No protection on first date!

  • manrese

    Posts: 2

    Jul 07, 2015 11:16 AM GMT
    Hi

    Hope I could get an advice from you guys!

    Basically there is this handsome guy who moved in next door to my flat 3 weeks ago. I got to know him by helping him sort things out and showing him around town and so on. Because we were hanging out a lot I opened up and told him I was gay and he shocked me when he said he was gay as well.

    He opened up more and told me that he was an escort but had decided to stop a month ago and doesn't do it anymore.

    He came last weekend to my flat to hang out and watch a movie. One thing led to another and started to get it on. When it was time for intercourse (He is a top) I got the condom out and then he said,

    "Do you want to do it without a condom?!"

    As soon as he said that alarm bells started to ring in my head as I was thinking did he also ask the same question to all the guys he went out with when he was escorting?! (Well he told me before that he would use protection when escorting). Anyway I said no to him and made him put a condom on! I mean I was even worried having sex with a condom but it was hard at the time because he is too hot for any brain to comprehend!

    Do you think I was harsh on him? Do you think I should stop having sex with him even with protection until I know he is negative? What would you do in my situation?

    Thanks guys, appreciated .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2015 11:38 AM GMT
    I think you shoulda told him you still charge, but that you'll give him a discount if he wears a condom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2015 11:42 AM GMT
    Obviously, it's your dick speaking :p
    Plug your brain back on, and I bet you'll find your own answer icon_razz.gif
  • manrese

    Posts: 2

    Jul 07, 2015 7:04 PM GMT
    Bjorkio saidObviously, it's your dick speaking :p
    Plug your brain back on, and I bet you'll find your own answer icon_razz.gif


    lmao

    Tbh I was thinking with my dick at the time and maybe I still am icon_redface.gif

    I think I might need to tell him how I feel about his no protection comment and see what he says!
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jul 07, 2015 7:48 PM GMT
    Perhaps he was testing you when he made the remark about the condom.
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    Jul 07, 2015 7:52 PM GMT



    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe sex’,provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/sites/default/files/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2015 8:00 PM GMT
    manrese said
    Do you think I was harsh on him? Do you think I should stop having sex with him even with protection until I know he is negative? What would you do in my situation?

    Thanks guys, appreciated .

    No, you were not harsh, you were practicing safe sex. And you will NEVER know if he's negative. Always assume he, and other guys you meet, are positive. That is the essence of safe sex.

    Even if the guy shows you the results of an HIV test he took THAT MORNING, it's merely reporting his status from about 3-6 months ago. That's how long it takes for the blood antigens to develop that the common HIV tests detect. He could still be infected, and infectious, yet test negative during that 3-6 month window.

    The only way you know it's safe is for both of you to test negative, then remain monogamous for 6 months, then test negative again. But you place your life in your hands if you believe he's been 100% monogamous this entire time. And this guy was a paid escort? I'd say that's a bad bet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2015 8:37 PM GMT
    That you insisted you used condoms tells me you are taking care of your body. That is your responsibility. See #1 and 5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.
    Good job!

    But condoms, as the only thing we had in the 90s is now determined to only be 70-80% effective. If you are getting involved any further, you'll need to discuss PrEP for you or both of you, Undetectable if he is POZ, and isn't on ART already (and PrEP possibly for you too).

    Condoms too, especially considering his line of work. But the porn film industry is ahead of the curve for HIV prevention. They often pair PrEP/PrEP, Undetectable/PrEP, U/U together for safety sake. Being an "escort" there shouldn't be a problem discussing it.

    Although I've never been as escort or anything like that, it's for you to decide his worth, Art Deco saying "I'd say that's a bad bet" is prejudicial and stigmatizing.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Jul 07, 2015 9:10 PM GMT
    Funny how everyone talks about HIV, as if it is the only STD we need to be concern about!? I know two friends and a close family relative who caught genital herpes from kissing in the mouth to having skin to skin contact with those who already had it, but did not know it. The Herpes virus in particular, even if it goes dormant, it can still shed through the skin and be transmitted to others. There are countless STD viruses that are easily gotten through a sexual contact, kissing, and skin to skin contact.

    So what is my point!? starting a relationship on a sexual level or interest is a huge gamble not worth taking these days. That is why I rarely date these days anymore, because it seems that is all about sex, and less about getting to know the person in depth.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jul 07, 2015 9:11 PM GMT
    Not the first time I'd meet a guy, unless I'm drunk to the point where it could almost be classified as rape.

