Two bottoms in a relationship...

  • Unbelievable

    Posts: 6

    Jul 07, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    So I'd like to begin by saying that at the start of the relationship, we went in knowing we were both bottoms and I was strongly against the idea at first. But because of all his other qualities, I decided to give the prospect a chance. In hindsight, I knew I should have trusted my thoughts at the time, as I feel we have continued to have too much sexual incompatibility.

    It took us quite a while to have sex for the first time, and it was me that actually tried topping, and surprisingly I actually didn't mind it. I had been so frightened of it initially from a failed experience with an ex where I couldn't keep hard to get it in. However, even after this, sex was sparingly (every two months or so), and I began to realise I craved bottoming as well. I talked to my partner about it and convinced him to try topping for a change. But the whole experience had very little spark to it and I didn't really feel his penis was hitting anything (it's a little below average in size). Because of this, he has a lack of confidence when it comes to the matter of topping. He also tells me he is not stimulated by topping and this is really upsetting for me as I really enjoy pleasuring my top…

    After that experience, I haven't really topped or bottomed, knowing sex with my partner will never really provide the spark I am seeking. For the past three months, I have even had thoughts of cheating and I would really hate to do that. Occasionally I will find myself talking to guys on grindr, exchanging photos and seeking compatibility for sex (of course I have never actually met any of them because I value my relationship too much for that). I feel so guilty about talking to them behind my boyfriend’s back, and know this would be a big topic to talk about if I am to revive my relationship if there is any point in reviving it.

    Lately too, it feels he has also began to put on weight, caring very little for his appearance being a further turnoff towards sex and now too any form of sexual activity (kissing, blowjob, etc.). At the start of the year I had talked to him about possibly trying to get fit with me, but as all new year’s resolutions go it barely lasted a few weeks for him (I continued with the fitness but even now I have started to notice unhealthy habits in myself due to lack of relationship motivation). The saddest part is, it feels like he doesn’t even realise anything is wrong (despite our talks) and kisses me to the point I get annoyed and it hurts to even feel this way about these acts of affection.

    I still love him (two years into the relationship), but I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
  • ImBlackYall

    Posts: 23

    Jul 07, 2015 11:27 PM GMT
    You don't love him. Leave.

    You're worried about his dick size
    You're both bottoms
    You're caught up in his weight
    You acknowledge all of this yet you're trading pics and engaging with guys on Grindr

    What are you doing? Sounds like you're settling to me

    Plus Cheating feels horrible. Do him and yourself a favor and leave that
  • Unbelievable

    Posts: 6

    Jul 08, 2015 1:15 AM GMT
    Thanks for that.

    I think I do need to give him one last chance, though, to see if we can make things work (given the length of our relationship).

    The problem is, he wants to top me for him and not for himself (so I'm worried he won't enjoy it and hence I will feel that too).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 8:04 AM GMT
    You know you can use devices to "fill the void" you both feel. It's way less romantic and meaningful as the real "becoming one", but... it's worth trying icon_idea.gif

  • Jul 08, 2015 9:40 AM GMT
    There's so many things you can do.... Have you tried fingering? toys? oral? 69? I mean... gay guys are so adamant with the idea of "top and bottom", rather than focusing on individuals.
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    Jul 08, 2015 9:53 AM GMT
    There's an old joke I heard back in the early 90's...

    "You know what two bottoms do when they get together? Each other's hair."

    It was originally a derogatory joke, but ain't too far off the mark.

    Sexual compatibility is pretty important in a sexual relationship, unless it's just a random hookup for a quick nut.
  • Unbelievable

    Posts: 6

    Jul 08, 2015 10:52 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's an old joke I heard back in the early 90's...

    "You know what two bottoms do when they get together? Each other's hair."

    It was originally a derogatory joke, but ain't too far off the mark.

    Sexual compatibility is pretty important in a sexual relationship, unless it's just a random hookup for a quick nut.


    That's kind of funny as he does do my hair icon_smile.gif

    As for toys, oral, etc. All has been tried and whilst they're nice, do not compare to the real thing that I miss quite a lot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    Be guided in love by orientation, not by preference.

    One you can't get out of. The other you can find your way around.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Jul 10, 2015 5:55 PM GMT
    It seems that you have answered your own question:

    we went in knowing we were both bottoms and I was strongly against the idea at first. But because of all his other qualities, I decided to give the prospect a chance. In hindsight, I knew I should have trusted my thoughts at the time, as I feel we have continued to have too much sexual incompatibility.

    The fair thing here to do would be to move on. You are doing each other's hair which must be fun. But life ought to offer a bit more, too.

    SC

  • Unbelievable

    Posts: 6

    Jul 10, 2015 10:19 PM GMT
    Oh I'm not a hairdresser ;)

    But yeah I think I still owe it to him to give everything a final chance.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Jul 10, 2015 10:32 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere's an old joke I heard back in the early 90's...

    "You know what two bottoms do when they get together? Each other's hair."

    It was originally a derogatory joke, but ain't too far off the mark.

    Sexual compatibility is pretty important in a sexual relationship, unless it's just a random hookup for a quick nut.


    ffs Paul you made me laugh out loud at that joke, and now I feel bad about it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2015 2:59 AM GMT
    ImBlackYall saidYou don't love him. Leave.

    You're worried about his dick size
    You're both bottoms
    You're caught up in his weight
    You acknowledge all of this yet you're trading pics and engaging with guys on Grindr

    What are you doing? Sounds like you're settling to me

    Plus Cheating feels horrible. Do him and yourself a favor and leave that



    Yep. This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2015 3:26 AM GMT
    Have you tried an open relationship? Would you enjoy watching him get fucked? And would he mind if you got your physical needs met by someone else?
  • Unbelievable

    Posts: 6

    Jul 13, 2015 10:52 PM GMT
    I haven't discussed open relationships before, but I don't really consider it an option. Sadly, whether he has sex or not doesn't bother him, so yeah I don't know