Anyway....

    So i'm stuck in a dilemma...

    I'M SOOOO FUCKING BORED!


    What do you do when staying in and watching a movie isn't as "I'd be happy doing just this forever with you" and "There's no other place i'd rather be..." anymore????? What do you do when it isn't enough?!

    God, I feel like gouging out my eyes sometimes. icon_neutral.gif

    I've been in this "committed", "monogamous", long term, relationship for a year now... And we all know that anything past 3 months is a hell of a long time!

    Age doesn't have much to do in any relationship or life situation -- It shouldn't at least.. .Unless you're thirty-something and trying to play with a thirteen year old... ha... ewwww.. but you all know what I mean...

    I may contradict myself big time here, with the above statement and the one i'm about to make right now.. it's kinda like my "excuse" if you will, no... better yet.. My REASON...

    I juuuuuuuuuust barely turned twenty-one this month. I just got out of the Marine Corps as well. I have endured so much shit these past couple of years that I have sacrificed to the governent... and right now, it's my time to take it easy, have fun, and not care if/when my wrist bends a little. (not that it does, just an expression.) . I'm young, physically.. and god forbid the twenty-one years YOUNG kid in me wants to do something crazy that's adrenaline-full or just crazy-stupid...

    But i'm in a situation where Mon-Fri it's wake up, take the dog out, watch tv, call mom, call best friend, text random people, clean up, take the dog out, watch tv, listen to music, masturbate, watch tv, masturbate, take the dog out, see what dinner is going to be.. wait until the bf comes home... then we both sit and watch tv, make dinner, eat, watch tv, take the dog out, watch tv, and prepare for bed, have "sex" if i'm lucky, and then go to sleep, and wake up.. and the cycle starts again....

    The weekends consist of sleeping in, waking up late, eating something unhealthy.. DRIVE-THRU, come back home, watch tv, get ready to go no where, take the dog out, MAYBE go to a movie down the street, walk to the movie, come back, make dinner, watch tv, play with the dog, prepare for bed, have "sex", then prepare for the week ahead of us....

    WHAT THE HELL?!


    There's a couple of things I have to explain so you can fully grasp my situation: I don't work, I don't have a job... fuck! I just got out of the military, in which I busted my ass off serving in it, seen things-done things that your average twenty-one year old doesn't... so i'm taking a big "FUCK IT!" break right now... Of course, the bf fully supports and agrees with this break of mine... so I am just a lazy bum now... waiting for.. well.. hmmmm, nothing... this is the time i'm supposed to be doing all the crazy/fun shit i've been wanting to do, but couldn't, for the past 4 years...

    I'm doing not a damn thing.

    I'm young dammit! I need to be entertained, taken out, and just.. well.. I need to do something! I've just spent the last years of my adolescence playing "yes sir" and all that bullshit... going from doing rigorous training daily to NOTHING in a short amount of time is taking it's toll on me... My poor dog is even depressed.. he used to be really energetic and all he does now is sleep! Because all I do is sulk at home...and I guess he feels it.

    And the sex!? OMG.... really! When did mutual masturbation become SEX?! I would say that actual penetration happens like three times a month... I have a pretty high sex drive... I have to masturbate at least 3 times a day... Too much info, I know.. but fuck! I just spent all day masturbating and the last thing I want is for my bf to come on to me and want to JUST masturbate together... OHHH HELLL NO!

    I'm really discontent...

    I know sex isn't everything... and I know it doesn't have to happen every single day... but really.. a man is a man... men have needs.. and what man does not like to get off??? REALLY??!! Who does not like having sex or getting off????!!! I wish I could get off every day, maybe four times, WITH my bf.. but that's asking for wayyyyyy too much from him.

    Basically... what I want to know.. get advice about is:


    1.) What do you do for fun, so neither of you get bored?

    2.) How often do you have sex? And is it actual sex?

    3.) What have you done/do you do if you've been/are in a situation similar to mine??

