Nurse’s heartbreaking Facebook post shows why equal marriage is so important

  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Jul 06, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    Nurse’s heartbreaking Facebook post shows why equal marriage is so important



    http://attitude.co.uk/nurses-heartbreaking-facebook-post-shows-why-equal-marriage-is-so-important/
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Jul 06, 2015 9:01 PM GMT
    https://www.facebook.com/trish.gorman.18/posts/898893996823170?fref=nf
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    Jul 07, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    In reading the first article - I'm struck by the one thing that always surprises me in these situations..

    "Legally we had to comply"

    Why?

    Hasn't it been said that it is the *obligation* of any thinking person to break an unjust law?

    Also - what would she have done?

    She *disowned* her son. Do you really think she will want to spend the money to hire a lawyer to *sue* the hospital because they allowed the man's partner to see him in spite of her wishes? Not only will it cost her money - it means her little secret of her disowned gay son becomes *very* public knowledge, as well as her petty vindictiveness.

    Legally, she could do it - she *might* even win...but I don't see someone like that wanting to either spend the money or experience the *embarrassment* and bad publicity.

    I've always been of the belief that sometimes people let things slide because "it's the law". Well, the law can be an ass - and needs to be treated as such sometimes.
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    Jul 07, 2015 3:55 PM GMT
    The timeline in this is throwing me off....I thought HIPAA became law in the mid-1990's?
    Before that I thought the problem was one of inconsistent individual hospital policies on visitation and point of contact......I appreciate her efforts, but it seems a mixed story...
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    Jul 07, 2015 4:20 PM GMT
    Sporty_G saidThe timeline in this is throwing me off....I thought HIPAA became law in the mid-1990's?
    Before that I thought the problem was one of inconsistent individual hospital policies on visitation and point of contact......I appreciate her efforts, but it seems a mixed story...


    1996
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    Jul 07, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    Another story of maternal vindictiveness. Told to me by my late partner regarding himself, so it's not a first-hand account by me.

    His own first partner had cheated and contracted HIV. He failed to tell my future partner and infected him, too. The partner didn't admit his cheating until his HIV became AIDS, and he needed medical care.

    Which my future partner provided him, eventually causing bankruptcy. The guy's mother knew all this, but refused to help or contribute money for her son's care. She would at least visit her son in the hospital, but made no decisions. At least the 2 partners had access to each other.

    Finally the AIDS partner died. Then the mother swooped in with a vengeance. She took possession of the body, made the funeral arrangements, purposefully excluding my future partner. Who was also banned from the church funeral services and the internment.

    She told him she held him responsible for infecting and killing her son! When it was the other way around. Nor did she offer to pay for any of the hefty medical bills, though she did cover the funeral. Maybe making that false claim was intended to relieve her of any medical cost obligations. But it gets worse.

    My future partner returned to work for about 2 weeks. One day he came home around 6 and found a moving van in front of the house they had rented together. The mother was directing the last of the packing. The house had been stripped of its furniture.

    He protested, and she presented a court order she had managed to have issued, that falsely stated the property was solely rented by her late son, and all of its contents his, and now hers. Evidently not a difficult thing to obtain from a Texas court, and maybe she had "pull". She also had terminated her son's half of the house lease (contradicting the claim she had made to the court).

    She was kind enough to leave some clothes in the bedroom closet, although some of my future partner's own clothes were mistakenly taken away, leaving him with very little. That night he had to sleep with friends, until he found an apartment.

    He had to buy all new furniture, although much of what the mother took had either been bought solely by him, or together with his late partner. But with a court order affirming her right she had taken it all from the former house.

    Ironically he was a court clerk in Harris County, Texas (County Seat Houston). He tried unsuccessfully that night to contact the judge for whom he clerked. Next day the judge advised him that under Texas law he had no rights against the mother. And unless he had paid receipts in his name for the items removed they couldn't be recovered.

    He thought he had been on good terms with the mother during the many years he was partnered with her son. But once he died he saw her true side. A lesson I repeat to others: in time of death, and when property is at stake, relatives become vicious monsters, even formerly pleasant ones.

    My husband & I talk about this often, and have taken what legal precautions we can against relatives swooping down when the inevitable happens to one of us. Even marriage may not be enough, and we've constructed a wall of legal documents against the vultures. But we both agree they'll try, endangering & diminishing our estates.

    Keep that in mind regarding your own relatives and in-laws. They smile today, but the knives come out once one of you dies.
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    Jul 07, 2015 6:30 PM GMT
    To me, a better remedy would be for people to carry around emergency documentation cards/chips that could clearly identify any allergies, medical conditions and visitation/power of attorney/do not resuscitate information. That way if you're rendered incapacitated, your wishes would be documented and could override whatever default policy is in place.

    This situation is not gay specific... it applies to any number of situations where a family and a patient's best interests might not be aligned or even known. For example, a woman gets into an accident and her boyfriend of 3 years is denied visitation by her estranged parents because they blame him for taking her away from the family.

    Either way, this is such a chilling story and it hurts to even read about such cruelty.
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    Jul 07, 2015 7:04 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidTo me, a better remedy would be for people to carry around emergency documentation cards/chips that could clearly identify any allergies, medical conditions and visitation/power of attorney/do not resuscitate information. That way if you're rendered incapacitated, your wishes would be documented and could override whatever default policy is in place.

    This situation is not gay specific... it applies to any number of situations where a family and a patient's best interests might not be aligned or even known. For example, a woman gets into an accident and her boyfriend of 3 years is denied visitation by her estranged parents because they blame him for taking her away from the family.

    Either way, this is such a chilling story and it hurts to even read about such cruelty.


    "This situation is not gay specific"

    Sure isn't.

