Feeling envious of other men

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Jun 14, 2015 5:42 AM GMT
    Does anyone ever feelings of envy when they see other gay men that are or are perceived to better looking than you or has that perfect chiseled body
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    Jun 14, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    18622_no-kanye-west-hell-no.gif
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    Jun 14, 2015 6:20 AM GMT
    moneypazweather saidI AM A MOP.

    when there's juice on the floor, i suck it up because..


    I AM A MOP.

    good to handle in whatever state you're ion

    cleaning up liquids from apple juice to urine because...

    I AM A MOP.



    YOU ARE TRASH.

    YOU BELONG IN THE GARBAGE.

  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jun 14, 2015 6:23 AM GMT
    Matthew56 saidDoes anyone ever feelings of envy when they see other gay men that are or are perceived to better looking than you or has that perfect chiseled body


    Nope. He spent more time pumping iron than I did. He did his thing. I did mine.

    SC
  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Jun 14, 2015 6:25 AM GMT
    Matthew, stop spreading your issues all over RJ and get some real counseling. We can't solve them. You need real professional help to find a healthy way to deal with your low self esteem. These posts are just making you worse. You are not helping yourself or others by posting this stuff.
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    Jun 14, 2015 6:56 AM GMT
    metta8 saidMatthew, stop spreading your issues all over RJ and get some real counseling. We can't solve them. You need real professional help to find a healthy way to deal with your low self esteem. These posts are just making you worse. You are not helping yourself or others by posting this stuff.


    Ditto. His negative vibe made me blocked him, he's just too much.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 187

    Jun 14, 2015 6:57 PM GMT
    metta8 saidMatthew, stop spreading your issues all over RJ and get some real counseling. We can't solve them. You need real professional help to find a healthy way to deal with your low self esteem. These posts are just making you worse. You are not helping yourself or others by posting this stuff.


    I believe it's more a cry for attention than anything else. He's asking such a basic question; it's like asking if you are happier on a clear day. Most people will say yes. This is the only way he feels he can connect to the people on this site. Best thing to do is ignore him
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    Jun 14, 2015 7:22 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidFeeling envious of other men
    Yes, I enjoy doing that. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 14, 2015 8:24 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidDoes anyone ever feelings of envy when they see other gay men that are or are perceived to better looking than you or has that perfect chiseled body


    No.

    I really dgaf about other guys....I only care about myself.

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jun 14, 2015 9:45 PM GMT


    there will always be people who are more: beautiful,rich,smart and lucky,
    but remember you have so many things other wish they had, look at the bright side and what you do have and stop wishing to be somebody else, it wont happened and it will bring you to a very bad spot in your life,
    accept yourself and be happy with what you have.
  • Lance4224

    Posts: 1

    Jun 14, 2015 9:58 PM GMT
    To feel envious of other men who are perceived as better looking is only human. That does not mean that it should bother you. Instead, trying using that envy as a source of inspiration to better yourself. If you want to be like someone else, then push yourself to achieve it. Just remember though, there are specific things you cannot and should not try to change. If what you are attempting will destroy who you are and what you love, that is where your jealousy will be out of control and it will only hurt you, your cause, and your pride. Look to others with the desire to help them, accept help from others with a grain of salt, and work together to better yourselves.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 14, 2015 10:38 PM GMT
    Something like "envy" is absolutely normal and there is always some other guy out there that one may perceive to be hotter or "better" looking (or more successful or a great boyfriend or a half dozen other things).

    We can only be the best we can be. I always try and remember who I am, what I've achieved in life and where I'm at with my fitness. I'm very pleased overall and that's the bottom line, not how I compare to anybody else.
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    Jun 15, 2015 2:03 AM GMT
    So many of your posts are about you having low self-esteem because you are constantly focussed on things that are absolutely beyond your control. When you focus externally, you forfeit any power you have. My concern is that people are constantly giving advice but the posts keep coming which means you're not getting better.