    4.) A little help, please???

    I know some people will talk shit and ask why have I succumbed to going on an onli
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    .... on an online tangent... but I think it's interesting to get a complete stranger's-from across the country-different background-life experience-opinion or advice on the situation at hand.. and if they've ever experienced something similar.

    Even my dog is suffering, all he does is sleep all day now.. he used to be really energetic and bouncy and now all he is-is a rug on the floor... he just mopes around and sulks.. just like daddy (me).

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    So if you understand my situation or have been through something like this... let me know what you did to fix shit or what you think might be a GOOD idea...

    My dog says "WOOF! Help us! I'm sad too! WOOF! *pant*"

    .... icon_neutral.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 26, 2009 8:18 PM GMT
    Relationships take two people to make it work. You need to be entertained? wined and dined? taken out for a good time? Why?

    It's understandable that you need to take a break, but it's time to stop whining and face life. Get a job and be somebody that someone would want to do all those things with. Maybe your bf would be more interested if he didn't feel like he's just supporting a self described lazy bum.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    Get off your ass, perhaps.

    You lay around and then think some one should come along and change your life, entertain you, make sure you're sexually content?? yeah, no... life doesn't wrk that way.

    Even the Ruby slippers didn't take Dorothy home, she had to work for it. icon_eek.gif


    and your dog is bored because it's owner is lazy and sits on his ass all day.

    PITY-Party for one, your couch is ready....
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    Why are you telling us this?

    The one you should be talking to is your boyfriend. Take your post, turn it into a list of grievances, bring it to your boyfriend, and make a plan to compromise on each point. If you can't talk to your boyfriend about these problems, then you don't belong in a relationship.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:36 PM GMT
    LOL!

    Whoa....

    I DO get off my ass, thanks.

    I don't exactly do everything I listed just as it is typed. I do go to the gym, I do go out and run with my dog, I do leave the apartment.

    I'm not "expecting" for anyone to do anything for me...

    If you actually payed attention and didn't presume anything, you would realize that what I intentionally wanted to know/ask was what people usually do when things get too ROUTINE or BORING.. in a relationship.

    What do they do to "spice" their shit up?

    And I don't expect everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. I do know that a relationship takes two people and I know that it all isn't one-sided, I mean come on.. really?

    I am a bum, I say that because that's how I feel.. I'm not used to doing nothing. A job is definitely in order, I really can't take being a house... *shiver*.. dare I say, a house-wife... ugh!


    Thanks for the advice, guys! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:43 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWhy are you telling us this?

    The one you should be talking to is your boyfriend. Take your post, turn it into a list of grievances, bring it to your boyfriend, and make a plan to compromise on each point. If you can't talk to your boyfriend about these problems, then you don't belong in a relationship.


    I did, in fact, have this conversation and brought all this up to my boyfriend last night and we still were conversing about it a couple minutes ago. You did make a point though. icon_wink.gif

    I'm not throwing my problems out here and expecting strangers to fix them for me or tell me what to do...

    I am simply just interested in getting advice or ideas from people who understand and have been through and/or are going through something similar...

    I mean, really now... I am not asking for rude, unnecessary, or judgmental remarks from people...

    But what the hell, bring it..
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    your taking a break, gawd, I know how that is.. first things first then

    Entertain your self, you bumming around the house and being all depressed aint very attractive to anyone, you have your days free then get the hell outta the house, take the dog down to the park, go explore your neighborhood, find a nice place for coffee, go find some thing good to read, find new people to hang out with, get a gym membership and go work out... do something, sitting around home all day doing shit all isn't good for the head..

    yes your 21 and wanting to do crazy shit.... what exactly is stopping you? why can't you go do that stuff?

    the sex thing, I can't help you with.. but I can tell you... talk to your partner... but one thing to think of, hes going to work every day right now, you aren't, who do you think at the end of the day is going to have the energy for sex??

    you just seem frustrated by a problem you can fix if you just get off your arse and do something....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    Oh and god forbid I express some form of angst....

