The boyfriend talk.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 8:00 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I could need some advice on this. I've been seeing/dating this one guy for about 3 weeks now. It's going well, we're planning a long sleep over date this weekend. Lol, it seems like I know him for a long time and feel very comfortable with him. I like him a lot, he might be *the one* lol. When is it a good time to have *the boyfriend talk?? lol Do I let him do it or I do it?? My ex initiated it so I guess I should just man up and ask him or maybe wait a few more weeks?? oh no I'm going to become one of those stepford husband! jk !! icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • TheBaise

    Posts: 362

    Jul 08, 2015 3:22 PM GMT
    Oh man / way, way, way too early to have the boyfriend talk if you're only been dating for a few weeks. Don't do it! You'll have him running for the hills. And never say you love him while he's in you / or you're in him. Just wait and see if your thing is going to go over, or if it lasts. Give it a month at least. Rushing it would make you seem desperate or green. Dude, just chill and go with it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 3:24 PM GMT
    Been dating a guy for 6 months, and havent even thought about a bf talk yet . SO I guess its way to early . but everyone is different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 3:58 PM GMT
    -is he dating someone else besides you?
    -consider if both of you have totally gotten over your last x-bf's?
    -have you guys been texting more recently
    -are both of you willing to removed your name off grinder or dating sites?

    i would see how the sleep over works.
    A multiple day road trip would also be a good thing to try.

    having a boy friend is not like lesbian love so do it if you think he might be ok with it. Consider your partner first.


  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 08, 2015 4:21 PM GMT
    It sort of depends on how intense your dates have been. Are they just lunch, dinner, a movie, or a night at the bar? Or are the nights spent together cooking a meal, hugging each other watching the news or a favorite program with regular sleep overs at each others place?

    If it is the first, then you should probably keep looking for a bf, but it is the later, then sure, it is probably ok to see where the relationship is at, but try being subtle, like: "How do you feel about our relationship so far?"

    Of course, personally, I think way before any such talk should ever occur, there should have been some proclamation of love to each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 4:25 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidWhen is it a good time to have *the boyfriend talk??
    After marriage. That way it'll cost too much for a divorce if he doesn't like the idea of you having a spare boyfriend. icon_razz.gif
  • NightwingDoct...

    Posts: 318

    Jul 08, 2015 5:11 PM GMT
    If the boyfriend talk is when you ask someone to be your boyfeiend then me and my ex pretty much became boyfriends after our 3rd date (maybe it was the 4th?), i think its just a matter of "am i enjoying this persons company and do they seem to be enjoying mine?"
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Jul 08, 2015 5:33 PM GMT
    Just go with ur heart and think things straight...its too early but falling in love is one of the crazy things to go through..
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Jul 08, 2015 5:34 PM GMT
    Just go with ur heart and think things straight...its too early but falling in love is one of the crazy things to go through..
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Jul 08, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    Just go with ur heart and think things straight...its too early but falling in love is one of the crazy things to go through..
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Jul 08, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    Just go with ur heart and think things straight...its too early but falling in love is one of the crazy things to go through..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 5:47 PM GMT
    Definitely wait until you're sure the sex is great for both of you. Then wait a bit longer. I personally think the best time to bring up the question is when you're doing something romantic (but not sex). Canoe or camping trips have worked for me in the past.
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Jul 08, 2015 5:57 PM GMT
    Let it comes naturally... don't force the issue just let the relationship evolve and as it does you'll know when the time is right!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    Three weeks?! Too soon.
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Jul 08, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    Three weeks! icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 10:56 PM GMT
    It depends.

    I call the guy I am dating my boyfriend.. and we've been dating for two weeks. We've spent all of one night apart from each other and when we go out people assume we have been together for years. So for us, it just feels like the right thing.

    Also, who cares, I'd introduce him by his name if he was my husband.. he's not my property ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2015 11:17 PM GMT
    Well... it depends on what you mean by "boyfriend talk"... 'coz if it's just say to each other "Yes, I consider you as my BF", I don't see how it's such a big deal ! It's just a way to check with each other if whether or not you're on the same page, and willing to build a relationship on a long term. It's called communicate, it's just the ultimate basic ^^'

    Must be a french thing, or maybe it's just me, but... usually, I like to make things clear as soon as possible. If I want a boyfriend, find someone, we like each other, see each other a few times, shared a good experience in bed : I wanna know if it could go further, so yeah : I bring up the BF question in that case.


