Are People More Flaky These Days?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 28, 2015 8:21 PM GMT
    Why does it seem so many people are flaky these days?

    I'm trying to make some new freinds but starting to worry there's something off putting or wrong with me since nearly everyone I meet flakes out or reschedules last minute (I hate to say my generation is notorious for this) It's impossible to get a second date also for some reason; which is a whole different thread.... That's not always the case but I've noticed people who "stick" for a couple months and would make good friends/ matches still fade out of my life.... I don't think I could count on them to help me move.

    I know people are busy and this is NYC but this is a bit ridiculous after a few months of this pattern. At this point I've given up trying to get together with friends who either are constantly busy since I took that as a hint they don't want to hang out with me or include me in their plans. Now I find myself with no one really to hang out or share experiences with.

    Trying not to become cynical about people my age but I'm not sure what to think other than wondering what's might be making people seemingly more flaky than in the past....

    I'm the kind of person where if you invite me to hang out and you're a reasonably normal person I'll hang out with you- and I'll arrive early too. If I'm busy I'll suggest another day and follow up to plan something. Or if I'm running late I will call (not text) to let you know what's going on. I'll text updates to a first date of how close I am to the planned meeting place... Standing up a date would make me feel incredibly guilty and I've never done so. Ignoring texts from people I'd rather not go on a second date with is also something I frown upon (since I know how it feels) Better to be mature and politely honest than giving the technological equivalent of the silent treatment.

    I'm not perfect but it's just part of my character and values of not being flakey or fake. Not quite sure though... there have to be other people my age out there like this. Surely, I can't be the only one.

    How do you deal with flakes btw? Drop them? Call them out on their flakiness? How do you weed them out before thinking they're your friends when they're really just acquaintances at best? I've noticed if I get wishy washy hemming and hawing after asking if they want to get together in the future there's a very good chance they might be flaky.

    Sorry for the rant but I'm getting a bit annoyed and frustrated with the amount of flaky people I'm encountering lately.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14395

    Jun 28, 2015 8:33 PM GMT
    My friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.
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    Jun 28, 2015 8:41 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advances are having a double edged effect and a regression of social skills? People becoming more obsessed with their cellphones and insular due to social media? Is the mindset of "there's always someone better/ more interesting friends" becoming an obsessive epidemic?
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    Jun 28, 2015 10:34 PM GMT
    We are all trying to multi-task nowadays and when you are trying to follow something through it's all too easy to get dis
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14395

    Jun 29, 2015 12:45 AM GMT
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14395

    Jun 29, 2015 12:46 AM GMT
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1037

    Jun 29, 2015 4:03 AM GMT
    I've lived in the LA area for nearly 30 years. People here have ALWAYS been flakes. You make plans, they act all enthusiastic, and then they just plain don't show up. It's not a generational thing or a gay thing. My STR8 friends from the Midwest refer to it as "the California thing".

    I think the problem is that in a great big city like this there are just too many options. Nobody's willing to commit to anything for fear something better will pop up at the last second. So, they pretend to be interested in half a dozen different people's plans on any given night, and then pick and choose which "friend" they'll grace with their presence.

    Having said all that, I've made the best friends of my life right here. Some of them grew up here and some are transplants like me. They are people I know I can count on, always. When I herniated a disk and was incapacitated for a few days, one friend bought groceries for me, brought me a heat pad and DVDs to watch. Two more friends and a neighbor each told me if that ever happened again they'd come over and take care of me - and one of them lives in Hawaii! He later said he talked to his mom (who lives nearby) and she agreed to take care of me if I ever needed it. Thankfully, I haven't.

    So, how did I find these guys? I wish I could give you a formula, but it's been completely random. I made the best friend of my entire life simply because I nodded to him as we were both finishing an evening run.

    Keep your eyes open. They're not easy to find, but they're out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 4:28 AM GMT
    I haven't been flaked on in several years, but it used to happen a lot. Now I use those previous experiences to help determine who I hang out with. That's not to say people haven't changed their plans, but they always let me know so I'm not left hanging.

    Moral of the story: If you get flaked on a lot, try looking more at how to choose the people you hang out with. Chances are it's more to do with how you choose rather than what type of person they are. icon_wink.gif
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jun 29, 2015 4:29 AM GMT
    I make it a policy not to have any friends. Problem solved.
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    Jun 29, 2015 4:30 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI think the flakiness is getting worse. I think it gets worse as we're able to improve how we interact with others "electronically." The more social and hookup apps and websites for people to choose from, the more people stay at hoe and continue to "shop" while interacting with other people.

    Before smartphones and text messaging people had to put forth some effort to have a conversation face to face.

