An old "buddy" of mine got married a year ago and wants to stay in touch...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2015 11:55 PM GMT
    Just 2 cool dudes who messed around on a pretty regular basis over 3 years. No dates, no feelings, no drama but a few decent conversations. Well we stopped hooking up years ago and I deleted his number. He's now in his 30's and married. Out of the blue he pings me to keep in touch, grab a beer, catch a game etc. I was "easy to talk to" and he "wants to be friends now". But I know he wants to mess around again.

    To me, this is a no brainer. I told him it was a dumb idea to even text me much less to try to catch up as we were just fbuddies... not even friends w/ benefits. I am going to block him. Am I being cynical? Or should I be open to him needing a guy friend who understands. I think of his wife... If I were her, would I want my husband to be hanging out with a friend who used to nail him?

    Please no "bi bashing" on this fellas.

    UPDATE:
    He let me know that he was interested in hooking up again but was open to just a friendship. I let him know that I was not interested in either while he's married as it didn't make any real sense. He understood and we wished each other luck. All is good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2015 11:56 PM GMT
    If you have issues messing around with a guy who is married then yes you need to drop contact with him.
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    Jun 07, 2015 12:24 AM GMT
    He might just want a friend and nothing more. Assuming he wants more, you can block him if you feel you should, but it is just sex and you can't really over think it. Perhaps he's not entirely happy in his marriage.
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    Jun 07, 2015 2:42 AM GMT
    Could be that the missus is looking for a little 3-way action and he's sounding you out.

    BTDT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2015 2:48 AM GMT
    James_Thunder_Early saidHe might just want a friend and nothing more...

    i would tell him get a divorce
    but
    cant assume he just discovered he is gay and trapped in a straight marriage. He just wants a friend. likely not tho.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 07, 2015 4:13 AM GMT
    I think that you are 100% correct in not hooking up with this guy, again.

    He can't help it if he's attracted to men.
    And, sooner or later, he'll be hooking up with other men.
    If his wife is okay with that, fine.
    But, I'll bet she doesn't even know he's bisexual.
  • craycraydoesd...

    Posts: 596

    Jun 07, 2015 5:11 AM GMT
    S34n05 saidIf you have issues messing around with a guy who is married then yes you need to drop contact with him.


    Who but the worst kind of person wouldn't have "issues" messing with married men?
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    Jun 07, 2015 5:15 AM GMT
    If he's starting to realize he's more gay than straight, you might be the only person he knows to talk to about it. Or.......he just might want your dick up his ass again. You could always ask him or make it crystal clear you're not going to be a part of him cheating on his wife. If he's just wanting sex, that will scare him away right there.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Jun 07, 2015 5:34 AM GMT
    I somehow doubt that you posted this if you were absolutely determined to block your former FwB. Sure, this is your life, and you are calling the shots. If you want to block him, do so.

    You are not his moral guardian. Furthermore, you do not know what kind of arrangements he has with his wife. Imagine, for the sake of discussion, that his wife was cheating on him with another woman? How would he take that? A few guys would shrug with their shoulders, admit that they do not have the hardware to give their wives the experience of F2F sex, and would carry on with business as usual.

    My point here is a degree of hypocrisy that the society demonstrates when it comes to cheating with the same sex partners. If a married dude goes astray with another guy, this turns out to be a major issue worth a divorce, etc. If a married woman goes astray with another female, wow, that's sexy, and nah, not a biggie. Relatively few guys will see this as grounds for divorce. If a dude messes around with another dude, he is gay, and should divorce... This asymmetry shows that something is profoundly wrong with the equation.

    In my books, that is...


    SC
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    Jun 07, 2015 5:39 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidPlease no "bi bashing" on this fellas.


    Without that there's no discussion! icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 07, 2015 9:50 AM GMT
    I would go for a drink with him, but be extra friendly with the wife when I picked him up, and say how great she seems before he had a chance to slip into the old routine.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Jun 07, 2015 10:31 AM GMT
    Tell his wife
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    Jun 07, 2015 11:30 AM GMT
    I call foul on that, got no love for switch hitters but in this situation there's no reason for her to know. The guys haven't had sex since before the one got married so as long as the one with a wife keeps his zipper up I say NO WAY should the lady be told.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    Indulging in another mans lack of integrity is for the young, naive drama seekers who don't mind stepping back into the shadows--it's exciting till you want something more...
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Jun 11, 2015 5:30 AM GMT
    What you decided makes a lot of sense. It seems like it wouldn't be a real friendship so long as he's keeping such a big secret about you and him from his spouse. Without knowing anything more about this situation, I wonder if he is actually looking for some support in the process of coming out.