How to handle much older guy hitting on me at the Aquatic Center/Gym when I am totally not interested and in a relationship?

  • GayDude83

    Posts: 7

    Jun 11, 2015 7:05 AM GMT
    So, there's this guy who my god has to be approaching 60. I just turned 32 and have a boyfriend who deeply loves me and who I deeply love more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. He's 35 turning 36 next week; so we're like the perfect age difference.

    Anyway, this guy at the gym--I met him in 2011, met my boyfriend at the gym in 2012 and never showed any sexual interest in the 60-year-old. He was an old classmate of my dad's in high school apparently--maybe a grade or 2 separated them. At first, I just thought of him as someone who I chatted with at the gym from time to time. He disappeared from like late 2011-late 2014. However, when he re-appeared late in 2014, he began showing sexual interest in me, i.e., intentionally talking to me stark naked (seemed perhaps to have a semi-erection), telling me that he wanted to take me on a holiday to see a sporting event, trying to flatter me with compliments, asking me to go out for coffee sometime with him, and mentioning that I could hang out with him and his 34-year-old or 35-year-old nephew sometime. Almost like he thought I'd be more attracted to him if he knew he could offer me younger friends?

    What bothers me is that I think he intentionally started to go to the Aquatic Center again to try to hit on me since he only goes 1-2 days per week. Also, he used to go at like 2:00 p.m. back in 2011 and now goes at like 5 p.m. almost like he's trying to catch me there?

    Anyways, he is really nice, and has a body that rivals a pro athlete and I don't want to hurt him. I can't tell him to fuck off. However, before I met my current BF who is hot as fuck and smart as hell with a fantastic job, the only ones that seemed to hit on me were perverted old men. So, it brings back old very bad memories and to find out that someone your dad's age is into you sucks even more given my history.

    In any event, I am there to work out and hang with my amazing boyfriend. We're both very busy and I don't want to spend cherished time with my boyfriend dealing with some old guy hitting on me. At the same time, he's not a psychopath. So, I don't want to hurt him.

    I have enough friends and I don't really need an old dude friend, especially one who doesn't seem to have that much money and may be a welfare case from what I can tell, at best seasonally employed? I especially don't need to be hit on by him. I'd be willing to be his friend if he hadn't shown sexual interest in me but given that, I can't.

    So, my question is this: How do I express my disinterest in having anything to do with this guy in a polite but clear way without telling him that I have a boyfriend because I'm not prepared to out myself to someone who isn't really much more than a total stranger. How do I discretely get away from long chats with him? He always seems able to reel me into 5-10 minute chats with him somehow that I don't really want. Is being mean perhaps the only way? The thing is that I don't have an outwardly mean bone in my body and can't be mean. I can't switch times either because of my and my boyfriend's work schedule.

    So, help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 8:21 AM GMT
    My advice is tell him honest and clear without being rude at the wording and tone, tell him that you aren't single anymore and you are happily in a relationship for 3 years. Tell him you appreciate all the kindness he showed and you see him as a good friend.

    Most likely he's not going to get mad or what, he's mature enough to understand.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jun 11, 2015 9:33 AM GMT
    This is simple and easy:

    "Dude, nice chatting with you, but I have to go now. I'll take a rain check on your invitation for the coffees and trips, since I am very busy at this time. Have a good one!"

    Nothing rude, nothing private. Stay polite, the dude means no harm, but neither he nor you want to waste time on something that has no chance of going anywhere.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 9:55 AM GMT
    "I don't think my boyfriend would like that, sorry"
  • SwimBIkeRun94...

    Posts: 480

    Jun 11, 2015 12:39 PM GMT
    Just be direct. You're entitled to your own opinion relative to interest in others -- be it friendship or intimacy.

    Related story for you: there's a Korean spa I frequent, and much to the surprise of the many gays who also go there, I use it for relaxation only.

    I know there are blowjobs happening in the steam/sauna, and I really don't care, but that's not for me.

    Anyway, last week an older guy (65+) sat next to me in the steam room, and started to rub my back. I gently grabbed his arm and directed it back to his person.

    Two minutes later, he starts rubbing my thigh. Again, I picked up his arm to move it away.

    He does the thigh thing once more, so I just very sternly said "stop touching me, I have no interest at all" in front of probably 10 other guys.

    At no point was I mean; I was just being very clear and direct with my intentions. Thereafter, I continued to relax at the spa as he left me alone.
  • jjguy05

    Posts: 459

    Jun 11, 2015 12:49 PM GMT
    SexyRob,

    IMO, I wouldn't say anything "direct" to him.

    You gotta develop the skill of cleverly and politely exiting from conversations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 1:56 PM GMT
    I completely disagree on the above comment.. It's pretty simple really...Grow some balls.. seriously. Just say "Thanks bud No I'm not interested" and walk away. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 2:05 PM GMT
    To some people, being nice and polite equals "I'm interested in you." Keep the conversations brief, and tell him you're too busy to hang out. Some guys never get the point, so you may have to be more direct.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 2:13 PM GMT
    what Exactly is the harm??
    You're uncomfortable?

    Tell us more about how hot, amazing, smart, wealthy you're new bf is.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3386

    Jun 11, 2015 2:54 PM GMT
    If the guy was your age, how would that be different?
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    Jun 11, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    "I have a partner and I'm not interested"

    BTW I appreciate that you're not trying to be hurtful to him; but he needs to be respectful in turn. He's probably working on the basis that if he persists eventually he'll score. You need to let him know that isn't the case.

