Am I anti-social?

  • TheBaise

    Posts: 363

    May 29, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    Here's the situation:

    A bunch of my co-workers are ponying up $180.00 per person to spend a weekend 3 hours away up in the woods, sleeping in sleeping bags in a communal bunkhouse (men & boys, women & girls). There's going to be a bunch of 'team building' seminars and fireside chats, hikes, and cafeteria food. We're all supposed to get to know each other and chat it up / offering our two bits about life and anything that comes up. There aren't problems in the work place, and no department squabbles / it is all about fresh air in the woods and getting away from their homes to be out in nature.

    The problem? I'm not feelin' it. I don't want to spend this much time with people (all straight, btw) who are nice, but really just co-workers / acquaintances. Some of them I know and like, but others I barely know at all. I would want my partner to be there, and my dog. I wouldn't want to spend a weekend away from them / not for this kind of thing anyway. (If my partner came, he'd have to pay another $180.00, and my dog would have to go to a kennel / pets aren't welcome at this camp). $180.00 is a lot for me. Like maybe $1800.00 to somebody else. Even if it was all free, I'm not wanting to go. Don't want to sit around kumbiyah style, making nice with straight people & their kids.

    Am I ant-social? Would you want to devote your weekend to this kind of thing?
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    May 29, 2015 6:22 PM GMT
    so they get to bring their family not you
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    May 29, 2015 6:47 PM GMT
    So what's stopping you from backing out? If you don't want to go, you don't want to go. That doesn't make you anti-social. It just means you don't want that particular environment for social interaction.
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    May 29, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    I agree with Paulflexes. Don't go if you're not feeling the event. If your friends from work are going, just tell em' you can't make it.

    Ugh, now for a different question...will it look good on your work profile and possibly help with a promotion/raise if you attend the event?

    I ask that because I know where I work, attendance to some of the events that my company sponsors gets noted in our files. So maybe attend a different event later on in the future? Again that is IF you want too as well. Just a "food for thought" type question. Honestly though, $180.00 bucks is a steep price for just about anyone.

    Also, and No. Going to something that you don't want to go to because you might feel uncomfortable does not make you anti-social.
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    May 29, 2015 9:55 PM GMT
    Technically being anti social has nothing to do with not wanting to do something social lol.

    As for myself, I probably wouldn't want to do it. I prefer solitude. I would find it more enjoyable to go camping on my own, and doing my own thing.

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    May 29, 2015 10:01 PM GMT
    If you're not feeling it just don't go. I'd rather look anti social than doing something I don't want and that on top of everything is costly.
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    May 29, 2015 10:42 PM GMT
    That sounds like the worst and the corniest time ever. Don't feel bad or anti-social. I'd just politely decline.
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    May 29, 2015 11:20 PM GMT
    tmac2271 saidI prefer solitude. I would find it more enjoyable to go camping on my own, and doing my own thing.
    That's exactly what I had planned for next week, but that plan just got squished by a medium injury last night (no hospital, but no extreme sports for a few weeks either while I heal).
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    May 29, 2015 11:44 PM GMT
    They don't allow dogs? Sounds like a shitty camp.
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    May 30, 2015 2:50 AM GMT
    I don't care for that type of thing, but the question is would not going have a negative impact on your career? If there were promotion or layoff decisions, for example, your not attending wouldn't be brought up. Instead there would be general comments like "not a good team player" and maybe they would come up with some things to back that up. So if it's important to your career, and yo want to stay with that company, I recommend sucking it up and going. Lousy having to pay to do something you don't enjoy, but sometimes that's the cost of maintaining a job.
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    May 30, 2015 4:46 AM GMT
    I don't think it's anti-social whatsoever. Hell, if it were me I wouldn't even have thought about going lol. And like Radd said, a camp with no dogs is just crap.
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    May 30, 2015 6:55 AM GMT
    You say a bunch not all and you have to pony up $180 to attend. That doesn't say company sponsored to me. Just say you have a previous engagement and though you'd love to attend you simply cannot.
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    May 30, 2015 7:22 AM GMT
    TheBaise saidHere's the situation:

    A bunch of my co-workers are ponying up $180.00 per person to spend a weekend 3 hours away up in the woods, sleeping in sleeping bags in a communal bunkhouse (men & boys, women & girls). There's going to be a bunch of 'team building' seminars and fireside chats, hikes, and cafeteria food. We're all supposed to get to know each other and chat it up / offering our two bits about life and anything that comes up. There aren't problems in the work place, and no department squabbles / it is all about fresh air in the woods and getting away from their homes to be out in nature.