    There have been sometimes I've forgotten to bring condoms, but I usually ask them beforehand if they got any. And right before I fuck them and ask for condoms they go "oh damn, seems like I'm out of condoms". Then I just reply that I guess we can't have sex and they magically find a condom.

    I get that you can get "really into the moment", and if you're two people who feel that you WANT to have sex without a condom, then go ahead. But don't ever let the bad excuses be the reason you do it without protection.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jul 07, 2015 9:14 PM GMT
    OP's profile was created yesterday and this is a troll flame post.

    Bye Felicia.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 1:19 AM GMT
    I probably wouldn't have even had sex with him after he asked that stupid-ass question. WTF.
  • riverrunner

    Posts: 48

    Jul 08, 2015 3:41 AM GMT
    Fuck No. You were not. I've lost about 50 Friends to AIDS. He was a Escort. WTF!!!! Did he promise not to cum in your ass? Live to be an old Queen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 7:22 AM GMT
    Oh honey please, do you really don't know the answer to this? And furthermore, even though it's sort of romantic that he's a male *Julia Roberts Hooker gay type ! But he might be tainted by other men already but whatever, do it safe with him. I'd get more annoyed if he keeps asking the whole bareback thing. Might just be a 1 time thing.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 9:47 PM GMT
    Are you such an idiot that you have to ask the question if saving your life is too harsh? You aren't, are you?

    You ever watched someone die from HIV?

    While it's not the same semi-quick death it used to be, there's no excuse if you don't take personal responsibility for your health.

    While we're talking about it, you should seek the assistance of a mental health professional around your self-acceptance issues. You need to work on them.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jul 09, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    You can never assume someone is negative. Even if they're not an escort, you can get HIV (or even any other sexually-transmitted disease), after one exposure.

    You did the right thing. Though PrEP is now also an option against HIV, there are still other things to worry about out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2015 2:42 PM GMT
    ... is the best way to catch any and/or all sexually transmitted diseases.
    Congratulations on your brain being in the head of your penis as opposed to where it's actually meant to be.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jul 10, 2015 7:37 PM GMT
    I cannot think of any gay guy I know who has not been asked a similar question. Like it or not, a few guys out there would prefer to go bare. Some of them will only go bare. Some will agree to a condom if you insist on it. Some may be testing you. Some may be UI. Eventually, every guy is a story for himself.

    Condoms are NOT a universal panacea but this is basically as good as it gets without taxing your body with meds that are supposed to stop the big bug...

    So, do not ever think about this. Train yourself to always say 'NO' to bare as a matter of utmost certainty. No need to be rude, aggressive or anything. You simply say, 'a condom is a must'. No discussion. No nada.

    No guy is that hottt to be worth going through the trauma of medical visits, therapies, expenses and wasted time.

    SC
  • Goodluckyman

    Posts: 104

    Jul 11, 2015 4:31 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidI cannot think of any gay guy I know who has not been asked a similar question. Like it or not, a few guys out there would prefer to go bare. Some of them will only go bare. Some will agree to a condom if you insist on it. Some may be testing you. Some may be UI. Eventually, every guy is a story for himself.

    Condoms are NOT a universal panacea but this is basically as good as it gets without taxing your body with meds that are supposed to stop the big bug...

    So, do not ever think about this. Train yourself to always say 'NO' to bare as a matter of utmost certainty. No need to be rude, aggressive or anything. You simply say, 'a condom is a must'. No discussion. No nada.

    No guy is that hottt to be worth going through the trauma of medical visits, therapies, expenses and wasted time.

    SC


    The last line is powerful. No hotness is worth the risk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidI cannot think of any gay guy I know who has not been asked a similar question. Like it or not, a few guys out there would prefer to go bare. Some of them will only go bare. Some will agree to a condom if you insist on it. Some may be testing you. Some may be UI. Eventually, every guy is a story for himself.

    Condoms are NOT a universal panacea but this is basically as good as it gets without taxing your body with meds that are supposed to stop the big bug...

    So, do not ever think about this. Train yourself to always say 'NO' to bare as a matter of utmost certainty. No need to be rude, aggressive or anything. You simply say, 'a condom is a must'. No discussion. No nada.

    No guy is that hottt to be worth going through the trauma of medical visits, therapies, expenses and wasted time.

    SC


    While I think too many young people no longer take HIV/AIDS seriously, and they are not using protection....of any kind.