    Stay nice and polite, but if he carries on then be prepared to re-emphasise with each step.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 4:53 PM GMT
    Going on and on about how old the guy is is no different than going on about what race he might be. It's like you're going out of your way to bash all older men as perverts. You handle him the same way you would if he were any age. Absolutely no different. icon_confused.gif
  • BuggEyedSprit...

    Posts: 920

    Jun 11, 2015 4:56 PM GMT
    Damn, and I don't even remember BEING there! icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    It might not be relevant that the guy is old but if he keeps coming onto someone when he is clearly making them uncomfortable and the interest is not reciprocated, he is a creep.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    SeanTheBull saidI completely disagree on the above comment.. It's pretty simple really...Grow some balls.. seriously. Just say "Thanks bud No I'm not interested" and walk away. icon_smile.gif

    He said he didn't want to be rude. Having balls includes the ability to be polite when possible, and direct when necessary. Most of the other responses in this thread were right on the money.
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Jun 11, 2015 5:47 PM GMT
    " ... who my god has to be approaching 60 ..."

    Are you sure you're 32? Because you sound 12 years old. And you'll be 60 someday, asshole, so give the whole age thing a rest.

    It didn't need a whole long discussion. How about just nicely brushing him off? Or telling him you're not interested? You really needed to come here -- at age 32 -- and get advice??

    I think you're full of shit.
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Jun 11, 2015 5:48 PM GMT
    Ohno saidIt might not be relevant that the guy is old but if he keeps coming onto someone when he is clearly making them uncomfortable and the interest is not reciprocated, he is a creep.


    The only thing that seems clear is that the original poster is very immature and I doubt that he's made anything to the poor 60 year old guy. I doubt that he's the creep.

    Sounds like someone just wants attention.
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Jun 11, 2015 5:51 PM GMT
    Yeah, replace "oh my god he's 60" with "oh my god he's a Jew" or "oh my god he's black" and see what kind of reactions you get.

    It has nothing to do with age. I was at a house party with a group of gay men all under 30. We were sitting on a big sectional sofa watching a movie. One of the guys -- who I had no interest in whatsoever -- said "you can stretch your legs out" which I did because I hadn't thought he was interested. Then he started rubbing them. Rather than be rude, I got up to go to the bathroom (BIG HINT!) and came back and curled up in a ball. He grabbed my legs and tried to stretch them out. I said "hey, not interested in that buddy."

    Sometimes you have to be direct, it's not rude to be direct.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    Ohno saidIt might not be relevant that the guy is old but if he keeps coming onto someone when he is clearly making them uncomfortable and the interest is not reciprocated, he is a creep.


    Agreed. But I get teenagers being creeping on me all the time. And they often refuse to take no as an answer either. Creeps come in all ages.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 6:20 PM GMT
    jjguy05 saidSexyRob,

    IMO, I wouldn't say anything "direct" to him.

    You gotta develop the skill of cleverly and politely exiting from conversations.


    Exactly. Being able to brush people off without their being insulted or hurt is a very valuable skill. One way is not to make eye contact when he approaches and find a reason to get away from the situation as quickly as possible but in a polite and semi-apologetic say. Say something like "good to see you but I need to go __________" within 30 seconds of his approaching you and then go right ahead and do it. He'll get the hint although it may take a while.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jun 11, 2015 6:45 PM GMT
    mwolverine saidIf the guy was your age, how would that be different?


    +1

    i felt very uncomfortable reading this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 7:11 PM GMT
    Muscles25 said
    Ohno saidIt might not be relevant that the guy is old but if he keeps coming onto someone when he is clearly making them uncomfortable and the interest is not reciprocated, he is a creep.


    The only thing that seems clear is that the original poster is very immature and I doubt that he's made anything to the poor 60 year old guy. I doubt that he's the creep.

    Sounds like someone just wants attention.


    2 posts and age bating ? I smell a troll!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 10:23 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    Muscles25 said
    Ohno saidIt might not be relevant that the guy is old but if he keeps coming onto someone when he is clearly making them uncomfortable and the interest is not reciprocated, he is a creep.


    The only thing that seems clear is that the original poster is very immature and I doubt that he's made anything to the poor 60 year old guy. I doubt that he's the creep.

    Sounds like someone just wants attention.


    2 posts and age bating ? I smell a troll!


    On the off chance he's not a troll here's my advice: Be honest. Say look man if you were younger I'd be totally into you but you're not and I ain't. Now don't bother me again you old perv. And yes, I'm an asshole but so what?

    Problem solved.
  • blueandgold

    Posts: 396

    Jun 11, 2015 10:55 PM GMT
    Muscles25 said" ... who my god has to be approaching 60 ..."

    Are you sure you're 32? Because you sound 12 years old. And you'll be 60 someday, asshole, so give the whole age thing a rest.

    It didn't need a whole long discussion. How about just nicely brushing him off? Or telling him you're not interested? You really needed to come here -- at age 32 -- and get advice??

    I think you're full of shit.


    Thank god someone called this guy out instead on just enabling him like most posters. In addition, he references that he wouldn't have time with this guy who is "probably not very wealthy".

    Read between the lines. The OP is an asshole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2015 10:55 PM GMT
    If he's 60, nice and has the body of a pro athlete, he won't have time to be disappointed if you tell him you're not interested. That's the dream man for a lot of younger guys.