Challenges of being HOT, or even above average..,.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    We hear about the preferential treatment attract people get over others. What we don't hear about are the many forms of BS that being attractive attracts. So there are plenty of attractive people here and I want to hear from you. Do you have any experiences that show the tough side of being hot? icon_cool.gif

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    Jun 04, 2015 2:51 AM GMT
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    Jun 04, 2015 3:05 AM GMT
    You don't need to be super hot to begin to experience some of the problems. You only need to be above average.

    I'm gonna throw one problem: too many options.

    When you attract 5 guys in one year, you have all the time in the world to give them attention and test if they are compatible. You have to think twice before rejecting what could be your sole chance in the year.

    When you attract 500 guys in one year, you have no time to start a conversation with each and every one, let alone getting to know them to see if they're compatible. It would be a full time job.
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    Jun 04, 2015 3:24 AM GMT
    I've had guys mistaken me for an escort on a regular basis.

    In one instance, a guy literally blocked me in with his car and asked me how much I cost while I was walking down the street.

    A few weeks ago, walking down the street again, a guy pulled up to me and started masturbating in front of me. But it didn't stop there. I ignored him and went on with my business, but he drove off then came back again while I was on another street. It was at that point I called the police.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 04, 2015 4:00 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    jmusmc85 saidI've had guys mistaken me for an escort on a regular basis....

    icon_confused.gif


    Not to tear down your ego but that's just South Beach for you. I've been there twice in the past and what you described isn't uncommon.

    New Jersey is the armpit of the east coast whereas South Beach is the "taint."


    This never happened in other places I have lived.

    I think a lot of it has to do with me being a young(ish), Latino, and supposedly somewhat good looking.

    Miami Beach is a mecca for international tourists, gay and straight. A lot of them come here looking for a good time with Latin guys and I guess I fit the bill.

    Ummmm.....thanks I guess????icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 04, 2015 5:25 AM GMT
    bachian saidYou don't need to be super hot to begin to experience some of the problems. You only need to be above average.


    I've never been more happy to learn that I will NOT be experiencing those problems!
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    Jun 04, 2015 6:12 AM GMT
    There is probably some place on the planet for everybody, where they can be the hottest guy in town.

    Hmm... new idea for a travel agency... icon_razz.gif
  • mar0302

    Posts: 273

    Jun 04, 2015 6:20 AM GMT
    It's all relative.. we're all hot to someone.. and there are places that I've travelled where nobody even notices me.. and other places where I'm the most popular guy there.. I agree with the comment that was made earlier though, if you think you have 500 options then you don't really pay attention to them, but if you've got 5 options then you are more interested in seeing if any of them are good..
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    Jun 04, 2015 11:43 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidThere is probably some place on the planet for everybody, where they can be the hottest guy in town.

    Hmm... new idea for a travel agency... icon_razz.gif


    Manchester, England is my homely buddy's hot spot. He says "I feel pretty there."

    I find that in the places I get the most attention it's from guys looking at me to see if I'm looking at them.
  • Elian

    Posts: 60

    Jun 04, 2015 11:53 AM GMT
    Well you can see it in this forum, the moment someone states that they are confident they look hot/good, people start judging them as egocentric or pretentious. Having o positive image of yourself is in my opinion a good thing and doesn't imply thinking less of the others, but that is not what people will assume.

    Also is really hard to initiate serious relationships when the other person is being defensive all the time, thinking that you will cheat on him, that you will leave them as soon as a better looking person is available... Having to prove someone that you prefer him over people that might like you again and again is draining and ends up eroding things quickly.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jun 04, 2015 12:29 PM GMT
    Almost all guys experience this phenomenon if they travel a lot.

    I have noticed that a new face happens to be a major asset. Maybe, a guy is not being perceived as super hot or anything, but just by being a new dude in the bar/club, a few people start showing interest above your average acceptance rateicon_lol.gif

    Having the opportunity to pick and choose is hardly a problem. It is really an advantage.

