I just set up my ex-boyfriend with someone else

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 25, 2015 5:15 PM GMT
    Having very mixed feelings about having set up my ex-boyfriend with someone.
    It's been four years and he hasn't dated anyone since me, we are still very close and intimate even though we haven't had sex for about two years. A lovely new friend expressed interest and I could tell my ex was interested too, so I successfully set them up.
    They went out on their own way together after we went out as a group last night. It feels like the right thing, but my ego is not on board with the decision.
    I just went through a break up and I fought my selfish desire to discourage setting them up so that I didn't have to share his affection and attention, which I generally have a lot of. Time to let go.
    Good lord, this must be what it feels like to be a lesbian... ugh
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    Jun 25, 2015 5:43 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidHaving very mixed feelings about having set up my ex-boyfriend with someone.
    It's been four years and he hasn't dated anyone since me, we are still very close and intimate even though we haven't had sex for about two years. A lovely new friend expressed interest and I could tell my ex was interested too, so I successfully set them up.
    They went out on their own way together after we went out as a group last night. It feels like the right thing, but my ego is not on board with the decision.
    I just went through a break up and I fought my selfish desire to discourage setting them up so that I didn't have to share his affection and attention, which I generally have a lot of. Time to let go.
    Good lord, this must be what it feels like to be a lesbian... ugh


    Definitely time to let go. 4 years ago was the actual time though! But you had sex 2 years ago????

    That sounds like you either shouldn't have broken up, or you shouldn't have fucked again. For me, it's "take the L out of LOVER and it O V E R"...to quote Concrete Blonde. I know some people can play with their exes. But if he hasn't had sex with anyone else in 4 years it's too much of a mind game for him, he's probably a nester. He can't pursue a new "nest" if he is sharing "his affection and attention" with you to look for someone else. You're messing up his chances. It's a disservice to him.

    Be the "good ex": look out for him, encourage him, let him move on....your ego be damned!
    I'm best friends with my ex. I don't 'play' him emotionally. I try to set him up. We broke up for a reason! You can't go back to the past without resolving the original issues.


  • metta

    Posts: 39112

    Jun 25, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    Good lord, this must be what it feels like to be a lesbian... ugh



    hehe


    Good job! icon_smile.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jun 25, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    You probably want him more, now that he's unavailable. It probably doesn't help that you're still single. But it's Pride weekend most places, so you might as well go out and meet someone new and exciting, and let go of the guy you weren't committed to.
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    Jun 26, 2015 2:13 AM GMT
    *hugs the OP*

    You'll find yours someday.
  • mystery905

    Posts: 745

    Jun 26, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    What a nice, unselfish thing to do!

    Karma will pay you back big time....
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    Jun 26, 2015 6:39 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidI just set up my ex-boyfriend with someone else
    Good. You're too sexy to be tied down to just one guy anyway. Several guys should tie you down (or vice versa). icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 26, 2015 4:48 PM GMT
    Thanks guys.
    We have probably been holding each other back.

    I've dated other men since him even though he and I never stopped taking trips together, cuddling and up till a few years ago having sex (I wasn't with anyone else when we did).
    We've supported each other through family losses and some really hard times. We have a lot of fun, find great comfort in each other and definitely love one another deeply.
    In the 5 years I've known him, he's never had eyes for anyone else but me. When I saw him look at my good friend that way, I realized that I could never forgive myself if I didn't encourage him to find love somewhere sustainable.
    I'm letting go, stepping back and giving him space to find romance and connection somewhere else.
    This all coincided with my last break up, I realized after 5 years of having him there no matter what I could hold on to him right now but it wouldn't be right.
    It feels kind of scary and lonely without him... but oddly empowering.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2015 4:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes said You're too sexy to be tied down to just one guy anyway. Several guys should tie you down (or vice versa). icon_biggrin.gif


    Sign... or TIE me up rather!
    I like your style PF!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2015 4:52 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidYou probably want him more, now that he's unavailable. It probably doesn't help that you're still single. But it's Pride weekend most places, so you might as well go out and meet someone new and exciting, and let go of the guy you weren't committed to.


    Nah, actually now that he has interest elsewhere I want him to be happy. Is a most unexpected feeling, I thought I would feel territorial.

    I live in SF, in the Castro nonetheless.
    Finding men to spend time with is like shooting fish in a barrel. Unfortunately, many of those fish are creepy, stinky or married.

    But distractions are not hard to find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2015 6:43 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said...Good lord, this must be what it feels like to be a lesbian... ugh
    sweet; we are all lesbian at heart