Is not easy being trustworthy!

  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 23, 2015 2:40 AM GMT
    I am honored when people confide in me about something very personal; it shows they trust me! but feeling as the only one who knows someone's pain, and holding to that promise of confidentiality; it sometimes put me in a rock and hard place situation, which in turn becomes extremely hard to deal with. It just break my heart into a thousand pieces non being able to share it with others.

    Someone very dear to my heart was recently diagnosed with a non terminal but debilitating disease. She has a very loving and supportive circle of friends and family. I know these people, they all very nice, and there are no major conflicts between them. But I feel they have the right to know, as everyone one loves her!

    I find myself in that kind of situation all the time! I can't help if people trust me. I know so many people's secrets that sometimes wish wasn't told, and people stop confiding in me. My heart feels heavy and it hurts when I have to keep someone's secret, especially from others who have the right to know. Sorry for the rant.
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    Jun 23, 2015 2:50 AM GMT
    Does this afford you the opportunity to encourage her, and/or help her figure out how, to tell those close to her? If it's a debilitating condition, I can only assume she expects them to find out eventually. At the very least, perhaps talking to her about that could ease your respective burdens a bit (though I suspect you're probably already doing so anyway).
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    Jun 23, 2015 3:02 AM GMT
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 23, 2015 3:23 AM GMT
    anotherphil saidDoes this afford you the opportunity to encourage her, and/or help her figure out how, to tell those close to her? If it's a debilitating condition, I can only assume she expects them to find out eventually. At the very least, perhaps talking to her about that could ease your respective burdens a bit (though I suspect you're probably already doing so anyway).


    Yes, it is a debilitating condition that is slowly progressive, but only time will tell its severity!? she is in the prime of her life. Successful in her career, happily married, college age children, physically active, and from what I know she eats very healthy!

    Eventually yes, but for how long? in the meantime I know something her mother and siblings don't know, but I feel they have a right to!? I am very supportive in that I try very hard to hide my sorrows, so she doesn't have to overthink about her own too much. Her family on the other hand will be devastated, and that she and I agree may not help her adjust to the challenges ahead. And yes I must admit to feel a bit burden, although I don't know if that is the right word!? perhaps helpless!
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    Jun 23, 2015 3:31 AM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    anotherphil saidDoes this afford you the opportunity to encourage her, and/or help her figure out how, to tell those close to her? If it's a debilitating condition, I can only assume she expects them to find out eventually. At the very least, perhaps talking to her about that could ease your respective burdens a bit (though I suspect you're probably already doing so anyway).


    Yes, it is a debilitating condition that is slowly progressive, but only time will tell its severity!? she is in the prime of her life. Successful in her career, happily married, college age children, physically active, and from what I know she eats very healthy!

    Eventually yes, but for how long? in the meantime I know something her mother and siblings don't know, but I feel they have a right to!? I am very supportive in that I try very hard to hide my sorrows, so she doesn't have to overthink about her own too much. Her family on the other hand will be devastated, and that she and I agree may not help her adjust to the challenges ahead. And yes I must admit to feel a bit burden, although I don't know if that is the right word!? perhaps helpless!


    That's truly tragic, and I'm very sorry to hear it. Hopefully she'll have lots of good times to come before her condition worsens. If she's not yet ready to help prepare them for the changes to come, perhaps her doctors can provide her with some guidance to that end. In the mean time I'm sure she's grateful to have a friend like you to confide in.
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    Jun 23, 2015 3:46 AM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidIs not easy being trustworthy!
    I don't trust you on that. icon_razz.gif

    But seriously, her friends don't have a "right" to know anything about her unless she wants them to know. Just understanding that should make being trustworthy quite a bit easier. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 23, 2015 4:05 AM GMT
    Definitely you should be honored that people trust you that much.

