Don't know what to do about my fling with a 'straight'/curious guy

  • rosscooper

    Posts: 1

    Jun 29, 2015 12:59 PM GMT
    For the past two months I've been having an affair with a 'straight'/curious married policeman.

    It all started when 'curious guy' messaged me on grindr. He didn't have a profile picture- but sent me one. He was cute, masculine, ten years older than me, everything I love in my men! He didn't tell me he was married at this point, just that he was 'straight' & we hooked up a few times. I am 99% percent sure that he is gay and closeted, not curious, but don't know for a fact.

    Then one night he said he had to speak to me, came to my HOUSE! and told me he had a WIFE, but wanted to continue seeing me.

    Not going to lie, the thought of him having a wife made the whole thing a lot hotter, despite the fact that I did feel a lot more shady for my actions.

    For the past 2 weeks his wife has been on holiday with some of her girl pals, so we've been together A LOT over the past two weeks; going out for drinks, dinner, staying at each others houses (he even slept with me in his own marital home where, might I add, there are photographs of him and his wife's wedding day EVERYWHERE), playing the guitar and singing to me, taking me on motorbike rides to cute places, just doing lots of fun stuff.

    He told me he really liked me yesterday. It made me wonder.. would a curious man 'really like' someone? Surely if he's curious it should just be about the fun.

    Anyway, today, he's told me he can't see me anymore.

    I don't know why but I feel so hurt.

    I guess I may have been in love with the IDEA of being with a straight man, so to have that being taken away from me has upset me.

    Or maybe the fact that he provided so much fun in my life, and more romance than any guy has been able to show me in a long time, that I am sad because I don't have it in my life and the only person who provided it is an unobtainable married policeman who has freaked out and fucked me over.

    I've known all along that his wife will be coming back on tuesday, and that the fun would be short lived, but I just can't understand why I'm so upset, and the full situation has just left me feeling really confused. Is he gay or curious?

    I can't tell if I should just leave him to get on with his life because he truly loves his wife, or do I want to pursue him because he's gay and in the closet.

    The thought of him lying all his life to keep up the 'life he has made for himself' (direct quote) makes me sad, I want him to be happy, and living a lie forever certainly wouldn't make him happy. I know he wants to be with me but he's too busy keeping this whole thing a secret.

    I was just wondering if anyone had any experiences with 'straight' or married guys?



  • nedto37

    Posts: 42

    Jun 30, 2015 3:53 AM GMT
    he's an asshole. i'm a married man (to a woman) and I do have affairs on the side. I never fell in love with any of my boyfriends and most of those encounters didn't last past the first meeting. though, I do have an affair with a guy I saw several times. whenever we meet it's fun, we talk a lot, I learned a lot about him, he learned a lot about me. I feel comfortable with him, I like spending time with him, and i'm going to see him again. that doesn't mean i'm in love with him and he knows it. I don't know what your guy is up to. maybe he fell for you but has to end it because he realizes that he's gone too far. or maybe he had his fun and is going back to the safety of his marriage because he knows that he will never leave his wife for you. whatever the case is, he should've know better than to play with your feelings like that- he's older and in a much better position to dictate the terms. so, it's a lesson with a bite, but take it- don't fall for assholes. if you see him leaving his wife, with a suitcase and divorce papers- then you are allowed to fall for him. anything before that is a fuck buddy and nothing more!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11405

    Jun 30, 2015 5:47 AM GMT
    If you mess with fire you might get burned

    Jealousy can get really really ugly

    With all the men in the world, why pick a married one ... it's not good for you and it's not good for her

    You ever wonder if he fucks his wife and doesn't wash up and then comes over and you give him head?

    You may need to change your screen name to Suzy Homewrecker
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 30, 2015 7:23 AM GMT
    If he says he doesn't want to see you anymore, just respect that and cease contact out of respect for his wishes. That doesn't mean he'll stop thinking about you.

    I've recently been in a similar situation with a VERY close FWB of mine. He didn't go to the point of requesting to cease communication, but he did go a few months without contacting me (even though he's been in possession of my $4K mountain bike and riding it daily).

    Just last night he finally got back in contact with me via text (thank god, my bike is safe!) and has really been thinking about his life...err, 'our' life. He's on the edge of coming out of the closet.

    Tonight we talked on the phone for over 1.5 hrs. Now I can't wait to get back home and hang out with him again, as I've been working out of town on a 5 month contract. The funny part is, we hardly ever have sex. We're just both avid mountain bikers and love riding together and hanging out after the rides (well actually, hanging out 24/7 cause I let him move in with me even though he has/had a girlfriend - long story).

    Oh and BTW, he's not married. That's the only difference here. If he were, I woulda played the cards much differently, but I'd still be caring and accepting of his current position in life, and let him come out slowly.

    In short, just stop talking to your "straight" fuck buddy. Let his coming out be a natural process. Trying to rush it will only push him deeper into the closet.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3479

    Jul 01, 2015 1:47 AM GMT
    Unless the wife approves, you are just a jerk. Why would you have feelings for him? You do know he is fucking a bunch of other guys too right? What makes you think you are special to him? Because he gives you the same story he gives his wife? He found someone better in bed, and you are forgotten...shocker.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 148

    Jul 01, 2015 10:56 AM GMT
    never fuck with a married closeted man..they can be dangerous to ur emotions as u invest time and energy on someone whos not gonna leave his wife anytime soon....just forget about him and move on....theres plenty of great potential men out there..u deserve to b happy with someone who'll b proud of ur relationship.