    Let's not gear all our attention to the fact that I am not working at this moment, somehow you all misconstrued my non-employment for being a dependent-lazy bum.

    Please read carefully and not narrowly. icon_biggrin.gif

    And if you're gonna say something that is irrelevant to my intent, wanting to know what other couples do to not be bored or always stay in, then just... go to another topic.. PLEASE.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    givem_death saidOh and god forbid I express some form of angst....

    Let's not gear all our attention to the fact that I am not working at this moment, somehow you all misconstrued my non-employment for being a dependent-lazy bum.

    Please read carefully and not narrowly. icon_biggrin.gif

    And if you're gonna say something that is irrelevant to my intent, wanting to know what other couples do to not be bored or always stay in, then just... go to another topic.. PLEASE.
    You want help bitch? or you just wanna hear what you wanna hear? you post on the forum stating a problem, you give info, people are going to make of it as they see it, they can only see the world through there eyes, not yours... so shut your whinging up and sit the fuck down... you never know, you might actually learn something!!!!!!!!!
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:51 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidyour taking a break, gawd, I know how that is.. first things first then

    Entertain your self, you bumming around the house and being all depressed aint very attractive to anyone, you have your days free then get the hell outta the house, take the dog down to the park, go explore your neighborhood, find a nice place for coffee, go find some thing good to read, find new people to hang out with, get a gym membership and go work out... do something, sitting around home all day doing shit all isn't good for the head..

    yes your 21 and wanting to do crazy shit.... what exactly is stopping you? why can't you go do that stuff?

    the sex thing, I can't help you with.. but I can tell you... talk to your partner... but one thing to think of, hes going to work every day right now, you aren't, who do you think at the end of the day is going to have the energy for sex??

    you just seem frustrated by a problem you can fix if you just get off your arse and do something....



    OMFG!

    That was the epitome of motivation. Thank you.

    You're totally right... really.

    You're my new hero, haha.. but really.. thank you dude. You made good sense and made me realize that i'm not confined here. I mean, I know i'm not, but there's no need to wallow in sadness, eh?

    You're awesome! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    LIL TANKER...


    LOL.. whoa.. hahaha.. I totally didn't direct that last reply towards you. I had read yours right after I posted that, and as soon as I did I replied to it... only to find this one.. and now i'm replying.. Hahahaha!

    I'm sorry man.. Like I said previously, you're awesome.

    Thanks a million.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    I don't think anyone's mentioned this but another problem may be the fact that you just got out of the military where someone else always set your schedule and told you what to do all day. Now that you are on your own you don't know how to be self-directed and since you don't know what to do you sit around all day. Also if your dog can tell you are frustrated and depressed your b/f will certainly know. I would recommend that you discuss your concerns and frustrations with your b/f to "shake-up" those daily habits and then work on yourself. A job or volunteering would be a great way to break into your new life and will make you feel a lot better about yourself. It may even spark-up your sex life with your b/f.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    I didn't presume a thing, this caveat is not what you originally presented, certainly not in context or tone.

    ...regardless, the advice is the same.
    Get off your ass!

    You're in charge of your direction - you don't like the path your on? get off it and progress down another. Include your bf and see if he's willing - he may be happy with where you both are currently and with that you may have to move on solo (and dog).
    BTW, the new things you've mentioned that "you" do partake in... ever have the bf join in too? When people are in a slump/routine and want out they seek ways to be more a part of things, they join others, they get a job, they get outdoors, they become social - everything you describe that you do is a detached action - texting, emailing, phone calls, watching tv, jacking off...

    Maybe you're bored with you - get job, get out and meet up with friends, make your bf dinner, have people over.... Talk to your bf, wnat more sex - talk about it.