    At this point, I really think you need to go meet with a counselor/coach who is trained in this field and can give you actual coping techniques, set goals, monitor your progress (and maybe even some well needed anti-depressant prescriptions).
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    Jun 15, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    Ashdod said

    there will always be people who are more: beautiful,rich,smart and lucky,
    but remember you have so many things other wish they had, look at the bright side and what you do have and stop wishing to be somebody else, it wont happened and it will bring you to a very bad spot in your life,
    accept yourself and be happy with what you have.


    +1

    I have the same mindset as Matthew does, but at times I have to tell myself that I'm unique in my way like everyone else and that's what makes us beautiful. I'm an overly gracious gentle giant who apparently moves like a swan and people love me for it. Wishing to be someone who else is indeed detrimental to your happiness, trust me.
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    Jun 15, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    One of the reasons envy is one of the deadly sins is because it will kill your soul as you well know.

    Life is not always fair. Life can be cruel. There will always be someone better looking than you, smarter than you, richer than you, more muscles than you, nicer teeth, hair, eyes than you. Strive to be the best that you can be FOR YOURSELF first and foremost. Accept yourself. Love yourself. Or keeper beating your head against the wall and let envy to continue to tear away at your very soul.
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    Jun 15, 2015 4:32 PM GMT
    You say you worry about appearance yet, wallowing in shit, indulge unattractive envy.

    Envy is not about "them". It is your own internalized selfishness. It does not originate from what another person has or what you perceive them as having or being.

    Nor is envy about your being unhappy for yourself, however you perceive yourself as being or think of yourself as lacking. Rather, envy emanates from your being selfishly unhappy for them. It isn't just wanting what you think someone else has, but resenting what you perceive them as possessing.

    You are a spoiled rotten brat, self-devoid of gratitude, unwilling to share in the joy of others: "If I can't have it, no one can," an attitude unattractive. You should have that fixed.

    Stop being such a selfish little bitch. Try being happy for another person for a change. See if that works for you.
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    Jun 15, 2015 7:21 PM GMT
    I think I'll just look straight ahead lmbo
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    Jun 15, 2015 7:55 PM GMT
    There's nothing worse than feeling envious of others. One of the deadly sin. Just remind yourself that you're original and unique and there's no one like you out there. I don't feel envious of other guys that often because I don't wanna become one of those really judgmental controling queen. icon_redface.gificon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 16, 2015 3:28 AM GMT
    BeepBopImABot said...It made me feel inadequate. Then I would feel somewhat guilty for being so envious and not putting in the effort to get as fit...

    I think its natural for us to feel envious of what is perceived as ideal; and I think that it has several layers. First of all, we’re genetically inclined to view muscular people as desirable mates....

    ...It’s a perfectly natural and logical response in my opinion. However, that doesn’t make it a healthy one. What worked for me is that I stopped trying to get approval from external sources and focused internally. I stopped trying to please and compete with other people....

    I still get envious when I see an extremely handsome and fit guy, but its different now. I allow myself to become full aware of those feelings and thoughts and let them flow naturally, without judging whether they’re good or bad. Eventually they subside, because I realize that those feelings are perfectly natural and it is up to me to decide what to do with them.


    You've got some good thinking going there, though you're going to have to cite reference to assert "genetically inclined to view muscular people as desirable" from the Journal of the Science of Sex Appeal. Or at least that's a new one on me. I'd think of a gym bod as more of a construct or a fashion than genetically determined bait. Though it works on me. But I've been attracted to many different types depending on my mood.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/05/17-facts-about-human-sexual-attraction_n_3817941.html
    ...FACT #3. It's better to be average.

    No, not average-looking, but mathematically average.** People with "mathematically average" features advertise a more diverse set of genes and better reproductive health, evolutionary biologists say...

    (oh look, here's a weird one)
    FACT #10. It matters how hungry you are?

    A 2006 study linked men's hunger to the traits they find desirable in women. During an experiment, men who were hungry preferred women with higher body weights. These hungry men found heavy women more attractive than did the men who were not hungry at the time.