    The problem? I'm not feelin' it. I don't want to spend this much time with people (all straight, btw) who are nice, but really just co-workers / acquaintances. Some of them I know and like, but others I barely know at all. I would want my partner to be there, and my dog. I wouldn't want to spend a weekend away from them / not for this kind of thing anyway. (If my partner came, he'd have to pay another $180.00, and my dog would have to go to a kennel / pets aren't welcome at this camp). $180.00 is a lot for me. Like maybe $1800.00 to somebody else. Even if it was all free, I'm not wanting to go. Don't want to sit around kumbiyah style, making nice with straight people & their kids.

    Am I ant-social? Would you want to devote your weekend to this kind of thing?


    F that noise. Go camp for free or cheap somewhere else and bring your partner and dog with you. Plus you're a lot closer to nature in a tent than in a bunkhouse.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 30, 2015 1:38 PM GMT
    I'd pass, I think their plan misses some important points. To begin with, they shouldn't expect you to put up $180.00 to participate.

    I'd pass as well.

  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    May 30, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    I'd give it a pass.. Life's too short to waste time doing things that you don't want to do.. Just say you can't since you have other plans..
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    May 30, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    Maybe they need to make some staff, um, cuts...

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    May 30, 2015 8:25 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidSo what's stopping you from backing out? If you don't want to go, you don't want to go. That doesn't make you anti-social. It just means you don't want that particular environment for social interaction.



    This.
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    May 30, 2015 8:32 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidI don't care for that type of thing, but the question is would not going have a negative impact on your career? If there were promotion or layoff decisions, for example, your not attending wouldn't be brought up. Instead there would be general comments like "not a good team player" and maybe they would come up with some things to back that up. So if it's important to your career, and yo want to stay with that company, I recommend sucking it up and going. Lousy having to pay to do something you don't enjoy, but sometimes that's the cost of maintaining a job.


    Has your Corporatocracy gotten that powerful down there that the Company not only controls your own off-work time, but also bills you for the forced participation of 'voluntary participation' in the process? Fear (of loss of employment etc) is an incredible motivator/coercive instrument. I'm astonished you'd support it. Sorry , but your post reads like advice from an episode of Mad Men, and fits that era as well.
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    May 30, 2015 9:30 PM GMT
    Perhaps you should avoid thinking through this in black-and-white terms: anti-social or not.

    I suggest you consider factors concerning not just your preferences or the trip itself, but about the goal and purpose of the trip and the aim for new and improved relational co-worker dynamics thereafter. Whatever you decide will influence those new dynamics—for better or for worse. You do not live in isolation, nor do you work in isolation. And it's not just about you.

    Since the experience will ultimately be how you choose to create it, why don't you just go and make it the best time of your life, as much as you possibly can with the restrictions (not having your dog or partner). It's not just about that weekend. It's about your work life as long as you have to work with these people. Acknowledge their right to be blessed by you as your co-workers. They want to know you thus your invitation. Think long-term, not short term. Rather than complain, be grateful that there are opportunities like this to better everyone's lives. Of course, you can decline, but recognize the social consequences of that and what you are choosing to create for you and your co-workers at work.

    In general, our decisions always work toward a particular outcome. If one makes decisions solely based on emotion and/or preferences rather than desired outcome, one may find oneself with undesirable consequences.
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    May 30, 2015 9:59 PM GMT
    I'm surprised the company isn't paying. If so I'd say there's no option. But even this sounds like you should join if you plan to be there a while and if you want to advance there.

    I had to do a 2 week one in the backwoods of Georgia. A hotel, but still, ugh. They did fly us home for the weekend but while there they wouldn't let us have a car and there was very few facilities within walking distance. I was pissed but made the best of it. Had some fun. What can you do but enjoy yourself.