    - say "I love you" (and get the sincere I love you back x)
    - moving in together
    - define whether your relationship remain monogamous or opened
    - any long term project

    Those are important issues, that can obviously not be adressed after only 3 weeks... They need way more "life sharing experiences".
  • OutdoorAdvent...

    Posts: 361

    Jul 09, 2015 2:45 AM GMT
    My thinking is never. It's something better felt than said. Rather than saying "Now we're boyfriends, right?", my preference is to let the friendship progress through its stages more organically, without labeling and defining them.
    Yet, obviously, I'm neither you nor your prospective mate, so I guess the better answer to the question you've asked is...whatever you feel most comfortable doing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 3:47 AM GMT
    I courted mine for a long while, actually, maybe steady talking and hanging out for a few months, then a few solo dates, one a week for a month or two, then finally sex happened. And even then, it probably wasn't until a near full year before we had that mutual boyfriend thing happen. I think it may be easier if you go out solo/with friends a lot. I used to, maybe one a week, go to the bar (not necessarily hook up with someone) and a few months into the courting stage, I just preferred not to do so; I enjoyed his company more than others, even though we hadn't hung out in a week. It was easier to find that timing in that way. But to each his own, I suppose. Still, I think three weeks is a bit early.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3382

    Jul 09, 2015 6:18 AM GMT
    On the face of it, 3 weeks is early. But as AMoonHawk said, it depends how you've spent that time together.

    Generally speaking, at 3 weeks there is still a lot of wishful thinking. How well do you really know him? It's like when you see someone who looks hot but is just a little bit too far away for you to make out the details. Your brain fills in what you want to see, and more often than not as you get closer, you start seeing he doesn't look quite like you imagined (that's the: "so far, so good" effect, or "distance distortion factor"). Same thing is true with personality. Until you really get to know someone, you fill in details with what you want to be true. Hopefully it is, but... I know a lot of "honeymoon relationships" that ended with the "honeymoon", usually about 3 weeks (give or take).

    On the other hand, it's not like you're about to propose or get married. What does the "boyfriend talk" really entail? That you're not just FWB? That you're exclusive?

    Here I agree with Bjorkio. You want to know that you're on the same page (sounds like you both feel it already). Communicating that verbally is a good thing.

    Then again, some people here have said they would freak out were that discussed after only 3 weeks. But not you, right? And your guy is like you in many ways, including seeking a relationship? You have the same "agenda"? Then maybe it is the right time.

    Perhaps one way to soften the discussion is to ask him if it's too soon? "Hey, I really appreciate you and enjoy all the time we've spent together so far. Everyone thinks we're an old married couple. Can we call ourselves boyfriends or is it still too early?"

    You've told him that you're ready for this step, but not being a freak about it, and you've given him an easy out if he thinks its needs a little bit more time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2015 6:49 AM GMT
    It all depends on the two people involved. I'd say a month would be a good bare minimum, but take into consideration how long you've been getting to know one another and what position you both are in with others and in life in general.

    If a big change is coming up for either one of you e.g. a move then that needs to be considered as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2015 5:24 AM GMT
    Betch, you've been dating 3 weeks and want to have the BF talk??

    That's crazy. Wait 3 months like normal and then let's reassess.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    Updated: lol hahaha thanks for all the advices. I had a few more dates with him and yes we finally had sex. It was a little different than I expected. I do like him and I think he blurted out *he loves me after like 6 dates! So I'm freaking out a bit inside, I think that it's might be too fast! So I'm trying to slow him down a bit. Oh god, dating drama lol. Yeah I'm still debating and stuff about this guy. icon_redface.gificon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2015 10:15 PM GMT
    HFrenchM saidBeen dating a guy for 6 months, and havent even thought about a bf talk yet . SO I guess its way to early . but everyone is different.


    Damn bro, 6 months, He should be your boyfriend by now. so who's getting cold feet?? you or him?? lol haha JK icon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gificon_lol.gif