    Sadly, it's just the way things are.
    icon_lol.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jun 29, 2015 4:35 AM GMT
    It's totally a NYC thing. It gets so bad that friends and I (somewhat jokingly) argue over who is going to host and who is going to travel. It's only a subway ride or quick taxi, but the prospect of going crosstown, or God forbid, off the island, is nausea inducing.

    Insofar that you're making an observation about people always being on their smart phone (texting, playing games, composing emails, looking up information on google, and sometimes talking), then yes, this has gotten worse.

    Ironically, by becoming MORE connected through our phones and technology, we have in many real aspects become LESS connected.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 4:48 AM GMT
    Svnw688 saidIt's totally a NYC thing. It gets so bad that friends and I (somewhat jokingly) argue over who is going to host and who is going to travel. It's only a subway ride or quick taxi, but the prospect of going crosstown, or God forbid, off the island, is nausea inducing.

    Insofar that you're making an observation about people always being on their smart phone (texting, playing games, composing emails, looking up information on google, and sometimes talking), then yes, this has gotten worse.

    Ironically, by becoming MORE connected through our phones and technology, we have in many real aspects become LESS connected.



    Yes! Could not have said it better. Never before in human history have we become so connected to each other yet simultaneously disconnected. It's weird to think about that actually.

    I've also noticed the NYC centric attitude of not wanting to travel outside of their neighborhood/ borough to get together with friends who live elsewhere. I know weekend construction is annoying but when someone refers to the Upper Manhattan as Upstate I makes me want to go icon_rolleyes.gif In other cities (at least the ones where you need a car) it seems people are a bit more willing to travel further to see friends.
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    Jun 29, 2015 7:54 AM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 8:37 AM GMT
    In the UK I've made some lifelong friends, even if we haven't seen each other in a year or more we will still get together and catch up when we have the chance. This might just be the culture though; we act rather fake for a while but eventually we open up, and I think that once we've both opened up to each other I and actually enjoy each other's company it's hard for us to just flake off icon_razz.gif

    I've been flaked off after dating a few gay guys, I've had no luck though and have had to tell them that I want to just stay as friends, and then they've flaked off which I think I can understand really icon_redface.gif

    Grindr and other dating apps does make it seem like you're shopping, I do agree with most of what's been said :3

    Btw, if you actually don't enjoy someone's company, what would you say?
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    Jun 29, 2015 8:56 AM GMT
    TomSOCAL said
    paulflexes saidI haven't been flaked on in several years, but it used to happen a lot. Now I use those previous experiences to help determine who I hang out with. That's not to say people haven't changed their plans, but they always let me know so I'm not left hanging.

    Moral of the story: If you get flaked on a lot, try looking more at how to choose the people you hang out with. Chances are it's more to do with how you choose rather than what type of person they are. icon_wink.gif


    In 2013 could have chosen to enter the rainbow gate in Canyon, California but did not choose to do so.

    Guys on a run were running buy and saying, "Ooooohh, come on baby . GO !!! "

    I was shocked, so I Didn't investigate "The (GAY?) Gate."

    Paul, what is behind that gate. I am sure you have biked the 20 mile east bay loop through Redwood State Park by the Reservoir in the Oakland hills / Orinda-Moraga area . . .

    I agree with you, Paul, and at this point, I am not able to choose where I live and am stuck with Arizona and southern Cal.

    Robb, I think these large metros are really falling apart, one can get lost and "really not even have the motivation to even try to seek friendships."



    I know which loop you're talking about, but no I haven't biked it.

    I finally found my favorite trail system here, and that's down near Santa Cruz at SDSF (Soquel Demonstration State Forest). It's got some seriously knarly/rocky downhill sections (Corral, Ridge, and Braille trails), and a 3 mile flowy/fast downhill section with dirt jumps and berms (Flow trail).

    And there's still a couple downhill trails there I haven't ridden yet, but probably will ride this week.

    As for uphill, I pedal as much as I can (getting better but still suck) and walk the rest. The fun is in the descents. City loops with no jumps or berms is kinda boring in comparison. icon_wink.gif
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14395

    Jun 29, 2015 12:24 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.
    You really want a capital of "assholyness" you should spend time in horrendously overrated, sprawled out Austin, Texas.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jun 29, 2015 12:43 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    freedomisntfree said
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.
    You really want a capital of "assholyness" you should spend time in horrendously overrated, sprawled out Austin, Texas.


    Last presidential election:
    Erie County, New York: ("Buffalo"):
    Romney: 40.9% Obama: 57.3%

    Travis County, Texas: ("Austin"):
    Romney: 36.2% Obama: 60.2%

    Did someone from Austin rape you hick "asshole" once? That what you have against them?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 1:08 PM GMT
    Erobert, have you lived in NY your whole life or did you move here? I moved to NYC in 2007 and it took a while to make close friends. I went through a period where people would flake out on me or try to change plans to suit their own needs. In my first weeks here I made a date with a guy for a Saturday night...we were going to meet for dinner. At the last minute, he flaked and I was stuck with nothing to do since I didn't really know anyone. After that, I just started doing things I wanted to do and telling people they could meet me at a certain place at a certain. If they flaked, it didn't matter because I was still going to enjoy whatever it was I wanted to do. I really don't mind doing things by myself and sometimes I would meet someone else as well.