    Not trying to be an ass here, but you're on a rant with regard to something you created all by yourself so you have only you to blame and you to blame for not doing something about it.
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    Jan 26, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    ORDude saidI don't think anyone's mentioned this but another problem may be the fact that you just got out of the military where someone else always set your schedule and told you what to do all day. Now that you are on your own you don't know how to be self-directed and since you don't know what to do you sit around all day. Also if your dog can tell you are frustrated and depressed your b/f will certainly know. I would recommend that you discuss your concerns and frustrations with your b/f to "shake-up" those daily habits and then work on yourself. A job or volunteering would be a great way to break into your new life and will make you feel a lot better about yourself. It may even spark-up your sex life with your b/f.


    You're right... Military life was always planned to a T... everything was scheduled.. we had an SOP.. a schedule of what was gonna happen and when. I did always have someone telling me what to do.

    It's a hard transition going from military life to civilian life. Depression is expected as well as boredom. I just don't want it to intertwine with my relationship.... maybe it is a huge factor in my "boredom" but in general, marriage life is routine.. as my boyfriend put it a little while ago.. haha.. we gotta break the routine and find ways to shake shit up...

    Thanks for your input.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2009 6:16 AM GMT
    Why not travel somewhere with your bf? Even if it's somewhere close, it will get you out of the house and break the routine. I mean, hell, you're in california for christ's sake. Drive up to Huntington beach, go surfing or have a nice bonfire, find a cheap motel and have a "honey moon" or something lol. There are plenty of things to do in california to recreate that spark, so just get off your bum and start living life!icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 27, 2009 6:59 AM GMT


    Hey givem_death,

    We'll give you some marching orders, how's that? heheh

    You! Get creative right now! Your mission is to take your free time and use it to your best advantage in boosting your relationship to dazzling.
    Scrub that house down.
    Get that dog into a fitness regime. Make him work.
    Do a bunch of stuff for your guy when he's at work so that there's more time for him to relax and have fun with you - likely something of his will come up...or stand at attention, if you get my drift. icon_wink.gif

    Shake it up! Collect people your BF will have fun with too and go places with.

    Here:




    - us guys
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2009 2:40 PM GMT
    You are not alone. I have seen this over and over again with guys in transition from military life to civilian life. I have always thought there should be required counseling around this issue. The depression can be overwhelming!

    In reference to the boredom…get a job! Do you deserve a break after serving our country? Hell yes! But in the civilian world a break is a long weekend or at the most a week of vacation. Get to work even if it is not your dream job. It will get you out of the house and give you a purpose in life.

    In reference to the bedroom, try to restart the excitement with a weekend get away. And do it without the dog, cell phone, and other distractions.

    Thank you for your service. Now get back to life. You are a Marine. Marines succeed in amazing well in civilian life and highly respected. Get on to living Devil Dog!
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    Jan 28, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    "I need to be entertained"

    Send yourself some singing telegrams or pay clowns to come over and do tricks for you.

    Actually, this is probably a good time for you to learn that you are your own best entertainment. While your bf's at work all day, go somewhere, even if you think you're not going to like it because you might surprise yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 1:22 AM GMT
    McGay said"I need to be entertained"

    Send yourself some singing telegrams or pay clowns to come over and do tricks for you.


    Haha! I actually laughed out loud at that. Who doesn't love clown tricks? ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 7:49 AM GMT
    rezdylan said
    McGay said"I need to be entertained"

    Send yourself some singing telegrams or pay clowns to come over and do tricks for you.


    Haha! I actually laughed out loud at that. Who doesn't love clown tricks? ;)


    Yeah - you Bozos! Sorry - but givem does has some issues and has asked us for help - give the guy some respect!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 8:02 AM GMT
    I HAVE THE SOLUTION!!!

    Air all your laundry in a two-part post on a web site before you actually tell your BF how you feel. THAT should do the trick.
  • Tyinstl

    Posts: 353

    Jan 30, 2009 9:20 AM GMT
    I'm going to be a little understanding and identify with you here.

    Regarding Boredom
    I know that it can get boring (although it's very nice) to cuddle and watch something on TV, especially when that's all you do together.