    We're facing a bunch of this in my hobby where we're dying off like crazy because we're all so stinkin' old. Trying to get into see them in the hospital or hospice can be a challenge.

    Family members who have always fought with us and had zero interest in the hobby are all of sudden very interested given the value of this old iron. Hobbyists who have been life long friends (long before they were married) with like minded guys are having big issues trying to will this stuff to friends so the cars will be preserved for the ages.

    True, they didn't pay very close attention to details such as the correct legal docs to make this happen as they wished.

    Hopefully, my grandson will be old enough so that when I croak, he will be able to preserve these cars for future generations.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 07, 2015 8:02 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidTo me, a better remedy would be for people to carry around emergency documentation cards/chips that could clearly identify any allergies, medical conditions and visitation/power of attorney/do not resuscitate information. That way if you're rendered incapacitated, your wishes would be documented and could override whatever default policy is in place.

    This situation is not gay specific... it applies to any number of situations where a family and a patient's best interests might not be aligned or even known. For example, a woman gets into an accident and her boyfriend of 3 years is denied visitation by her estranged parents because they blame him for taking her away from the family.

    Either way, this is such a chilling story and it hurts to even read about such cruelty.


    If a person became ill in his own home town, then his partner could probably find the necessary documentation to make hospital visits and medical decisions possible. However, people may be out of town and without the necessary documents when they are necessary. Moreover, hospital and other personnel may not understand the documents or may refuse to abide by them; it has happened.

    It is true that the problem is not gay specific, as you say; unmarried opposite-sex couples could have the same problem.

    I know of cases where relatives have grabbed everything they could when someone died and even gone to the extreme of contesting wills. That happened when my late mother's next door neighbor died. It also happened when a widowed friend of my late mother became temporarily incapacitated by a stroke; her own children got power of attorney over her and took all of her possessions leaving her with nothing. Unfortunately, that sort of thing is very common.

    There are times when people's true character show.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jul 07, 2015 8:10 PM GMT
    Here is a real life example of how people can be taken advantage of:

    http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/elder-financial-abuse-scams-33007.html

    Here is a quotation from the above link:

    "A Typical Power of Attorney Abuse Case

    "A case I handled years ago demonstrates how a typical power of attorney scam works. My client, an elderly retired gentleman, lived alone with no immediate family. One day he suffered an injury that required his hospitalization. He knew he would be away from home for weeks and was worried about paying his bills. His nephew arrived at the hospital with flowers and an offer to help.
    The next day the nephew showed up with a power of attorney, which his uncle signed. By the time the elderly man had returned home, his nephew had robbed him blind, using the power of attorney to close bank and investment accounts. Assuring his uncle he was merely keeping the money safe, the nephew had instead transferred the money to an accomplice, who in turn invested it in a mobile home development in South Carolina.

    "When the uncle sued, the nephew maintained that his uncle had gifted him the money out of love and affection, and the power of attorney was evidence of the trust his uncle placed in him."

    That could happen to just about anyone.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 07, 2015 8:13 PM GMT
    That was very upsetting to read. I wonder if he could sue his lover's mother for damages.
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    Jul 07, 2015 8:48 PM GMT
    woodfordr said
    To me, a better remedy would be for people to carry around emergency documentation cards/chips that could clearly identify any allergies, medical conditions and visitation/power of attorney/do not resuscitate information. That way if you're rendered incapacitated, your wishes would be documented and could override whatever default policy is in place.

    With all my medical issues I may look into an implanted chip. But in today's US that may not help first responders, more a hospital matter if even they have the ability.

    I recently had myself tattooed with a medical alert symbol, along with the word "Epileptic". I posted the pic here on RJ. On the underside of my wrist, where a first responder would be most likely to find it while taking my pulse.

    I was hesitant to get inked, but since my epilepsy is for life, I thought a discreet medical tattoo would be acceptable. I showed it to my primary doctor a couple of weeks ago and he thought it was a great idea.

    When my husband & I (catch that, SB? ) travel we carry portfolios prepared by our attorney. His goes in my luggage, mine goes in his. And it contains all the legal documents we need in case of a medical emergency.

    Plus I've had all those documents scanned into every hospital we use, every doctor & clinic where we go. If you access his name at any area hospital we use you'll see my name listed as "Next of Kin". If you access my name you'll find his name listed.

    We never have any problems, no questions. I set this up over 7 years ago, before this Supreme Court gay marriage ruling, and before President Obama's Executive Order to require medical facilities that receive Federal benefits to acknowledge LGBT relationships. (And yet there are guys here who continue to insist that Obama has done nothing for LGBTs! Compared to whom? Bush???)
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jul 07, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidThat was very upsetting to read. I wonder if he could sue his lover's mother for damages.


    He could sue, because ANYONE can sue ANYONE. But there's a 99% chance he'd lose, and he might lose so badly that the court orders him to pay the mother's attorney's fees for launching a frivolous (in the eyes of the law) lawsuit.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 07, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    Svnw688 said
    HottJoe saidThat was very upsetting to read. I wonder if he could sue his lover's mother for damages.


    He could sue, because ANYONE can sue ANYONE. But there's a 99% chance he'd lose, and he might lose so badly that the court orders him to pay the mother's attorney's fees for launching a frivolous (in the eyes of the law) lawsuit.

    Thanks! I was hoping you would respond.

    I kind of expected that would be the answer, but I thought maybe there was some out-of-the-box argument or precedent that I was unaware of.
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    Jul 08, 2015 3:01 AM GMT
    metta8 saidNurse’s heartbreaking Facebook post shows why equal marriage is so important



    http://attitude.co.uk/nurses-heartbreaking-facebook-post-shows-why-equal-marriage-is-so-important/


    I Facebook-shared what the nurse wrote.