    Sure, you can choose to go NSA, and not spend too much time getting to know the guys who you may be messing around with. This is however, your choice. You can also choose to focus on the top 5 dudes of the crop (in your eyes, that is), and get to know them better. No one out there is stopping you...

    The dudes who are above the average on your daily fresh meat market, often perceive themselves as people who have to live up to the expectations of the others. (A wrong choice... but we live a in a free world). So, you hear guys complaining that they would try to go with this dude who is obviously showing some interest but choose not to, because he may not be hot enough, so their general image may be suffering...

    SC

  • Elian

    Posts: 60

    Jun 04, 2015 1:50 PM GMT
    pazmurder said
    Elian saidWell you can see it in this forum, the moment someone states that they are confident they look hot/good, people start judging them as egocentric or pretentious. Having o positive image of yourself is in my opinion a good thing and doesn't imply thinking less of the others, but that is not what people will assume.


    there's a difference between being content with one's self and someone thinking that everyone is drooling over them or thinking that they're cute. the former is actually confidence. the latter is arrogance, being pretentious and egotistical. that's compensating insecurity.

    ElianAlso is really hard to initiate serious relationships when the other person is being defensive all the time, thinking that you will cheat on him, that you will leave them as soon as a better looking person is available... Having to prove someone that you prefer him over people that might like you again and again is draining and ends up eroding things quickly.


    that's just getting with someone that has insecurity issues. it's not likely that someone can have a serious relationship with someone like that regardless. someone that thinks that their partner's insecurity issue has to do with them being good looking is once again being arrogant and pretentious.

    the whole idea of someone crying about having problems because they think they're so "hot" is in itself a form of arrogance. there's no changing that. think that the real challenge of someone who thinks they're hot is their own mind. personally, i often see someone being arrogant for no reason. they think that they're entitled to whatever or that they are more important to the eyes of others than what they really are. hence, them thinking that they have "challenges" for simply being attractive. there's people that are going through actual problems. not a good look regardless.

    only thing this thread is doing is exposing the people that have inflated sense of self esteem. real talk.



    Well in the first thing you said, we agree. I think this in fact happens. But my problem is again with prejudice. If someone dares to say he thinks he is hot... he is automatically bumped into the second group you mentioned.


    now for the rest of the message... I don’t agree at all, I think you probably have met lots of egocentric idiots but that is not an excuse to generalize your opinions to everyone. Also you not experiencing certain problems is no excuse to dismiss other people problems or feelings. That’s the same reason why people shame mental illnesses, think that racism and homophobia are not issues, etc... OK, in this case being good looking is something generally accepted as good... That doesn’t invalidate anyone’s feelings the same as men having it easier than women in many aspects doesn’t invalidate men’s problems.

    Also, What if the person keep making comments that make it really clear that he feels insecure about that? What if he tells you directly that he thinks you are way hotter than him? That’s clearly an insecurity problem tied to him thinking you are hot. I don’t agree with the “You can’t have a relationship with someone that is insecure” its plain cruel to dump someone just because he is insecure. You cannot ignore the fact that you can fall for someone who perceives himself as worse looking than you (or dare I say... that you perceive worse looking, as looks are not the only factor) Then that person’s insecurity problem becomes your problem too as people do not want to be hurt and that only adds to the problem of gays not wanting to commit. I agree it would be better to jsut fall for people with high self esteem, but that doesn’t mean that people with lower self esteem do not deserve to be given a chance. Also you don’t choose who you fall for so "good looking guys" also get hurt, by all kind of guys.


  • collegedude12

    Posts: 75

    Jun 04, 2015 2:53 PM GMT
    I mean everyone should have good body image and all that and like someone else said, someone who's hot to you might not be hot to someone else. I'm happy with how I look but idk if it's ever made a difference to anything lol. I do seem to get a lot of free shit for no reason tho lmao but I always say it's cause I try to be really nice and friendly to random people so it's just all my good karma

    When I was in high school my friends and I would always go to this one diner and the very first time we went, our waitress gave us free dessert on the house. My friends went without me a few times after that and she was their waitress both times and they didn't get anything free but every time after that that I went with them, she would always give us free food lol. We only saw her for like the first 3 months and then we never saw her again so my buddy would always joke that I got her fired. I told em it was prob just a coincidence and they'd always say she was flirting with me but she was just being nice lol. Then again she was attractive but obviously I was interested since well, i'm gay lol so maybe I was oblivous to it idk

    And there's been a couple times that I've been out with friends where I'm just having a conversation with someone like a bartender or one of those people who run those stalls at fairs, etc. and we're just having a good conversation and after like 2 minutes they say something nice and offer me a discount or free zeppeles lol. I think it's all in the personality to be honest
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    Jun 04, 2015 2:57 PM GMT
    The only drawback of being hot is that people are more willing to pay for sex instead of just doing it for free like an average slut. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 04, 2015 4:03 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThe only drawback of being hot is that people are more willing to pay for sex instead of just doing it for free like an average slut. icon_razz.gif



    Paul , i really fancy your humour icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 04, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    I've never considered myself "hot" but I've been told often that I'm handsome--well, accept for my mother who said I'm gorgeous, but that was her job--and that's actually one of the problems because sometimes (well, at least when I was younger it happened pretty often--not so much anymore) people tell you while they're having sex with you that they think you're so good looking.

    It's so fucking awkward. I'd never known what to do. Return the compliment? Say a polite thank you and then continue with the orgasm? I'm like: just shut up and blow me. Seriously, you don't know if they're fishing for a comment or what. I get that you're into me because you're with me. I'm with you too; get over it.

    Though I didn't always think they were particularly good looking because I wasn't always that picky with regards to looks and often I was turned on by personality, by confidence, by humor, by intellect, by heart. So that's real awkward when they say something because you can't be truthful in return. You can't say anything that will hurt them so sometimes you can't say anything but maybe get cocky and make fun of it.

    But an actually serious issue that happened to me a few times was near rape, by doctors. I don't trust them worth a shit. I'd often rather die than go to one. The two worst times was once when I was about 16 with my mother right there. She'd never leave me alone with one of those scumbags. But what he did was positioned her in a chair in the office and put his body between her and me lying on the table. Then he put his hand down my fucking pants and kept it there. I'm still furious when I think about it. I didn't know what to do then but I'd run him over with my car if I saw him today.

    It happened even in my 30s with a hot fucking dentist who has me in his chair and he starts playing in my mouth while talking innuendo. The fucker did it purposely. In walks the female assistant. I have never since then sat in a dentist chair without a magazine in my lap. Fucking douchebag.

    And then it even happened in my 50s with another doc who as I'm getting out of the chair goes to shake my hand and instead of shaking pulls my hand down directly towards his fucking penis, again, with his assistant in the room.

    Now in fairness to the last guy who I actually thought I liked until that last maneuver of his, I'm still unsure of how I feel because I do have past issues with medical creeps. He is of my generation, could be in closet, could be he didn't know how to say "would you like to meet for dinner?" while he was in his office working. So he did this weird handshake thing.

    At least it wasn't as creepy as the doc who put his hands down my pants or who put his hand in my mouth.

    So aside from the virtual medical rape scarring me for life, gee doc, thanx for your second opinion that I'm not ugly.
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    Jun 06, 2015 9:09 AM GMT
    Being attractive is such a struggle that sometimes I wish I became ugly ... said no-one ever!!

    No offence but this thread is a bit BS.
    It's not a disadvantage as much as it is people trying to find something to whine about.