    PrEP isn't very 'taxing', no more than birth control pills are, or virtually any other drug. It's approved by the FDA, condoms are not. And condoms.....after all we've been lead to believe for 30 years....aren't that effective at 70-80%. But it is the first line of defense. But not 'as good as it gets'.

    While you say "No guy is that hottt to be worth going through the trauma of medical visits, therapies, expenses and wasted time." that may be true for casual hook-ups to use a condom, it totally debases people who have a relationship with someone who is on PrEP and has a POZ partner or Undetectable. To characterize them as a 'wasted time' is insulting. There are many MANY relationships that are sero-discordant (POZ/NEG). Among straight couples (Neg/Undetectable) who are IN LOVE and want to have children, they can do it 'naturally'....and have an HIV free baby.

    Should he throw it all away on a 1 time fuck? Of course not.

    And PrEP IS recommended for Gay men who have sex! And that is protection. Why the OP says "No protection on first date!", when he did use condoms, makes no sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2015 7:41 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidFunny how everyone talks about HIV, as if it is the only STD we need to be concern about!? I know two friends and a close family relative who caught genital herpes from kissing in the mouth to having skin to skin contact with those who already had it, but did not know it. The Herpes virus in particular, even if it goes dormant, it can still shed through the skin and be transmitted to others. There are countless STD viruses that are easily gotten through a sexual contact, kissing, and skin to skin contact.

    So what is my point!? starting a relationship on a sexual level or interest is a huge gamble not worth taking these days. That is why I rarely date these days anymore, because it seems that is all about sex, and less about getting to know the person in depth.


    Now you're talking.
    Can't agree any more!
  • AttisXVI

    Posts: 293

    Aug 03, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    What is really the point in asking us? Either use protection or don't. You are an adult and you can make decisions on your own. Use a condom, lower your risk of infection. Don't wear a condom, enjoy how bare sex feels but know your health is at risk. You don't need anyone else approval for your actions.

    If you date doesn't use condoms, that's his decision as an educated adult. You can choose to do what makes you most comfortable.

    Neither prep nor condoms are 100% effective. Just because a guy says "I'm on prep" don't assume he is not at risk or already infected. Use your head and follow your gut, not your dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2015 7:32 PM GMT
    AttisXVI saidWhat is really the point in asking us? Either use protection or don't. You are an adult and you can make decisions on your own. Use a condom, lower your risk of infection. Don't wear a condom, enjoy how bare sex feels but know your health is at risk. You don't need anyone else approval for your actions.

    If you date doesn't use condoms, that's his decision as an educated adult. You can choose to do what makes you most comfortable.

    Neither prep nor condoms are 100% effective. Just because a guy says "I'm on prep" don't assume he is not at risk or already infected. Use your head and follow your gut, not your dick.


    Good until the last paragraph! PrEP is at least 96% effective, in fact the only ones who have become POZ while taking it....weren't taking it! That equals the guy with a condom on the night stand and doesn't use it either. (One of Michael Weinstein's fallacious arguments when he talks about 50% PrEP effectiveness, when that study was about adherence).

    http://www.advocate.com/31-days-prep/2014/10/31/why-michael-weinstein-gets-blamed-prep-myths

    "don't assume he is not at risk"....actually he is 96-100% NOT at risk.

    Condoms have their place for casual hookups and unknown status and regular STD prevention (not all). But for preventing HIV condoms are only 70-80% when used. Human error is the main culprit.

    "don't assume he is not ... already infected." If you are assuming he is lying, here's an easy test: see (ask) if he has a script for Truvada, if he has a 30 day script and 3/4 are gone on the 22nd he's using it! If he's wearing a "TRUVADA WHORE" T-shirt he not afraid of the stigma and is likely using it as prescribed.

    If you mean already HIV infected, even though using Truvada correctly: 1) 96-100% unlikely.

    2) Some people have sero-converted while starting PrEP. That will happen especially for the high risk groups that PrEP is recommended for. There is a window in conversion while still testing Negative. But that is why PrEP is closely monitored. When conversion happens the Dr. will switch the patient to ART immediately. And he should be undetectable in a few months.

    Use your brain. There are 100s of studies on PrEP and TasP. Read them. Solely relying on condoms is inefficient. There are many tools of prevention and protection.

    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe sex’, provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/sites/default/files/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 03, 2015 9:46 PM GMT
    Svnw688 saidOP's profile was created yesterday and this is a troll flame post.

    Bye Felicia.

    This and only this. Anyone answering a trolls silly questions needs to hire a former hooker and have plenty of unprotected sex.