    A friend of mine was in a very employee-friendly company but she blew it. She had a great position too but she'd not have anything to do with anyone there, where socializing was a big part of the company. One time she really pissed me off, not just for her--because I could see this would damage her--but pissed me off for me too. She was invited on the company boat, flying her out to the Bahamas. One of the most beautiful boats on the water. Seriously, has it's own wiki page. And she was invited to bring someone because of course they wanted to see how she socializes. I was her best friend at the time. Best friend, hell, I was her only friend. She knows how much I love boats, how much experience I have on all sizes and types. I've often taken her boating. Yet she wouldn't bring me.

    She's so afraid of socializing in public, that someone might get her to loosen up. That she was afraid they'd judge her.

    So, instead, they judged her. Right out the fucking door. She should have brought me aboard. I'd have made her look good. And I'd have had sex with the crew just to make sure they'd put in a good word about my friend, of course.
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    May 31, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    If it were JUST coworkers, I would probably say you should find a way to go. But once you throw in people's families, the cost, its on a weekend, you'd have to go by yourself... then all bets are off. This is how I feel about the many weddings I've gone to (and didn't go to).

    If you're an introvert, this type of situation is incredibly draining and it can be hard to see what the reward is. If it were just coworkers, the clear reward would be an opportunity to get to know each other on a level playing field. But people aren't the same when their spouses or kids are around. And it just means more people to navigate when you may barely know the coworker. If you're an extrovert, this might sound amazing. But to me, even as a high functioning introvert, I would have already made up a reason I couldn't go. I do this for office holiday parties as well. It's just never been worth it to me.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    May 31, 2015 6:11 PM GMT
    tmac2271 saidTechnically being anti social has nothing to do with not wanting to do something social lol.



    It actually does now. It's been used in reference to a lack of an individual's interest in social activities that the definition has changed.
    On one end, there's the slight indifference to engaging with other individuals in social settings, such as the one being discussed, and then on the other end, there's a complete disregard for social norms and the law, as well as a lack of interest in the well-being/safety of others.

    So the OP would be considered antisocial if excluding himself from social gatherings is common- but not if it's only work functions.
    Some people just don't click- they don't share any/many common interests.
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    May 31, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    TheBaise saidHere's the situation:

    A bunch of my co-workers are ponying up $180.00 per person to spend a weekend 3 hours away up in the woods, sleeping in sleeping bags in a communal bunkhouse (men & boys, women & girls). There's going to be a bunch of 'team building' seminars and fireside chats, hikes, and cafeteria food. We're all supposed to get to know each other and chat it up / offering our two bits about life and anything that comes up. There aren't problems in the work place, and no department squabbles / it is all about fresh air in the woods and getting away from their homes to be out in nature.

    The problem? I'm not feelin' it. I don't want to spend this much time with people (all straight, btw) who are nice, but really just co-workers / acquaintances. Some of them I know and like, but others I barely know at all. I would want my partner to be there, and my dog. I wouldn't want to spend a weekend away from them / not for this kind of thing anyway. (If my partner came, he'd have to pay another $180.00, and my dog would have to go to a kennel / pets aren't welcome at this camp). $180.00 is a lot for me. Like maybe $1800.00 to somebody else. Even if it was all free, I'm not wanting to go. Don't want to sit around kumbiyah style, making nice with straight people & their kids.

    Am I ant-social? Would you want to devote your weekend to this kind of thing?

    Don't go. I never hang out with co-workers outside of work. They're all nice people, but I just haven't been able to connect with them on a personal level. So there's no way I'd spend a whole weekend with them on some non-work related retreat.

    Just tell them you have other commitments and can't make it.
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    May 31, 2015 7:28 PM GMT
    Read between the lines. If you skip out you'll be recognized as an employee who isn't a team player. I assume management isn't involved else they'd be paying. If you don't go say you can't afford it. If the Company is paying then go and be as gracious as you can to avoid looking like a whiner.
  • SHYUTGUY

    Posts: 40

    May 31, 2015 8:20 PM GMT
    you tell me, are you?:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder