Have trouble keeping people's interest

  • evchado32

    Posts: 10

    Jun 05, 2015 2:22 AM GMT
    Hey, I was just wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem. None of the guys where I'm from really talk to me or want anything to do with me. I message people on grindr, I try and get people to go out for coffee or lunch,etc., and most of the time I'm just ignored or denied.. Most of the time I try and text people, they give me very short responses and it's hard to carry a conversation and I always have to text first.. For example, a guy I text some came to my town and has been here for a few days and I tried to get him to hang out with me.. The first day he was hanging out with a girl he knows, and tonight he said he was hanging out with some guy he met while he was here. I really don't know what more I can do. Do you think maybe I'm coming on too strong or maybe too weak? I'm trying to put myself out there more, but nothing is really working.. I even applied for a job at the gay club as a bar back… so maybe that will help? Or maybe my looks and stuff just aren't really good enough? I was just wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and could maybe offer some advice?
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jun 05, 2015 2:44 AM GMT
    evchado32 saidHey, I was just wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem. None of the guys where I'm from really talk to me or want anything to do with me. I message people on grindr, I try and get people to go out for coffee or lunch,etc., and most of the time I'm just ignored or denied.. Most of the time I try and text people, they give me very short responses and it's hard to carry a conversation and I always have to text first.. For example, a guy I text some came to my town and has been here for a few days and I tried to get him to hang out with me.. The first day he was hanging out with a girl he knows, and tonight he said he was hanging out with some guy he met while he was here. I really don't know what more I can do. Do you think maybe I'm coming on too strong or maybe too weak? I'm trying to put myself out there more, but nothing is really working.. I even applied for a job at the gay club as a bar back… so maybe that will help? Or maybe my looks and stuff just aren't really good enough? I was just wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and could maybe offer some advice?


    I feel your dilemma OP about dealing with how to keep someone interested in you. It's like you have to play an elaborate character or something. So I feel where you are coming from but here's some advice.

    For one, maybe try meeting guys offline. If you're specifically looking more for gay guys, try a gay nightclub, gay bar, or LGBT gay group (though I feel you're wanting to meet guys on a more intimate level). In that case, you have to be patient and don't force it or you risk coming off too strong and scaring the guy(s) away.

    Personally, I would try a gay bar since they tend to be more quieter than a loud nightclub and may be easier to strike up conversations with the patrons. I mean, if the guy is open/polite, he'd engage you in a conversation and through this, you can show yourself more. If he's interested, he may be open to meeting you again. So I personally feel this could be good for you.

    I mean, you could try a nightclub but honestly, they are loud and they tend to attract more standoffish guys. But hey, you said you applied for a job in one so yeah, that is definitely a foot in the door to socializing on some aspect of the gay scene.

    "Or maybe my looks aren't good enough...?" I have to say that maybe it depends on the guys you hit up, believe me, I know the feeling of unrequited interest with who you express interest in. If that's the case, DON'T EVER fall into the rut of constantly berating yourself because it's hard to pull out of. Just keep your chin up and either keep trying or if you're open, you can change little things of yourself but you have to do it for you at the end of the day okay?

    I hope this helped you somewhat and good luck!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jun 05, 2015 5:57 AM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with your looks. On the contrary.

    Do not appear to be too eager. People are easily scared these days.

    Be patient. Not every dude on Grindr is really looking for an instant hook up. Many guys are hanging out there simply to make sure that the dudes are interested in them. Once you show some interest their mission is accomplished, and they move on doing their thing.

    The meeting dudes offline idea is a good one. Hit a gay bar, cruising grounds, etc. The guys out there are mostly interested in hooking up, and are not too much into wasting their time. WYSIWYG. Admittedly, not everyone is into the meaningless, NSA sex, but experience shows that the dudes who click sexually are likely to go for more.

    Do not appear to be too clingy, desperate and needy. Sure, you want to have some fun. As do so many other guys. If you appear to be desperate, the dudes will run for the hills thinking that something must be wrong. Adopt the attitude that you came to play. If it works, fine. If it does not work with this guy, it'll work with the next dude. There is plenty of fish in the sea.

    SC
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jun 05, 2015 6:06 AM GMT
    Lot of guys are looking at internet encounters as if they are reading a diner menu ... Don't take it to heart ... It's not you, it's them
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    Jun 06, 2015 7:57 AM GMT
    Your looks are good enough to attract some guys. Try meeting guys IRL instead of on Grindr etc. It will take longer, but you will have actually met someone. Texting someone on Grinder, etc, is not meeting them. A job in a gay bar will undoubtedly help. It will probably be easier after you have a few more years behind you.
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    Jun 06, 2015 8:31 AM GMT
    A lot of guys online are just really flaky based on their past negative experiences or whatever. I got ignored a little bit and I ignored guys too. I don't take online dating seriously, go out and make more of an effort or better yet, just make friends and let him come along.
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Jun 06, 2015 1:28 PM GMT
    You look good, it's definitely not that. I'd say you're coming on too strong and to the wrong people. As the above poster says, online we are all a bit flaky due to the number of guys there.

    Try to build up a rapport with people by chatting for a while first, maybe a number of weeks or months before meeting them from the internet, that'll establish you as less of a flake and someone reliable. It'll also weed out the flakes so you don't need to keep wasting your expectations on them. You'll get more interest in real life so I think a bar job is a good idea.
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    Jun 06, 2015 2:06 PM GMT
    Post nekkid pics. That always keeps people's attention (unless you have a tiny dick).
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    Jun 09, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    If you're ready to date, be cool with rejection. It's just a fact of nature. One of my best friends is absolutely gorgeous, and even he gets rejected all the time from really hot girls. He couldn't care less, and he moves on to the next opportunity.

    Just be yourself. My last bf wasn't exactly my type in the beginning. But he was so incredibly polite, funny, and genuine that he won me over. There's something to be said for a little bit of eagerness.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 14, 2015 3:57 AM GMT
    It might be you sound too desperate...Back off when you find yourself sounding too anxious..Also, don't be too available..If a guy asks you out on a certain night,tell him you already have plans, and make the date for the next night..Looked at your photos..You're cute so you got that going for ya...Good Luck