    I've also learned to stick to my original plans because too often I've wound up somewhere I didn't want to be with people I didn't like. ("Why don't we go to _______ instead," "Do you mind if I invite _____ and ______ and _____ along?").

    Just yesterday I was with a group of friends at the Pride March and we decided to go for a drink. We were watching the parade at 12th and 5th avenue, and decided to go to Nowhere on 14th between 1st and 2nd avenue. Part of the group (guys I didn't know) wanted us all to go to Elmo with them and I said, "We're just going for a drink." They reluctantly started following us and then asked how far it was and my friend said 1st Avenue (which really wasn't very far away). Their horrified faces looked like we showed them a close-up picture of a vagina and they quickly ran off. So, we got pizza at Artichoke and drinks without them and everyone had a great time. We would have been miserable at Elmo.

    Another thing that may help is to get a dog. You say in your profile that you like them and would like to get one. I've made a lot of friends in my building, my neighborhood, and at the dog park because of my dog. It wasn't my intention, but it was a nice surprise. I've found that other dog owners can be more reliable when making plans because they are used to having to be at a certain place at a certain time for their dogs.

    I'm coming up on my 8th anniversary here, and I feel like I've finally made reliable friends I can count on for anything. When we hang out, we're not all on our phones. They show up when they say they will and suggest fun things to do. It took a while to weed out the flakes, but it's worth it. Just keep trying and don't give up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 1:36 PM GMT
    cant have enough friends
    but
    -between work, a longer work commute, gym and household tasking there is really little time left.
    -We move a lot so those boyhood college friends are lost.


    my only best friend is my husband.

    Live would be easier if we could meet other local couples but the chances are slim, the population is low

    may try an online situation:
    http://www.meetup.com/Greater-Denver-Gay-Couples-MeetUp/
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    Jun 29, 2015 2:52 PM GMT
    TomSOCAL said
    freedomisntfree said
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.


    @FREEDOMISNOTFREE .....................................
    Please do defend it! We'd all like to hear experiences from different areas. West LA is *NOT* Riverside or San Bernardino Counties. Totally different cultures and politics. Gays in Palm Springs are very different than the beach crowd / West LA area. I would live there if you Paid my rent, or, if my next temporary assignment takes me there I'd have no issues and arrive with an open mind.

    I've heard horrible things about San Diego, that the people are intolerant of opposing viewpoints, very socially conservative, quick to take offense if they disagree with you, that's the way it is here in Scottsdale and also Palm Springs. That doesn't sound very nice when people don't have a sense of humor. The San Diego folks retire in the Palm Springs area, making it a really socially conservative, gay tolerant but NOT a gay friendly (there is a difference) area.

    I know that the Academic staff and students, who I correspond with at USC, are very nice generous folks and they are laid back and don't take themselves too seriously.


    I don't quite know what to say. I've had a pretty good time wherever I've been. I have gotten a bunch of people very upset with me due to some of my right wing t-shirts, but that was fun too. I don't find West LA and Santa Monica particularly tolerant, but I take that as a challenge to cut through all of that and find a human being in there somewhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 29, 2015 2:56 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    freedomisntfree said
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.
    You really want a capital of "assholyness" you should spend time in horrendously overrated, sprawled out Austin, Texas.


    I find a different sort of attitude in many area of Texas that I've been to, but again, nothing in the way of any trouble.

    I've heard big complaints from the a few of the guys in the gay car club about the Texas chapter of Lambda, Classy Chassis, but again, haven't personally experienced it.
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    Jun 29, 2015 2:59 PM GMT
    PhoenixNYC saidErobert, have you lived in NY your whole life or did you move here? I moved to NYC in 2007 and it took a while to make close friends. I went through a period where people would flake out on me or try to change plans to suit their own needs. In my first weeks here I made a date with a guy for a Saturday night...we were going to meet for dinner. At the last minute, he flaked and I was stuck with nothing to do since I didn't really know anyone. After that, I just started doing things I wanted to do and telling people they could meet me at a certain place at a certain. If they flaked, it didn't matter because I was still going to enjoy whatever it was I wanted to do. I really don't mind doing things by myself and sometimes I would meet someone else as well.

    I've also learned to stick to my original plans because too often I've wound up somewhere I didn't want to be with people I didn't like. ("Why don't we go to _______ instead," "Do you mind if I invite _____ and ______ and _____ along?").

    Just yesterday I was with a group of friends at the Pride March and we decided to go for a drink. We were watching the parade at 12th and 5th avenue, and decided to go to Nowhere on 14th between 1st and 2nd avenue. Part of the group (guys I didn't know) wanted us all to go to Elmo with them and I said, "We're just going for a drink." They reluctantly started following us and then asked how far it was and my friend said 1st Avenue (which really wasn't very far away). Their horrified faces looked like we showed them a close-up picture of a vagina and they quickly ran off. So, we got pizza at Artichoke and drinks without them and everyone had a great time. We would have been miserable at Elmo.

    Another thing that may help is to get a dog. You say in your profile that you like them and would like to get one. I've made a lot of friends in my building, my neighborhood, and at the dog park because of my dog. It wasn't my intention, but it was a nice surprise. I've found that other dog owners can be more reliable when making plans because they are used to having to be at a certain place at a certain time for their dogs.

    I'm coming up on my 8th anniversary here, and I feel like I've finally made reliable friends I can count on for anything. When we hang out, we're not all on our phones. They show up when they say they will and suggest fun things to do. It took a while to weed out the flakes, but it's worth it. Just keep trying and don't give up.


    "Another thing that may help is to get a dog"

    Yeah, that or a really BIG dog such as:

    photo d5135cdd-dcfd-4145-be58-6d48501cf4ed.jpg

    That has help me meet more people than I have time to talk to.

  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1149

    Jun 29, 2015 3:01 PM GMT
    TomSOCAL said
    freedomisntfree said
    roadbikeRob said
    Erobert said
    roadbikeRob saidMy friend, flaky unpredictable people are in all age groups not just in the 18-29 age bracket. Many Americans in general have become extremely self absorbed and more insular. Nobody really bothers with one another and friendship has become a glorified novelty that wears out. I understand how you feel because I have experienced the same unfortunate things over time. People want to be your close friend but as time goes on that desire just declines and eventually dies out. I just don't get it.


    I don't get it either.

    The thing is though in major cities, NYC, LA, etc... There's a lot of loneliness and a wanting for genuine human connections. Being interested in sociology and anthropology it has me taking a step back and saying, "OK- what's going on?" Maybe technological advanced are having a double edged effect?
    Big major cities like New York, Chicago, Los Angeles tend to be very impersonal because of so many people in those cities and even more people in the surrounding metropolitan areas. You are just a number in these huge metropolises and it can result in loneliness. It is quite hard to break into the social scene in a big, massive city.


    I feel like a fool that I keep defending LA ... of all places. After all, isn't it (and especially West LA / Santa Monica) supposed to be the capital of assholyness? ButT, I had a great time, and never enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I could and wanted to do.

    I didn't find it any flakier than anywhere else. The only thing I found to be much worse than here was the attitude in the gyms in West LA. Less so in the Valley and South Bay.

    I don't know how to explain it, but I'd love to still live there. Maybe it's just me ... that I'm brazen enough that I talk to everyone.


    @FREEDOMISNOTFREE .....................................
    Please do defend it! We'd all like to hear experiences from different areas. West LA is *NOT* Riverside or San Bernardino Counties. Totally different cultures and politics. Gays in Palm Springs are very different than the beach crowd / West LA area. I would live there if you Paid my rent, or, if my next temporary assignment takes me there I'd have no issues and arrive with an open mind.

    I've heard horrible things about San Diego, that the people are intolerant of opposing viewpoints, very socially conservative, quick to take offense if they disagree with you, that's the way it is here in Scottsdale and also Palm Springs. That doesn't sound very nice when people don't have a sense of humor. The San Diego folks retire in the Palm Springs area, making it a really socially conservative, gay tolerant but NOT a gay friendly (there is a difference) area.

    I know that the Academic staff and students, who I correspond with at USC, are very nice generous folks and they are laid back and don't take themselves too seriously.


    Avoid areas with high amounts of transplants, "boo-zhee" types and insular minorities (worse if they share all three characteristics).
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1149

    Jun 29, 2015 3:09 PM GMT
    So for example, one avoids Beverly Hills unless you want a 50% chance of dealing with transplanted Persian/Persian Jewish "boo-zhee" type persons.

    And unlike the East Coast (the Cubans in Florida comes to my mind), the Hispanics here aren't that insular, and perceived unfriendly behavior may be indicative of non-legal status and inability to speak English.
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    Jun 29, 2015 3:14 PM GMT
    Unnamed6 saidSo for example, one avoids Beverly Hills unless you want a 50% chance of dealing with transplanted Persian/Persian Jewish "boo-zhee" type persons.


    "one avoids Beverly Hills"

    Yep, I sure do. That's one 'attitude' I have little tolerance for.

    And Westwood Blvd from Wilshire down to Westside Pavilion.