    Especially with how much people globally (old and young, men and women) struggle with body image issues and societies pressures on being attractive, I think it's a bit ludicrous to think that the struggles for attractive people are just as hard or compare at all to those who, in terms of societal expectations, fall under the "unattractive" category.

    I mean not to say that they don't have struggles because everybody does, but I wouldn't account those struggles being caused by someone's 'over attractiveness' as opposed to struggles that just come with everyday life.

    If attractiveness wasn't a highly regarded priority then things like fashion, working out, plastic surgery, perfumes, brands, accessories and all of that kind of stuff wouldn't exist because nobody would be trying to impress anybody aesthetically speaking.

    In reality we know that's obviously not the case, so please don't be so crude as to say that being hot is such a struggle enough for it to have a considerable negative impact on your life.

    Some people have good looks and some don't but for God's sake count your blessings.
    I mean society generally looks down on those who complain about their looks, even if they are labelled "ugly".
    Having hot people complain about their looks is just a downright slap in the face.

    Having too many suitors is hardly counted as a legitimate struggle, especially in comparison to those who've been bullied about their looks and/or have committed suicide for being labelled "ugly".
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    Jun 06, 2015 11:31 AM GMT
    I will not call it a challenge as you can choose the right person from a wide arena. You just have to pick, not to go after the Hot ones.
    I would not call myself hot nor cute. But sometimes I get compliments like I have a good personality or a good listener. I usually return the compliments with a simple "thank you".
    Beauty/hot/cute is in the eyes of the beholder. What maybe considered hot/cute in this part of the world may not fulfil the criteria of Hotness by someone else or rest of the world.
    When someone gives a compliment or two, I don't try to ride the high horse. I am the same person before/after the compliment nor I need the validation of others.

    Love from Asia.
  • BloodFlame

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    Jun 06, 2015 5:05 PM GMT
    I have to agree with the slight cynicism lol Attractive people who say that they'd rather be unattractive because of their struggles of being physically appealing are embellishing and aren't completely being truthful. I think the only reason they say this is to not be perceived as arrogant or stuck up. There's no shame in having self-confidence. The only time it gets bad is when you start going out of your way to bring other people down. That's when you cross the line.

    Being attractive doesn't have to be a struggle and you can use that to your advantage. Okay, so you may have more suitors but you can still try and make time to at least pick the first 5 guys you like the most and try to get to know them on a personal basis.

    I'm not saying that attractive people's problems aren't important, every person's is. But when I hear attractive people complaining on how they are at a disadvantage in life because of their looks, I want to tell them to snap back to reality. The only person who's making it a struggle is themselves. Count your blessings and just try to make sure you have a personality and you're good to go. Don't pay attention to the people who only care about you for your looks because the signs are obvious when they do that.



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    Jun 06, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
    Can we just put this "issue" in first world's problems list?
    Are you guys joking or you really think being attractive makes your life harder? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

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    Jun 07, 2015 12:09 AM GMT
    This is going to sound really arrogant, so I apologise in advance if it rubs anyone the wrong way, but I think that I'm relatively good looking. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I think I'm above average.

    The biggest "disadvantage" (for lack of a better word) is that a lot of guys are prejudiced and stereotype you. They just assume you have no personality, you're stupid, you're a bad person, you're mean, you tease people based on what they look like, you're ageist, you're racist, etc. It's not nice.

    Also sometimes it feels like shallowness and superficiality are made out to be a one way street. If a guy messages me and I'm not even remotely interested in him, I'm the shallow/superficial one, but he's not considered shallow or superficial for batting out of his league by hitting me up in the first place. I know that sounds arrogant, but I don't know how to sugarcoat it without sounding like such a dick. And I'm sure everyone can relate to it, regardless of what they look like.

    It would be fine if I had "looking for: friends" and/or "chat only" ticked in any of my online profiles. Then I would be willing to talk to everyone. But I don't. I have enough difficulty finding the time to maintain all my existing friendships. It's hard enough to reply to my friends' essays every day, so making new friends over Grindr or Scruff isn't really something I'm interested in. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a relationship. And if you are just looking for someone to talk to, then why does their attractiveness matter? You could talk to anyone. Wouldn't you prefer to chat to someone who's also just looking for someone to talk to?

    I just feel like I'm occasionally made to feel like a bad person for wanting to be with someone that I would be sexually compatible with, and could realistically get. If that makes me shallow, then I'm ok with that. I'm not willing to sleep with every guy who messages me just to prove to them that I'm not shallow or that looks don't matter to me, when I can readily admit that I am, and they do. They're not the most important thing, but just because they're not the most important thing doesn't mean that they don't matter at all. Why would I sleep with someone who can't turn me on when I could be sleeping with someone who could? Sex is a really, really important part of a relationship.

    I just think (regardless of attractiveness) more gay guys need to realise that you're just as shallow for messaging a guy out of your league as they are for not being interested, if not moreso.

    Like I said at the beginning, sorry if this sounds arrogant. It's hard to talk about it honestly and directly without sounding vain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2015 12:27 AM GMT
    ^

    There's a funny experiment you can do to unmask those who complain about your "shallowness". Assume A is someone below your league and B is you:

    A: Wow you're hot!
    B: Thanks! What kind of guy are you into?
    A: You're totally my type!
    B: Cool! We have the same taste in men!

    Any complaints will reflect on him because you both have the same taste.
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    Jun 07, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    musclesbuilder saidI will not call it a challenge as you can choose the right person from a wide arena. You just have to pick, not to go after the Hot ones.
    I would not call myself hot nor cute. But sometimes I get compliments like I have a good personality or a good listener. I usually return the compliments with a simple "thank you".
    Beauty/hot/cute is in the eyes of the beholder. What maybe considered hot/cute in this part of the world may not fulfil the criteria of Hotness by someone else or rest of the world.
    When someone gives a compliment or two, I don't try to ride the high horse. I am the same person before/after the compliment nor I need the validation of others.

    Love from Asia.


    That's absolutely the proper underlying if not esoteric attitude to attempt maintaining and you seem a real nice guy by that. Get back to us after 20 years of receiving those because for practical purposes, even compliments are going to get old faster than you age.

    Being attractive is fun, of course. Pretty much the only guys who you might want to play with who won't play with you have a fetish to bump ugly.

    So without a doubt being handsome or built or cute can make life easier. Just ask most puppies who haven't been thrown out the window onto the highway from a speeding car. But there are real dangers not to be overplayed but they exist. Because you don't just attract other attractive or good people. Looks also attract creeps who happen to have excellent taste in men.

    I'd imagine there are few demographic profiles of rape victims delineating aesthetic values but by my own experience and what I consider common sense--outside of convenient opportunities with any warm body or any particular fetishism--someone might make a play for that more so; they might risk what they mightn't had otherwise.

    And it's not even the more serious situations as I posted above, but in everyday interaction. Don't get paranoid about it but keep somewhere in mind that people will say anything to manipulate, to create for themselves a situation they think will benefit them. Be as polite as you feel the moment will bear. But beware the flatterer. They rarely if ever have your best interest at heart.
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    Jun 07, 2015 3:05 AM GMT
    Or, you know, attractive guys could just be normal, contributing members of society, each with a unique personality.
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    Jun 07, 2015 3:15 AM GMT
    theantijock saidpeople tell you while they're having sex with you that they think you're so good looking.
    It's so fucking awkward. I'd never known what to do. Return the compliment? Say a polite thank you and then continue with the orgasm? I'm like: just shut up and blow me. Seriously, you don't know if they're fishing for a comment or what. I get that you're into me because you're with me. I'm with you too; get over it..


    True story...I really don't like compliments...especially from strangers, I always feel like there is an agenda. If I am with you I clearly like you & am attracted to you. Can't we just enjoy each other's company? icon_neutral.gif