Tired of pursuing...

  • dennissis

    Posts: 18

    Jun 03, 2015 3:38 AM GMT
    Lately, I am wondering: Why do all the guys I like just keep me in the friend zone distance and I end up pursuing them desperately? I am tired of being the nice & kind guy who is good for being friends but nothing more.

    I keep meeting new people, and for some, I feel the attraction. I am usually direct with my feelings. But telling them these feelings always ends up with the reply "Uhhm, I'm not sure how I feel about you. But you are a great guy. Let's be friends" (Happened with at least 3 guys). These guys don't cut me off either, replying to my texts and occasionally meeting up with me for having some conversation or doing some activities. So I end up pursuing them, always having that feeling of this will not go anywhere. But I can't give up on the possibility that they might take a step towards me in the future either.

    Is it the chase that excites me so that I end up being stuck with these guys who put me in a friend zone distance? Or is it just that I do not approach sexually at all after being put into the friend zone and nothing changes? Have you ever had the experience that something turned into a relationship after being put into the friend zone at your first attempt?
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    Jun 03, 2015 3:57 AM GMT
    Oh no you have become a fag hag (not being mean just saying) ur hanging atound waiting for the day or the weak moment that they want you. sadly,they know it so they keep you around for their amusement and so they don't feel alone. Its hard, but Id say you need some new friends.
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Jun 03, 2015 1:31 PM GMT
    "telling them these feelings always ends up with the reply"

    So don't tell them. You are probably rushing things. Let things happen before verbalising anything. Be very patient! Biggest turn off for me is a guy who tries to rush things. It looks desperate. Also, try and figure out if you can change what's missing for them, what makes you not enough, or maybe they're just not looking for anything else (not clear whether you're referring to just sex or relationship here in your pursual).

    As previous reply advises, once they turn you down, don't pursue, that is lowering your dignity, decide whether you want to be friends or walk away. And if you become friends don't pursue you'll go crazy.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Jun 03, 2015 11:08 PM GMT
    Possibly you express your feelings too sudden. Try observing for a chance. You'd be surprised what you can learn in terms of body language. And that doesn't mean to cease being open but try taking a step back for a change and feel out the vibes the person gives you. Cheers!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 04, 2015 4:49 AM GMT
    Agreed, I think it may be that you open your feelings up too fast. I also feel it's best to wait and just get to know the guy if he is open to talking to you more. Than overtime when you both get comfortable, it may be a little more easier to say how you feel and he won't be too freaked out.

    And yes, if they don't reciprocate the feelings, don't continue to go after them. It just means it wasn't the right fit so just try again with another guy who catches your interest.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 851

    Jun 04, 2015 12:38 PM GMT
    I guess, a few people here agree that putting all your cards on the table at once is counterproductive.

    So, you openly signal that you are very interested. They feel that there is little or nothing for them to decide but to either accept your advances or turn you down. We all know how this ends.

    The other thing here is that you may be perceived as someone who is either too desperate or too superficial. People friendzone you right away. You are probably a great guy to be friends with, but getting involved is not in the cards...

    Consider taking your time. No one wants to be told what to do. Few people want to agree to the set out terms... Allow the things to develop naturally. The usual, one thing led to the other. People tend to like the idea that it all somehow worked out without them being too passive about it.


  • Goodluckyman

    Posts: 104

    Jun 04, 2015 9:38 PM GMT
    I think it is human nature to back off when the other party appears to be too available or give too much to soon.

    It makes the potential otherb wonder what it willbe when things get deep-fear that one may put a lot of emotional/physical demands.

    The sad truth is that it is not easy for some people to hide their excitement and how much they like somebody however much they try....

    Good luck
  • dennissis

    Posts: 18

    Jun 05, 2015 5:12 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys.

    I always thought being open about feelings as a good thing. Because that is the thing that works for me. If someone is not afraid to tell me what he likes about me, or just simply, if I can see an affection in his eyes, that is what really matters to me. Knowing this, I always behave in this way. But obviously everyone is different. Will try being less direct approach for the next person icon_smile.gif

  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Jun 07, 2015 5:34 PM GMT
    Good luck icon_biggrin.gif keep your cards close to your chest, and keep your powder dry.