Questioning your sexuality as an adult

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2015 5:03 PM GMT
    Hello, I am talking to a guy that I met online. Just recently he unsuccessfully tried to take my virginity for the second time. I just wasn't that into it and I couldn't get off. I am a virgin to both women and men and the experience made me wonder if maybe I should try meeting a women. I generally don't like the personality of the gay men that I meet. I don't know what it is. I feel like I could be with a women, and I am not talking about just sex.

    If their are any men here who were in relationships with women before defining themselves as gay or bisexual please share your experiences. I would really like to know if you told these women about your feelings towards men ever and how they reacted.

    I'd also like to know how you met your previous wife or girlfriend.
  • metta

    Posts: 39107

    Jun 02, 2015 5:10 PM GMT
    I don't think you need our advice. Do what comes naturally for you...which will happen anyways...
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    Jun 02, 2015 5:14 PM GMT
    metta8 saidI don't think you need our advice. Do what comes naturally for you...which will happen anyways...
    +1
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    Jun 02, 2015 5:39 PM GMT
    needsomebodytohold said I generally don't like the personality of the gay men that I meet.


    You need to meet some more. There are all kinds- and a lot of nice ones in Austin. Don't rush - you have time - find someone you actually like.
  • LostSailor

    Posts: 162

    Jun 02, 2015 6:10 PM GMT
    It's soooo much better when you actually LIKE the person.
    soooooooooooooooooooo much...
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jun 02, 2015 6:38 PM GMT
    Yeah I feel you

    I dislike all but 1 gay guys I've met and I live in Cape town which is a gay destination. I've found most to be insufferably vapid and very superficial and cliquish. It also made me question whether I should try with a girl. I get along wit them better and they just seem to be nicer people.

    However, I realised it was just desperation and disappointment making me say that.

    If it's the same for you, don't give up icon_smile.gif and if you genuinely feel attracted to a woman pursue to it. Don't miss the opportunity of a positive experience becaue of something as stupid as a label.
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    Jun 02, 2015 8:48 PM GMT
    giodude saidYeah I feel you

    I dislike all but 1 gay guys I've met and I live in Cape town which is a gay destination. I've found most to be insufferably vapid and very superficial and cliquish. It also made me question whether I should try with a girl. I get along wit them better and they just seem to be nicer people.

    However, I realised it was just desperation and disappointment making me say that.

    If it's the same for you, don't give up icon_smile.gif and if you genuinely feel attracted to a woman pursue to it. Don't miss the opportunity of a positive experience becaue of something as stupid as a label.


    I'm glad you said " it was just desperation and disappointment making me say that."
    That is the crux of gay self-hatred. We don't like ourselves, then it transfers over to a hatred of the gay community.

    It's as if, because you can't find someone you're attracted to, it's their fault. It isn't. How can you know if they are really vapid and superficial....without knowing them.....quite simply You can't. These are generalizations. Women aren't "cunts" and gays are not "flaming fags". When you are comfortable with yourself, you will realize people are people. And you will be attracted to who you are attracted to....nothing more.

    How can you associate with a person who "unsuccessfully tried to take my virginity for the second time."? Take some responsibility for yourself, especially since there was a second time. That alone is sending a mixed signal.
  • giodude

    Posts: 271

    Jun 02, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    That may be true timmm55 but I legitimately dislike like all but one or two gay guys I've met. If they have discussions about music its gaga or Sia or some gay icon. If it's tv it's ru paul. Or hair or nails or something. There aren't broader topics of discussion, and if i try to change the subject then they find a way to relate it back to being gay, somehow.

    I need more mental stimulation.

    And yes, it is an issue i've found solely with gay MEN. No exaggeration

    But let's not make the forum about me. The OP is the one who asked the question so we should try and answer it or advise him positively, as opposed to digressing into peripheral subject matter
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    Jun 02, 2015 10:00 PM GMT
    giodude saidThat may be true timmm55 but I legitimately dislike like all but one or two gay guys I've met. If they have discussions about music its gaga or Sia or some gay icon. If it's tv it's ru paul. Or hair or nails or something. There aren't broader topics of discussion, and if i try to change the subject then they find a way to relate it back to being gay, somehow.

    I need more mental stimulation.

    And yes, it is an issue i've found solely with gay MEN. No exaggeration

    But let's not make the forum about me. The OP is the one who asked the question so we should try and answer it or advise him positively, as opposed to digressing into peripheral subject matter


    My comments were to both of you. I quote the op later. I've been a bartender for 30 years. I have met so many different kinds of gay men.

    I've had extended conversations on politics, medicine, HIV, art, gaydome and 100s of other things. Ru Paul, never. Hair and nails....never.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 02, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    And if you actually dislike a gay man you hardly know...........
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    Jun 03, 2015 4:07 AM GMT
    giodude saidThat may be true timmm55 but I legitimately dislike like all but one or two gay guys I've met. If they have discussions about music its gaga or Sia or some gay icon. If it's tv it's ru paul. Or hair or nails or something. There aren't broader topics of discussion, and if i try to change the subject then they find a way to relate it back to being gay, somehow.

    I need more mental stimulation.

    And yes, it is an issue i've found solely with gay MEN. No exaggeration


    There are all types of gay men out there - it has to be about the type of gay men/boys that you meet. A lot probably has to do with your age. You said you don't want to date anyone older than 2 years older than you are - that would be 20. Sorry, but reality is that you are unlikely to run into many 16-20 year old guys (boys) (or even girls if you decide to swing that way), that engage in serious conversations much of the time. You might have a better time of it when you are 25.
  • lowyy

    Posts: 2

    Jun 17, 2015 9:56 AM GMT
    needsomebodytohold saidHello, I am talking to a guy that I met online. Just recently he unsuccessfully tried to take my virginity for the second time. I just wasn't that into it and I couldn't get off. I am a virgin to both women and men and the experience made me wonder if maybe I should try meeting a women. I generally don't like the personality of the gay men that I meet. I don't know what it is. I feel like I could be with a women, and I am not talking about just sex.

    If their are any men here who were in relationships with women before defining themselves as gay or bisexual please share your experiences. I would really like to know if you told these women about your feelings towards men ever and how they reacted.

    I'd also like to know how you met your previous wife or girlfriend.


    IMO you have to try playing for both teams before clearing in your head who or what you really fancy. Jerking off to gay porn is not the same as having sex with a guy. You might find out that you get arroused by other men but IRL that does not do it for you. Also being a virgin and having any kind of first time sexually activity is most likely to fail or be disappointing at best.

    I have never discussed my past sexual experiences with current partners. Neither have they. But sooner or later, I guess if you really open to someone and have a serious relationship, they will figure things out even if you do not openly admit your homo/bisexuality.