Did I do the right thing by ending the relationship?

  • Addtocart

    Posts: 19

    May 27, 2015 9:17 PM GMT
    I rarely post here but need opinions from my RJ brothers. I've been single for the past 4.5 years after the ending of a ten year relationship which ended due to distance created by job change on my ex's part. I haven't formally dated anyone since that relationship ended but I have put my feelers out there and met a few guys. The guys I've met have either had substance abuse issues or already have a wife or husband and neglected to tell me that until about a month of seeing each other and wanted me to enable them to cheat on their spouse. It is discouraging to say the least. I finally met someone I was interested in. They came on hard and were very persistent about dating me. I agreed. He was a thoughtful guy. I would come home from work every night and there would be a meal on ice at my door with flowers. He was self employed and had time to do these nice things. I have a typical 9-5 corporate job and have a far less flexible schedule which doesn't permit me to do as much of that type of thing. However, I did what I could to reciprocate and show my appreciation.

    Here is where I need advice. Our dating lasted one month and ended and I'm left wondering if I did the right thing. I believe I'm easy to get along with and I'm told I'm a catch but I'm wondering if my expectations are too high for what I consider to be common courtesy or did the two of us just had totally different personalities and outlooks on life. This past weekend is what brought things to a head.

    I bought him a gift because he made a statement that he'd bought me so many things but I'd bought him nothing. It was a tea steeping cup with an infuser. It cost about $40 which was a nice moderately priced gift. I don't believe the value of a gift is in the price but the thought behind it. The next day he told me that one of his pets knocked it off the counter and broke it and he said "you probably only paid $2 for it". I was hurt but said nothing. Then the next evening he wanted to go to the movies and wanted his ex to join us because he was lonely and had nobody to do anything with. I actually knew his ex before I knew him. I made it clear many times that I wasn't dating his ex I was dating him and didn't want him on all of our dates. He ignored my wishes and continued to invite his ex on most of our dates. We arrive at the theater and his ex purchases the tickets for us at one of those machines instead of the attendant at the window. I noticed he bought children's tickets so I commented about it. He said "relax, you have to learn how to work the system. Everyone does it". Well, I don't do it. In my eyes that is dishonest and it spoke volumes about their character.

    After that we headed back to his house with his ex. A friend of mine text messaged me that he was in town from Vegas and wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner. I told the guy I was dating and he said invite him over here and we'll sit around the pool and have wine. When my friend arrived the four of us were sitting around the pool chatting and drinking wine and the guy I was dating kept fussing over my friend telling him what perfect hair he had and what beautiful eyes he had. I thought it was odd but let it go. Then he said to my friend "let's run away together". That is when I felt like a knife had been rammed in my stomach.

    Am I being overly sensitive or is it in bad taste to make those comments to someone in front of a guy you are dating and trying to get to know? Then I made a funny face and he said "don't make that face, your face is hard enough to look at when it is normal". Again, not to create a scene I let it go. Then he and his ex began talking about all of the mutual friends we have and their penis size. I wouldn't participate in the conversation because I was not happy that they were making fun of some of my friends who they said were endowed like a toddler. They said I was "uptight" because I wouldn't participate in the conversation. This also spoke volumes about their character and I did not like what I was seeing or hearing. Needless to say when I left that night I ended whatever it was we had by text message.

    The next day I ran all of what is in this post by two friends and they felt like I over reacted and should have not been so quick to judge. Something in my gut tells me I did the right thing because I never felt like the two of us were a fit but after two friends telling me what they did yesterday now I'm questioning if I'm the one with the problem. Any feedback would be appreciated. Finding a good guy is a difficult venture.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2015 9:29 PM GMT
    you did the right thing
  • Addtocart

    Posts: 19

    May 27, 2015 9:34 PM GMT
    Thanks pellaz.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 27, 2015 11:09 PM GMT
    Listen to your gut. Those guys sound kinda lame.
    I mean sitting around the pool drinking wine and talking aboue penises sounds fun and all, but I don't think you're really missing out on anything.

    and that comment about ur face was cunty.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    You describe the sort of drama I only read about, and would not happen in my life. So it's hard to say whether you gave up to soon or not. With me, the "relationship" would never have gotten as far. If his actions and attitude are not compatible with our standards, then you don't belong together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 12:36 AM GMT
    You guys were not a match, he sounds like a douche. Being single is better than being in a unhappy relationship. Move on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 12:46 AM GMT

    This:

    "Then I made a funny face and he said "don't make that face, your face is hard enough to look at when it is normal"

    That may have been meant in jest, but within a month of meeting for the first time? Hmmm.....

    I think he likely overextended himself with the iced meals constantly, thinking you'd reciprocate in kind. He was making gestures of looking after you, flowers, meals, and I think expected something on that level, so the tea infuser may not have hit the mark with him, and then some cattiness from feeling hurt or misunderstood came out.


    Have you two finished and gone your separate ways now?
  • Addtocart

    Posts: 19

    May 28, 2015 12:52 AM GMT
    I appreciate all the feedback.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
    yup, sounds like a bunch of drama that no one needs in their life.

    the comment about the face --- some people (both men and women) for whatever reason get off on being "mean" to each other. i've never understood this. it is never appropriate to demean someone (especially off of their looks ffs). i always feel uncomfortable around couples who do this to each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 2:46 AM GMT
    I think you were right indeed...I don't you really neede validation on this...it is as right as you feel it.
    Who buys gifts and hold it against you later?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    You did the best thing. Don't make others make you feel like you're the third wheel; keeping in touch and constantly hanging out with the ex is a big nonono. It's a recipe for drama.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 1:18 PM GMT
    Try to surround yourself with quality people.
    These people are not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 1:38 PM GMT
    I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this case you did the right thing. You sure are better off with someone more sincere and down to earth.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 3:47 PM GMT
    You did the right thing , this bloke is a bloody galah !!
    You deserve so much better icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 4:57 PM GMT
    I'd say you dodged a bullet. Someone who doesn't respects your ethics is not worth your time.

    Your description of him doesn't sound like he's at all mature. I honestly find guys like him a drain. If I had friends like that, I'd drop them. I have done that to people and have no regrets. I'm at an age where I don't really need that in my life.

    I feel there's a point in someone's life where they just stop caring about the bullshit. People need to just live without drama as a primary source of sustainment. It's much more enjoyable icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 28, 2015 11:56 PM GMT
    Import saidListen to your gut. Those guys sound kinda lame.
    I mean sitting around the pool drinking wine and talking aboue penises sounds fun and all, but I don't think you're really missing out on anything.

    and that comment about ur face was cunty.




    Well said. Another thought. If a 'friend' is bringing you some fun and happiness, keep him. If he's not, and is bringing you trouble and bullshit, get rid of him - he's not a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 29, 2015 1:00 AM GMT
    Avidtrainer saidDid I do the right thing by ending the relationship?
    Who cares either way? If it was the wrong choice, learn from it and improve in the future. If it was the right choice, pat yourself on the back and do it again if the same situation arises.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 29, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    One more opinion: You did the right thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 29, 2015 1:45 AM GMT
    OMG the guy you were dating sounds like an utter asshole -- and the flowers and meals on ice don't change that.

    You dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky to get out of it.

    Yes, you did the right thing.

    You sound like a kind, thoughtful person and it's a shame that you've been hurt by some losers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 01, 2015 12:44 AM GMT
    You did the right thing. *hugs.

  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Jun 01, 2015 12:59 AM GMT
    You did the right thing ... for you and him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 01, 2015 1:04 AM GMT
    You wouldn't want to wake up everyday to that. So you did the right thing.
  • transient

    Posts: 198

    Jun 01, 2015 6:29 PM GMT
    You definatly did the right thing.

    You were made to feel uncomfortable on more than one occasion and this guy was not respecting you.

    If someone isnt treating you with respect, how can they expect you to respect them?

    What the f+&k is a 'meal on ice'?#