    While envy as desire might be a naturally arising emotion which can motivate a person, envy as resent is a poison denying a person happiness. You might not be familiar with this particular case study but this guy is most certainly the latter.

    The antidote he declines is finding joy for the qualities, accomplishments or accumulations of others. In refusing to be happy for them, he justifies misery for himself.

    The noncompetition clause you mention is of course my screen-namesake, though I came about it from the opposite end, being pretty good at playing games when I was a little kid. I simply did not like for my friends to lose. So I'd throw games so they'd win. Seeing them happy made me happy. Malicious envy was never one of my issues.

    The OP has presented himself numerously as being unhappy by what he perceives others as having or being. So he indulges this poisonous aspect of envy. Does he even maliciously undermine others? I don't know specifically whether or not he's even for real, but certainly, and as others have commented, the OP does seem to purposely bring a mood down around him. That then would help him justify his own wallowing.

    **http://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/style/the-science-of-sexiness-why-some-people-are-just-more-attractive/ar-AAaCHbM
    "Basically what our brain does is we go around in our environment, picking up people’s faces and making the average out of these faces we see on a daily basis," Dr. Kang Lee, psychologist at the University of Toronto.

    “And because of that, then, we actually have in our head... a representation of the average of the face. So there’s something we have genetically that’s driving us to prefer to look at something that’s average."

    "I start to envy those who have good qualities
    And all the very best is destroyed
    "
    ~~Shantideva's Bodhisattvacharyavatara
  • charlitos666

    Posts: 290

    Jun 16, 2015 3:31 AM GMT
    Every day. I used that envy as motivation tho.
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    Jun 16, 2015 4:06 AM GMT
    charlitos666 saidEvery day. I used that envy as motivation tho.


    Advantageous to you and even serves as admirable for others but while it beats the hell out of envy as resent, it might only temporarily transmute but not totally transcend the poison.

    The transcendence would come from doing for yourself, thinking for yourself regardless of the other guy, while deriving from your interactions or knowledge or suspicion of their being on the planet too a sense of not envy of them at all--be that resentful or motivational--but simply sheer joyousness for them. "Good for you": I say it all the time. And only sometimes am I being sarcastic.

    Because otherwise you are still directing at least some energies away from happy and onto envy even while working towards contentment. So the motivational aspect can be an excellent tool to expedite change for the better, but also it can hold back further realizations.

    "I start to envy those who have good qualities
    And all the very best is destroyed"
    ~~Shantideva's Bodhisattvacharyavatara
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    Jun 16, 2015 4:08 AM GMT
    HeISenvious saidI think I'll just look straight ahead lmbo
    I used to look straight ahead, but that only made my problems worse.

    Now I look gayly forward. icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 16, 2015 4:08 AM GMT
    charlitos666 saidEvery day. I used that envy as motivation tho.
    +1
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    Jun 16, 2015 4:18 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI honestly don't have a jealous bone in my body.

    I am not all that envious of others either. At least I don't think so.

    But I do have admiration for guys that have muscular bodies or a type of development that I would like to have. It serves a huge motivator for me to make it happen for myself. It makes me work harder in the gym.

    I do believe having admiration for what another has is a lot healthier than being jealous or coveting what another person has.
    Finally, the voice of reason. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 16, 2015 4:48 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    paulflexes said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI honestly don't have a jealous bone in my body.

    I am not all that envious of others either. At least I don't think so.

    But I do have admiration for guys that have muscular bodies or a type of development that I would like to have. It serves a huge motivator for me to make it happen for myself. It makes me work harder in the gym.

    I do believe having admiration for what another has is a lot healthier than being jealous or coveting what another person has.
    Finally, the voice of reason. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sweetheart, what is that supposed to mean?

    Was I being unreasonable somehow?
    Fuck...I'm so abundant with sarcasm that you actually took that as sarcasm?

    Sorry hun. I actually meant that as it was stated...no sarcasm intended. icon_biggrin.gif