    Certain people just have that vibe or quality about them that people are naturally drawn to them and feel comfortable opening their lives. I'm not such person. icon_cry.gif

    But some of my friends are, and I can see how people love them, but at the same time, their privacy/personal space is often invaded. These friends of mine get midnight calls when people need consolation. I guess with that special quality, come responsibility.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 23, 2015 4:07 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidIs not easy being trustworthy!
    I don't trust you on that. icon_razz.gif

    But seriously, her friends don't have a "right" to know anything about her unless she wants them to know. Just understanding that should make being trustworthy quite a bit easier. icon_wink.gif


    True! but I am not concern so much about her friends, but her immediate family yes! although I can understand not telling her mom, who is scheduled for a major surgery in August; who already suspects something is wrong with her daughter. She already asked me about her, but I evaded the question.
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    Jun 23, 2015 4:12 AM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidIs not easy being trustworthy!
    I don't trust you on that. icon_razz.gif

    But seriously, her friends don't have a "right" to know anything about her unless she wants them to know. Just understanding that should make being trustworthy quite a bit easier. icon_wink.gif


    True! but I am not concern so much about her friends, but her immediate family yes! although I can understand not telling her mom, who is scheduled for a major surgery in August; who already suspects something is wrong with her daughter. She already asked me about her, but I evaded the question.
    Just pretend that her "condition" is being a closeted lesbian. Sure you'd love to let her family know because you're completely comfortable with it and feel her family should know, and they probably already suspect it (hypothetical situation, remember); but would you really want to break someone's trust just because you "think" it's the right thing to do?

    Trust me, she'll let them know when the time is right. At the current moment she probably doesn't want all the emotional pity-party they'll be throwing for her. Right now she just wants a friend to confide in and lean on till she's ready to break the news.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 23, 2015 4:27 AM GMT
    polfsky saidDefinitely you should be honored that people trust you that much.

    Certain people just have that vibe or quality about them that people are naturally drawn to them and feel comfortable opening their lives. I'm not such person. icon_cry.gif

    But some of my friends are, and I can see how people love them, but at the same time, their privacy/personal space is often invaded. These friends of mine get midnight calls when people need consolation. I guess with that special quality, come responsibility.


    Thank you for the kind words. A good quality to have, but the responsibility is overbearing. It is emotionally draining.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jun 23, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidIs not easy being trustworthy!
    I don't trust you on that. icon_razz.gif

    But seriously, her friends don't have a "right" to know anything about her unless she wants them to know. Just understanding that should make being trustworthy quite a bit easier. icon_wink.gif


    True! but I am not concern so much about her friends, but her immediate family yes! although I can understand not telling her mom, who is scheduled for a major surgery in August; who already suspects something is wrong with her daughter. She already asked me about her, but I evaded the question.
    Just pretend that her "condition" is being a closeted lesbian. Sure you'd love to let her family know because you're completely comfortable with it and feel her family should know, and they probably already suspect it (hypothetical situation, remember); but would you really want to break someone's trust just because you "think" it's the right thing to do?

    Trust me, she'll let them know when the time is right. At the current moment she probably doesn't want all the emotional pity-party they'll be throwing for her. Right now she just wants a friend to confide in and lean on till she's ready to break the news.


    I hope so! I am not pushing her, but I wish she expand her circle of support. It would be a welcome relief for her, the family, and me; I am sure!
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    Jun 23, 2015 4:38 AM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    paulflexes said
    LEANDRO_NJ saidIs not easy being trustworthy!
    I don't trust you on that. icon_razz.gif

    But seriously, her friends don't have a "right" to know anything about her unless she wants them to know. Just understanding that should make being trustworthy quite a bit easier. icon_wink.gif


    True! but I am not concern so much about her friends, but her immediate family yes! although I can understand not telling her mom, who is scheduled for a major surgery in August; who already suspects something is wrong with her daughter. She already asked me about her, but I evaded the question.
    Just pretend that her "condition" is being a closeted lesbian. Sure you'd love to let her family know because you're completely comfortable with it and feel her family should know, and they probably already suspect it (hypothetical situation, remember); but would you really want to break someone's trust just because you "think" it's the right thing to do?

    Trust me, she'll let them know when the time is right. At the current moment she probably doesn't want all the emotional pity-party they'll be throwing for her. Right now she just wants a friend to confide in and lean on till she's ready to break the news.


    I hope so! I am not pushing her, but I wish she expand her circle of support. It would be a welcome relief for her, the family, and me; I am sure!
    Let's put it this way: Right now she can't even accept this herself, so she's looking to you for support until she does. Once she accepts it, then she'll let others know.

    In other words, she doesn't want a "circle of support." She just wants time to learn how to accept herself. That's why I used the lesbian card as an example. Most of us have been there and understand that mindset. icon_wink.gif