    Find something you'd both like to do, and bring him along. Do you like musicals, or concerts, or car shows? Think of something.

    If the issue is that you can't find anything that you both like because you're so different, you're kind of fucked on that one. You'll have to do those fun activities with your friends. Sometimes your friends are your source of excitement, but your boyfriend is your source of understanding and warmth.

    Regarding Sex
    Does it hurt when he bottoms, or is he tired at night? What exactly is the issue?

    Either way, talk to him. But when it hurt when my ex, all I wanted him to do was slow down and stop coercing me into it...I would have begged for it if he merely had given me time to want it.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Jan 30, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    Time to get moving. A break is nice for a while, but life goes on. Get yourself in school or whatever it is you want to do with your life. I wonder why you went in the military? Were you bored than? Lots of people go into the military because they had no idea what to do with their lives. Some go in for financial reasons. Was that you? Need to look at some questions about yourself.

    I wonder what you BF thinks about all of this. If I were him, I wouldn't tolerate this behavior much longer. I want an equal participating partner, not someone who lays around all day, than does a lot of whining, after I have put in a hard days work.

    Spice up the sex life. Just fucking in bed every night is not much fun. Maybe you both have some fantasies that you would like to carry out.

    The VA has some employment services that you might want to take advantage of.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2009 9:29 PM GMT
    LOL...

    I joined the military because I was so gung-ho. It was what I wanted to do since I was a little boy. Really. I didn't join as a lost cause, I didn't do it for the money, or school... or boys. I enlisted my sophomore year in high school. I had plenty of time to prep myself for school or do something else, IF I wanted to do so... but nope... being around lots of men doing some hard core training and naked sometimes 24/7 was my calling.. Hahahahaha! (Not really)

    Blah...

    I enjoyed and did well during my time served. I did fun things, met a lot of people from different back grounds, made great friends, and had the experience of a lifetime... which I can add to my resume. icon_biggrin.gif

    Bored was the last thing I was.

    Disgruntled, at times.. well, majority of times.. HELL YES. Hung over, 90% of the time, Worn out.. all the time...

    I think, and realize that I am misconstruing my own situation.... I just got out of the military... thrown back into the civilian world (OMG! NOOOOOOOOO! AHHH! I'M MELTING!) and am not doing the same things I spent the last four years of my life doing... I am disgruntled now.. and "fucking civilians... ugh" comes out of my mouth more than any other word or phrase... and it's funny, because, i'm technically a civilian now.. Ahahaha! It's out of habit though... if you are/were in the military.. you will totally understand where I am coming from... errr.

    I mean no offense to anyone.. it's just one of those military things... like grunts talking shit about POGS... kinda like that.

    (Grunts are infantry men, men whose job requirement is to literally have a weapon, learn it, use it, fight with it, and do other cool and stupid shit... whereas POGS are NON-infantry men whose jobs are admin, logistics, support, communications... jobs where weapons aren't your specialty... not to say that these people never fire or shoot or run with weapons... but it's not their J-O-B.. it''s a grunt's job AND specialty AND profession.. )

    I was a grunt... icon_cool.gif

    AAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY.....

    And sex, um, I am young.. I am always horny.. sometimes I hurt, feels like I downed a whole bottle of Viagra... I don't know... Maybe it's the difference between our sex drives.. but I did talk about it with my boyfriend and he's changed it up a little... we do our thing more often now and have tried different things.. haha.. i'm a lot happier now... icon_wink.gif

    But still, I'm boooooooooooored.....

    Not for long though, we're getting an apartment closer to the beach.. 1 mile exactly.. I will most definitely be there every single day with my dog... fuck staying in... beach bum is what i'll be.. haha.. not for long though, either... I can't deal with "taking it easy".. I need interaction.. a job is in the process.. hell yeah.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... i am gonna join a sports team, haaa...

    ummm.. yeeeeeah...

    does anyone know of any teams around socal??? icon_question.gif